What are your house rules for high school teens?

[dyna]

The teen years was not so bad at my house it was the early 20's that got me an my 20's yr olds became like 2 yr olds with a drivers license. They didn't think they had to follow house rules an could get in car an go when they didn't like it at home an come back when they got ready.

 

[disney4us2002]

All the house rules during teen years were all based on getting the kids to be independent. This is the time they became responsible for their own laundry, shopping, a turn in the cooking rotation, dealing with their own dr and dentist appts., budgeting etc...
Yes, they had to let me know where they were, just like I let them know where I was.
As far as the problems you mentioned (with friends, lying, mouthy) mouthy didn't happen much, but when it did happen I just reminded them that I talked to them with respect and expected the same back. That doesn't mean that their weren't disagreements - what helped on that is when our son would be angry about something I would just tell him to put it in writing. He was allowed to say whatever he wanted, using whatever language he wanted as long as it was in writing. Many times he'd write something down, and that was enough venting that he just threw the paper away. The times he did give me the paper I was able to get to the heart of the problem, without the stress of an angry delivery. I would reply back the same way - it took a lot of the extra emotions out of the situation and worked really, really, well. Once we made that rule, as soon as a conversation started to become heated one of us would just state "put it in writing" and we knew that there would be no more verbal conversation about the issue until it was resolved.
The friends problem - you may not like their friends, but when it comes down to it - they get to pick their friends, you don't. It's hard to step back on this one but you don't have a choice. To fight it would make the friend bond stronger not weaker. Such is life.
The lying would drive me crazy. You have to find out the why of the lie (are they afraid of disappointing you? Are you too tight on the rules? Or is it just general lying for no reason?) you have to find out the why and work on a compromise from that angle.
Good luck

I agree with most of this, except for the bolded. The friends thing is a biggie. If she is actually picking losers for friends, as our son did for a while, then the rule was all friends must come here. I have no problem supervising. Most of son's friends parents were absolutely clueless. They did not supervise and would let their kid invite friends over and then go out for the evening themselves leaving the kids to whatever suited them, including drinking and smoking pot. Once that was nipped in the bud, life got much easier.

 

[clarabelle]

We have LOTS of conversations. From the time they were a pre-teen about things we hear about -either gossip or in the news.
Why it is a good or bad idea -how we feel about it , what our religious stance is etc... not in a preachy way just in a conversational way.

 

[pigletto]

I swear I won some kind of teen lottery or something. DD can be surly or argumentative or lazy about some things, but overall she's respectful, has great friends and I have zero issues. She does think her curfew is ridiculous (10 on weeknights, 11 on weekends) but it isn't changing so she can suck it up.
We need to know where she is and who she's with and expect decent grades. She does pretty well but really all we could hope for was a pass in Math. That one has always been a huge struggle for her and I am just glad it's over. Otherwise she gets great grades.
I dunno.. I'm eyeballing my son to give me a run for my money because this one has been pretty easy.

And I agree with the above poster.. we talk and talk and talk. Not at her but with her. We set up open communication pretty early and I think that helped a great deal as she got older and the conversations got harder.

 

[Mkrop]

I had to let up on the texting me back immediately rule bc it was unrealistic. DS16 would be freaking out but there were times his coach was talking, or his boss, or even just a teacher on campus type thing and he could not text me back. Also now that he is driving I dont want him worry about texting back right away. I told him he needs to do it as soon as possible and never while driving. He just got his license last week, so for now he texts me when he arrives at his destination and when he is leaving for home.

Lying would never be tolerated here, that is double the crime

 

[mamacatnv]

I personally love the teen years. I think teens are funny, they are goofy and silly. Struggling somewhere between being an adult and being a child. Their emotions are so severe and often extreme, very little gray area, lots of black and white.

Rules:
Not allowed to be in a car with a teen driver

Need to keep us informed where she is.
We moved 2000 miles when DD was in 8th grade. Knowing her friends, their parents and her social circle is not realistic, if we want her to have a social life we were going to need her to use her judgment. She has done very well, she has had a few friends that I was not fond of but she has also figured out the issues without me needing to say anything and has moved on. She goes home with friends after school or has friends come home with her etc.

