What Do You REALLY Think About Guests Bringing Food?

[Ceila]

I think people are missing the point. It's not so much about someone actually bringing a dish.

It's when you offer to bring a dish and are TOLD not to and then bring one anyway. That is so unbelievably rude on so many levels! It has nothing to do with the hostess at that point and everything to do with the guest.

I think pretty much everyone here acknowledges that bringing food when being told not to is poor manners. But I think this falls pretty far down on the list of rude things people do.

Yes, it's a breech of etiquette, but unless you (general "you") are paranoid or insecure, I think most hosts recognize that the person was just trying to be nice, even though they went about it in the wrong way.

 

[Nancy]

I had to pick 2. My thinking is someone is going to bring something and just put it out to serve. No biggie to me, I move things and we make room for all.

Also, if I brought something and the host didn't serve it I would be insulted and since I was insulted it might end with friendships broken or family not being spoken too again.

That said...since I wouldn't bring anything unless I was asked to that wouldn't actually happen to me. I have people bring things to my house though and since I would never want to hurt anyone's feelings I put it out.

 

[Ceila]

OK, I might not be able to maintain my gracious hostess stance if someone brings this to my next party!

 

[Wishing on a star]

Looks just so DELICIOUS!!!!!

Anyhow, I don't know if there are any tag fairies around.. But we need a tag here... "It's JUST cookies!!!!!!"

 

[Wishing on a star]

I'm not missing the point. But I learned long ago that I cannot control other people's actions. ...

I can go around pointing out who has not followed proper etiquette (or pointing it out in my head) or I can just go with the flow and I and my guest both get to have an enjoyable time.

AMEN!!!!!

 

[Bluestars]

OK, I might not be able to maintain my gracious hostess stance if someone brings this to my next party!

That could end up being the life of the party! Everyone would have a good laugh.

 

[LBIJim]

OK, I might not be able to maintain my gracious hostess stance if someone brings this to my next party!

If someone brought that to one of my hi-falutin' dinner parties, I'd definitely heave my standing rib roast, foie gras, and truffles and proudly serve that instead. And I'd even dig out the macaroni salad from the back of the fridge to accompany it.

 

[Ceila]

If someone brought that, I'd definitely heave my standing rib roast, foie gras, and truffles and proudly serve that instead. And I'd even dig out the macaroni salad from the back of the fridge to accompany it.

You're right! Toss a party hat on him (her?) and get the party started!

 

[lauradis]

This falls into the "life's too short" category for me, I have to say. I only socialize with the most cool, relaxed group of people. Nobody I know gets bent over things like this.

I guess I'm rude, I bring food, drink, etc. when I feel like it or asked too.

Never even crossed my mind that I was putting host out or being rude.

 

[Missy1961]

No, I don't think we can agree. I don't feel that the other person is being inconsiderate as much as just a bit clueless and socially awkward. I think they had good intentions and I won't condemn them for that.

As I said above, I can't control anyone's actions but my own.

 

[Disney Doll]

If I asked the host if I could bring food and they said no, then I would not bring food. I would consider that rude, because I would be knowingly going against the host's request. Instead, I would bring a bottle of wine, a plant, a candle, a box of candy (which I would not expect to be served at that time but saved for the host's enjoyment later) or something as a hostess gift.

 

[Pixiedustaway]

If I asked the host if I could bring food and they said no, then I would not bring food. I would consider that rude, because I would be knowingly going against the host's request. Instead, I would bring a bottle of wine, a plant, a candle, a box of candy (which I would not expect to be served at that time but saved for the host's enjoyment later) or something as a hostess gift.

Plus one. I've always offered to bring something and 9 times out of 10 it's a dessert. But our meals here are super casual, I'm sure a super fancy dinner party would be a different story.

 

[BonsaiBingo]

My wife has a friend I don’t like and the first year she was invited for Thanksgiving, she brought cranberries (which I obviously had made from scratch myself). She also brought ingredients for Glühwein, which to prepare she blocked me in my kitchen while I was trying to finish cooking.

2nd year, she followed instructions and brought Ice Cream.

