What are your thoughts on asking for books in lieu of cards for a baby shower?

[aprilgail]

Would someone please enlighten me about a “diaper raffle”? I’ve never heard the term before this thread.

Basically just another way to get more gifts out of people. Its where you bring diapers and you get a raffle ticket in exchange for the diapers and you can get picked to win some lame prize.

 

[ronandannette]

Basically just another way to get more gifts out of people. Its where you bring diapers and you get a raffle ticket in exchange for the diapers and you can get picked to win some lame prize.

Hmmm, that does seem lame. Often I give diapers as my shower gift. I wouldn’t be up for a book, diapers and something else in addition.

 

[disneychrista]

I’ve finally found a positive to not having a social circle/friends - no showers (baby, wedding/bridal, etc.) to attend.

 

[gwynne]

Basically just another way to get more gifts out of people. Its where you bring diapers and you get a raffle ticket in exchange for the diapers and you can get picked to win some lame prize.

Oh my.
Is this a common thing now, or is it pretty unusual?

 

[luvsJack]

Any shower given in any way is going to be seen as a gift grab by some. I swear, if I had the attitude some people do about gifts, I would just not ever give gifts at all .

When I was pregnant with dd, I was taking an extended class for child care. The large group of women gave me a shower. They did do the books in lieu of cards which was great. But they made it clear that the book could be new, used and even one from their own collection. Since it was a group of child care professionals, most had their own collections of children's books. So the book could cost a little, a lot or be free. Then later at the shower my sister gave me, my family did the same thing (they didn't put it on the invite but mom, sis, sisters in law, etc all liked the idea).

DD has the book my Mom gave me, and she cherishes it because of the message Mom wrote (Mom has since passed). Her favorite of all the books is The Giving Tree. Its put away for now until she has children.

 

[Summer2018]

22 years ago at my baby shower, I got a beautiful greeting card from everyone...many had handwritten notes from people who are no longer alive. I saved them and added them to the many other keepsakes in my daughter's time capsule that she opened on her 21st birthday. When she opened the time capsule, these cards with their well-wishes and beautiful sentiments had our family in tears.

I received most of my gifts from my baby registry. I also received diapers and other baby toiletries as stand-alone gifts. The different brands gave me the opportunity to see what worked best for us: Huggies or Pampers diapers, Dove soap, and Triple Paste diaper rash cream. The other diapers and rash creams that didn't really work were donated to a women's shelter.

We received many book sets as stand-alone gifts. As a teacher, I had already started a book collection for her, just as I have for my future grandchildren.

Back then, it was traditional to have only one shower unless there was a major gap between babies, enough of a gap that the crib was either gone or years later was considered unsafe and had been recalled.

I think for my daughter, we will go the traditional route. She won't need books, because Grandma has already provided. She will want to choose her own diapers and toiletries especially since she had eczema as a baby and many allergies. Everything will need to be unscented and gentle. So, people can buy a greeting card or not, and they can shop from her registry or not as they choose.

All that I know is that I will be thrilled to be a Grandmother one day. The details of the shower are frivolous in comparison to the New Life.

 

[cinnaminny]

I asked for books. I had purchased myself all the things I needed. I had lost a pregnancy at 20 weeks before my last one so I had a few pregnancies to collect things.

 

[BadgerGirl84]

I pretty much dislike anything that dictactes that the guest must bring a particular item as part of a gift to a party. But of all the things I heard, I don’t mind this one. I didn’t do this at my baby shower (didn’t feel like demanding guests bring a book instead of a card) but have attended plenty of baby showers that had this.

 

[mjkacmom]

I pretty much dislike anything that dictactes that the guest must bring a particular item as part of a gift to a party. But of all the things I heard, I don’t mind this one. I didn’t do this at my baby shower (didn’t feel like demanding guests bring a book instead of a card) but have attended plenty of baby showers that had this.

Why the word demand? And the guest of honor doesn’t ask for anything because she is not hosting the shower. The book thing is just a suggestion, and the wording lets folks know it can be used, so actually cheaper than a card. I’d have no problem not even bringing a book and just using a gift tag if I didn’t get around to finding one.

 

[amberpi]

I think this is lovely. I may buy a book for all showers going forward.

