What do most people do with a loved one's ashes?

[Luv'sTink]

I've always wondered for people that keep their loved ones in urns where they end up when there is nobody left in the family that knows them? I always think there is only 1 or 2 generations that would want them in their house.

This is what I have always wondered too.

When my nephew passed away at 26 quite unexpectedly, he was two months from being married and living in Colorado. His father and fiancée decided to split him and more. Part of him is in Colorado with his son and fiancée, part is here in WA. on his fathers mantel, part of him was made into jewelery, a piece for his step-mother, his two sisters and I think one for his fiancée.

To each there own; I think everyone should have a final resting place and I do not like that people can spread ashes...Just my own PERSONAL feeling.

 

[Pigeon]

When my father died he requested to be scattered in a lake in northern Ontario & to have a party...he died in January...lake frozen!
So the following summer we had a 'throw Dad in the Lake Party'...my father had a wicked sense of humor so would have love it. Dad paid for the booze & food and we took 3 cabin cruisers out onto the lake where we scattered his ashes with some roses, toasted him with whiskey, smoked cigars and then had a party...everyone kept saying 'Jim would have loved this'.

Now that's the sort of thing I want done. Big party, lots of good food and drink, and lots of laughter and good memories.

 

[js]

I have 4 cats on my mantle.

When I go, I want to be compressed into a gemstone.

I love this idea too but when I think about it, I worry if what if I get lost and my granddaughter had the jewelry or dd, etc. Then, they lost me. They would feel terrible forever.
I think I would like to be creamated and kept with familiy but I know once I was passed down, I wouldn't have that much sentimental meaning for great-great grandchildren and I worry I'll be tossed away LOL
I think I rather this then the ground.

 

[js]

I've always wondered for people that keep their loved ones in urns where they end up when there is nobody left in the family that knows them? I always think there is only 1 or 2 generations that would want them in their house.

ohhh, I just read this after my last post. I think the same thing.
I would want to be cremated but what happens once I get passed down. That is what worries me. Being lost as a gemstone also worries me
I love Disney and crusing but being in the water is not my idea of fun so coudn't throw my ashes overboard although a litle sprinkle at Disney wouldn't be dismissed

 

[snapppyd]

When my father died he requested to be scattered in a lake in northern Ontario & to have a party...he died in January...lake frozen!
So the following summer we had a 'throw Dad in the Lake Party'...my father had a wicked sense of humor so would have love it. Dad paid for the booze & food and we took 3 cabin cruisers out onto the lake where we scattered his ashes with some roses, toasted him with whiskey, smoked cigars and then had a party...everyone kept saying 'Jim would have loved this'.

This made me laugh and cry at the same time!

 

[apirateslifeforme]

I've always wondered for people that keep their loved ones in urns where they end up when there is nobody left in the family that knows them? I always think there is only 1 or 2 generations that would want them in their house.

That was my thought as well! I remember once telling my mother, "I don't want Grandpa to become the family heirloom! Handing him over to my own children, 'Here, kids, here's your great-grandfather, take good care of him!' "

 

[kirbsam]

not sure if this is normal or not, but i have heard of people smoking or snorting them. i believe that keith richards did thisl. hope this helps.

 

[FergieTCat]

... never mind ...

 

[MichelleinMaine]

Disneyfan, I am very sorry for your loss

The posts have shown that it's a very personal thing what folks do with ashes. Even within a family, there can be different ideas. It can change, too- your mom may need to have his ashes be near her for now and maybe will want to do something else down the road when she's at a different point in the grief process. If it bothers you to have them out, you may mention to her it would be easier on you if she kept them in her bed room (or other place) when you are there. She may not even realize you feel differently.

My grandfather was cremated and we then buried his remains in a cemetery. ("We", meaning the family and friends did the burying. Small country cemetery, base of a mountain and next to a river. It was beautiful. We all took turns digging. We were using grampa's shovel and it broke part way through. We all laughed hysterically as we figured he was getting his last joke in. {maybe you had to be there }) It was perfect for him.

My mother in law passed away last year, the only thing we knew is she had requested to be cremated. DH wanted her buried, BIL wanted to keep her on the mantel. It was Feb in MN, so it was a moot point then anyway. By summertime, BIL was ok with her being buried. Her urn was put in the same plot as her mother (traditional burial). That was very comforting to them everyone involved.

I'd love for mine to be scattered off the top of a mountain in the Alps. (If I go first) DH would rather have a traditional grave to go to. My second choice would be a family dug spot right next to my grampa. We have plenty of family plots there.

 

[Rora]

My husband's grandma keeps her husband's ashes on a bookshelf that has a shelf devoted to him- pictures, some of his things, etc.

