What Do You Want Done With Your Body After You Die?

[PollyannaMom]

Organs donated and cremated. We just did our wills and I had this was put in my will.

I also wanted to add for the family to light a candle and think of me on my birthday after I die but decided that was a little much........

I actually think that's kind of nice.

I tend to have a hard time around my late mom's birthday. At least with the candle thing, my family would always understand why.

 

[adisneyaunt]

They may or may not, but it is still up to the individual person what they want their final wishes to be.

Both of my parents donated their bodies and then were cremated. My dad had his ashes sent to his birth state to be scattered and I scattered my mom's ashes here (as this was her birth state and family plot is).
I can tell you that I don't feel slighted at all that I can't "visit " their graves or have thier remains on the fireplace mantle.

People are much more then just their physical selves.

And there are so many options for remebrance if the people left behind need: urns, make jewelry from ashes, plant tree (when my dd was in elementary school, one of the lunch ladies who had been there for years and was a wonderful woman died, they planted a tree with a plaque in dedication to her), etc.

I feel my loved ones around me, I am fortunate enough to have very give dreams of my parents and they look healthy, far from the end of their lives were.

Didn't know how to BOLD ur first paragraph! Agree!
Dreams... Amazing! Doesn't happen too often for me, when it does it's comforting.,

 

[Domo]

I'm a full organ donor. After that, either use my body for science or cremate me and scatter my ashes at sea

 

[goofyernmost]

I'm a full organ donor. After that, either use my body for science or cremate me and scatter my ashes at sea

I'd be one but at my age I doubt there are many that anyone would want. It's like buying a very old used car. The upkeep would be enormous. The burial at sea has always bothered me. I think of JFK Jr. who drowned when his plane went down in the ocean. It became really clear that he couldn't breath underwater. Remember there doesn't have to be any logic to our death wishes.

 

[goofyernmost]

I don't think it is weird or shouldn't happen but, the only thing I would consider is how your ex wife would feel about that. Obviously your daughters would know how she felt about you after all those years.
There doesn't have to be a burial, those ashes can go anywhere. Meaning they can be spread somewhere meaningful to your ex-wife. If its important to your daughter to bury them in a cemetery then I would talk to her about what your ex-wife would want. If she would be ok with being buried with you, and you are ok with it, then there is defintely nothing weird about it.
This is coming from my own experience. An idea like that would not go over well with either of my parents.

I am a believer that the wishes/wants of the deceased should be followed. If you know that your loved one would never want to end up somewhere they would hate, don't put them there. That doesn't mean you have to go broke doing what they would want, but at least think of something else they would have wanted that you could do.
OP, not saying that to you, this is just a general thought.

Very good point, and I don't know the answer. She never talked about her wishes for after she died, so my daughters were just winging it completely. We weren't major enemies when we were divorced and she, frankly, never made any plans either verbally, written or with the kids. What we do know is that she threw away a lot of money, never planned for the future and now they are stuck with the planning and the costs. I think she forfeited a whole lot of say in where she will end up. However, I will ask my girls about this. I have nothing to gain by it so what they decide is of no concern of mine. I have no problem even though I was the one that was divorced for no other reason then her saying... "I don't want to be married anymore". I just thought I would do something to help my kids especially since I cannot for the life of me figure out why I would care one way or the other.

 

[goofyernmost]

Organs donated and cremated. We just did our wills and I had this was put in my will.

I also wanted to add for the family to light a candle and think of me on my birthday after I die but decided that was a little much........

I'm not trying to influence you, but, every Christmas Eve my Mother and Father would have a little Christmas Eve party at their home. Nothing fancy just friends and relatives and lots of food. When my Father passed away, my Mother continued the tradition with no fanfare about my Dad at all. Ten years later she passed away and my sister bought their old house and moved in. She then decided to carry on that tradition which was nice, except that on the table with all the food was a picture of my Father and Mother with candles on either side like a little shrine. Her gesture was nice, but, to a person everyone else thought it was creepy and inappropriate. What all of us had come for was to celebrate Christmas not mourn a loved one. It lasted a couple of years before someone (it was probably me) mentioned that although it was a nice gesture on her part, it really wasn't conducive to having a good time.

