What age did your kids stop believing in Santa?

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Well it’s a phrase I’ve heard spoken by MANY parents, very very common this time of year.

I didn't say there weren't any other parents that use it and for that matter there are parents who don't use it. It was the general discussion around that particular way of going about belief in Santa or not. Given my viewpoint on Elf on the Shelf and coal the particular tactic it is folded into my wondering about it.

I can understand wanting to protect the innocence of other children in the household no matter their ages (because it's not always the youngest who is still believing when the others have stopped). The are a variety of ways to do that. For some I don't think it's even about protecting other children in the household and probably is more like what Tipsy said "people get really touchy when the rest of the world doesn’t play along with this ruse."

A lot of things are common to say and then we adjust those things as time goes on. Perhaps many parents may say no belief no gifts to gain compliance out of their kids, will that be viewed as NBD as time goes on? Who knows. Some things stand the test of time, other things don't. I do think there is a tad (maybe not a whole lot but a tad) more acceptance towards not teaching Santa at all or teaching the spirit of representation (that Santa as the hear of it is for many) as a concept earlier and earlier on than there used to be. Largely I think that's because tech these days including 2 year olds knowing how to use smart phones better than many adults lol and an acceptance towards others thoughts more than there used to be.

 

[Notreallyaustralian]

Well, apparently I just found out NOW. Thanks, everyone.

Go to sleep and hopefully you will forget everything you've read once you wake up.

 

[Notreallyaustralian]

My general belief about these kind of things is play along with the fantasy as long as the child is not skeptical. Every person develops differently, so that may be at age 5, age 9, age 13, age 25, age 40.....

I think, though, that once a child (or other age) becomes suspicious and asks questions, it's important not to lie. But let them down gently. Let them grieve...which means staying away from phrases such as "At least you...." "You should be grateful" "Don't be a crybaby". "It's not the end of the world".

It might soften the blow to talk about how Santa might not be a real person but that there's a Santa spirit/force that gives people joy, a desire to sing, a desire to decorate, a desire to give, a desire to bake, etc.

May the Santa Force be with you and yours.

 

[kyton]

Oh Lordy we still say “you don’t believe, you don’t receive” and the kids in our family (nieces and nephews as well as our actual children) range in age from 25 to almost 13! It’s not a threat - it’s a joke to keep “Santa” in the loop.

My parents never physically told us there was no Santa but we were always told that the parents discussed a budget with Santa each year - that was why some people got lots of presents whilst others got fewer. We worked it out on our own around the ages of 9-11 with a combination of snooping in cupboards then moreso Christmas Eve when the Dads in our “street” of around 10 houses would drink beers then go from house to house building swing sets / trampolines / bikes etc. We would hear them carousing as they quality controlled bikes and skateboards laughing their heads off as the Mum’s watched on.

 

[trip]

When our oldest daughter was 8 she began to question the whole Santa thing. My in-laws were spending Christmas with us that year and our daughter went around and had everyone both sign and print our their whole name. She planned on comparing signatures on the gifts. Stinker! We still have that sheet of paper.

After that the rule in our house was always if you didn't believe in Santa he quit bringing gifts to you. Let me tell you they still believe even though they are adults.

 

[Skippy918]

My 11yo is in denial big time. We told her today cause she kept harping on the fact that her elf on the shelf isn’t real cause she saw me move it last year and that she wanted a real elf on the shelf. So we went on Amazon and found the elf on the shelf.

 

[disneychrista]

This I just don't understand. You're not the only poster to take this very stark outlook but I am just struggling with why people would force such a thing on children? Isn't the idea to foster independent thinking as children grow and mature and to feel comfortable voicing this? To question the world around them? Isn't the season about giving because you want to give? And in your case it was all a known farce so what was the point in having such a hard line other than to assert some vague power thing.

No one has to shower anyone with any gifts, it's not a requirement, so withhold gifts or not but make it make sense at least IMO.

When my kids got older and "knew" there was no Santa I used the "If you don't believe he doesn't come" type line with them. Not so much as saying "You better believe a fat man in a red fur suit will deliver presents or you don't get any" but more in "Let's pretend and celebrate the magic of Christmas."

When they were 16/18, Santa stopped coming and filling stocking because it was getting too expensive. Then 6-7 years later came the decision (from my oldest daughter suggestion) to stop exchanging gift all together.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

When my kids got older and "knew" there was no Santa I used the "If you don't believe he doesn't come" type line with them. Not so much as saying "You better believe a fat man in a red fur suit will deliver presents or you don't get any" but more in "Let's pretend and celebrate the magic of Christmas."

When they were 16/18, Santa stopped coming and filling stocking because it was getting too expensive. Then 6-7 years later came the decision (from my oldest daughter suggestion) to stop exchanging gift all together.

I like the way you handled it (which is different than saying don't get gifts at all), similar to MaryJo's way as well.

