What do you do when your kid is a fraidy cat?

[Miller1412]

Here's the thing with my 5 y/o DD. I love her to death, I really do, but she is so afraid so many things!! She is terrified to ride her bike, skate, swim, go in the ocean, etc.

Today, DH took the kids skiing in VT. He paid for a private lesson for the kids and my DS 3, did great. He loved it! DD was terrified and spent about 4 hours screaming her head off and crying.

Now...I know my DD. She cries, but if I push, she ends up loving it as soon as she sees she can do it. Everyone stares, and I'm sure I look like such a mean mom, but if I don't push...she'd never do it.

Does anyone else have kids like this? Sometimes I feel like mine is THE ONLY ONE!

I love her, but this "nervous Nellie thing" is driving me nuts. I'd never tell her, but at least I can vent here!!

 

[Rafiki Rafiki Rafiki]

My daughter is that way. She needs to be involved in things that build her confidence, and she needs reassurance that she's great at something, even if she's just a little bit mediocre at it.

If she believes she can, she will!

 

[Nancy]

My kids were not like that but I'm bumping up for you.

 

[jfulcer]

Okay, someone is going to call me a bad parent, but DD is scared to try everything too. We were at a water park and she wouldn't try the slides, didn't want to go near them.

So I told her I'd give her $10 if she went down one of them.

Now we can't get her off them when she's at the water parks.

For DD, her allowance/spending money/etc is her 'BIG THING', or her 'Currency' as Dr Phil calls it. Find out what might convince her to TRY - just for the first time.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

Okay, someone is going to call me a bad parent, but DD is scared to try everything too. We were at a water park and she wouldn't try the slides, didn't want to go near them.

So I told her I'd give her $10 if she went down one of them.

If you're a bad parent then I'm a lousy parent. I've very occasionally paid my kids to try something that I was pretty sure they would enjoy, but they were scared to try.

 

[Aidensmom]

Has she always been like this? DS went through a stage like this not too long ago. For example, we stay at the beach every year at 4th of July. This year, when he was just 1 month shy of 4 years old, he was terrified of the ocean, though he has been in every year before. He is slowly not being afraid of things again.

Another bad parent here, and I don't even involve money! If I know he REALLY wants to do something, but is chickening out, I make him do it once, cries and all. For example, he wanted to go to Adventure Island water park this summer, and for a week all he talked about was going down the slides (and he knows what they look like, we drive past there every day). When he got there, he said he was too scared. I carried him on and had him go down on my lap. He was crying at the top, laughing at the bottom, and he went back on the slides that day more times than I can count. If he had still been scared after the first try, I would not have made him do it again. And if I knew he really was terrified, like with the ocean this summer, I would not force him at all.

I know my kid better than anyone else and can tell when he would be more upset if he DIDN'T try something even though he says he is scared. That is when I make the decision to make him try, regardless of the negative things that may come from people around us. If your daughter is like this, where you know she REALLY wants to do something, IMO, you shouldn't be afraid to sometimes make her try.

 

[MsLeFever]

Does anyone else have kids like this? Sometimes I feel like mine is THE ONLY ONE!
QUOTE]

My DS (8) is the same way! This summer I took him, literally screaming on the roller coaster at Marineland. The entire line was just staring at us as we disembarked - with him smiling and saying "again." He's lucky that he was with me - my DH wouldn't have bothered with it.

Barbara

 

[kristen821]

Okay, someone is going to call me a bad parent, but DD is scared to try everything too. We were at a water park and she wouldn't try the slides, didn't want to go near them.

So I told her I'd give her $10 if she went down one of them.

Now we can't get her off them when she's at the water parks.

For DD, her allowance/spending money/etc is her 'BIG THING', or her 'Currency' as Dr Phil calls it. Find out what might convince her to TRY - just for the first time.

You made me feel like a better parent! I have done the same thing, but I only had to give ds $2 to play a game at the carnivals a few time. It always turns out to be his favorite ride. Now he loves fast rides but not roller coaster. Last time we went to the carnival he offered me $2 to go on a ride with him again. I couldn't because I was going to get sick so he went himself! My dd on the other hand is "Miss Little Daredevil"

 

[HERSEY]

I'm guilty of bribes also. My son is afraid of failure. I try to get him to try anything within reason once. If he gives it a honest try and doesn't like it fine if he likes even better. So far the doesn't like list is very short and he seems to end up enjoying himself, Like dis meets I let him bring his gameboy as baskup. Good luck keep encouraging.

 

[CEDmom]

First off, I'd stop comparing your children.

My DD who's 6 is afraid of many things and for the most part we respect that. She has yet to make it through a movie (too loud and too dark), merry-go-rounds are another problem (too loud and the up/down round and round bothers her). We have seen her grow out of many fears so we're just hopeful that with time she'll continue to outgrow the rest.

