What Do You REALLY Think About Guests Bringing Food?

[FlightlessDuck]

That is a very prideful statement.

Oh, I know. And I'm exaggerating. I'm sure we wouldn't be upset. Confused, maybe, if, say, my parents brought cookies. But not upset.

But as I said in the previous thread, I don't do dinner parties. If I invited a new friend to dinner, obviously they didn't mean anything by it.

 

[Wendy31]

Did you really expect such people to respond to your question? We already know the answer. No, they don't worry about such things. After all, it's all about what THEY want to do; who cares if it clashes with the host's plans....

Haha!! This is true!

Except this poster did answer my question...

. It wouldn't bother me in the slightest if I brought the same thing the hostess made. I would say okay save it for later or if you run out. Even if they didn't put it out wouldn't hurt my feelings at all.

And that's great that it wouldn't bother you. But how about your hosts? Do you care how it would make them feel?

 

[Mizzoufan]

Haha!! This is true!

Except this poster did answer my question...



And that's great that it wouldn't bother you. But how about your hosts? Do you care how it would make them feel?

The people I have dinners with would be totally okay with people bringing food.

 

[Jaime4004]

Did you really expect such people to respond to your question? We already know the answer. No, they don't worry about such things. After all, it's all about what THEY want to do; who cares if it clashes with the host's plans....

Ha, yeah, totally what people who bring food to a dinner party are thinking.

To the original question, no, it wouldn't bother me if I brought something that was already there. Now we know we won't run out. Save it for lunch tomorrow. Or hand it back to the person bringing it when they leave and say "Thanks, do you want to bring the left-overs home?" If I were the host and nobody ate mine, okay, more left-overs for me. I'd be happy that the person came over in the first place and put effort into making (or buying) something they wanted to share with everyone. I don't see ulterior motives in everyone trying to do something nice....

 

[Wishing on a star]

In-laws! So many red flags.

W H A T ????????

Def. not what I was referring too.

(ohhhhh, goodie, another 'hater' sidetracking a thread with negative personal attacks/posts.... <sighhhhh>

 

[Wishing on a star]

.... and it brought our host almost to tears. People loved it though and I think that hurt her worse.

Just a FYI note here: That is called 'Falling On Knives'.
Being just so totally utterly and mortally offended... Because it wasn't just exactly what you would have preferred and was not all-about-you.

While, in that one case, I would have considered it inappropriate to bring such a dish without speaking to the hostess first...
It sounds like the hostess has some, ummmm, 'issues'.

 

[design_mom]

In the marble rye thread, I think both the guest and the host were wrong. The guest should not have brought food if told not to, but the host was rude to the guest. It's a case of 'two wrongs don't make a right." I don't see a choice in the multiple choice answers that's quite like that.

I was always taught to offer to bring something. And I almost always do (exceptions are formal weddings and kids-only birthday parties... but even then, if I know the family, I would probably offer even if I was pretty sure the answer would be no.)

If the host says "No, thank you. I've got everything covered." then I would not push it further and would not bring anything. However, so many people don't outright say no. They say something like "Oh, don't feel like you have to..." or "I'm sure we'll have plenty. You don't need to..." which leaves the door open. Are they hinting that they don't WANT me to bring anything, or they just telling me I don't *need* to bring anything. Then I always feel like I need to follow up with "Really, I don't mind bringing something..." or something like that. For those of you who would get upset if someone brought something, please be clear.

As a funny story, shortly after I started a new job, a co-worker invited a bunch of us over for a barbecue to see her newly-completed deck. As usual, I asked if I could bring anything. She said "Let me think about it." The next day, she came in, handed me a recipe card, and said "You can make this." I have brought food to many events, and hosts vary in how specific they get (from "Sure. Bring a side dish." to "Could you bring the potato salad?") but this is the first time anyone gave me an actual recipe to follow. Oh well, I got to feel like I was contributing and she got the menu she wanted. I guess it was a win-win, but it was very odd.

 

[Iowajes]

I would not bring unsolicited food to a fancy dinner (I would bring wine or a chocolates for the hostess), but when being invited to someone's house for a casual dinner, I always bring something. Usually I remember to ask, but if I forget, thus didn't specify the side we are bringing, we bring dessert or wine. You can't have too much of either. I don't care if they don't serve it, it can just be a gift to them.

As for my own dinner parties, I will never turn down someone bringing something. I recently hosted a dinner where I said to everyone "I have everything taken care of!" and still many people brought things. We just had a huge variety of desserts to choose and an extra side dish. A number of people brought wine, which I always ask "do you want me to open it?" I never know if the wine is for them to drink themselves or a general hostess gift to me (I don't drink... but husband does, so it just replenishes the stash we served to others)

I've never had someone bring food I didn't set out though. And no matter how fancy of a dinner I planned, I can't imagine not adding it to the set. Part of being a hostess is being gracious to guests.

 

[Carina]

This falls into the "life's too short" category for me, I have to say. I only socialize with the most cool, relaxed group of people. Nobody I know gets bent over things like this.

You took the words right out of my mouth!

 

[honeydiane1953]

ANY dinner I wouId be invited to extra food wouId be made such a fuss over!!

 

[LBIJim]

Ha, yeah, totally what people who bring food to a dinner party are thinking.

To the original question, no, it wouldn't bother me if I brought something that was already there. Now we know we won't run out. Save it for lunch tomorrow. Or hand it back to the person bringing it when they leave and say "Thanks, do you want to bring the left-overs home?" If I were the host and nobody ate mine, okay, more left-overs for me. I'd be happy that the person came over in the first place and put effort into making (or buying) something they wanted to share with everyone. I don't see ulterior motives in everyone trying to do something nice....

