What are your thoughts on asking for books in lieu of cards for a baby shower?

[nkereina]

I don't have anything against the idea, but will be honest - as a baby shower attendee, with no kids of my own, this was a slight hassle for me in my own experience. I'm the type who will order a registry gift online and usually pick up a 50 cent card at the Dollar Tree. To give a book also means I need to make an extra stop or an extra purchase from somewhere else online. And I don't know the first thing about kids' books - is this age appropriate so they're not waiting years to look at it? Is this popular and three other people will get it? I'm sure I was overthinking, but this is just what crossed my mind. I did comply with the request and it's a fine idea, but did require that extra step.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I like the idea overall, but I also have a small circle of friends and family, so I'm invited to very few showers and only for people that I really love and really want to shower with gifts. I am a preschool teacher, so I tend to buy a book or two to add to my gift for a baby shower anyway. I've only been to one that asked for a book instead of a card. I usually make cards instead of buying them, so the book instead saved me time, though I made a card for when the baby was born. The only problem that I had with the concept was worrying about buying a book that may be a duplicate, triplicate, etc. and then writing a message in the book. (But I have a tendency to overthink things, so many others probably wouldn't stress over that.) I think I solved that for myself by writing the message on paper and putting it into the book. They could glue it in if they really wanted it in the book, but the book was undamaged if they wanted to donate or return it.

Yeah I had the concern about duplicates but the truth is card or book it's just as likely you'll get a duplicate. We for sure got duplicate wedding cards from wedding guests--which was a bit funny when you're opening the 3rd duplicate card lol. But in all honesty who it is from makes it special and if they have a handwritten note makes it special. To me that's what counted.

 

[luvsJack]

That link is conflicted as it starts out "A baby shower is a party of gift-giving or a ceremony that had different names in different cultures. It celebrates the delivery or expected birth of a child or the transformation of a woman into a mother."

But if it means gifts to most then I'm really glad I didn't do the shower route ... I'm not about gift gathering. In regards to babies .... I have never (and I'm not young) heard of a "meet the baby party" .... I've lived up north and in the south. I've heard of christenings followed by parties but often that is the first time many meet a baby. And folks bring a christening gift ... which often is not practical baby gifts. Even seeing "meet the baby party" the first thing I though was Simba being presented to all the animals on Pride Rock.

Funny is if you follow wedding threads on here, they are very focused on the gifts and the expectation that hundreds of dollars are the minimum to give. Like I said I'm not young, I've been to lots of weddings, birthdays etc ..... and hosted many as well. When I host I provide everything with no expectation that someone bring a gift ... and I don't care because all the events are a celebration of a person or event, gifts are not important. I invite people I want to celebrate with .... I don't see it as a gift = cost of attending.

I do enjoy these kinds of posts as I get to see others point of view and expectations. It also explains some things I've experienced that I was questioning. It is good to know what others expect from guests and helps me make decisions about attending.

I live in the south and I have been to "Meet the Baby" gatherings. Some brunches, some are luncheons, some are afternoon tea type things. Some are backyard bbqs. No one is "presenting the baby" like Simba. But for some families, its their first chance to see the baby. And it used to be Mom's first social event (or family gathering) since having the baby. Usually at the end of the 6 week period that Moms used to be told to keep the baby in. (I am guessing all of that has changed now but just where the tradition comes from)

Only some faiths have Christenings so this would sort of replace that. Actually a gathering to meet the baby is more common here than a Christening.

The whole point of a shower is to "shower" the parents or couple with gifts for their new life or new baby. Its the very definition of the things.

But most gatherings are not really "gift focused". Just because gifts are traditional, doesn't mean they are the focus.

Not sure where the tradition of even giving a wedding gift (in addition to the shower gift) even comes from. But I have never been to a wedding that was "gift focused". In fact its usually some little side table way over in a corner, with something to put cards/checks in, that no one really sees that is the designated place for gifts so not the focus at all.

Birthday presents has just always been a part of birthday parties. But its not like a gift is required. In fact, I have never been to any event in my life where a gift was required. In days of us not having money, my kids and I went to plenty of parties empty handed or with just a card. Our family and friends were just happy we were there, just as we would be in a reverse situation.