Everytime we go somewhere that has something she's feared in the past we ask if she wants to try it. Sometimes she says yes. If she says no and won't change we mind with some encouragement we let it go. We don't bring up her past apprehensions and we never put her down or make her feel bad.

 

[Our 2 Princesses]

Well, I feel better now. I thought my oldest daughter was the only one like this. It's very frustrating, to say the least. She is going on 10 1/2 and won't even ride her bike. The only thing she seems not afraid of is swimming and she has taken beginner ski lessons. When she won't try something, I tell her that she will be missing out on alot of fun. I just try and tell myself that if she never rides her bike or does alot of other things, it won't be the end of the world.

 

[Christine]

Some kids are just born more fearful and cautious than others. I know you probably aren't making your kid feel bad about it, but please try NOT to make them feel bad about it.

I was a "scared" kid and to some degree am like that as an adult. I was just born that way, it's my nature. It took me a LONG time to get used to being in water. Most of the stuff for me is physical. I am afraid of doing a lot of stuff that is physically demanding like BIG water slides, HUGE coasters, etc. I've conquered a lot of that as I matured, but there is no way a 5 year old is equipped to overcome that.

I think you're doing the right thing by doing some prodding and pushing but that is about all you can do.

Oh, and one of my kids is kind of a "scaredycat" and the other one isn't.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Does anyone else have kids like this? Sometimes I feel like mine is THE ONLY ONE!

I love her, but this "nervous Nellie thing" is driving me nuts. I'd never tell her, but at least I can vent here!!

Mine is 9. She still refuses to learn HOW to ride a bike. (Bugs the crud out of DH, btw...)

I have learned to accept her limitations and not "force" her. I will bribe, beg, borrow and "steal"...sometimes she agrees and sometimes she doesn't.
Money & prizes do work!

It is her personality. She is very bright and I think that she weighs everything to closely beforehand. Not going to change that!

 

[mickeyboat]

First off, I'd stop comparing your children.

I don't really think that's fair, and pretty uncalled for.

If you have more than one child, it's only natural to compare them. For many of us, they came from the same parents, are being raised the same way, and we are amazed to see how different their personalities are. Just because you remark to a message board that your children are different, does not mean that you do it in front of them, or that it is harming them in some way.

To the OP - My kids have both gone through phases when they are afraid to try new things. I have people say to me that Emily is the more adventurous one, but lately it has been Hannah more willing to try new things. Just encourage them the best you can. And I would not be above bribing them, either.

Denae

 

[RadioNate]

Ugg, my DS is this way also. He's only 4 but it is so frustrating. We are trying to be patient with him and not make him feel bad but that's hard when he won't even watch finding Nemo or any other Disney movie because it is too scary. He's still watching Blues Clues and The Wiggles while the other boys in his class are on to Star Wars and Power Rangers. I'm just terrified he'll get picked on next year for being a baby.

We looked horrible at WDW dragging him on Splash Mountain. The thing is he had been 2x during our Sept trip and loved it but in Dec he got freaked and didn't want to go so we made him. Got some nasty looks but again he loved it!

 

[Christine]

We looked horrible at WDW dragging him on Splash Mountain. The thing is he had been 2x during our Sept trip and loved it but in Dec he got freaked and didn't want to go so we made him. Got some nasty looks but again he loved it!

Don't feel bad. My son was so afraid of going on Test Track and Splash Mountain that he vomited in line. He *wanted* to go, begged to go, but worried and fretted the whole time and finally threw up.

 

[imsayin]

I was a "scared" kid and to some degree am like that as an adult. I was just born that way, it's my nature.

Me too! I believe it is genetic (I get it from my dad). I have 2 kids, one will try anything, the other won't. DS9 doesn't do rides at amusement parks. I never push him, because I understand him. DH always tries to push him. I think it just makes a big deal out of it & makes him upset.

 

[va32h]

My 5 yo son is bold in some areas (he rides a bike, has ridden a horse, ice skates, things like that), but timid in others (most theme park rides!).

It seems to be an issue of control. Something he can control - he can get off the bike, stop skating, vs something he can't - he can't get off the ride till it stops.

His personality is stubborn - the more I urge or try to convince him, the more he digs his heels in. So I just let it go.

At WDW, we just take turns riding with our other children (both daredevils in every respect!). We let him know that if he ever wants to try, he can, but it isn't a big deal if he doesn't.

 

[Tiggeroo]

I was like this as a kid. My dad was a jerk about it though. He'd push, get mad, sometimes even tease me a bit about it. I don't know a good solution but I can say that this made it worst.

 

[Miller1412]

Thanks for the responses. It helps knowing that she's not the only one. She is brave about some things though...she LOVED Tower of Terror and wild rides are no problem. The dark, ghosts, monsters, BRING IT ON! She loves the creepy stuff! But ask her to ride a bike...she's screaming her head off.

I do make her try and I have also bribed her with money, but I'm also very supportive and I love her no matter what. I would never let her think for a second that I was disappointed in her.