What do you spend on/give your nieces and nephews for Christmas ? vent and question.

[okeydokey]

In this case though, it is really hard not to notice. Everyone was together and everyone was handed a gift except her 16 year old daughter. That is just mean. Who walks around and hands out gifts to every kid in the room except one?

 

[pyrxtc]

I agree with you that it is too bad that your relatives did not give your DD16 a Christmas gift. A birthday gift for a birthday close to Christmas is not "in lieu of" a Christmas gift, IMHO. I would not have done that to a niece or nephew of mine.

As a PP said, some of your relatives sound a bit toxic so it's probably good that you are moving away and will be able to have a life without too mmuch interference from them. Since you are going to be away now, you might be able to ease out of the "give all the nieces and nephews gifts" thing.

I LOVE getting presents for my niece and nephew. I spoil them a little year round as I do my own kids. I'm sure they will enjoy the packages I'll be sending them from Texas. As soon as they are old enough I'll be taking them to Disney too. Mom says they are too young yet.

I totally agree with this (except for the Jehovah Witness part ... ). As I read the OP's vent, the first thing I thought was, "Wow ... way to keep score!" If the 16YO was happy with her birthday party and had a great time, why does mom care? I mean, the OP had it down to how much money everyone spent on everyone and that's the thing that's making her glad she's moving? Interesting perspective -- "I don't like you, but you better send gifts".

I don't know if my parents ever kept score when we were kids -- I had one sibling; my closest aunt & uncle had four kids. Many of our aunts and uncles were unmarried with no kids. Honestly ... with a gun to my head, I can't remember a single gift I ever got from any of them when I was a kid, although I'm sure there were presents. What I DO remember were the wacky holiday parties and the Christmas snowball fights and the entire family gathering around the TV to watch football on Christmas and the "ugliest snowman" contest we had every year.

As for my neices & nephews now? I don't get them gifts based on how much the item costs. I get them things that I think they will like and will speak to their interests. I'm sure I do not evenly distribute the money I spend, but then, the kids know that every single thing I choose for them will be something I really thought about and hunted for and got specifically for them. Neither they, nor their parents, seem to care if little Bobby's present and little Amy's present cost the same.

It wasn't about the cost. It was my DD's 16th birthday and that is why she got presents. THEN we had Christmas and she got nothing when they handed the presents to the kids. Give her a card with less money or a note but not nothing. That's just mean.

I texted my sister and she said she forgot to give her the money but didn't have a card. I just asked if maybe DD's card got left under the tree by mistake. One other sibling forgot his money but the other two.... I have no clue.

 

[4luv2cdisney]

In this case though, it is really hard not to notice. Everyone was together and everyone was handed a gift except her 16 year old daughter. That is just mean. Who walks around and hands out gifts to every kid in the room except one?

I agree. I can't believe that there are people who think this is ok in any way shape or form. I am stunned. If you don't want to buy for any of my kids (and this has happened) that is perfectly fine and we continue to give, because we want to. But don't leave one kid out.

 

[lila]

$200-300 each for my 2 nephews

 

[crashbb]

I agree that it is mean to single one kid out for no gift. Not giving any gifts is one thing (and fine), but to single one kid out is mean. Other than at birthdays or other personal events, of course.

I got my nephew a Lego Star Wars advent calender. We got together at my brother's house on 1-December for tree decorating and I planned to give it to him then. I knew that his cousins (my SIL's nephews - so not really a relation to me) would be there, so I got them a calender too. They are 5 and 7, I'm sure that they wouldn't have said anything, but they would have been hurt.

 

[dizcrazee]

I have one niece and two nephews, and two of them have spouses. I spend around $25 on the married ones and $25 on their spouses, or I get them a "couple gift" worth around $50.

I usually spend around $35-40 on the the unmarried (college age) nephew. When he eventually gets married he'll be on the same program with his brother and sister.

I try to be as fair as possible with my gift giving, making sure everyone has the same number of items, the values are roughly equivalent, etc. It's really kind of silly, but I can't help it. I just want to be fair.

