What do you think of this party invitation? It ticks me off/PARTY UPDATE post 152

[Skywalker]

My son has been invited to a party coming up in June. It is for two boys from school whose parents are close so they are holding a "joint" birthday for both boys since the birthdays are on the same day.

So, the invitation says, and I quote, "Each boy has been allowed to invite 5 guests, but just to keep everything fair we request that the guests bring a gift for each of the boys, regardless of who invited them. It would also be kind if you could keep the gifts of a similar price range so there are no hurt feelings. Thank you!"

Okay, this is where they lose me. My son was invited by one of the boys to be one of his five guests. The other boy and my son are not friends. So now I have to buy two presents "of equal value" and give one to this other boy who probably won't even say so much as hello to my son at the party! Ugh.

How is this fair? I think either it should be acceptable to just bring a gift for the person that invited you (if they each invited 5 guests they will each get 5 gifts so how is that not fair?). Then, if you want to I could see getting a token gift for the other child but not expecting the same thing.

The one child is my son's closest friend and I might spend $50 on his gift, but no way am I spending that on this other boy.

The one mom mentioned to me that do a joint party to save money...well gee thanks your saving money is going to cost me double, lol.

Thanks for letting me "vent."

What do you think about this invitation??

 

[Mermaid02]

I would tell my son I'd take him shopping that day and give him that amount of money to spend on himself- movies- out to lunch- whatever- but I'd try like _________ not to attend that party.

That is a rude, rude, RUDE invitation.

 

[jessily]

wow, that's ridiculous. If I were in that situation and the invitation hadn't said anything, I probably would have taken a small gift for the other boy. I can't believe they actually dictated who you were to bring a gift for and how much you were to spend. I think some people go overboard in trying to protect their children's feelings. If the parents don't make a big deal about it, neither of those boys would probably care who brought what for them.

 

[dolphinrescuegirl]

I'm mean but I'd probably buy the friend the good gift and the other boy a token. No way is someone else going to tell me how to spend my money.

 

[Rora]

I'm mean but I'd probably buy the friend the good gift and the other boy a token. No way is someone else going to tell me how to spend my money.

ITA. Don't feel obliged to get the other boy an expensive gift. What's the worst that could happen?

What a rude party in general, forget the invitation being rude!

 

[OceanAnnie]

I'm amazed by that invitation. IMO, that took a lot of nerve.

I'd be inclined not to go. I know your DS wants to go, but I'd see if he would want a play date with just his friend instead. Because you have plans for that day! It would be more special anyway, because it would just be the two of them. ETA- Then just get the gift for his best friend.

If your DS really wanted to go, I think I'd either find the second child a good gift (on a really good sale). Or just find something that a child that age would love/appreciate that is big in size not so much on price. Kids don't know the dollar value on everything. Parents have an idea, so what. Gifts shouldn't be about the money you spent.

I've had some doozy parties to attend too.

 

[MariDisney]

I always think any mention of gifts on an invitation is the height of tacky and rude. What I would have done without the instructions is buy the friend the $50 gift and given the other boy something small (e.g., $5 gift card to the video game store or something like that). Actually, I'd probably do the same thing given the invitation if it's important to your son to go. What's wrong with people?

 

[JessicaR]

I agree with the majority! I wouldn't do what was requested, no way. I would buy the gift I wanted for the boy your son is friends with and 'maybe' a small token for the other child.

Do people think when they do things like this? Imagine, both these parents thought this was a good idea!

 

[HM]

I did a joint "party" once for 2rd Bday for my DD and her caregiver's daughter (birthday's one day apart), inviting various nieghbors and their kids to join us for cake and ice cream in our back yard. However, I asked for NO PRESENTS on our invites. The interesting thing was, that quite a few people brought things for both girls.

How old are these kids? What kind of party is costing the two parents so much that they decided to do it together? I think I'd be a bit ticked too. However, as it's your son's best friend, I'd let him go. I'd buy two small presents for the two kids. Then later, I'd get what you really want your son's friend to have and deliver it at his home.

 

[EMom]

So Party Mom doesn't want to have to fork over double the cash for two birthday parties but it is perfectly fine for YOU to part with double the cash for two gifts to accomodate her effort to economize? Gee thanks, Frugal Frannie. That qualifies as fuzzy math, I think.

My eyebrow would have arched and my back would have stiffened when I read that invitation. What a rude, presumptuous, ignorant, uncouth moron of a mother. You do not dictate to guests that they bring ANY gift....Let alone that they must bring two gifts of equal value. I'd skip the two gifts for the boys and instead send mom an etiquette book.

Seriously, each kid gets to invite 5 friends. So the odds are, each kid will get 5 gifts apiece. What's the big, fat hairy deal? And even if it wasn't completely even, that's life. If she didn't want them to receive "unequal" gifts, she could have said, "No gifts, please," and at least not have been tacky about the whole thing. Or simply have two parties for two kids. Or teach them that they will not always get perfectly equal amounts of everything. Idiot.

