What do you believe?

[chell]

When you are given good comments and bad comments what do you tend to believe? Do you find yourself only believing the bad comments? For those who do, why is that?

Surely I can't be the only one to be this way. Dan's Karma thread got me thinking about this. It is funny how I believe in Karma for everyone else but not for myself when it comes to the good things to come back around to me. I know the bad things will come back in a heartbeat though. My poor little head is so screwed up.

Are there certain types of things you tend to believe about yourself over everything else?

 

[dmslush]

I believe the good comments and look carefully at the bad comments. I try to see why the person said the bad stuff. Is it someone who truely loves me and sees a serious flaw in me that I need to overcome. For instance, I am overweight and my mother told me that she is concerned for my health. There is no malice in that, she loves me, she worries. She didn't tell me that I was fat, so it was not done to hurt me.

In walmart today, a boy walks by me. I don't hardly recognize him until I hear him say to a man (obviously his father), "That is one of those *****'s from the shelter mom took me to (he and his mother came to the domestic violence shelter a few years back). This kid and I clashed over and over, he tried to assault me on one occasion. He doesn't hate me, probably doesn't really dislike me. But, he doesn't like the fact that I would stand up to him and not let him treat myself, his mother, or other staff members in a disrespectful manner. I know that he is a victim of his circumstances and to him I am the enemy.. but I also know that I am not the name of what he called me

Like I said, I take each comment and think it over. I try to evaluate where the comment is coming from and why someone would say it to me, to help me, or to hurt me. If they are only saying it to hurt me, sure it stings a bit, but I don't dwell on it.

I can say that since I have been at the shelter, in a 'helping' position, good has come back to be tenfold. So, I do believe if you do good, good will happen to you.

 

[SillyMe]

It depends on who and where it comes from. I've been told recently that I'm selfish, ungrateful, I should just die, I think the whole world is against me, I have mental problems...all by the same person. I'm trying not to let it get to me, but it is hard. You can't help but question yourself when someone says something negative. I always tend to analyze everything...can't help it. It's my nature. There may be a grain of truth to the selfish part...but if I don't look out for me, no one else will. What is wrong with that? I try to look at the "reason" the person is saying it. That usually explains everything.

 

[Aidensmom]

I have a pretty good sense of self and a good self-esteem, and so neither good comments or bad comments tend to have any kind of dramatic affect on me. They may reinforce something I already believed, or they may make me think about something I may have not noticed before, but I don't tend to dwell on them at all.

 

[chell]

Thanks for the replies everyone. Aidensmom I think you hit it right on at least for me anyway. I don't have a lot of self-esteem and that is what changes the way I take things in and process the comments.

 

[SillyMe]

Thanks for the replies everyone. Aidensmom I think you hit it right on at least for me anyway. I don't have a lot of self-esteem and that is what changes the way I take things in and process the comments.

I can relate to that. Often times I take things too personally.

 

[rt2dz]

If you are talking about things aimed personally at me, I say "thank you" to the good and "oh well" to the bad. I like me and I'm not going to change either way for anyone else. Not everyone is going to like me and if I'm already doing something, then I obviously believe it is right. Of course, if people (several) I respect are all telling me the same thing, I would have to think about what they say.

Now, if you are talking about things in general (reviews), I take everything with a grain of salt. But again, if I hear it often (the service at a restuarant is bad), I'll give it some weight.