Were you spanked as a child? Do you spank your kids?

[SDFgirl]

My toddler has been acting up lately, so I've talked to a few friends about it. I'm surprised how many of my friends have said that they spank their toddlers! I didn't think spanking was done much these days.

I was curious, so I read up on it a bit. Some out there believe that a child will *always* remember how bad it felt to be spanked, how de-valued they felt, how they learned to solve problems with violence. So that got me to wondering...if your parents spanked you, how do/did you feel about it?

FOR THE RECORD, I'm talking about controlled, light spankings. Not child abuse or hitting out of anger.

I only remember being spanked once as a kid. I never felt devalued or unloved. I probably deserved it! Having said that, I'm a long way off from feeling like spanking is a possible solution for my family.

 

[LisaNJ25]

yes and yes

 

[Papa Deuce]

1. was spanked frequently.

2. Have NEVER spanked my kids and they are wonderfully behaved.

 

[teacups]

My toddler has been acting up lately, so I've talked to a few friends about it. I'm surprised how many of my friends have said that they spank their toddlers! I didn't think spanking was done much these days.

I was curious, so I read up on it a bit. Some out there believe that a child will *always* remember how bad it felt to be spanked, how de-valued they felt, how they learned to solve problems with violence. So that got me to wondering...if your parents spanked you, how do/did you feel about it?

FOR THE RECORD, I'm talking about controlled, light spankings. Not child abuse or hitting out of anger.

I only remember being spanked once as a kid. I never felt devalued or unloved. I probably deserved it! Having said that, I'm a long way off from feeling like spanking is a possible solution for my family.

One of the silliest sights Ive seen is a friend of mine who rationalizes with her two small girls... its insane. They dont look her in the face when she's doing it and then they run off and get in even more trouble as soon as she lets them. Nobody likes to be around these girls. They are pretty obnoxious to be around. A toddler huh? I guess if he were running out in front of cars I might be inclined to swat a bottom, but if the child is spilling basketti (toddler for spaggetti) on the floor... well then no. There are other ways. .

What are these kids doing that makes these other moms "Spank"?

 

[Eeyores Butterfly]

I was never spanked. I have always been one of those kids that the very worst thing was to be told you were mad at/disappointed in me. Spanking would have been a lot less worse to me than grounding/talking, etc.

I also plan to never spank my children. I have been through foster care training and plan to foster one day. You are not allowed to spank foster children. Period. This is because so many have been abused. I have a fairly extensive child psychology background and teach kids with behavioral problems so I have learned ways to help shape a child's behavior without the need for corporal punishment.

 

[happygirl]

Yes, I turned out okay. Yes my kids get spanked and the seem to be turning out okay

 

[Fintastic]

I was spanked as a kid. I don't think it ruined me for life, but even then I realized that my parents were just being lazy and acting out of anger. I can't bring myself to spank DD. I just can't. For one thing it's a power struggle - the big person showing the little person who's boss. Sounds like bullying to me! For another, why would I purposely try to inflict physical pain on the person I brought into this world to love and care for?

 

[NMAmy]

Yes, I was spanked as a child.

No, I never spanked my own child. She's 18 now. I actually was more tempted to do it when she was about 13 than I ever was when she was a toddler.

We both turned out okay. I just think I had more patience than my mother did and was more willing to try other ways of disciplining. My mom used to give me a hard time about it but even she admitted that dd behaved (and still behaves) just fine.

 

[SydneyFalco]

No spankings, but I did have my face pushed into a bowl of chicken pot pie one night when I was complaining too much.

One of the saddest things about our deciding not to have kids is I will never get to do this to one of my own. My father's unique parenting tactics on that night deserve homage.

 

[lspst8]

I can remember being spanked once as a child -- I was about 4 years old and wouldn't stop dancing in front of the TV after my dad told me to stop. I was completely SHOCKED when he did it, but I have never danced in front of the TV again I was a very well behaved child and never got into any trouble growing up or at school. (I was a big whiner, but I don't think that was related to the spanking!) I think my 4 year old self thought "Oh, Dad means business .... I'm gonna be good from here on out, because I don't want that to happen again." I have a great relationship with my parents and have to say I don't feel "wounded or scarred" in any way. Gosh, we like to joke about dancing in front of the TV and how it is a big no-no.

