What age did your kids stop believing in Santa?

[Dan Murphy]

Isn't there like a 13 year old limit?

https://www.businessinsider.com/why...k-instagram-problematic-law-coppa-2022-1?op=1

Yes, 13.

https://www.disboards.com/help/terms/

 

[mjkacmom]

I have no idea, I’ve never admitted there is no Santa, they are 19, 19, 21, 24 and 26. If you don’t believe, you don’t receive. Every single gift was from Santa, so for a while they just assumed he was real because there was no way I’d be buying them so much stuff. They will get the annual matching pajamas and head upstairs while Santa does his job.

 

[mjkacmom]

I was 9 when I found out and I felt absolutely mortified and betrayed. I was humiliated to think I had believed such a ridiculous lie for so long, replaying conversations in my head, wondering with whom I had embarrassed myself by talking about Santa as if he was real. It was a real trust-shattering moment for me to realize every adult I knew would conspire to deceive me for my entire life up to that point. Like being Jim Carey in The Truman Show, decades before that movie existed.

Needless to say, we do not “do Santa” with our kids. We have always been expressly clear that the presents come from us and Santa is just myth/make-believe/pretend/a game people play. My kids still enjoy Santa decorations and Santa movies and Santa toys, but they enjoy them the same way they enjoy the ghouls and ghosts on Halloween — they know those things are celebrated as a traditional part of the holiday but they don’t think they’re actually real.

My oldest (5) knows some parents want their kids to believe Santa is real and has been told to zip it if he’s ever part of a conversation where other kids are discussing it. Not that I think a kid should be responsible for keeping adults’ lies straight for them but it’s the best advice I can come up with because, as some comments upthread show, people get really touchy when the rest of the world doesn’t play along with this ruse.

Everyone has different experiences, I loved believing in Santa, but slowly came to the conclusion he wasn’t real, and was grateful my parents let me believe. No emotional scars here for any of us.

 

[AppleDumpling]

Everyone has different experiences, I loved believing in Santa, but slowly came to the conclusion he wasn’t real, and was grateful my parents let me believe. No emotional scars here for any of us.

Same here. Never gave a thought that it could be a traumatizing experience for some. I’m pretty sure I thought Santa was real when I was little, but have no memory of how and when I found out otherwise. I have 4 older siblings (and one younger), but as far as I remember, they all played along. My parents were also very religious and always focused more on that aspect and the spirit of Christmas rather than Santa anyway.

Every single gift was from Santa, so for a while they just assumed he was real because there was no way I’d be buying them so much stuff.

In my family, we never did this. As a kid, I got some gifts from Santa (usually the biggest/most expensive), and other gifts from Mom and Dad, grandparents, aunts/uncles, and as we got older, siblings. I carried on this tradition with DS.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

ghosts on Halloween — they know those things are celebrated as a traditional part of the holiday but they don’t think they’re actually real.

Is this the part where I say I actually do believe in ghosts because of my past experiences? It wasn't until years after I moved out of my mom's house that she told me others who had been in our house had some of the very same experiences as I did. They had no pre-knowledge of my experiences until they themselves had their own.

I think these two things should be treated differently because the concept of them are different. We understand Santa to be more of a symbol but the same cannot be said ghosts whether you believe they are real or not. And try telling a kid what they see isn't real only to have so many people around the world corroborate what they see...talk about feeling betrayed. Interestingly it's not like my parents nor stepmom ever said ghosts are real even though none had any experiences I did. At my mom's house she had never had any experiences but multiple others who have stayed there have. I appreciate that my mom didn't try to just brush me off and make me feel like I was making it all up.

I felt absolutely mortified and betrayed. I was humiliated to think I had believed such a ridiculous lie for so long, replaying conversations in my head, wondering with whom I had embarrassed myself by talking about Santa as if he was real.

Obviously I think we can say your experience influenced your handling of the topic with your children and I'm very sorry you felt that way I can imagine a child ruminating on these thoughts I think most of it could come down to how your parents handled the topic themselves. Most of us probably had the "Santa isn't real but Santa represents..." talk and instead of it being a shameful or betrayed feeling it goes to being one of just adjusting how a child views Santa and those often warm feelings stick around but take on a new meaning.

That all said I'm honestly not a big fan of the coal aspect to Santa nor am I a fan at all of Elf on a Shelf. Those two things rely on behavioral actions of a child that while perhaps not harmful in a meaningful way are not my preferred way of going about it.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

If you don’t believe, you don’t receive.