I'd be tempted to do something witchy like this: Let's say the kid your son knows is named Ben and the other is named Chris. Go out and buy something personalized with "Ben" on it. Then buy a second set of "Ben" things and give them to Chris. Heck, that's technically giving them equal gifts, isn't it? Now, I wouldn't really do this because it would be mean to Chris.....but it IS tempting just to make a point to Little Miss Unmannered.

My advice? Just because someone gives me a bossy, unreasonable order doesn't mean I have to FOLLOW it. I wouldn't obey her command. I'd either keep my kid away from the party or send him with a gift for the child that he is friends with......PERIOD. Let her stew on that.

To contrast.....DD was invited to her friend's older brother's party at a place with bowling, laser tag, pizza, video games, etc. The mom wanted her DD to have a girl along so she would not be the only girl in a sea of boys. So I took DD. We bought a gift for the brother, whom we had never met. We weren't ordered to and we knew the only reason DD was invited was to keep the birthday sister company, but thought it polite to give a gift. On the other hand....If the mother had ordered me to bring a gift, DD probably would not have shown up at that party. It's all about the attitude.

 

[Robinrs]

How old are the kids? Most of the times it's only the parents who know the value of a gift, the kids don't care.

Regardless, I'm amazed at what people have the nerve to request. I had a "friend" who requested that ALL of her gifts be worth more than $50 and that if you choose to send money, it must be over that amount.... WHAT???

I sent her a mirror with a sticky note on it that said "take a LOOK at yourself". Needless to say I didn't get a thank you note! She was a friend since childhood and spent her life basing things on price and status. That was the last straw for me.

 

[jrmasm]

I got stuck on the joint party idea. What the heck is that about?

 

[JessicaR]

Great post EMom! Frugal Frannie.

 

[Sweetfamily]

If I was going to buy a big gift for your son's friend, I would give it to him on a different day, and buy a couple of $10 gifts for the party. My son's friends are all into pokemon and we can get them a couple of things in that theme. Or you can go the route of giving a bunch of summer toys in a gift bag--blow up stuff, bubbles, balls, you know, cheap stuff

 

[rainy~daze]

if the whole purpose of the party is just to get gifts for the boys,
they would have been better off addressing the invites you're invited to a party for BILL and TED....then the natural thing to do for anyone invited who is bringing a gift is bring a gift for each child.

not be told you're invited to Bill's party, but be sure to bring a gift for Ted. Or be told you're invited to Bill's party, but he is sharing it with Ted, so bring him one too even though you weren't invited to his.

heaven forbid they have to teach their kids bday party's are for sharing your celebration with others, not gifts. or that other kids might get more or less than them in life.

though what I would do is likely bring a small gift for both boys( I guess it really isn't Ted's fault his parents are morons), and have my son invite his best friend to spend a different day with him and do something special because it is his best friend that can be special just for the 2 of them and no parents can cry you hurt their baby's feelings. (and then you don't have to explain to them they are idiots)

 

[Stitchfans]

I'm mean but I'd probably buy the friend the good gift and the other boy a token. No way is someone else going to tell me how to spend my money.

I also agree with this. The invitation was totally rude.

 

[NotUrsula]

If your child really wants to attend, I would let him, but I would not send a gift with him. I would have the gift delivered in advance (or deliver it myself in advance.) I would not boycott in a situation where each child is only getting to invite 5 friends, it's not very kind to make the children pay for their parents' bad manners.

The rude parents deserve having to deal with this dilemma, as they created it. The proper thing to do when you have a joint party is to put the gifts aside until after the party and wait to open them later. That way there is no competition during the party as to who has received which gifts. Obviously, it's up to the parents to explain to the children that the gifts must wait, and also to make sure that thank-you notes are sent in a timely fashion.

 

[JanaNs]

Unbelievable! I don't know what to suggest you do but I know I would avoid that party! I agree with PP who said that parents will go to all lengths to protect their child's feelings. What those mom's should have said to their kids is "ok we'll combine the parties but just so you know in advance, just because there are going to be 10 kids there doesn't mean you'll get 10 presents. You will recieve only from the 5 you invited" And then the kids would know what to expect and be grateful for it. Sheesh!

 

[jax677]

How rude of those moms. I would only send a gift for the child my child knows. If the mom doesn't like it she can take it up with me. Why should you spend money on the other child too? Times are tough for alot of people and expecting this much is way overboard.

 

[disykat]

I agree that it's terribly rude, however if I had a $50 budget for my son's friend I don't think I'd spend too much time worrying about the money. If my child wanted to go to the party, that would be his budget and he'd have to divide it between the two.

No one is saying the guests have to spend double the money. I would assume each boy will just get smaller gifts.