What do you think?

[Trish5768]

A family from our church lost their father in a horrible car accident the other day. My DS 17 received a call asking if he'd go to the funeral home to support the kids. He agreed and I took him. Now one of the children did not even go to the viewing-he went to his 6th grade graduation. I'm thinking that he should have been at the funeral home with the rest of his family. Am I wrong? I can't imagine my children not being at their father's viewing but maybe thats just me. Sorry for the long post, I just had to get this off my chest.

 

[WDWLVR]

Everyone deals with greif a little differently. Maybe the child wanted a little bit of his normal life by going to the graduation. It is a very difficult thing for children to deal with. I'm sure that just because he missed the viewing he'll be there for the funeral. Prayers go out to the family for all they are dealing with.

 

[onecoolmama]

To be honest.. I dunno. In someways, yes the child should have been there...but he also might have needed a break from the grieving.

Are they having two veiwings? Maybe he saw his father before he went. Maybe he just couldnt handle the crowds of people, maybe he couldn't look at his dad.

I dont know the whole situation or what that child is feeling...so I am guessing his mom and the family did what they thought was best for him.

 

[Serena]

Personally, I wouldn't question how someone else, especially a child choses to deal with things. Maybe he went earlier, did he go before and during the funeral? Maybe they wanted him to get his mind off things for a while.

I am terribly sorry they lost their dad.

 

[Blueeyes101817]

i agree with the other 2 posters..maybe he just needed to do someting "normal"....

 

[IMGONNABE40!]

Tough call. There is no good answer when a parent is suddenly and unexpectedly taken away. I would give the kid a break. He is probably in shock and needs a little normal. I know I would want my child to attend his graduation even if I was laid out in a box across town.

 

[Trish5768]

I surely don't want anyone to think that I don't think the child is grieving. I know that he/they are and hope I did not make light of that. My son was just really shocked and I was too, maybe thats why I could not see past it. Your posts have made a lot of sense and put a better perspective on things.

 

[browneyes]

I think it was perfectly ok for him to want to be at his graduation. He was probably too grieved to be at the funeral home, and he probably dealt with things better if he wasn't there.

 

[Keli]

I was ten years old (fifth grade) when my dad died in a plane crash. I wanted nothing more than for everything to be 'normal'. I was almost desperate in my desire to do exactly what I would have done if Daddy were still here. It's a reflex that's pretty common in kids that lose a parent. They feel like their whole world has gone mad and they are trying very hard to keep everything else the same so they can cope with this terrible tragedy.

 

[jeleebeene]

I can completely understand him going to graduation...

I was 24 when my uncle died suddenly. I was really close to him, and it crushed me. Now, while I did attend the viewing, I didn't really attend - does that make sense? I stayed off into a small room with chairs. I just couldn't deal seeing him yet - or even talking to family.

Everyone deals with the loss of a loved one differently. I am sure he will say goodbye to his father in the way that is most comfortable for him. Children deal with death so differently. Even if he is in denial (which does happen), it is sometimes best to not force them to do anything that they are not ready for - I think that would make the situation worse for them.

Viewings can be very hard for children (or adults of any age), so even if he misses that, he will still be able to attend the funeral. I don't do open casket viewings very well - too hard for me, so I much prefer funerals (even thought I still attend the viewings out of courtesy). My heart goes out to the family....

 

[CEDmom]

I was 8 when my dad died. My brothers were 10, 11 & 14. I didn't go to the viewings and neither did my 10 yo brother. The older 2 did but my mom felt we wouldn't be able to handle it and she was right. It's perfectly normal for a kid in this situation to just want things to go back to the way they were. I wouldn't be surprised if his mom said "your dad would have wanted you to go to your graduation and be with your friends". That's something my mom would have done.

My heart goes out to this family .

 

[Eeyore1954]

As others said, tough call. I would have to admire him to standing up for his convictions and going ahead with graduation in the midst of his grief. Maybe that's his way of coping right now.

 

[helenabear]

Sometimes kids also would have a strong pull to do what their parents would have wanted them to do. The night my mom died, I went and performed in a school choir/orchestra concert. Granted my situation was different (it wasn't a suddent death) but I knew she wanted me and as many who could to be there. So I held to my promise I made to her, and went. I can't say it was easy, but I did do it.

Also being 10 or 11 the viewing might have been too hard on him to begin with. Being around friend might have been exactly what he needed (I know it helped me and I was 16).