 

[whitney250]

I just wanted to add to this because I believed in so much. And this only MY experience, different places may have specific requirements and even though you or your loved one signs up, the Body may not be able to be used, so have a back up, Body Farm (not sure if Tennesee has the only one but lives ones would have to pay to get it transported there, or whatever your plan B is and make sure there is a back up ) if my mom had passed a year before she did, she wouldn't have been accepted due to loss of weigjt, open wound and c diff.. I wasn't in any shape or form to pay for a cremation or burial,etc.

Texas State University in San Marcos, TX has a body farm, as well.

 

[powellrj]

Cremated. Right now I have my mom and the dog sitting under the TV. The kids and I talk to mom all the time.

I heard a podcast one time where someones mother had her ashes put in little envelopes and passed them out at the funeral for all the guest to sprinkle in their favorite place, so she could travel and go places she had never been before. I love that idea, but my family says no way. I won't know one way or another, so I guess they will decide where I end up.

 

[ronandannette]

Cremated. Right now I have my mom and the dog sitting under the TV. The kids and I talk to mom all the time.

I heard a podcast one time where someones mother had her ashes put in little envelopes and passed them out at the funeral for all the guest to sprinkle in their favorite place, so she could travel and go places she had never been before. I love that idea, but my family says no way. I won't know one way or another, so I guess they will decide where I end up.

I hope those in attendance had an easy and unobtrusive option to decline. I would be shocked if I went to a funeral and that was sprung on me. I wouldn't want to do it.

 

[hereyago]

I hope those in attendance had an easy and unobtrusive option to decline. I would be shocked if I went to a funeral and that was sprung on me. I wouldn't want to do it.

I would pass on that parting gift as welll, ewww. I scattered my mom's ashes in 3 places, that would be like asking someone," hey, can you take some ashes and scatter them since you are going on that direction.

 

[powellrj]

I hope those in attendance had an easy and unobtrusive option to decline. I would be shocked if I went to a funeral and that was sprung on me. I wouldn't want to do it.

I would pass on that parting gift as welll, ewww. I scattered my mom's ashes in 3 places, that would be like asking someone," hey, can you take some ashes and scatter them since you are going on that direction.

It was my understanding they were in a basket as you left, so you could refuse without a problem.

 

[Sabeking]

I wish I could find the link to an article I read a few years ago that had people's bodies dressed up, sitting behind a roped area dressed And staged! One lady was a socialite so they propped her up on a couch, with a cocktail in her hands and staging to look as though she was at a party. It was a hoot!



I read another article where a funeral home had turned an old bank into a drive through viewing! This way people did not have to deal with bad wether, the elderly could avoid getting out of their cars, etc... I couldn't decide if that was innovative or lazy!!! Lol!

https://search.yahoo.com/search?p=drive+through+funeral+viewing&fr=yfp-hrtab-900&fr2=p:fp,m:sa&.tsrc=yfp-hrtab-900

 

[hereyago]

I wish I could find the link to an article I read a few years ago that had people's bodies dressed up, sitting behind a roped area dressed And staged! One lady was a socialite so they propped her up on a couch, with a cocktail in her hands and staging to look as though she was at a party. It was a hoot!



I read another article where a funeral home had turned an old bank into a drive through viewing! This way people did not have to deal with bad wether, the elderly could avoid getting out of their cars, etc... I couldn't decide if that was innovative or lazy!!! Lol!

https://search.yahoo.com/search?p=drive+through+funeral+viewing&fr=yfp-hrtab-900&fr2=p:fp,m:sa&.tsrc=yfp-hrtab-900

There is a drive thru here in VA.

Had anyone seen the death photos that were done way back in the day?
They would have the deceased sometimes propped up with the living,ewwww.