This I just don't understand. You're not the only poster to take this very stark outlook but I am just struggling with why people would force such a thing on children? Isn't the idea to foster independent thinking as children grow and mature and to feel comfortable voicing this? To question the world around them? Isn't the season about giving because you want to give? And in your case it was all a known farce so what was the point in having such a hard line other than to assert some vague power thing.

No one has to shower anyone with any gifts, it's not a requirement, so withhold gifts or not but make it make sense at least IMO.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

In my family, we never did this. As a kid, I got some gifts from Santa (usually the biggest/most expensive), and other gifts from Mom and Dad, grandparents, aunts/uncles, and as we got older, siblings. I carried on this tradition with DS.

When I was young it was usually one or two gifts from Santa, never all of them. I'm not sure it was the biggest or most expensive but I think it was similar enough that it was probably the gift I wanted the most.

 

[TipsyTraveler]

Everyone has different experiences, I loved believing in Santa, but slowly came to the conclusion he wasn’t real, and was grateful my parents let me believe. No emotional scars here for any of us.

My husband’s experience was mostly that of indifference. Santa was “real” in his house growing up, but he doesn’t remember when or how he stopped believing and as an adult looking back, he didn’t feel like it overall added any value to his childhood Christmases. Since, as you said, everyone has different experiences, we weren’t willing to take the chance that it would be a negative experience for any of our kids or chance that it might affect their trust in us. It seemed like more risk than reward, so we opted not to do it.

Is this the part where I say I actually do believe in ghosts because of my past experiences? It wasn't until years after I moved out of my mom's house that she told me others who had been in our house had some of the very same experiences as I did. They had no pre-knowledge of my experiences until they themselves had their own.

I think these two things should be treated differently because the concept of them are different. We understand Santa to be more of a symbol but the same cannot be said ghosts whether you believe they are real or not. And try telling a kid what they see isn't real only to have so many people around the world corroborate what they see...talk about feeling betrayed. Interestingly it's not like my parents nor stepmom ever said ghosts are real even though none had any experiences I did. At my mom's house she had never had any experiences but multiple others who have stayed there have. I appreciate that my mom didn't try to just brush me off and make me feel like I was making it all up.

Obviously I think we can say your experience influenced your handling of the topic with your children and I'm very sorry you felt that way I can imagine a child ruminating on these thoughts I think most of it could come down to how your parents handled the topic themselves. Most of us probably had the "Santa isn't real but Santa represents..." talk and instead of it being a shameful or betrayed feeling it goes to being one of just adjusting how a child views Santa and those often warm feelings stick around but take on a new meaning.

That all said I'm honestly not a big fan of the coal aspect to Santa nor am I a fan at all of Elf on a Shelf. Those two things rely on behavioral actions of a child that while perhaps not harmful in a meaningful way are not my preferred way of going about it.

Okay, pretend I said “ghouls and vampires” then. My point is the same — we’ve never picked any of the traditional characters of the holiday, convinced our kids they’re real and then played along with it.

 

[mjkacmom]

This I just don't understand. You're not the only poster to take this very stark outlook but I am just struggling with why people would force such a thing on children? Isn't the idea to foster independent thinking as children grow and mature and to feel comfortable voicing this? To question the world around them? Isn't the season about giving because you want to give? And in your case it was all a known farce so what was the point in having such a hard line other than to assert some vague power thing.

No one has to shower anyone with any gifts, it's not a requirement, so withhold gifts or not but make it make sense at least IMO.

It’s a saying parents use with older kids who obviously have figured it out, not something one would say to a 3 year old. We really never had discussions about Santa not being real, it’s more of a way to acknowledge Santa isn’t real but it’s fun to go along (especially when you have multiple kids, which I have). I think most kids reach an age where the whole thing doesn’t make much sense anymore.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

It’s a saying parents use with older kids who obviously have figured it out, not something one would say to a 3 year old. We really never had discussions about Santa not being real, it’s more of a way to acknowledge Santa isn’t real but it’s fun to go along (especially when you have multiple kids, which I have). I think most kids reach an age where the whole thing doesn’t make much sense anymore.

I wasn't referring to a specific age. I was meaning all ages. As far as making sense I was saying base your decision to not give gifts (unless it's just an empty threat which oddly seems even worse) on something that makes sense, not base it on whether they believe something or not especially when majority end up not believing at some point (the topic of the thread itself). What's the use of continuing anyhow when they know. I mean address a gift from Santa and give with a knowing wink rather than just tell them nope if you don't say you believe (even if you don't) you get nadda.

"If you don’t believe, you don’t receive."
"not believing in Santa we told them fine, then they wouldn't get any presents. They quickly decided they were "believers.""
Then the poster who said their parents told them if they stopped believing the Christmas checks would also stop.

