What 10 hours of street harassment in NYC looks like

[olwyngdh]

I was having a conversation with my brother in law a few years ago on this topic and I told him that it is very sad that every woman has to look at any strange man approaching her as a potential rapist. He was very offended. He was more offended when I told him that that attitude just contributed to the situation because we know that too often, even the men we know well will laugh off the threat and tell us we are overreacting.

 

[diznygirl]

I doubt it's anywhere near as frequent, but oh yeah it happens. Shoot, even a couple times to me at Disney

My boss tells me that all the time - we're both male.

Desired by both men and women - a true Adonis. And a legend in your own mind.

Have you experienced this in person? In NY? I'm not being sarcastic, I live in two places and understand that a small town "hello" is not usually threatening. I also worked in Manhattan for 32 years and it's a whole new ballgame.

Exactly. A "hello" or "good morning" while walking around the lake in Celebration is not the same thing as the creepy way it's said while they are leering at you in the city.

 

[RadioNate]

I hate this argument. Guys are saying these things because they find you attractive. Yes, most are trying to get a rise out of you. No, they shouldn't be doing it. But they're not going to say anything to other guys because they don't find other guys attractive.

No, I'm not saying women should take cat calls as a compliment. I think it is sad that guys can't tell a strange women she looks attractive or looks nice or has a nice dress (and even just end it there) because many men take it too far.

My question is this and I'm asking genuinely because you seem open to discussion

Why do men feel entitled to give their opinion on a woman's looks?

I don't walk down the street and tell a man I find attractive "nice suit" or "you look hot today." I might tell a male friend who I already have a relationship with but not a stranger.

I didn't ask you how I looked. I don't really care if you think I look nice. So why do you feel the need to tell me? I don't know you. Because you find me attractive that gives you the "right." That is exactly the entire problem.

^^^^^ and PLEASE know I don't mean you specifically, I meant some men in general but it is really clumsy to write it that way.

 

[JanaDee]

I was having a conversation with my brother in law a few years ago on this topic and I told him that it is very sad that every woman has to look at any strange man approaching her as a potential rapist. He was very offended. He was more offended when I told him that that attitude just contributed to the situation because we know that too often, even the men we know well will laugh off the threat and tell us we are overreacting.

What a sad outlook. You seriously look at every single man as a potential rapist?

 

[sam_gordon]

But some here are saying it's just a hello, good morning, etc. If that is the case they can say good morning to a man as well. You are admitting they do it to women because of looks. That is the problem, it's wrong.

So if you and I are walking on the street, and I say "hello" to you, that's wrong because I don't say "hello" to the guy walking behind you? If I talk to one person, I need to talk to everyone? I guess I shouldn't smile at you unless I smile at everyone.

 

[threeboysmom]

ETA: it isn't about being polite or nice or giving genuine complements. It is about power. It's about asserting dominance. It isn't about being nice.

This is EXACTLY it! The woman doesn't even have to be all that pretty. They don't care about the woman. They care about themselves. It's all about power and dominance over the helpless female trying to walk by them.

Absolutely NOT nice and is in NO WAY a compliment to be on the receiving end.

Don't answer or respond in any way. Don't even make eye contact. These guys are not being friendly or polite or paying you compliments - all you are is a sex object to them - so don't give them the time of day.

 

[snapppyd]

So if you and I are walking on the street, and I say "hello" to you, that's wrong because I don't say "hello" to the guy walking behind you? If I talk to one person, I need to talk to everyone? I guess I shouldn't smile at you unless I smile at everyone.

Are you being deliberately obtuse? The point is you say hello to the woman and not the man! Why would you pick ME to say hello to and NOT the guy behind me?

If we are neighbors or know each other that is a different story.

Actually I don't see why some people feel the need to talk to strangers. But I DID grow up in NYC.

 

[Flight]

Creeps.

 

[snapppyd]

No thanks. I don't need to read the comments to know what they say.

But some women think that any man that dares talk to them has some evil, creepy intent, regardless of what they say or how it is said.

Generally speaking, it seems that for some women, men can't do anything right.

ETA: I don't know any man that has told a woman to "get raped".

Maybe you Do need to read the comments, since you DON'T know what they said.

 

[JanaDee]

Maybe you Do need to read the comments, since you DON'T know what they said.

I am talking about myself, personally, not trolls on the internet. If you have men in your life that talk like that, maybe you need some different friends.

 

[threeboysmom]

There is such a huge difference between a gentleman telling me to "have a nice day" when exiting an elevator for example. I always smile, thank them, and respond in kind.

Totally different story when you're out walking the street and some thug loitering on a corner starts chatting you.

One stems from politeness & consideration; the other is purely selfish dominance over a "helpless" female. I swear, they get their kicks out of making a girl uncomfortable and frightened.

 

[wilkeliza]

What a sad outlook. You seriously look at every single man as a potential rapist?

A lot of women feel this way. I love to run outside but recently I invested in a treadmill and rarely make it up to Central Park or even in my own neighborhood because I do get suspicious of many men on my runs. Be it the guy who is following super close or the one who just stands there watching every woman jogger and who comments every time you loop by. I have had guys yell that it is hot I should take off my top or other that have yelled they'll take me home and get me more sweaty. Even the nice jobs can make me feel a little awkward because that means they are paying attention to me in particular and it is only yelled at women not many of the men also out on the CP loops. Also because it is usually "nice job mommy" or "nice job hot stuff" etc.

 

[wishing4PA]

Actually I don't see why some people feel the need to talk to strangers. But I DID grow up in NYC.

I've moved around a lot. If I didn't ever talk to strangers, I wouldn't know anybody.

