What do most people do with a loved one's ashes?

[Mrs.Toad]

We scattered my mom's ashes at sea, through the Neptune Society, who coincidentally has an ad showing up at the bottom of this thread right now! I love it because I feel like I'm with her whenever I'm near the ocean, even if it's thousands of miles away from the spot we scattered her.

It was my mother's request, though. Since your dad didn't make a request, I think it's up to your mom to do whatever brings her comfort.

 

[charming23]

My mom keeps my dad's ashes on his old dresser in their bedroom since he passed in June of 2009. We both have no clue what to do with them as he never specified anything. Well before his heart operation in 2001 he did tell me, if he did not make it, to spead him in the litter box since our cat at the time walked all over him in life why should death be any different.

She keeps his glasses on top of the box and his little stuffed dog I gave him one father's day. One day she will figure out what she wants done and I will support her decision.

 

[antmaril]

My husband passed away in 2008. His ashes are in a niche in a mausoleum at the cemetery. When I pass, my ashes will be put there with his.

 

[bellebud]

of course your mom has to decide this in her own time.

I recently told my dh if I die (especially "early"), I want to be cremated and scattered in DW, in different places around the castle so I can see it. He was joking about Shawshank Redemption (I think that was the movie) where they guy puts the dirt in his pants and casually walks around w/ it falling out. He said he'd do that in DW, but I said NO, I'll be swept up by the street cleaning machine and put in the garbage! (what are men thinking???) We were laughing!! I told him to put me in various plantings. I think he'd do it.

My main purpose is... I don't want my children to have a place, like a grave, they feel obligated to come "see" me. I'd rather them carry around a picture and always remember me that way. Just my personal feelings. Graves are comforting in some ways, but very hard in other ways.

 

[apirateslifeforme]

My grandfather died in 1998. He actually told us, "I want to be cremated, then just flush me" We ended up keeping his ashes in the TV cabinet in his old bedroom - along with his pipe, ashtray, and silver lighter.

My grandmother followed in 2007. We then put her ashes in the cabinet next to Grandpa. Then we (my mother and I) debated on what to do. We live in CT, but my family is from Illinois...we weren't sure if we were going to stay in CT at that point, so we didn't want to bury the ashes here and "leave them behind."

One of my uncles in Illinois asked for a bit of my grandfather in 2006; he scattered those ashes in Jackson Park, where Grandpa had played as a child. Another uncle, in Georgia, asked for a little bit of both of them. The funeral home took a small bit of each, packaged them, and shipped them down. Apparently my uncle has a small urn for each displayed on his mantel.

Now, for the rest of them...a cousin of mine (their only grandson) passed away in January 2009 at age 32. Having been a Marine, he was buried in a veteran's cemetery in Illinois. Grandpa had also been a World War II Marine...so my other uncle (the father of the deceased) arranged for a columbarium burial for my grandparents. So they are now interred in a wall near their grandson's grave. I'm glad that they are all together.

 

[BKMETV]

When my father died he requested to be scattered in a lake in northern Ontario & to have a party...he died in January...lake frozen!
So the following summer we had a 'throw Dad in the Lake Party'...my father had a wicked sense of humor so would have love it. Dad paid for the booze & food and we took 3 cabin cruisers out onto the lake where we scattered his ashes with some roses, toasted him with whiskey, smoked cigars and then had a party...everyone kept saying 'Jim would have loved this'.

 

[jodifla]

My mom picked up my dad's ashes from the funeral home a few weeks ago.

The wooden box (urn) is just sitting at my mom's house on the floor next to the couch. What do most people do with a loved one's ashes? I don't like the thought of someone's ashes being in the house. I don't really have a good reason other than it makes me feel uncomfortable and overwhelmingly sad.
I know some people scatter the ashes at favorite places. My dad never specified what we should do with the ashes. I don't really want to bring it up to my mom because she is still having a very difficult time adjusting to her "new life" without my dad. The sudden death is still a shock to her.

I don't want her to feel sad all the time. I don't know if having his ashes there makes it worse for her. I don't even want to go near the box. I don't really handle death well, so I may be making more out of it.

I guess I'm just looking for opinions on what is normal.

My Dad was a WWII Marine and wanted to be buried at sea. There is a group in Florida called the Neptune Society, and they handled the cremation and resting of his final remains at sea.

 

[I loveStitchnippyjon]

When I'm gone, cremate me and toss my ashes into the wind. I do NOT want to be mixed with anyone...other than maybe my dog. He's the best.

So glad you brought this up! My family knows that I want to be cremated and put into a nice urn on the shelf to keep an eye on things
However, lately I have been thinking about having my little dog's ashes mixed with mine, but I didn't know if that would sound crazy to everyone else! Maybe I'll bring it up at a time when I don't think the family will respond with hysterical laughter.....

 

[malibuconlee]

My mother's ashes sit in my step-dad's living room. When his time comes the plans are to bury her urn in his casket.