I just personally do not get these, it's like a complete contradiction to the whole spirit of the season and seems way more grinch (another holiday figure but still related) than anything but that is my opinion. Whether done in a serious manner or not I would find that sucking the very warm, generous, come together, aspect right of the season.

 

[mom2rtk]

Considering my grandkids like to read this Disney board in anticipation for their trip- GUESS THEY KNOW NOW.
Sometimes people need to think through what they post on public boards- especially when children visit it.
Looks like this is another site to be banned in their house

They read the community board? I can think of a lot of age inappropriate things that have been discussed on this board.

 

[mjkacmom]

I wasn't referring to a specific age. I was meaning all ages. As far as making sense I was saying base your decision to not give gifts (unless it's just an empty threat which oddly seems even worse) on something that makes sense, not base it on whether they believe something or not especially when majority end up not believing at some point (the topic of the thread itself). What's the use of continuing anyhow when they know. I mean address a gift from Santa and give with a knowing wink rather than just tell them nope if you don't say you believe (even if you don't) you get nadda.

"If you don’t believe, you don’t receive."
"not believing in Santa we told them fine, then they wouldn't get any presents. They quickly decided they were "believers.""
Then the poster who said their parents told them if they stopped believing the Christmas checks would also stop.

I just personally do not get these, it's like a complete contradiction to the whole spirit of the season and seems way more grinch (another holiday figure but still related) than anything but that is my opinion. Whether done in a serious manner or not I would find that sucking the very warm, generous, come together, aspect right of the season.

It’s not up to you to get what other families do, heck we still put our cookies and carrots and the youngest are 19. What you do with your own kids is completely up to you. My kids (besides being awesome) and very easy going and lighthearted. There is no meanness in this home. Christmas has always been special to us, my kids still race down the stairs together Christmas morning while I film them (it’s silly but still fun). Not once have they ever thought they weren’t getting presents, we’ve never used Santa as a threat for good behavior. I think that phrase comes in handy when older kids start saying that Santa isn’t real in front of younger kids who still believe, a gentle reminder to hush. But what do I know, I only have 5 children.

 

[mom2rtk]

It’s a saying parents use with older kids who obviously have figured it out, not something one would say to a 3 year old. We really never had discussions about Santa not being real, it’s more of a way to acknowledge Santa isn’t real but it’s fun to go along (especially when you have multiple kids, which I have). I think most kids reach an age where the whole thing doesn’t make much sense anymore.

Especially when you're trying to make sure the older ones don't ruin it for the younger ones. And of course it's with a wink and a nudge.

 

[mjkacmom]

Especially when you're trying to make sure the older ones don't ruin it for the younger ones. And of course it's with a wink and a nudge.

And a sing songy teacher voice.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

It’s not up to you to get what other families do, heck we still put our cookies and carrots and the youngest are 19. What you do with your own kids is completely up to you. My kids (besides being awesome) and very easy going and lighthearted. There is no meanness in this home. Christmas has always been special to us, my kids still race down the stairs together Christmas morning while I film them (it’s silly but still fun). Not once have they ever thought they weren’t getting presents, we’ve never used Santa as a threat for good behavior. I think that phrase comes in handy when older kids start saying that Santa isn’t real in front of younger kids who still believe, a gentle reminder to hush. But what do I know, I only have 5 children.

Nothing in my comment said you had to do anything else different. I did give my opinion on the practice of it and did specifically state it was my opinion. I was however wondering what the point of it all was and bounced your comment with a few others. The nasty aspect of your comment is assuming your parental opinion is shared by all parents, why do you feel the need to speak like that as if you think someone with children couldn't possibly differ on how they particularly handle it? You don't need to defend your kids. I spoke of how I felt about using that tactic in general. I'm sure your kids are awesome but I fail to see why that had anything to do with it, never questioned their character.

 

[Walt's Dream]

There's no Santa??

 

[WebmasterMaryJo]

I was 9 when I found out and I felt absolutely mortified and betrayed. I was humiliated to think I had believed such a ridiculous lie for so long, replaying conversations in my head, wondering with whom I had embarrassed myself by talking about Santa as if he was real. It was a real trust-shattering moment for me to realize every adult I knew would conspire to deceive me for my entire life up to that point. Like being Jim Carey in The Truman Show, decades before that movie existed.

Needless to say, we do not “do Santa” with our kids. We have always been expressly clear that the presents come from us and Santa is just myth/make-believe/pretend/a game people play. My kids still enjoy Santa decorations and Santa movies and Santa toys, but they enjoy them the same way they enjoy the ghouls and ghosts on Halloween — they know those things are celebrated as a traditional part of the holiday but they don’t think they’re actually real.