 

[Darcy03231]

Medical people can take whatever is useful and then burn what's left. Bury the ashes in the family cemetery.

 

[ronandannette]

There is a drive thru here in VA.

Had anyone seen the death photos that were done way back in the day?
They would have the deceased sometimes propped up with the living,ewwww.

It's called "memento mori photography" and it was very common in Britain and the United States in the late 1800's. I suggest people don't google it - there are some things you just can't unsee.

 

[Snowysmom]

I want my ashes scattered in the White Mountains of NH. My kids hike there a lot so they can just scatter my ashes on some beautiful mountains with great views. I am too claustrophobic to be buried or in an urn long term.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I think of the body as sort of an empty shell after the spirit moves on. With that in mind, I'm leaning toward cremation (after many years of dreading the thought of being buried). I think a scattering would probably be best as I wouldn't want anyone saddled with my ashes. DH feels the same. I don't think that it's necessary to "visit" someone's body in a cemetery when they pass; I think that spirits are around us and that all we need to do is think of our deceased loved ones and it's just as effective as visiting a grave. Again, my belief. But we will discuss it with our children and if they feel they'd like to bury the ashes somewhere, then that would probably be ok, too. DH has half-joked around saying he wants a burial at sea (which they actually do locally). And my brother wants a viking's funeral - something about setting a raft on fire and letting it loose at sea. (Maybe not such a bad idea. @low-key maybe that suits you too? Lol)

This one may seem weird. My wife left me 18 years ago. We were like strangers after that although we did see each other at family celebrations with our daughters and grandkids until this past September when she passed away. I plan on being cremated and have left instructions for that to happen. I also purchased a military burial plot in a local cemetery this past year for that purpose. Now the weird part. My ex-wifes ashes are currently at one of my daughters house. She died broke and the burden of a burial location for her would fall to them. Since both of us, she already, and my plan will be to be cremated, there is plenty of room in my plot for both of us. Since we will both be dead at that time I see no real conflict with it, I have offered my daughters the option of putting her remains in my plot and for me to join up later. (hopefully much later) It will save them a lot of money and also make visiting the site easier for my girls. I know of no one that has ever done anything like that especially after they had been divorced for two decades, but, we did have 29 years together, raised a family and struggled through hard times together and to me it just seems right. Neither of us has remarried and I have no inclination to pursue any further relationships. Since neither of us remarried even the Government considers me to be a widower and no longer a divorcee.

Can anyone give me some reasons why that might be beyond weird and just shouldn't happen?

I think that's incredibly kind and selfless for you to do for your children. I would be curious to see how they feel about it themselves. Nice job, Dad. I'm sure your children will thank you some day for your putting them first with this issue and making it happen for their mother, for them. Otherwise, it could get pretty complicated. We had a situation in our family a few years back with an aunt that passed. We were not sure what her wishes were when she passed rather suddenly and unexpectedly. Our choices were to bury her alone in a public cemetery, or to cremate her and request special permission for her ashes be interred at the family plot - which was already over-full (and a full casket was not an option there, but an urn of ashes would be). We hemmed and hawed over it and decided it was probably more important for her to be with her family than it was to not be cremated. We hoped we'd made the right decision. Later, when we were able to legally access her papers, we found a note that she'd written to my mother saying she wanted to be cremated. Phew. It's a good idea to let our loved ones know what our wishes are, even though it's not exactly a subject most of us want to think about.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

@Snowysmom - OT but I never realized you had an actual pet named Snowy! I thought it was a take on Snowflake! Haha (And now I can't find the post that referenced this!)

 

[Kitty 34]

The kids (and DH) know I want to be cremated. Half my ashes are to be thrown over the Mackinac Bridge (and yes I will have left money for the fine) and the other half is to go up in our woods for the vultures....my favorite bird.

 

[ZephyrHawk]

Once I read about a company that packs your ashes into the heads of fireworks. You can pay them to set up a party for all your friends - cocktails ad the like - and then fire off the fireworks for everyone to see.

I think, that's the coolest way you could go out.