Although, I'm not in NYC, and I'm pretty sure the guys in the video already had friends and weren't just trying to make new friends with everyone who walked by.

 

[snapppyd]

I am talking about myself, personally, not trolls on the internet. If you have men in your life that talk like that, maybe you need some different friends.

Whoa, I don't have friends like that. I'm talking about the men in the video and strangers on city streets. And who is a troll? Sheesh.

 

[sam_gordon]

My question is this and I'm asking genuinely because you seem open to discussion

Why do men feel entitled to give their opinion on a woman's looks?

I don't walk down the street and tell a man I find attractive "nice suit" or "you look hot today." I might tell a male friend who I already have a relationship with but not a stranger.

I didn't ask you how I looked. I don't really care if you think I look nice. So why do you feel the need to tell me? I don't know you. Because you find me attractive that gives you the "right." That is exactly the entire problem.

^^^^^ and PLEASE know I don't mean you specifically, I meant some men in general but it is really clumsy to write it that way.

I personally have never done it (or had it done to me). BUT, if a stranger on the street SINCERELY told me "nice suit" or "you look nice (or good) today" (not saying "you look hot"), I would think that make me feel good. So by the same token, a similar compliment might give a woman a good feeling.

Please keep in mind, I'm not defending the comments said in the video OR saying pursuing anyone if there's no response.

I think it's a shame people are being encouraged on this thread to simply ignore other human beings. Heck, according to snapppyd, you shouldn't even say "hello" to someone. I think that's sad.

 

[snapppyd]

There is such a huge difference between a gentleman telling me to "have a nice day" when exiting an elevator for example. I always smile, thank them, and respond in kind.

Totally different story when you're out walking the street and some thug loitering on a corner starts chatting you.

One stems from politeness & consideration; the other is purely selfish dominance over a "helpless" female. I swear, they get their kicks out of making a girl uncomfortable and frightened.

A lot of women feel this way. I love to run outside but recently I invested in a treadmill and rarely make it up to Central Park or even in my own neighborhood because I do get suspicious of many men on my runs. Be it the guy who is following super close or the one who just stands there watching every woman jogger and who comments every time you loop by. I have had guys yell that it is hot I should take off my top or other that have yelled they'll take me home and get me more sweaty. Even the nice jobs can make me feel a little awkward because that means they are paying attention to me in particular and it is only yelled at women not many of the men also out on the CP loops. Also because it is usually "nice job mommy" or "nice job hot stuff" etc.

Thank you! Seems some Disers live in that perfect little bubble world where it's ok to take candy from strangers.

 

[TAX GUY]

Curious...

if a strange woman walks past you in the street or in a store and says "I love your shoes"... what does that mean? If you reply with a thank you, and she continues with "where did you get them and how much..."


As for me, I from time to time will "nod" my head and say good morning or hello IF I happen to make eye contact. This applies to women OR men. Now, it could be the women and I make eye contact but the man behind her and I don't..... what then?

And for the record, I have received cat calls from women so its not just men that do it. Not saying when EITHER gender do it that its right or welcomed, but lets not use such a wide brush.

 

[olwyngdh]

What a sad outlook. You seriously look at every single man as a potential rapist?

Not always on a conscious level, but yes when I am alone, there is always a level of risk assessment--usually easily dismissible as no risk (thinking of the guy on the thread a while ago about riding the train at MK), but always there at some level. I think every woman who has been the recipient of unwanted attention does it, whether they think about it or not.

 

[threeboysmom]

My question is this and I'm asking genuinely because you seem open to discussion

Why do men feel entitled to give their opinion on a woman's looks?

I don't walk down the street and tell a man I find attractive "nice suit" or "you look hot today." I might tell a male friend who I already have a relationship with but not a stranger.

I didn't ask you how I looked. I don't really care if you think I look nice. So why do you feel the need to tell me? I don't know you. Because you find me attractive that gives you the "right." That is exactly the entire problem.

^^^^^ and PLEASE know I don't mean you specifically, I meant some men in general but it is really clumsy to write it that way.

Now see, I would have no problem with that. If standing in a checkout line I notice the man behind me has on a gorgeous shirt & tie combination, I'd have no issue complimenting him on his attire. And I don't think I'd have an issue with a man genuinely complimenting me on something I was wearing.

It really is a matter of WHO is saying it and WHERE. "Have a nice day" takes on a whole new meaning depending on who is saying it. Walking down the street is not a place for conversation... especially if all you're doing is loitering (which 90% of those thugs in the video were doing).

Women just need to use their own judgment when it comes to these encounters.

 

[JenM]

A lot of women feel this way. I love to run outside but recently I invested in a treadmill and rarely make it up to Central Park or even in my own neighborhood because I do get suspicious of many men on my runs. Be it the guy who is following super close or the one who just stands there watching every woman jogger and who comments every time you loop by. I have had guys yell that it is hot I should take off my top or other that have yelled they'll take me home and get me more sweaty. Even the nice jobs can make me feel a little awkward because that means they are paying attention to me in particular and it is only yelled at women not many of the men also out on the CP loops. Also because it is usually "nice job mommy" or "nice job hot stuff" etc.

Oh, I got a "Girl, you make me want to go skating with you!" when I was rollerblading in Central Park once. And yes, he thought he was being friendly. All I saw was some stranger staring at me that made me so uncomfortable that I had to go find another place to skate.

And that wasn't fair. I didn't do anything wrong. I was meeting some friends for a softball game later, and just wanted to go skating before the game. I shouldn't have had to go skating somewhere else because some twit couldn't keep his comments to himself.