3rd year: I explicitly said „sides are covered, please bring dessert“. She said she’ll bring sweet potatoes (which I don’t like because it’s babyfood with candy on top and there aren’t any children). I askedher to bring something else, also because I have no extra oven space. She said ok. And yesterday she tells me - I will bring sweet potatoes?!
I think if you’re the host and you organize a large meal, including meal planning and what goes good together, then it’s rude to disregard the host‘s explicit wishes. If you like sweet potatoes, eat them 364 days a year at your own house or host your own thing. It’s different for everyone, but I‘m a trained chef, I put a lot of time and effort into planning and preparing, so in my house, I get to say what main dishes are served together. I think when people bring unsolicited food, either the host is a terrible chef or they are trying to steal the thunder.

 

[Moliphino]

I'm not sure I've ever attended (much less hosted) a gathering where food wouldn't be welcomed. So, I don't really feel any of the poll options fit me.

Same for me.

 

[lisaviolet]

She said she’ll bring sweet potatoes (which I don’t like because it’s babyfood...

Holy crap.

Are you going to tell the people of Jamaica?

 

[tinkerbellandpeterpan]

There wouldn't be a second year at your house for me because you seem to be an unwelcoming host. I offer to make the sweet potato casserole for Thanksgiving at my brother's house because it isn't something he and his wife particularly like, but his inlaws and many other guests have asked for the recipe and hope I'm bringing it. So I don't expect him to make a side dish that isn't something he particularly enjoys. I also offer to bring a toaster oven to pop my already cooked side dish in to warm it up and he's never taken me up on that.

I think you are missing the meaning of sharing around the Thanksgiving table. Perhaps it's a comfort food that can't really be made in small quantities and she enjoys and would like to share with others. I'd rather have a meal that you don't think "goes together" with love and laughter than a carefully crafted menu where everyone has to stay in their lane for fear to offend the "chef".

 

[RedAngie]

Ok, I've been loving Jim's Seinfeld thread, not because I was ever a Seinfeld fan but because it's generated some great, evocative posts! Clearly this issue calls for a poll!

Personally, I think it's the guests who are in the wrong when they bring unsolicited food to a dinner party - period. That said, I agree with the people who point out that a gracious hostess makes their guests feel comfortable so I would serve the dish in some way. It would tick me off though - I plan menus very carefully and take a lot of pleasure in spreading a nice table. As a guest, I would never DREAM of imposing a dish on somebody else's meal. So really, there's two sides to this question. (NOTE: We are specifically NOT talking about pot-lucks or group dinners here where it is assumed everyone is pitching in.)

PS: The poll is multiple-choice; you can pick more than one answer!

This was one zombie thread I was overjoyed to see resurrected. I was eagerly anticipating reading about a certain unsolicited side dish.

But drats!!! That post must be in a different zombie thread.

 

[Wendy1985]

I was taught it’s rude not to bring something

 

[mjkacmom]

There wouldn't be a second year at your house for me because you seem to be an unwelcoming host. I offer to make the sweet potato casserole for Thanksgiving at my brother's house because it isn't something he and his wife particularly like, but his inlaws and many other guests have asked for the recipe and hope I'm bringing it. So I don't expect him to make a side dish that isn't something he particularly enjoys. I also offer to bring a toaster oven to pop my already cooked side dish in to warm it up and he's never taken me up on that.

I think you are missing the meaning of sharing around the Thanksgiving table. Perhaps it's a comfort food that can't really be made in small quantities and she enjoys and would like to share with others. I'd rather have a meal that you don't think "goes together" with love and laughter than a carefully crafted menu where everyone has to stay in their lane for fear to offend the "chef".

Funny story, we had thanksgiving every year at my mom’s with her side of the family (Irish Catholic, not good cooks). One year I decided I was going to bring the sweet potatoes, but instead of the frozen ones my mom threw marshmallows on every year, I made a sweet potato and carrot puree from my Silver Palate cookbook. It did not go over well.

 

[ronandannette]

This was one zombie thread I was overjoyed to see resurrected. I was eagerly anticipating reading about a certain unsolicited side dish.

But drats!!! That post must be in a different zombie thread.

Noodlesaladnoodlesaladnoodlesalad. I expect you to materialize on my doorstep for dinner tonight Red.