My oldest (5) knows some parents want their kids to believe Santa is real and has been told to zip it if he’s ever part of a conversation where other kids are discussing it. Not that I think a kid should be responsible for keeping adults’ lies straight for them but it’s the best advice I can come up with because, as some comments upthread show, people get really touchy when the rest of the world doesn’t play along with this ruse.

I think my son had the same reaction as you did. He figured it out for himself when he was around 8, and was arguing with his younger sister, who wouldn't believe him (she 'saw' Rudolph in the sky when she was 3, so she was convinced). He was so frustrated, so I pulled him aside and told him he was correct and I agreed with him, but why not let his little sister believe. He was so happy at being validated and for being the big brother that he never told her. He's in his 30's today and says that he plans on not pretending there is a Santa when he has kids.

 

[mjkacmom]

Nothing in my comment said you had to do anything else different. I did give my opinion on the practice of it and did specifically state it was my opinion. I was however wondering what the point of it all was and bounced your comment with a few others. The nasty aspect of your comment is assuming your parental opinion is shared by all parents, why do you feel the need to speak like that as if you think someone with children couldn't possibly differ on how they particularly handle it? You don't need to defend your kids. I spoke of how I felt about using that tactic in general. I'm sure your kids are awesome but I fail to see why that had anything to do with it, never questioned their character.

Well it’s a phrase I’ve heard spoken by MANY parents, very very common this time of year.

 

[Southernmiss]

I have no idea, I’ve never admitted there is no Santa, they are 19, 19, 21, 24 and 26. If you don’t believe, you don’t receive. Every single gift was from Santa, so for a while they just assumed he was real because there was no way I’d be buying them so much stuff. They will get the annual matching pajamas and head upstairs while Santa does his job.

Exactly this, except for the pajamas lol.

My kids are 28 and married, 25, 23, 21.

Due to schedules, Santa is coming to our house Dec 17th this year.

Like you, we've always said 'If you don't believe, you don't receive.'

Dh and I love the magic and spirit of the season (spirit if the season is my favoriteDisney Christmas song). Dh has a collection of Santa's and loves his Christmas knick nacks.

I love Thanksgiving and the fall decor. We agree he doesn't start decorating until the Friday after Thanksgiving. He set up all our Christmas decorations last weekend and was so happy to do so. We will enjoy them all until we'll into January.

Our kids grew up with it and know how much we love the magic of Christmas, just like we love the magic of Disney.

As to 'Elf on the Shelf', my sister's daughter was having some issues at school in kindergarten when the craze was starting.

My sister started the elf then with her girls. It worked really well to nip my nieces behavior issues in the bud.

And the family has had some of the most creative antics with their Elf who still shows up every year.

My niece is now an amazing high school junior dual enrolled in college classes.

It's all lighthearted fun and allows our kids to be kids.

 

[NJlauren]

I was 9 when I found out and I felt absolutely mortified and betrayed. I was humiliated to think I had believed such a ridiculous lie for so long, replaying conversations in my head, wondering with whom I had embarrassed myself by talking about Santa as if he was real. It was a real trust-shattering moment for me to realize every adult I knew would conspire to deceive me for my entire life up to that point. Like being Jim Carey in The Truman Show, decades before that movie existed.

Needless to say, we do not “do Santa” with our kids. We have always been expressly clear that the presents come from us and Santa is just myth/make-believe/pretend/a game people play. My kids still enjoy Santa decorations and Santa movies and Santa toys, but they enjoy them the same way they enjoy the ghouls and ghosts on Halloween — they know those things are celebrated as a traditional part of the holiday but they don’t think they’re actually real.

My oldest (5) knows some parents want their kids to believe Santa is real and has been told to zip it if he’s ever part of a conversation where other kids are discussing it. Not that I think a kid should be responsible for keeping adults’ lies straight for them but it’s the best advice I can come up with because, as some comments upthread show, people get really touchy when the rest of the world doesn’t play along with this ruse.

This is actually a big worry of mine!

I’m Jewish and never did Santa, (my husband is Catholic) I even told my kids once, I didn’t believe in Santa when I was little because he never came to my house. So who know if they actually believe at the moment.

I worry about the trust issue as my number 1 rule is no lying. Is she going to accuse me of lying?

We do Hanukkah and Christmas in my house but on Christmas I don’t really say which gifts are from us and which are from Santa. They are just kinda there we do the elf and at first I was so annoyed my husband got us one, but now I get really into it.

I plan to apply the same method I do when she asks if Mickey is real, or how can they be in California and Paris and Orlando at the same time?!?!? I just say what do you think…. And then we talk about that.