DH has only one rule, he is a complete softy and the kids have him wrapped around their fingers but DH does not allow them to disrespect me, ever. Be it tone of voice or actions, it is the one place he put his foot down years ago. In return, I hold the same standard of how the kids speak to their father. I cannot honestly remember ever raising my voice or yelling at my kids or DH, its just not something we do.

No drinking and driving and no getting into a car with someone who was drinking. Call, we will come pick up anytime anyplace.

We talk, talk and talk some more. There are no curfews and we can discuss any scenario or proposed plan to come up with something. I want my kids to spread their wings and become self sufficient adults. They can't do that if I control and dictate their every move

 

[sk!mom]

I personally love the teen years. I think teens are funny, they are goofy and silly. Struggling somewhere between being an adult and being a child. Their emotions are so severe and often extreme, very little gray area, lots of black and white. Rules: Not allowed to be in a car with a teen driver Need to keep us informed where she is. We moved 2000 miles when DD was in 8th grade. Knowing her friends, their parents and her social circle is not realistic, if we want her to have a social life we were going to need her to use her judgment. She has done very well, she has had a few friends that I was not fond of but she has also figured out the issues without me needing to say anything and has moved on. She goes home with friends after school or has friends come home with her etc. DH has only one rule, he is a complete softy and the kids have him wrapped around their fingers but DH does not allow them to disrespect me, ever. Be it tone of voice or actions, it is the one place he put his foot down years ago. In return, I hold the same standard of how the kids speak to their father. I cannot honestly remember ever raising my voice or yelling at my kids or DH, its just not something we do. No drinking and driving and no getting into a car with someone who was drinking. Call, we will come pick up anytime anyplace. We talk, talk and talk some more. There are no curfews and we can discuss any scenario or proposed plan to come up with something. I want my kids to spread their wings and become self sufficient adults. They can't do that if I control and dictate their every move

Agree completely. Honestly, I think the hardest part of DD18 going to college is going to be that I have enjoyed the teen years so much. Your family sounds a lot like mine including a DH whose a softy for the most part. Honestly treating each other with mutual respect has really worked well for us.

 

[HSMndLKfan92]

I was a teen not too long ago, and the rules were pretty much the same ones stated above. Once I started driving and had "my own" car (that my parents were paying the insurance for), the new rule was: don't let anyone outside of the family drive the car.

 

[luvsJack]

DD is almost 16. Rules: Be respectful of yourself and others. Think before you act and make good choices. Be involved in at least one activity in school.

Basically, I tell her if she is out with friends and has to make a choice, just think about what she would choose if her father or I were with her and make the same choice.

She doesn't have a curfew at this point and I am not sure we will ever give her one that is the same all the time. Right now its just when the movie is over or when you leave the mall or when the game is over. That may change as she starts actually dating in cars.

Here it would be hard to have a rule about getting in the car with a teen driver. We don't live where we can use city transit or walk to anywhere so they all drive. They carpool to and from school.

She takes care of most housework in the summer until next year when she will be old enough to get a job. And she will be expected to work at least part time.

And when she gets a car, she is expected to take care of the car.

And she is expected to keep her grades up to the best of her ability.

She has expectations more than rules and she lives up to those most of the time.

 

[GaSleepingBeautyFan]

Mine are pretty simple.

No drugs at all or alcohol for underage people.

Do what your mother tells you when she tells you to do it or else you lose internet access and data access on your cell phone and computer.

If your parent tries to reach you, answer them. Same punishment as the not doing what I tell them to do.

Works for me.

 

[DawnM]

editing because I misunderstood the question.

Never mind. I will have to get back to you.

 

[ronandannette]

No cooking
No answering phone or door unless it is ME
Answer your phone when I call!
Keep the doors LOCKED.

Alcohol and drugs don't even cross my mind as my kids have never been interested in people who do them.

Our neighborhood doesn't really have many kids so they don't have neighborhood friends.