 

[WDSearcher]

In this case though, it is really hard not to notice. Everyone was together and everyone was handed a gift except her 16 year old daughter. That is just mean. Who walks around and hands out gifts to every kid in the room except one?

Well then ... speak up then and there. "Um ... Aunt Gladys, you forgot Suzie." Big smile. Point to Suzie. Let Aunt Gladys have to figure out how to answer that one with everyone sitting there.

If it's a problem, then speak up and address it with everyone in the room. Air it out. Get it settled. Don't fume about it and count dollars and try to figure out how much Aunt A spent on Cousin B.

It wasn't about the cost. It was my DD's 16th birthday and that is why she got presents. THEN we had Christmas and she got nothing when they handed the presents to the kids. Give her a card with less money or a note but not nothing. That's just mean.

I texted my sister and she said she forgot to give her the money but didn't have a card. I just asked if maybe DD's card got left under the tree by mistake. One other sibling forgot his money but the other two.... I have no clue.

So ... if you'd asked at that moment and your sister said, "Oh ... I was dumb and forgot a card for DD because I miscounted; here's her Christmas money", would that have made everything okay? And are you texting the other two siblings to see what happened to their money?

Sorry if I misinterpreted that "it wasn't about the cost". Your post is titled, What do you spend on/give your nieces and nephews for Christmas ? vent and question., which kind of implies that it's more about how much they spend than it is about the gift.

 

[4luv2cdisney]

It wasn't about the cost. It was my DD's 16th birthday and that is why she got presents. THEN we had Christmas and she got nothing when they handed the presents to the kids. Give her a card with less money or a note but not nothing. That's just mean.

I texted my sister and she said she forgot to give her the money but didn't have a card. I just asked if maybe DD's card got left under the tree by mistake. One other sibling forgot his money but the other two.... I have no clue.

Well, if your siblings combined their money into one envelope for the other kids, then it would seem they (as a group) decided not to give a Christmas gift to your DD16. Unless, maybe one sibling said they weren't going to give for both and the others were not sure how to handle it. Personally, I would have been like "oh, DD16's card is missing...." at the time they were presented. At this point, I would bring it up to Mom. After all, she raised these rude people! She'd likely know the whole scoop or get to the bottom of it and then I'd know how to feel / react from there.

Also wondering, how they've handled her bday in the past. Obviously, it's always been close to Christmas...

Another thing, my other kid would have noticed this obvious unfairness as well. I am certain she would offer to share her money with her sister. She shouldn't have to, but that's the way my kids are. They would not feel right about accepting the gift, but probably wouldn't know how to handle it in the moment, so sharing would be the obvious solution for them.

 

[ilovemk76]

When they were young, they all got a gift of ~$50 from us. Now they are all older, 20s and even 30s!! Some are married with children of their own. We no longer give them gift but we do for the next generation that we are involved with.

I can't believe you would text your sister about the gift you expected for your DD. You are always treating you DSD and this DD different then your 2 DSs but your sister is wrong because she does the same thing?

I beleive her that she forgot the gift. I have done that before.

You say the money does not matter but you analyzed the birthday gift to place a dollar value on it.

 

[pyrxtc]

I didn't realize that DD16 did not get one. She was on the other side of the kitchen so I thought they gave it to her over there and there were about 10 people between us. I found out the next morning so I could't say anything when it happened. I only texted my sister because she was the one handing out the envelopes. I figured she was the co-ordinator.

I asked about how much because I'm new to this for my niece and nephew and wasn't sure what was the norm. I didn't get Christmas gifts from my Aunts and Uncles growing up. there were way too many of us and most of my cousins are 5-10 years older than me so I didn't get grandparent gifts either.

 

[Handbag Lady]

My only niece is 23 and she's spoiled rotten. This is what happens when your only aunt and uncle are DINKS.

This year, oh, my. We decided on no gifts, just a random $50 gift card in the form of a White Elephant exchange. This was SO much fun, we had our family party last night. But, unknown to everyone, my dad decided to buy dear niece a HUGE present and we all chipped in.

