What do we do? So confused.....

[1stTimeDisneyer]

Hi Everyone,

I need a few opinions on what you would do in this situation. This is not to cause an argument or tell me that we are ruining a friendship or our vacation. I am really torn on what to do right now. All that being said…

We have a trip planned with friends of ours in November. For them it is the first time they have had a family vacation in a long time and for some of them their first time to Disney. For my DH and I it is our fifth trip, but our nieces first trip and for all the kids it is a surprise. Now my friend and I have discussed and agreed on mostly everything. I am the trip planner, but we went over dinners, lunches, breakfasts, ect… so they have had a say in everything (I pretty much let her pick everything her kids would like) and have picked a lot of places to eat we would not normally go.

So, here is where my heart and head are clashing. DF wanted to do a breakfast and that is fine, but we are not big breakfast people. She also wanted to do a character meal which is okay, but it has to be a gender neutral, so she choose Tusker House (which is reserved on my CC, my other worry). We pretty much have everyday planned that we will be together and I am worried about that as we (DH & I) normally travel alone and we want my niece to have some things she likes too. She is only five and the other kids are nine, fourteen, and sixteen.

DN loves the Princesses and is a total girly girl, she loves to dress up do her makeup and just be a girl. The other little girl in our group who is nine is a complete tomboy and would rather be playing in the mud than ever wearing a dress, which is fine too. But I really feel DN should be able to have time with just her Uncle and I and get to be a girly girl. Have her hair done and eat with the princesses if she wants too and just have her time. So I am really thinking about telling them we will not be joining them for breakfast, as we are taking some us time. I know the buffets are overrated, but I am thinking Norway or 1900 Park Fare to eat with Cinderella after possibly going to BBB to get her hair done. Would this be totally wrong of us?

DF has already asked if we would watch their kids one night so they could go out, and offered me a girls night out with her, but has not said one thing about my DH & I having us time to ourselves at all. DH & I would never leave DN with anyone that is why we are thinking about planning family time for the three of us. So what would you do in this situation?

 

[Mkebound]

Not just this time, but several times on this trip, plan time for just you and your family.

 

[Maggie'sMom]

I've done one trip with a friend and his family, and what worked best for us was planning some meals and some park touring time together, but we also had a lot of time apart. I think the trip will go more smoothly for both families if there are times when you are doing your own thing.

 

[babyrich]

Hi Everyone,

I need a few opinions on what you would do in this situation. This is not to cause an argument or tell me that we are ruining a friendship or our vacation. I am really torn on what to do right now. All that being said…

We have a trip planned with friends of ours in November. For them it is the first time they have had a family vacation in a long time and for some of them their first time to Disney. For my DH and I it is our fifth trip, but our nieces first trip and for all the kids it is a surprise. Now my friend and I have discussed and agreed on mostly everything. I am the trip planner, but we went over dinners, lunches, breakfasts, ect… so they have had a say in everything (I pretty much let her pick everything her kids would like) and have picked a lot of places to eat we would not normally go.

So, here is where my heart and head are clashing. DF wanted to do a breakfast and that is fine, but we are not big breakfast people. She also wanted to do a character meal which is okay, but it has to be a gender neutral, so she choose Tusker House (which is reserved on my CC, my other worry). We pretty much have everyday planned that we will be together and I am worried about that as we (DH & I) normally travel alone and we want my niece to have some things she likes too. She is only five and the other kids are nine, fourteen, and sixteen.

DN loves the Princesses and is a total girly girl, she loves to dress up do her makeup and just be a girl. The other little girl in our group who is nine is a complete tomboy and would rather be playing in the mud than ever wearing a dress, which is fine too. But I really feel DN should be able to have time with just her Uncle and I and get to be a girly girl. Have her hair done and eat with the princesses if she wants too and just have her time. So I am really thinking about telling them we will not be joining them for breakfast, as we are taking some us time. I know the buffets are overrated, but I am thinking Norway or 1900 Park Fare to eat with Cinderella after possibly going to BBB to get her hair done. Would this be totally wrong of us?

DF has already asked if we would watch their kids one night so they could go out, and offered me a girls night out with her, but has not said one thing about my DH & I having us time to ourselves at all. DH & I would never leave DN with anyone that is why we are thinking about planning family time for the three of us. So what would you do in this situation?