 

[HelenePA]

I have 4 cats on my mantle.

When I go, I want to be compressed into a gemstone.

what do you want done with the rest of you. It only takes a tiny amount for a gemstone to be made...

I have both my mom and dad on top of my computer center... they are hanging out until I figure out what to do with them... no complaints so far. My mom has been here 6 years my dad just about 3. My mom did not want to be buried at all.. Dont think she'd want to be a reef, gemstone, shot in a firework (afraid of heights) or shot into space (I am thinking of doing this with my dad he'd have loved it)... but then what to do with the rest..

 

[Minnesota!]

I am sorry for your loss.

DH's ashes are scattered in the Pacific Ocean. We had services as sea. But I did have the funeral home put some ashes in an enclosed mini urn. It's about three inches tall and is painted a beautiful blue with seagulls on it. I keep it on the kitchen counter. I pick it up and kiss it and talk to him almost daily. I don't find it freaky at all, it brings me comfort actually. Your mom has to do what eases her grieving. I know how hard it is.

I love love love this idea!

Thanks. I intend to have my ashes placed there as well. This is her reef. I love all the life it's supporting, and it makes me feel peaceful to think of there.

Beautiful! Can I ask - how deep is the reef? Is it something you can take a boat out and see? And, if possible, do you have a link to the thread on this story?

 

[Juliegirl1]

We scattered my grandmother's ashes in a bluebonnet field in the spring - her request - then when my mom passed we did the same thing. Mom's theory was that at least we would come visit her once a year. Bluebonnets are gorgeous in the spring in Texas and we go visit mom and grandma every year.

My other grandmother we scattered in the Gulf of Mexico in the water right in front of her beach house. My grandfather was scattered over his favorite fishing hole. I'll probably go in the bluebonnets too because I don't want anyone to get into trouble scattering me at Disney. My dad wants to be scattered in Colorado.

 

[pixiefairy]

My uncle passed away in February of 2007. He was the first of the brothers and sisters in my mom's family to pass away, and was relatively young, had no wife or children. His ashes were passed from one sibling to the next for awhile, and this past labor day, the decision was made to cast his ashes at one of my other uncle's houses where my uncle John spent a lot of time fishing. Each of us, my aunts, uncles and a few cousins, took turns out on the pier on the creek, said good bye and cast our ashes in the wind. Each of us took a little bit to bring with us, so he'll be with all of us, always. My husband took pictures of us doing this, and they turned out beautiful...and the sunset after was gorgeous. I have a photo of the creek and the sunset, and the bench my grandpa and my uncle used to sit on while watching the fishing poles..I swear, I can almost see them there.

My stepdad's mom had requested her ashes be scattered over the gravesites of her family, so that is what we did with her. My aunt's boyfriend's daughter passed of an accidental drug overdose and hers have been in my aunt's house, in a beautiful vase, since then. She keeps asking him to make a decision, that it's not fair to keep her there, but he likes having her there. I'm not sure how I'd feel...but what we did with my uncle was fitting to him. He can spend all his time in a place he loved and hang out with the rest of us. He helped raise me, gave me his love of music and was one of my favorite people.

 

[Gigi22]

Since he died in late Nov., we wound up keeping my FIL's ashes in a very nice oak box in our linen closet for several months, until we could arrange a burial for them. MIL wanted a burial.

 

[PigletsPal2]

I've asked to be mixed with the Diamond Dust and sprinkled on the mound at Camden Yards. Probably isn't going to happen, but DD#1 says she's saving money to pay any necessary bribes...

Queen Colleen

 

[ThePetLady7]

My 3 siblings and I divided our mom up among us. She had a collection of bird statues, and the funeral home offered a service of drilling a hole, placing the ashes inside, then resealing the object of choice. We each selected an item from her collection, and a little of her is inside each one. Mine is 2 doves with their wings outstretched. I had never heard of this before, now I've told my kids to put me in my Tinker Bell statues when I go.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

DH's family has their ashes put into urn & then in an urn vault which are put in a cemetery with a marker stone, just like if they were buried in a casket.

You would never know the difference.

 

[dicar123]

I'll add my comment because it's different from everyone else. Our son's urn is in a fireproof safe in our laundry room. Dh got totally freaked out about "what if there were a fire?" and he feels better with the ashes there. I never wanted the urn to be sitting out (love the kid, but it just bothers me), so it works for me too.

 

[Kasmooth]

I've always wondered for people that keep their loved ones in urns where they end up when there is nobody left in the family that knows them? I always think there is only 1 or 2 generations that would want them in their house.

 

[hereyago]

Thanks. I intend to have my ashes placed there as well. This is her reef. I love all the life it's supporting, and it makes me feel peaceful to think of there.

Ember: I remember your thread about this. It is beautiful. I am swaying toward that way after seeing your thread. I love the water and the life in it and that is where I would want to be as well.