 

[luvsJack]

I don't have anything against the idea, but will be honest - as a baby shower attendee, with no kids of my own, this was a slight hassle for me in my own experience. I'm the type who will order a registry gift online and usually pick up a 50 cent card at the Dollar Tree. To give a book also means I need to make an extra stop or an extra purchase from somewhere else online. And I don't know the first thing about kids' books - is this age appropriate so they're not waiting years to look at it? Is this popular and three other people will get it? I'm sure I was overthinking, but this is just what crossed my mind. I did comply with the request and it's a fine idea, but did require that extra step.

Nope. the Dollar Tree has books too. Or our's does anyway. And it doesn't matter if its a little old for the child, in fact, its best if there are books from different age groups.

 

[mjkacmom]

I live in the south and I have been to "Meet the Baby" gatherings. Some brunches, some are luncheons, some are afternoon tea type things. Some are backyard bbqs. No one is "presenting the baby" like Simba. But for some families, its their first chance to see the baby. And it used to be Mom's first social event (or family gathering) since having the baby. Usually at the end of the 6 week period that Moms used to be told to keep the baby in. (I am guessing all of that has changed now but just where the tradition comes from)

Only some faiths have Christenings so this would sort of replace that. Actually a gathering to meet the baby is more common here than a Christening.

The whole point of a shower is to "shower" the parents or couple with gifts for their new life or new baby. Its the very definition of the things.

But most gatherings are not really "gift focused". Just because gifts are traditional, doesn't mean they are the focus.

Not sure where the tradition of even giving a wedding gift (in addition to the shower gift) even comes from. But I have never been to a wedding that was "gift focused". In fact its usually some little side table way over in a corner, with something to put cards/checks in, that no one really sees that is the designated place for gifts so not the focus at all.

Birthday presents has just always been a part of birthday parties. But its not like a gift is required. In fact, I have never been to any event in my life where a gift was required. In days of us not having money, my kids and I went to plenty of parties empty handed or with just a card. Our family and friends were just happy we were there, just as we would be in a reverse situation.

Dd had a friend’s graduation part, about 70 kids. Some gave gifts, some gave cash, some gave cards, some gave nothing. The party was NOT about the gifts at all.

 

[Boardwalk Jedi]

I like it

 

[Floridaman999]

A friend of mine went to court for a traffic infraction. The judge gave him a fine and court costs. He spoke up and declared that he would pay either the fine or the court costs, but for the judge to ask for both seemed a bit gift grabby in his opinion. The judge was not happy with his opinion at all. Needless to say, he gave both gifts to the clerk on his way out.

 

[MrsPete]

Slightly O/T, but has anyone noticed a trend that woman are having baby showers for each baby these days? When did that start? A baby shower is meant to help the new mom and dad set up and have the necessities for a baby. Unless 10 years or more have passed, there should be no need for a baby shower after each kid.

Yeah, it's kinda "grabby". Of course the people nearest the new mother will give gifts when the baby arrives, but traditionally showers are a celebration of the woman becoming a mother ... the gifts are things she'll use. It's not a slight to a second baby, but she's only crossing the threshold into mother hood once.

My best friend didn't want to know the gender so they did gender neutral but in terms of clothing gender neutral still typically means boys section when you're buying.

When I found out my niece was expecting, I wanted to pick up something small for her ... and she wouldn't know the gender for a while yet. Except for plain white onesies, I really couldn't find anything. Yellow and green seem to have disappeared from the world of baby clothes ... and even the white or gray (gray is so popular these days) either had lace or other boy-girl hints. I can't say I searched extensively.

I did go to a baby shower where they asked everyone to bring a bit of fabric to be made into a quilt

What a cute idea ... for the right person, of course.

Considering I work in the book industry and people buying physical books keeps me employed... I LOVE THIS IDEA!

Though I'm a dedicated Kindle reader, children NEED physical books.

 

[mom2rtk]

Yeah I had the concern about duplicates but the truth is card or book it's just as likely you'll get a duplicate. We for sure got duplicate wedding cards from wedding guests--which was a bit funny when you're opening the 3rd duplicate card lol. But in all honesty who it is from makes it special and if they have a handwritten note makes it special. To me that's what counted.

Does anyone really care if they get duplicate cards though?

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Does anyone really care of they get duplicate cards though?