If you have other plans with them during the trip, I would cancel breakfast and spend the time with your DH and DN. This is your vacation too, so you must do what makes you happy. You can cancel the 3 of you on the ressie and still have your cc to hold their reservation. That is if you trust them not to charge the meal on your cc.

Dont just think you have to let them enjoy themselves and you be put out.

 

[2binak]

I've done one trip with a friend and his family, and what worked best for us was planning some meals and some park touring time together, but we also had a lot of time apart. I think the trip will go more smoothly for both families if there are times when you are doing your own thing.

Been there, done that and totally agree!!!! Spend as much time apart as you do together, if not more. It's everyone's vacation so everyone should get to do things that they want to do and eat at places they want to eat at.

 

[luvmy3]

Just because you planned to go together doesn't mean you need to spend every minute with eachother. Let them go where they want, and you guys go where you want for some of the trip.

 

[Miss Peach]

Absolutely arrange to have some time seperately from your friends. It will be the thing that makes this trip work!

Talk her ASAP, there is nothing to be shy about!

 

[mumto3girls]

I think it is normal when two or more families vacation together for there to be time apart. Your friend might be more receptive to the idea than you might think and even if she's not, I would be matter of fact about it and tell her what your plans are.

 

[DisneyRegulars]

If you want to stay friends after the trip you will need time apart! If she really is your friend she will totally understand. Just talk to her about it, she might even be thinking the same thing.

Also, I saw a little girl all decked out as a pirate last time I went. If you wanted to include the 9 year old tomboy maybe she would want to be made a pirate while the 5 year old becomes a princess? I was a tomboy too and I think a pirate makeover would have been awesome.

 

[disykat]

She is asking you for what she needs/wants, she's probably assuming you will ask for what you need/want. It's not up to her to plan you and your families time apart - step up and tell her what you want!

 

[mrsbornkuntry]

I would definitely plan some things just for you and your niece. When we went on our last trip it was a big family trip and my SIL, BIL and niece went. I LOVE them to death, however, they wanted to do everything with us. Their daughter was only 5 at the time though and I have 4 boys and a teen girl so we didn't want to do the same things and she didn't want to ride the same things. I kept encouraging them to take her to do some things she would like and we would meet up with them later, but they refused, wanting to stay with us.

It was stressful for me because I felt bad for my niece and because I felt like I had 3 additional people to be responsible for (they're all younger than DH and I and had never been to WDW where we had been a few times). I still feel guilty that she did not have a better trip, although we did try as much as possible to do things for her as well as my kids. They were happy with the trip, but as a Disney veteran I know they would have gotten much more out of it if we had split up.

 

[tralin]

What all the other posters said. I think if you explain that your neice really wants to do some princess things and a good time to do that is while they are at TH then you should be fine without any hurt feelings.

 

[chris31997]

A PP said it, friend has told you what she wants, tell her what you want. Tell her that you want to do Niece all up and give her something girly.

Friend may not even know that Niece wants or is into that concidering her DD is a tomboy.

I would keep the breakfast, and just plan something girly for Niece on another day and meet up with them latter.

 

[Claire&TheBoys]

It will definitely be a happier trip all around if you aren't all together 24/7. You can tell your friend that you're going to plan to do a different meal than TH so that your niece gets some 'princess time.' Nothing wrong with that! Even earlier in the trip, after they get familiar with the parks and how to get around, don't be afraid to split up one night - tell them, "Hey, you guys might want to stay late for EMH. We're going to take Niece back to the hotel for an early night. See you in the morning!" And don't feel bad about taking your time to exit the park and do a few things that she particularly wants to do on your way out.

As far as you guys watching her kids so she and her hubby can have a "date night," well, I don't see why anyone needs to watch 9-, 14- and 16-yr-olds. Surely she leaves them at home with the 16-yr-old supervising to go out for the evening. What's the difference? As long as the kids get along and the 16-yr-old is reasonably responsible, I would think they are OK on their own. Heck, by the time my kids are 14/16, I'll probably let them wander the parks together for a few hours without me and their dad. If you want to have some "girls' night out' fun, that's up to you.

You really need to have these conversations before you leave for your trip so you both know what to expect.

 

[dsneprincess]

Not just this time, but several times on this trip, plan time for just you and your family.

This!!! Don't feel guilty. It's your vacation too & your time with your niece. We have learned this the hard way.....don't let it ruin your vacation or friendship, you can always meet up got periods of time & go your own way at others!