 

[eeyoremum]

yes and yes

That said. My kids are older and are far too old to spank.

What works best. Tell the child what you want. Do not negotiate, do not explain or be wordy just very simply "it is time to do this now" "you need to stop this now". However you chose to punish make it consistant.

I was at a water park with my son. There was a family with 2 young kids there too. I guess the kids took off on the parents. This is what I witnessed.

Dad "why did you do that"
kid "I want to swim"
Mum "you can never run away again. We need to see you"
Kid "ok"
Mum "That's a deal now. We will shake on it and you won't do it again"

Seriously.....this would be me

"don't do that again or you will sit with me for the rest of the day while your dad and brother have fun" Then I would do that

Also, I saw a family at disney:

3 kids - 2 put on sunscreen 1 didn't. Mum chasing after the child in a circle at the bus stop. Continually saying "if you don't put on SS you won't get on the bus we will go back to the room." The kid never put on the darn SS and of course got on the bus

Again...don't chose a punishment you are not going to inforce. I would have spent the day in the room. Sure I would be ticked but really florida and no SS?

Toddlers are hard but they do grow up

 

[chicagodisneyfan]

Never spanked.

Have never spanked.

Violence begets violence is the phrase my mother used to say.

 

[C.Ann]

Oh boy.. Wish I had saved all of my previous posts on this topic every time it pops up..

I think I'll wait until later before I jump in with both feet..

 

[SDFgirl]

What are these kids doing that makes these other moms "Spank"?

One spanks her son if he has a time-out.

What got us all to talking about it is that my DD (almost 2) seems to enjoy time-outs. In fact, she suggests time-outs when she doesn't want to follow directions. Obviously, I need to come up with something less attractive to her as a form of discipline. So she said that her son liked time-outs too, until she started spanking him during time-outs.

 

[live4christp1]

Yes I was spanked on the behind with a belt and sometimes even "switched" - some of you will know what that is.

I myself have never been in a physical fight with anyone, would never think of doing something violent to another person.

Yes, I do spank my children on the behind on occasion but not out of anger. Would never use a switch on them or strick them other than on the behind.

 

[Eeyores Butterfly]

You have to get creative sometimes. One story I love my father to tell is a punishment my grandmother inflicted on him:

He had gotten into the habit of calling his brothers liars. No matter what she said he would not stop, so one day she made him write down "I shall strike the nomenclature prevaricator from my vocabulary" 100 times. He had to be able to tell her what it meant when he was done. He has never done it since.

 

[Liberty Belle]

I was, especially by my step father. And for way too long.

I have spanked my oldest (when he was younger), but I regretted it.

 

[KristinBelle]

No and yes, a few times.

 

[GeorgiaPeach8]

1) yes, I was "spanked" as a child. I can still remember the sound of a belt clearing loops. I NEVER want this for my child.

2) yes, I do spank. Not in the same way my parents did. First, I never use a paddle, belt, switch, etc. I keep it to 3 or 4 swats.

Here is my rule of thumb--I don't want my kids to remember being spanked. AND I want to discipline in love not anger. Having said that, some days I fall short! So, as my kids have gotten bigger, I'm working on phasing out spanking. Mostly, for my 6 year old I take away something like TV, DS game, American Girl doll, allowance. Much more effective. For my twin boys, I swat on the butt is still effective. They just turned three.

Now, having said that--this summer I spanked my DD at the 4th of July festival. She had been horrible for weeks...nothing was working. Finally, she snatched a brochure out of my Dad's hand and that was it. I spanked her in front of God and a couple of thousand people. Lost my Mother of the Year Award However, she knew she had hit my bottom line. Behavior has been much better the rest of the summer!

You might want to try reading 1-2-3 Magic. It is really practical and great especially for ages 3+.

 

[cheermom1]

yes and I deserved it but i was only a few times...


yes I have but a few times when they were younger and soon realized it didn't work i had to come up with a better solution....so i haven't since my youngest was 2 and he is 15 now.....