IDK does anyone really care if they get duplicate books for these purposes when you're requested to make a personal note inside of it? I think it goes with the territory of the nature of the request. Some books are considered essential/timeless/classic--seems like if you go the route of book in lieu of cards you accept that you're likely to get at least some duplicates. However, each book, even if a duplicate, then becomes unique with a special message from the recipient (just like a card could/would be). If I actually truly cared about getting duplicate books I wouldn't go the route of books in lieu of cards.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

When I found out my niece was expecting, I wanted to pick up something small for her ... and she wouldn't know the gender for a while yet. Except for plain white onesies, I really couldn't find anything. Yellow and green seem to have disappeared from the world of baby clothes ... and even the white or gray (gray is so popular these days) either had lace or other boy-girl hints. I can't say I searched extensively.

I was able to find stuff this past October for my best friend. I do think color combination wise yellow paired with gray seems to be quite popular but I see that all across home decor. I hear what you're saying though.

 

[Kitty 34]

Haven't read the entire thread but my sister did a Book themed shower for my first grandson. It was really cute. She had areas of food with book themes....for example she had muffins for the book If you gave a Moose a Muffin and another one was a bowl of cheddar goldfish for the One Fish, Two Fish book. It was very cute. Everyone gave a book with something written in it. One lady whom my sister knew and invited had just had a children's book published which was very special. I could ask my son but I really don't think there were any duplicates.

 

[HopperFan]

I live in the south and I have been to "Meet the Baby" gatherings. Some brunches, some are luncheons, some are afternoon tea type things. Some are backyard bbqs. No one is "presenting the baby" like Simba. But for some families, its their first chance to see the baby. And it used to be Mom's first social event (or family gathering) since having the baby. Usually at the end of the 6 week period that Moms used to be told to keep the baby in. (I am guessing all of that has changed now but just where the tradition comes from)

Only some faiths have Christenings so this would sort of replace that. Actually a gathering to meet the baby is more common here than a Christening.

The whole point of a shower is to "shower" the parents or couple with gifts for their new life or new baby. Its the very definition of the things.

But most gatherings are not really "gift focused". Just because gifts are traditional, doesn't mean they are the focus.

Not sure where the tradition of even giving a wedding gift (in addition to the shower gift) even comes from. But I have never been to a wedding that was "gift focused". In fact its usually some little side table way over in a corner, with something to put cards/checks in, that no one really sees that is the designated place for gifts so not the focus at all.

Birthday presents has just always been a part of birthday parties. But its not like a gift is required. In fact, I have never been to any event in my life where a gift was required. In days of us not having money, my kids and I went to plenty of parties empty handed or with just a card. Our family and friends were just happy we were there, just as we would be in a reverse situation.

I think we can all agree that every family/culture/religion/region does things different. I am more than old enough to be a grandma but I have never ever heard of a meet the baby party. As the joke seems to go I was "today old" when I found out about this. And, I will admit I don't get it. If people are close to the family with the baby they likely have met or seen them so I don't get the party ... which usually ends up with gifts involved.

My reference to weddings was from right here on Disboards. Hit any wedding thread and folks seem appalled if you don't give at least $100 per person to go ... to pay for the cost of inviting you. They make it sound like if you don't pay up you shouldn't be going. And if that is the thought process, I have no issue with not going and sending a smaller gift in a congrats card.

It sounds like your events are not gift focused, and neither are ours. But all you have to do is read DIS and other forums to find one of the biggest discussions is the gifts one gives for milestones. If it wasn't a big deal it wouldn't get discussed.

Again, I am glad to find these discussions ... it honestly helps me understand current events and expectations for guests.

Dd had a friend’s graduation part, about 70 kids. Some gave gifts, some gave cash, some gave cards, some gave nothing. The party was NOT about the gifts at all.

My kids had two graduation parties ... one with close family which DH insisted on (and for Grandparents) and one was friends party. No gifts were expected at all, but most family gave them something like $25. The kids parties were small and I think a couple kids brought them something funny but no gift was expected. My kids invited very few people to each party because ............ around here an invite/announcement equates to a gift. We have gotten so many graduation announcements because the kids/families are looking for that check in the mail. Even my Mom got some from kids not related to her and she hadn't seen since they were small. I told her to throw them away. Birthday parties around here ... don't even think about going without a nice gift.