I wouldn't want to waste my time/money on a breakfast that I really wouldn't eat. Tell them you are going to change the breakfast to BBB or Harmony Barber Shop & let your niece be a princess! I would also call the 407wdwdine number while we were together to change the number of people on the reservation AND to move the credit card hold to HER credit card, just in case they end up noshowing for some reason. I bet the reservation could be changed like this to avoid potential harg to you.

I know this will be a hard conversation to have, BUT you don't want to spend your vacation doing what someone else wants to do! Been there, done that, trust me, NEVER AGAIN!!!!

 

[foltzy]

We're going with a huge crowd (They're all family) and there will be 13 of us. My family has gone once before and the other 3 families have never been. We've told them point blank. We'd like to be in the same park with them, we'd like to do dinner with them (We do this once a week as it is so no biggie for us, except the logistics of 13 people at the same tables) but other than that they're on their own. My kids will be 6 and 8, my sister's kids will be 13 and 11 and 21, my oldest niece's daughter will be 1 and then we have my husband and I my sister and her wife, my niece's fiance, and my parents.

I say let her know you want some family time with just the 3 of you.

 

[Ccann]

2 years ago we went with my side of the family. My brother his DD10, My Sister her husband and 3 boys, 12, 11, 9, my Mom and then my DH, DS18mo, DD4. We ate Dinner every night together, although we were in the same park for the trip we didn't do the rides together. My mom took turns each day being with a different family, while we split up to do things age app. For our children. My brother and Sister stayed together just because their kids are the same age. There is a big gap with mine.
It's a must to have your ADR for the restaurants we did The Story Bookdinning, liberty Tree(which was one of my favs,) and 50s Cafe. We did three nights then did a cruise)

I love my family but there was no way we could do everything together to hard and complicated. We tried to do AK together the first day and my kids didn't experience anything that day. So we learned quickly to split up and regroup at dinner.

I would suggest to tell the family members who are always late that the ADR are 30 prior to what they really are. My brother was late one night and we had to wait over hr because they gave our table away. That or tell them your entire party is aleady here. 1 place we did two separate tables that was at story book dinning we were right next to each other and it felt like we were at the same table, but we weren't. Even the boys liked the princesses they liked taking their pictures with beautiful ladies.

It was important to my DH and I for just family time as well. My sister and brother also split up every once in a while. You just have to when traveling with a big group. We take a big family vacation almost every year, we know when we need a break when us older siblings are snapping at each other. Over the years we have learned to try to do something with just our kids and spouse at least every couple of days, it makes everything smoother. No one feelings are hurt if you just say we wanted to have some alone time with our family. There was even a night where my DH and I got to experience Disney alone together which was needed as well. My mom took the kids back to the resort.
Even away on vacation you need to balance or it will end up stressful and won't feel like a vacation at all.

 

[ClaireW]

Definitely make plans to spend time apart!
We took a trip last year with my parents and it's hard not to feel responsible for everyone's happiness the whole time, especially with first timers, and it can get a bit overwhelming!
In the end we left a couple of days free for my parents to do things by themselves and we did things just for our little DDs (like H and V breakfast whilst they went to Kennedy Space Centre). And on those days DMom picked out where they wanted to eat (by looking through the guide books, all ears, etc with me). And then all I had to do was let them make there own mistakes There were a couple of times when I offered a bit of advice, mom and dad had their own ideas and went with it and everyone was better for it!

With a mixed group I think you might really benefit from a whole day 'free' from one another, with no constraints on either party's time.
Hope that helped!

 

[ElenaRN]

We have gone on many vacations with large groups (WDW and other places).
We definitely do not stay together 24/7. With a large group it's hard to do and see everything everyone wants to do if you keep as a group.

I don't think it would be a big deal at all if you go to a different breakfast. Esp if you plan to eat all other meals together.

Even though you gave your CC, they only use that to hold the reservation. They won't charge the meal to your CC.

 

[PoohsBees]

I think you're upside down....rather than planning all the time together with short times apart- you should be planning two or three groups to be mostly separate with occaisional times to meet up.
The bottom line is: Disney is for the kids. You can't expect kids of those diverse ages to spend all their time together- they won't want to do the same things. If you have enough adults, the kids should each be allowed to make a list of what they most want to do- based on that, split them into groups based on interest. Plan a few times to meet up- but you've got to let the kids do what is fun for them or everyone will be miserable.
Don't feel bad that you want your niece to enjoy herself!! Isn't that the point of the trip?