 

[alexdiane]

I think that's a great idea. I feel like cards sometimes get lost and end up in the trash, honestly.

 

[RangerPooh]

I've never seen it but think that it's a much better idea.

 

[HopperFan]

Slightly O/T, but has anyone noticed a trend that woman are having baby showers for each baby these days? When did that start? A baby shower is meant to help the new mom and dad set up and have the necessities for a baby. Unless 10 years or more have passed, there should be no need for a baby shower after each kid.

I have seen this for many years, and not only each child but multiple showers for each child .... friends group, Mom's friends group, work group .....

I had no bridal showers, and no showers for my first two (boys). My sister demanded I have one for baby three because it was a girl and she felt I needed pink stuff. I allowed it with only about 12 very close people because I needed nothing but maybe a few pink outfits. My reasoning is the expectation by most I've ever known consider the shower gift ... a "pre-gift" and at wedding or birth another gift is expected to follow. This bothers me.

Yes, I consider it my gift. If I've attended a shower, I will not give something else once the baby is born although customarily here showers are held after the arrival. If there hasn't been a shower or I've not been invited, I'll make sure my gift gets to the family at some point.

It's not uncommon here nor is it seen as a breech of etiquette. A shower is a celebration of new baby by people who love the family. What's the problem? Do you ever give a baby gift to friends or family members when #2, #3 or whatever arrives? Instead would you just think "I gave them something for their first; they can just re-use that."?

See I consider a shower gift the baby gift as well, or like you I deliver after ............. but most I have been around for decades don't follow that thought. They expect two gifts. So to go to repeated showers for each kid also means multiple gifts for each kid. And by baby 2, 3 they really don't need much except for diaper supplies or a few outfits.

Basically just another way to get more gifts out of people. Its where you bring diapers and you get a raffle ticket in exchange for the diapers and you can get picked to win some lame prize.

So like the lottery, if I don't want the prize I don't have to buy the ticket so ........ diapers are totally optional ... I'm okay with that if it's clear it's a "game of chance" if you want to play.

I asked for books. I had purchased myself all the things I needed. I had lost a pregnancy at 20 weeks before my last one so I had a few pregnancies to collect things.

Now I do love the idea of a themed shower that is to provide a specific type of item that would be remembered later as special - and the event can be totally planned around it ~ "Build a Library" is a great idea.

Why the word demand? And the guest of honor doesn’t ask for anything because she is not hosting the shower. The book thing is just a suggestion, and the wording lets folks know it can be used, so actually cheaper than a card. I’d have no problem not even bringing a book and just using a gift tag if I didn’t get around to finding one.

The invites I have received made it a very prominent request. A gift from registry and a book with a message inside were expected. They were not worded that it was just a sweet add on if you want .... I was instructed what I was to bring. My DS was invited to a couple shower where he was told exactly what to go buy ... he declined the invite. I feel like the event of celebrating something has taken a back seat to the gifts ... and that is sad.


QUESTION: Has anyone encountered this at showers ............. when you arrive you place your gift in "the spot" which is normal but then you go to a table and fill out your own thank you note and address the envelope? I mean it explains why I haven't gotten thank yous at several weddings .... I guess I never saw the table to send it to myself.

 

[sailorstitch]

Considering I work in the book industry and people buying physical books keeps me employed... I LOVE THIS IDEA!

 

[mom2rtk]

Specifying a book instead of a card seems like an escalation of what is expected as a gift. I'd be put off by that. Just saying we're hoping you'll bring a book to help build the baby's library would be fine so people could choose to bring a book AS the gift. Many will still bring something else, but you would open yourself up to some bringing just a book.

 

[mjkacmom]

I have seen this for many years, and not only each child but multiple showers for each child .... friends group, Mom's friends group, work group .....

I had no bridal showers, and no showers for my first two (boys). My sister demanded I have one for baby three because it was a girl and she felt I needed pink stuff. I allowed it with only about 12 very close people because I needed nothing but maybe a few pink outfits. My reasoning is the expectation by most I've ever known consider the shower gift ... a "pre-gift" and at wedding or birth another gift is expected to follow. This bothers me.



See I consider a shower gift the baby gift as well, or like you I deliver after ............. but most I have been around for decades don't follow that thought. They expect two gifts. So to go to repeated showers for each kid also means multiple gifts for each kid. An by baby 2, 3 they really don't need much except for diaper supplies or a few outfits.