I'm not trying to say everyone is looking for gifts, just that it is the center of many discussions as if it is the most important part and the obligations are large, sometimes way out of my comfort zone. And from personal experience they seem to be the center of each gathering. Maybe it's where I live, or maybe I'm the odd one.

Haven't read the entire thread but my sister did a Book themed shower for my first grandson. It was really cute. She had areas of food with book themes....for example she had muffins for the book If you gave a Moose a Muffin and another one was a bowl of cheddar goldfish for the One Fish, Two Fish book. It was very cute. Everyone gave a book with something written in it. One lady whom my sister knew and invited had just had a children's book published which was very special. I could ask my son but I really don't think there were any duplicates.

Absolutely love this as the theme of the party, with people bringing books as their main gift and love that she carried it throughout with the food etc. That is my kind of party, love themed ones. There are lots of different themes that can be done and it be so cute.

 

[Allison]

Haven't read the entire thread but my sister did a Book themed shower for my first grandson. It was really cute. She had areas of food with book themes....for example she had muffins for the book If you gave a Moose a Muffin and another one was a bowl of cheddar goldfish for the One Fish, Two Fish book. It was very cute. Everyone gave a book with something written in it. One lady whom my sister knew and invited had just had a children's book published which was very special. I could ask my son but I really don't think there were any duplicates.

So, were the gifts requested to be books or was it a gift plus a book in place of a card?

It just seems a little odd to me as a nice book could be much more expensive than a card.

 

[paisleys]

This is a beautiful idea--run with it!!!!

 

[luvsJack]

I think we can all agree that every family/culture/religion/region does things different. I am more than old enough to be a grandma but I have never ever heard of a meet the baby party. As the joke seems to go I was "today old" when I found out about this. And, I will admit I don't get it. If people are close to the family with the baby they likely have met or seen them so I don't get the party ... which usually ends up with gifts involved.

My reference to weddings was from right here on Disboards. Hit any wedding thread and folks seem appalled if you don't give at least $100 per person to go ... to pay for the cost of inviting you. They make it sound like if you don't pay up you shouldn't be going. And if that is the thought process, I have no issue with not going and sending a smaller gift in a congrats card.

It sounds like your events are not gift focused, and neither are ours. But all you have to do is read DIS and other forums to find one of the biggest discussions is the gifts one gives for milestones. If it wasn't a big deal it wouldn't get discussed.

Again, I am glad to find these discussions ... it honestly helps me understand current events and expectations for guests.



My kids had two graduation parties ... one with close family which DH insisted on (and for Grandparents) and one was friends party. No gifts were expected at all, but most family gave them something like $25. The kids parties were small and I think a couple kids brought them something funny but no gift was expected. My kids invited very few people to each party because ............ around here an invite/announcement equates to a gift. We have gotten so many graduation announcements because the kids/families are looking for that check in the mail. Even my Mom got some from kids not related to her and she hadn't seen since they were small. I told her to throw them away. Birthday parties around here ... don't even think about going without a nice gift.

I'm not trying to say everyone is looking for gifts, just that it is the center of many discussions as if it is the most important part and the obligations are large, sometimes way out of my comfort zone. And from personal experience they seem to be the center of each gathering. Maybe it's where I live, or maybe I'm the odd one.



Absolutely love this as the theme of the party, with people bringing books as their main gift and love that she carried it throughout with the food etc. That is my kind of party, love themed ones. There are lots of different themes that can be done and it be so cute.

Well, most of the question here are from the gift giver, not the recipient. So perhaps it comes more from the concern of the giver wanting to do the right thing and the recipient isn't focused on the gifts at all.

As for the meet the baby things, dh has a HUGE family. He has 6 siblings, all married with kids and now the kids have kids. And his mom is one of 7 siblings and they all have good size families. So, in families like that, its the easiest way for everyone to see the baby. Especially if the new parents aren't wanting to be around crowds in the first few weeks. Some families and friends live a bit away from each other so its not so easy just to drop by. Its just a relaxing way to get together with friends and/or family and let everyone visit with baby and mom and enjoy everyone's company. Its not a whole lot different than any other family gathering. Or at least it isn't for us. And no, gifts are not involved.