No cooking or answering the phone? These are "rules" for your teens? Here they are tasks my DS has been trained to do (whether he wants to or not) for years. Curious as to what benefit these restrictions might have?

 

[MouseEarsJenny]

Tell us where you are. Get A's. Carry a charged cell phone. Be respectful to teachers and parents, and be honest. (That one is a forever rule so I haven't had to mention it since elementary school.) Help around the house when asked.

As long as they follow the rules, they are free to choose their own free time activities, and get some spending money along with their activities, trips, and so on.

None of these are written. Just known.

 

[DawnM]

Oh, you know, I need another cup of coffee.

I thought these were "if you are home alone" things.

14 year old forgets to turn off the stove top when alone.

No cooking or answering the phone? These are "rules" for your teens? Here they are tasks my DS has been trained to do (whether he wants to or not) for years. Curious as to what benefit these restrictions might have?

 

[The Mystery Machine]

No "set rules" really. Just practical stuff. Think and act appropriately. My youngest is 17 and a senior this yr.

Check your cell phone on occasion and if you see I have called or texted you...RESPOND!

Do not get into a car with druggies/drinkers. Call us for a ride instead.

Thankfully her "core" friend group are not into that. That being said you cannot avoid it here, esp. in senior yr. So you have to be able to use those critical thinking skills.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Oh, you know, I need another cup of coffee.

I thought these were "if you are home alone" things.

14 year old forgets to turn off the stove top when alone.

I would have that rule to if I had a kid that forgets to TURN OFF THE STOVE!

 

[DawnM]

It isn't all the time and he is allowed to use the toaster over (auto shut off) and the microwave when I am gone.

Dawn

I would have that rule to if I had a kid that forgets to TURN OFF THE STOVE!

 

[kkmcan]

Basically ours are the ones that have already been mentioned.

I must know where you are at all times. If you leave one friends house to go to anothers, I need a phone call.
Have your phone with you and charged at all times. I hate not being able to get a hold of my kids when I need to.

Clean up after yourself.
No dishes or wrappers left in your room.

No riding in friends cars without my permission.

Right now dd has a long time boyfriend whom she may date but they need to have parental supervision either by us or by bf's parents. They have been to the movies and the winter formal together alone but other than that if you they want to hang out together at home then there needs to be a parent home and present. Neither of them drive yet so that's one reason they haven't been out together much.

Also no boyfriend upstairs or in her room.

No talking back. We don't tolerate smarty mouths or nasty talk at all.

No curfew time yet. She doesn't go out much, maybe to see a movie with friends or to a dance at school. In which case she comes home when those end. We'll decide on a curfew if and when the times comes. Maybe we won't have a need for one. Most of her friends are not allowed to just go out and cruise around and do nothing. They go out if there is a reason for it- ie trip to the mall, mini golf, movies, etc. Thankfully her friends' parents and dh and I all seem to be on the same page. So they are quite sheltered this group of girls.

That's about it. As far as grades, they need to have passing grades or better. Haven't had too much trouble with that. DD is a great student and DS has his occasional troubles but hasn't had a failing grade so far.

 

[mjkacmom]

Right now dd has a long time boyfriend whom she may date but they need to have parental supervision either by us or by bf's parents. They have been to the movies and the winter formal together alone but other than that if you they want to hang out together at home then there needs to be a parent home and present. Neither of them drive yet so that's one reason they haven't been out together much.

Also no boyfriend upstairs or in her room.

Really? Is there some sort of religious reason why she can't be alone with her boyfriend at this age? Dd17 just got back from the shore with her boyfriend (prom weekend - a bunch of kids in a rented house). She went away with him (and friends) last year after prom, and has visited him twice at college (took a bus).

She's going off to college in the fall - then she's on her own.

Oh, and he's not allowed in her bedroom!

 

[pkelly6]

In addition to other posters, I let myself be used as the out... when my daughters were caught in a situation they were uncomfortable with, they had free reign to make me the bad guy and say they couldn't stay because they had to be home, they couldn't go out because they had to babysit, they didn't know why their mom was such a B, but she said no.