So, she thinks her Christmas is all over. Tomorrow, she will have a heck of a surprise.

 

[zurgswife]

Nothing here. Our budget is really tight. My hubby's sides nieces and nephews are all adults and my sisters kids don't get anything. We are not able to afford to exchange gifts. Some day I'd like to be able to give something but it hasn't happened in many many years.

 

[Granny square]

Nothing here. Our budget is really tight. My hubby's sides nieces and nephews are all adults and my sisters kids don't get anything. We are not able to afford to exchange gifts. Some day I'd like to be able to give something but it hasn't happened in many many years.

I think it is nice when families can figure out in the present what works best.

 

[mummabear]

Gifts are not supposed to be mandatory. NO ONE owes anyone a "gift".

I disagree. I have bought for my nephew (no 16) since he was born (since we only have one on each side we still buy for him), I have spent $50+every birthday or Christmas.
I stopped buying him Easter Eggs this year since my brother has never reciprocated now that we have kids. I don't think its okay to be willing to gift exchanged etc when your family is on the receiving end but when your sibling has children think actually lets not do the gift thing now (now that I have to buy them)

 

[mummabear]

My first thought is that your sib honestly forgot to hand your DD16 her envelope, or it got lost in the shuffle or something. I was going to suggest you ask straight-out if they forgot, or if you should be digging through trash to find it mixed in with wrapping paper. But after reading the thread, sadly, it does sound like it was probably intentional

OP I think you should do this anyway, would let them know that it was rude without being too aggressive.

I have 10 nieces and nephews and no kids of my own. I spend about $30 on each. I could afford more, but they get PLENTY from their parents. I also remind my sister (who complains about it and compares all the kids presents) that the nights at the movies, fun parks and shopping trips I drop hundreds of dollars on throughout the year, factors into my decision. I love spending time with them more than buying toys and electronics that are tossed aside a week after Christmas.

I cant believe your sister complains! The kids will like what you do way more. As an adult the Aunts that I am close to are the ones that we did stuff with, I can name about 3 things they ever gave me between 3 of them (one couple and another single Aunt). I still have two of those gifts. They may have well given more but we moved to NZ from Canada when I was 4 so we hardly saw them at bday or Xmas time. But when we visited home these were the people who were always happy to see you and do things with you. Unfortunately for my kids my brother lacks on both sides of doing and giving and my BIL is very generous with gifts but not time.

 

[Kellykins1218]

Nieces and nephews in our family stop getting gifts from everyone when they turn 16. They join the adults' gift exchange then.

 

[Sgt Mickey]

My brother has two boys. We don't exchange presents. They live far away from us. I think my brother prefers it this way just so he doesn't have the pressure of buying gifts and mailing. I will buy them something but I am going to wait to give it to them when I see them.

My DH has two nieces from his sister. We have 0 contact with them.

Two nieces from his brother and we don't have much contact with them anymore. I used to buy so much for them. MY SIL never really gave my kids gifts. If she did they were just cheap whatever she just picked up. I would buy her girls clothes upon clothes. I never wanted the girls to pay for how their mom was. I think what stopped me buying presents was just her over all attitude. We would go visit and of course my kids would want to spend all the time their Uncle. She complained they were at their house and didn't want to feed them box mac and cheese. I wasn't even asking her too. MY BIL I think has given up on life overall so we don't see them anymore. He never picks up his phone when dh tried to call. Its pretty sad.

 

[mjkacmom]

Zombie...

 

[NewRVLady]

I stopped doing niece nephew gifts when they were 12 ish

Mostly because I was gifting to 2 nephews a $20 card and their parents thought a plastic $1 wallet was comparable-literally got a cheap wallet for several Xmasses-so that was it

hahaha....thought the zombie threads were over...................

 

[Poohforyou]

I have 5 nieces and nephews ages 8-26. They each got $25. I don't typically exchange with my siblings unless they're at our house for the holidays.