 

[LongLiveRafiki]

I'd like to preface my response by saying that I have an English degree and am an avid reader. I love books, but I'm not a huge fan of the book in lieu of cards suggestions. I don't buy cards as I see them as a complete waste of money, so this would be an additional expense for me. I prefer to give shower gifts that are more needed like diapers, a Bumbo, teething meds/diaper rash cream if it's on the registry, since it seems like most people tend to go for the cutesy items like clothes, which are nice, but you often end up with so many and not much of the equipment and other necessities. As a new mom, I much preferred picking out my own baby clothes and books as what I liked often differed from others' tastes (and around here at least, nobody buys the clothes or books you put on the registry; they gift what they think is cute).

I've also attended a couple of showers that have had this book request and seen the little variance in books given. We didn't even do the book request at my showers and I still ended up with (between both showers) 7 copies of Goodnight Moon, 4 of I Love You Forever, and triplicates of Green Eggs and Ham and The Hungry, Hungry Caterpillar. So many people seem to give these books, shower book request or not.

For someone that has moved several times (including multiple out of state moves) since having kids, I flat out don't have room for duplicate copies of books, nor do I really keep most books once the kids have outgrown them (again, no room). It definitely makes it difficult when people inscribe things in the covers of books as they can't really be exchanged or given away if duplicates or outgrown. I just threw away about a dozen books that my mom had given to the kids or I that she wrote a message in or even glued pics of us to the inside cover of. I seriously felt sick throwing away books, but it was stuff we have never and would never read and I couldn't justify keeping them and couldn't get the words/pics off without tearing the cover/first page out.

For both of my showers, the host did have a cute photo mat for guests to write messages to the baby. We still have both of those and I really like them because all the messages are together, it's small enough to be easily kept through the years, and serves a double purpose as holding a picture.

Slightly O/T, but has anyone noticed a trend that woman are having baby showers for each baby these days? When did that start? A baby shower is meant to help the new mom and dad set up and have the necessities for a baby. Unless 10 years or more have passed, there should be no need for a baby shower after each kid.

I had a baby shower for each of my kids. They were five years apart and girl, then boy. The shower for my first was thrown by co-workers though since I lived on the other side of the country from family. A few family members sent gift cards, but none went to the actual shower. By the time we had our second, we had lived in 3 different states and didn't really have any baby stuff anymore (most of what we had with our first was used when we got it and falling apart by the time she was done with it so it wouldn't have survived the moves had we tried to bring it all with us). The shower for my second was all family and really helped us get some of the necessities we needed.

I will add though that I also never had a graduation party or any of the marriage related parties/gifts (married cross-country in the court house), so according to DIS party standards, my extended family got off pretty easy on gift-giving occasions with me.

Would someone please enlighten me about a “diaper raffle”? I’ve never heard the term before this thread.

My husband did an alternate form of this when I was pregnant with each of our kids. He held a diaper shower and invited his guy friends (and my brothers when they lived nearby for our second). Basically, he told the guys to each bring diapers (any size, any brand, any amount) and come hang out at the house. He grilled food for everyone and provided alcohol and everyone hung out, played poker, and had a fun night while I stayed the night with friends (first shower) and my mom (second shower).

It was nice for him to have a night with the guys and it helped to build a stash of diapers. Any store will exchange unopened packs of diapers so if there was a brand/size I couldn't use, a quick trip to Walmart allowed me to swap them out.

QUESTION: Has anyone encountered this at showers ............. when you arrive you place your gift in "the spot" which is normal but then you go to a table and fill out your own thank you note and address the envelope? I mean it explains why I haven't gotten thank yous at several weddings .... I guess I never saw the table to send it to myself.

We did that at my second shower, but also used the envelopes to raffle off prizes. Every guest received a B&BW soap as a party favor, but we raffled off a couple other gifts since I really didn't want to do traditional shower games. I know some people find it tacky to address their own envelope, but it's super helpful for the mom-to-be when writing thank you notes to not have to track down addresses and have their possibly swollen hands cramp up even more with addressing dozens of envelopes.