 

[luvsvacation]

I think this thread shows how children grow up so much slower now than they did in the past! People always say kids grow up too fast but that’s more of a perspective things from the parents point of view. Kids grow up much slower now than they used to! I can’t believe that middle school kids still truly believe…not the fun type of believe in the magic of Christmas type thing, but actually still legit believe a sleigh flies through the air and a man comes down the chimney. To me that’s a bit frightening that their logic hasn’t kicked in by then! I totally get the fun of “believing” in magic, but to truly still literally believe is a whole other thing. Kids should have figured it out by 7/8 and parents should let them. The year my son was 6 (Sept birthday) and daughter was 7 we were having dinner at a restaurant and the waitress asked my kids if they had seen Santa yet, my son responded “no, we’re getting a little too old for that” and sure enough that year he refused to see Santa because he thought it was “kid stuff”. I would have actually preferred they go another or two but they felt too old/mature for it so I didn’t push them. The thought of infantizing middle school children really strikes me as odd!

 

[RedAngie]

Older DD figured it out at age 7. (She’s an engineer and has always had a logical mind). I had to convince het not to spoil it for younger DD.

I don’t remember when i stopped believing, but it was before third grade. Our 3rd grade nun flat out said Santa isn’t real, and I doubt any kids were shocked by her statement.

If any kid 9 or older still expressed belief, they’d most likely be mercilessly ridiculed and taunted, and possibly worse.

 

[SleeplessInTO]

Yesterday She was 6 years old and 10 months when she stopped believing in Santa.

 

[mumto3girls]

Oldest DD was probably about 9–I think she was 3rd grade. Middle DD was probably 2nd grade and youngest never really seemed like she ever believed. When asked about it now at 16 she says the whole thing never made any sense to her at all.

We definitely went all in on Santa, but once they started asking questions, we told them the truth. I thought it would lessen the magic, but it really didn’t. Heck, I started the whole elf on a shelf thing because they asked for it once their friends were doing it and I hated it. Always waking up either in the middle of the night or first thing in the morning realizing I didn’t move it, trying to figure out what to do with it—drove me crazy. Once no one believed I was done, but they started taking turns doing it for each other and doing all kinds of crazy things with it. That was actually kind of fun.

 

[Babs Johnson]

I’m guessing by age 8, 9 at the latest.

I remember when I was 5 and woke up about 11pm Christmas Eve and came downstairs and caught my parents decorating the tree and wrapping gifts. I guess they gave me some satisfactory explanation but I was still suspicious.

(Nuns we’re notorious for spoiling things in Catholic schools back then.)

 

[JLTraveling]

We never told our children that Santa was real. They were too logical, even at a very young age, to believe, and would have accused me of lying to them. We had "Santa Daddy" instead.

Oh please. I was an incredibly intelligent and logical kid, which didn't lead to me not believing, it led to me creating elaborate theories about time travel and wormholes and prepositioned toys in warehouses all over the world when I was about 5. You have every right to tell your kids whatever you like about Santa, but your kids being "too logical" to believe is a crock.

Back on topic, I still believe

 

[KayMichigan]

I don't have kids, but I think I was no older than 8 or 9 when I found out. I don't remember finding out all at once, I think I just gradually realized it. It might have been because we had a water tower not far from our house that had a red light on top of it, and one Christmas eve we saw it and were convinced it was Rudolph. Then we noticed it was still there in the middle of the following summer.

But I still remember being firmly convinced that Santa was real and for me the memories are fun and part of the childhood fantasy of the holiday. I don't remember being angry when I figured it out or feeling like I'd been lied to, it was more a matter of "Oh, I guess they just made that up. Huh.". My parents didn't care that I didn't believe any more, they were probably sort of relieved that they didn't have to pretend any more since my sister and I were the youngest.

 

[DLgal]

Oh please. I was an incredibly intelligent and logical kid, which didn't lead to me not believing, it led to me creating elaborate theories about time travel and wormholes and prepositioned toys in warehouses all over the world when I was about 5. You have every right to tell your kids whatever you like about Santa, but your kids being "too logical" to believe is a crock.

Back on topic, I still believe

This might blow your mind, but some people truly lack imagination. I have a son like that. You were imaginative and creative. There is a type of brain that is the opposite of that.

 

[YeOswaldianSociety]

Wait, Santa isn't real? Oh my....

 

[mrodgers]

We told them in 1st grade. I remember the ridicule of the kids who still believed in Santa in school. 1st grade wasn't a big issue but it was by 2nd grade and definitely escalated in 3rd.

 

[barb969]

DD was 7. I woke up one morning and she was reading the encyclopedia. This was 37 years ago. She said ‘it says Santa is a myth”. A little later she says “I suppose that goes for the Easter Bunny and the tooth fairy.” That”s what we got for buying an encyclopedia.

 

[ronandannette]

I don’t really know. I don’t remember us ever having a big talk about it, or it being a source of distress for him. We never really belaboured the whole Santa thing, nor did we ever give him one whit of encouragement to focus a lot of expectation or excitement on getting a huge present haul at Christmas. Of course Santa is such an ubiquitous part of the holiday it was pretty unavoidable, but he was a character in the same way as say, Frosty the Snowman.

It’s an interesting topic to hear other’s takes on, though. For instance, outside the DIS (where I know it has come up in years prior), I’ve never once heard anyone express the feeling that they’d been lied to about Santa, or that it harmed their trust. Food for thought. I’m going to ask DS what he remembers about the whole thing.