So like the lottery, if I don't want the prize I don't have to buy the ticket so ........ diapers are totally optional ... I'm okay with that if it's clear it's a "game of chance" if you want to play.



Now I do love the idea of a themed shower that is to provide a specific type of item that would be remembered later as special - and the event can be totally planned around it ~ "Build a Library" is a great idea.



The invites I have received made it a very prominent request. A gift from registry and a book with a message inside were expected. They were not worded that it was just a sweet add on if you want .... I was instructed what I was to bring. My DS was invited to a couple shower where he was told exactly what to go buy ... he declined the invite. I feel like the event of celebrating something has taken a back seat to the gifts ... and that is sad.


QUESTION: Has anyone encountered this at showers ............. when you arrive you place your gift in "the spot" which is normal but then you go to a table and fill out your own thank you note and address the envelope? I mean it explains why I haven't gotten thank yous at several weddings .... I guess I never saw the table to send it to myself.

The number one purpose of showers are to give gifts to the new mother or new bride, they are really not focused on the celebration of new life or a new marriage (those would be meet the baby parties, engagement parties, and weddings. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Baby_shower

 

[Allison]

At first I thought this meant basically a book shower. My card is usually the tag on the gift bag or something very simple.

 

[HopperFan]

The number one purpose of showers are to give gifts to the new mother or new bride, they are really not focused on the celebration of new life or a new marriage (those would be meet the baby parties, engagement parties, and weddings. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Baby_shower

That link is conflicted as it starts out "A baby shower is a party of gift-giving or a ceremony that had different names in different cultures. It celebrates the delivery or expected birth of a child or the transformation of a woman into a mother."

But if it means gifts to most then I'm really glad I didn't do the shower route ... I'm not about gift gathering. In regards to babies .... I have never (and I'm not young) heard of a "meet the baby party" .... I've lived up north and in the south. I've heard of christenings followed by parties but often that is the first time many meet a baby. And folks bring a christening gift ... which often is not practical baby gifts. Even seeing "meet the baby party" the first thing I though was Simba being presented to all the animals on Pride Rock.

Funny is if you follow wedding threads on here, they are very focused on the gifts and the expectation that hundreds of dollars are the minimum to give. Like I said I'm not young, I've been to lots of weddings, birthdays etc ..... and hosted many as well. When I host I provide everything with no expectation that someone bring a gift ... and I don't care because all the events are a celebration of a person or event, gifts are not important. I invite people I want to celebrate with .... I don't see it as a gift = cost of attending.

I do enjoy these kinds of posts as I get to see others point of view and expectations. It also explains some things I've experienced that I was questioning. It is good to know what others expect from guests and helps me make decisions about attending.

 

[bethbuchall]

I like the idea overall, but I also have a small circle of friends and family, so I'm invited to very few showers and only for people that I really love and really want to shower with gifts. I am a preschool teacher, so I tend to buy a book or two to add to my gift for a baby shower anyway. I've only been to one that asked for a book instead of a card. I usually make cards instead of buying them, so the book instead saved me time, though I made a card for when the baby was born. The only problem that I had with the concept was worrying about buying a book that may be a duplicate, triplicate, etc. and then writing a message in the book. (But I have a tendency to overthink things, so many others probably wouldn't stress over that.) I think I solved that for myself by writing the message on paper and putting it into the book. They could glue it in if they really wanted it in the book, but the book was undamaged if they wanted to donate or return it.

 

[Summer2018]

My friend who had the shower with the registry gifts, books, and diapers also had a work shower. She teaches down the hall from me, so all of us who are her closest work friends threw her a shower. It’s a tradition in our school to do this. Anyway, we all bought decorations and food for the shower. Some of our colleagues donated food as well. We passed around a card with an envelope for cash donations. We all added cash to the envelope so that we could get her a decent amount on a gift card.

All of us work friends also attended her other shower happily. She was really grateful to us for being so generous.

I happen to teach in a school with a lot of young teachers. We have wedding and baby showers all of the time. There’s always an envelope and a card coming around for one thing or another. Just in the last two years, we have had 8 babies born, one adoption, and 5 weddings. It can get pretty expensive.