 

[mjkacmom]

I'd like to preface my response by saying that I have an English degree and am an avid reader. I love books, but I'm not a huge fan of the book in lieu of cards suggestions. I don't buy cards as I see them as a complete waste of money, so this would be an additional expense for me. I prefer to give shower gifts that are more needed like diapers, a Bumbo, teething meds/diaper rash cream if it's on the registry, since it seems like most people tend to go for the cutesy items like clothes, which are nice, but you often end up with so many and not much of the equipment and other necessities. As a new mom, I much preferred picking out my own baby clothes and books as what I liked often differed from others' tastes (and around here at least, nobody buys the clothes or books you put on the registry; they gift what they think is cute).

I've also attended a couple of showers that have had this book request and seen the little variance in books given. We didn't even do the book request at my showers and I still ended up with (between both showers) 7 copies of Goodnight Moon, 4 of I Love You Forever, and triplicates of Green Eggs and Ham and The Hungry, Hungry Caterpillar. So many people seem to give these books, shower book request or not.

For someone that has moved several times (including multiple out of state moves) since having kids, I flat out don't have room for duplicate copies of books, nor do I really keep most books once the kids have outgrown them (again, no room). It definitely makes it difficult when people inscribe things in the covers of books as they can't really be exchanged or given away if duplicates or outgrown. I just threw away about a dozen books that my mom had given to the kids or I that she wrote a message in or even glued pics of us to the inside cover of. I seriously felt sick throwing away books, but it was stuff we have never and would never read and I couldn't justify keeping them and couldn't get the words/pics off without tearing the cover/first page out.

For both of my showers, the host did have a cute photo mat for guests to write messages to the baby. We still have both of those and I really like them because all the messages are together, it's small enough to be easily kept through the years, and serves a double purpose as holding a picture.



I had a baby shower for each of my kids. They were five years apart and girl, then boy. The shower for my first was thrown by co-workers though since I lived on the other side of the country from family. A few family members sent gift cards, but none went to the actual shower. By the time we had our second, we had lived in 3 different states and didn't really have any baby stuff anymore (most of what we had with our first was used when we got it and falling apart by the time she was done with it so it wouldn't have survived the moves had we tried to bring it all with us). The shower for my second was all family and really helped us get some of the necessities we needed.

I will add though that I also never had a graduation party or any of the marriage related parties/gifts (married cross-country in the court house), so according to DIS party standards, my extended family got off pretty easy on gift-giving occasions with me.



My husband did an alternate form of this when I was pregnant with each of our kids. He held a diaper shower and invited his guy friends (and my brothers when they lived nearby for our second). Basically, he told the guys to each bring diapers (any size, any brand, any amount) and come hang out at the house. He grilled food for everyone and provided alcohol and everyone hung out, played poker, and had a fun night while I stayed the night with friends (first shower) and my mom (second shower).

It was nice for him to have a night with the guys and it helped to build a stash of diapers. Any store will exchange unopened packs of diapers so if there was a brand/size I couldn't use, a quick trip to Walmart allowed me to swap them out.



We did that at my second shower, but also used the envelopes to raffle off prizes. Every guest received a B&BW soap as a party favor, but we raffled off a couple other gifts since I really didn't want to do traditional shower games. I know some people find it tacky to address their own envelope, but it's super helpful for the mom-to-be when writing thank you notes to not have to track down addresses and have their possibly swollen hands cramp up even more with addressing dozens of envelopes.

I actually love the trend of having attendees address the envelopes for baby showers, it’s such a kindness for a new mom barely hanging on. I don’t like it for bridal showers though, but will still address the envelopes. In this day and age, the host probably had printed labels for the invites anyway and could give them to the guest of honor.

 

[LongLiveRafiki]

I actually love the trend of having attendees address the envelopes for baby showers, it’s such a kindness for a new mom barely hanging on. I don’t like it for bridal showers though, but will still address the envelopes. In this day and age, the host probably had printed labels for the invites anyway and could give them to the guest of honor.

Excellent point and I think I agree with you about the bridal shower envelopes, though I haven't been to one that asked guests to address them before.

 

[Kleese]

I love the idea. I had a lot of books on my registry and if it was a thing back then I would have gotten most of the books I wanted for the nursery plus maybe another gift. Also love when people put messages in them for the baby to read later. Cards are to expensive and mostly people throw them away. I think cards are a thing of the past.