 

[Kathi OD]

DFIL passed away in 1996 and was cremated.

DD (the oldest grandchild) started cleaning for DMIL about 4 years after DFIL died and came across his urn in the hall closet. She placed the urn on DMIL's mantle and told her that "it was time for grandpop to come out of the closet."

 

[mickeyboat]

Several of my grandparents were cremated and buried.

My FIL was cremated. His ashes stayed in a box on my entertainment center for about 7 months. We buried most of them, but kept a few out. We sprinkled some in a place he really liked, kept a few in a pretty box on our entertainment center, and blasted a bunch out of a canon.

 

[js]

I'll add my comment because it's different from everyone else. Our son's urn is in a fireproof safe in our laundry room. Dh got totally freaked out about "what if there were a fire?" and he feels better with the ashes there. I never wanted the urn to be sitting out (love the kid, but it just bothers me), so it works for me too.

So sorry. My mom lost her son, my brother. I can't say I know how you feel, but I am very sorry for the loss of your son. What a great idea your dh had to keep him safe with you at your home.

 

[Donnainnj]

My parents were planning a move to Hawaii when my Mom got sick and died. That was Dec 2003. April of 2004 My Dad, brothers, and my family went to Hawaii to deliver her ashes to my "Aunt", her best friend. Aunt Bobbe took them to all the places that Mom loved and spread her out. As she did she made up a little book of where she put her, with pictures of each location. Dad said he wants the same thing when he goes.
Donna

 

[ems_mom]

My MIL's passing was very sudden and all of us; her husband, many children and spouses, grandchildren and great grandchildren took it very hard.

My DFIL and the kids decided to scatter her ashes at a sunrise ceremony on the dunes in front of the beach home they had built 40 years earlier. Each person said a few words and scattered some ashes. It was a very emotional ceremony. But even now, a decade later, my DH takes comfort in the feeling that Mom is with us and around us in nature when we visit the family beach house.

 

[aprilgail2]

]

DH's family has their ashes put into urn & then in an urn vault which are put in a cemetery with a marker stone, just like if they were buried in a casket.

You would never know the difference.

My family has done this and also the cemetary has a special wall where the ashes go--the marble comes out and the ashes go in and the marble goe back on the front with the info etched on it. Honestly I thought that is what everyone did- never ever thought people kept those at home with them- I would not care to do that nor would I want my child keeping me in an urn in the house.

 

[sierranevada]

My dad passed away suddenly last year. He had also wanted his ashes to be spread in the ocean by the Golden Gate Bridge from my DH's sailboat so that is what we did. We also threw some peanut M & M's in for him - it was his favorite. We saved some and spread them at the larger memorial at his house in Texas around his yellow rose bushes - another favorite of his. I have a small box of them on my mantle next to his photo.

I had a close friend who lost her DD at age 24 to cancer. Not only did the loss hit her hard but all the DD's friends - they had a hard time losing someone so young. My friend has some of her ashes put in a garden gnome - think travelocity!. When her DD's friends have a special event - wedding, graduation, baby shower, etc., the gnome goes and has a place of honor. It has really helped her friends deal with the loss - they feel that DD can still be a part of their lives.

 

[disneybound2010]

When my DMom died, we each had a mini urn given to us inside of a heartshaped box. My uncle took a small portion of the ashes and had lockets made for us with her ashes sealed inside. The rest were scattered at a favorite spot she and my Dad used to share.


I'm very thankful my uncle had the lockets made up. A year after her death my Dsis left an abusive relationship and her ex took the small urn from her belongings. He taunted her with them, but we've never seen them again. The police told my Dsis that since they had been living together she couldn't PROVE that they weren't given to him At least she still has her locket and can feel like she has a part of Mom.

 

[godoftheWorld]

Weird thing, I just got the bad news last month, 3 to 5 years is the Nuerosureons prediction. I'm 42. My wife and I have already discussed it, my ashes are to be spread in the seven seas lagoon. I want some of my friends to rent a pontoon boat, have some drinks on a beautiful day and pour me in. I want it to be a party.

 

[MNdisneymom]

My 14 year old dog (Gus) died in late June. I have his ashes in a lovely urn along with a paw print that the vet's office made.

My father died unexectedly in late October. His urn is interred in a niche in a mausoleum. (In a weird turn, the best space was two above his cousin, and just around the corner from his father, who died before I was born. Weird, but cool!) We kept a small container of his ashes though...

This summer at our lake cabin (my dad's family has been going to the same lake since before he was born) we are going to take both my dad and Gus out for one last pontoon boat ride and sprinkle their ashes then. They were truly the best of friends and loved being out on the water in the boat. I miss them both very much, and this is the best way to honor our memories of both of them.