Of course not...those unfortunate enough or obtuse enought not to comprehend ALWAYS insist their boorish behavior is "just trying to do something nice."

 

[ronandannette]

Ha, yeah, totally what people who bring food to a dinner party are thinking.

To the original question, no, it wouldn't bother me if I brought something that was already there. Now we know we won't run out. Save it for lunch tomorrow. Or hand it back to the person bringing it when they leave and say "Thanks, do you want to bring the left-overs home?" If I were the host and nobody ate mine, okay, more left-overs for me. I'd be happy that the person came over in the first place and put effort into making (or buying) something they wanted to share with everyone. I don't see ulterior motives in everyone trying to do something nice....

Taking home your own leftovers: For or Against? Should we spin-it-off or discuss it here? IMO, if the host asks you to take it home that's a really good hint that it wasn't welcome in the first place!

 

[pigletgirl]

Just a FYI note here: That is called 'Falling On Knives'.
Being just so totally utterly and mortally offended... Because it wasn't just exactly what you would have preferred and was not all-about-you.

While, in that one case, I would have considered it inappropriate to bring such a dish without speaking to the hostess first...
It sounds like the hostess has some, ummmm, 'issues'.

She does have issues and approval is one of them. That's why she was PO'ed about a guest bringing an additional app (baked brie -- and it was delicious! )

 

[ronandannette]

She does have issues and approval is one of them. That's why she was PO'ed about a guest bringing an additional app (baked brie -- and it was delicious! )

Did you and the "brie-bringer" happen to discuss this beforehand? If so, did you agree with her bringing a dish? (I ask because you mentioned early on knowing that this particular hostess would not want an "surprise dishes".)

 

[smiths02]

About the bringing something the host already cooked. That would irritate me.

I got irritated one year because I signed up for a Cub Scout potluck to bring macaroni and cheese. NO ONE else signed up for macaroni and cheese. There were like 4 GIANT pans of it there (our pack wasn't that big, two people bringing mac and cheese would have been plenty). My husband made it into a game of whose was best, but he wasn't being serious.



But I've never been to a dinner party or family gathering where it was fancy enough to matter if the china matched. I'm not criticizing any former posters, I was just raised so outside that Martha Stewart world.

 

[TipsyTraveler]

Ha, yeah, totally what people who bring food to a dinner party are thinking.

To the original question, no, it wouldn't bother me if I brought something that was already there. Now we know we won't run out. Save it for lunch tomorrow. Or hand it back to the person bringing it when they leave and say "Thanks, do you want to bring the left-overs home?" If I were the host and nobody ate mine, okay, more left-overs for me. I'd be happy that the person came over in the first place and put effort into making (or buying) something they wanted to share with everyone. I don't see ulterior motives in everyone trying to do something nice....

That's the thing, though. I don't want my guests to have to put in extra effort to come to my house. They're already making enough of an effort by taking time out of their schedule, finding and paying a babysitter (if applicable), and driving over here and back. I don't want to add to that by making them find a recipe, grocery shop, cook a dish, lug it with them and back, and the associated time and expense that goes along with it. As the hostess of an event I wanted to throw, it would make me very uncomfortable to burden my guests like that.

On the flip side, it's incredibly annoying when someone says, "Would you like to come over Saturday?" and then when you answer in the affirmative they follow with, "Great, it's BYOB and I'm asking that everyone bring a dish." Really? You couldn't tell me it was going to cost both my money and my time before I accepted your invitation? Even worse is when they don't mention you need to bring a dish until a day or two beforehand. Perfect, now I get to scramble at the last minute to help put together someone else's party/dinner. It's like people want the convenience of having a party in the comfort of their own home but they want the guests to shoulder all the work and expense.

 

[Happy Snowman]

I bring food with me pretty much everywhere now because of dietary restrictions--but mainly for me to eat, not so much to share with a dinner party. Before, I would ask if I could bring something to contribute to the party and if told yes, I would bring something, if told no thanks, I would not but usually brought a hostess gift.

 

[Diznygrl]

A quick word of caution to the mentions of bringing Easter Lilies -- Please don't give those to anyone who has cats. They are extremely deadly. I used to work in veterinary critical care and it was absolutely heartbreaking how many young, healthy cats I watched die every Easter due to lily ingestion. It's best to avoid giving any type of flowers/plant to someone with pets.

A bit OT I was thinking the same thing when I read about bringing Easter Lilies. Every Easter when I see these things in the stores, it actually makes me upset because I know how extremely deadly they are to cats. I truly wish it was required by law to have warning labels on Easter Lilies, because so many people have NO IDEA how bad these are for cats and how easily they can die from them. Really, the cat doesn't even have to chew on the plant to be affected. They can just rub against it, get pollen on their fur, lick their fur and even that can cause kidney failure.

 

[Saphire]

I will gladly bring food, but when asked and declined, I don't bring it. BUT, I could never arrive empty handed. So, it may be flowers, already in a small vase that that the hostess can keep, or a bottle of wine.

 

[Bluestars]

Not an issue for me. If someone brings something, I say thank you and put it on the table. It's called being a gracious host.

It's not an issue for me either. I can't think of anything outside of a wedding where I wouldn't thank that person who brought the food and set it out with the other food. My guests mean more to me than food. Obviously, the guests intentions were good even if they didn't realize that they should only bring food when requested.

It's really not a big deal to me. Having parties is about getting together with people I enjoy being around. I can't imagine being hung up on something so insignificant as a food item.