Were You a Victim of Anything? If So I need Your Help

[Wish Upon A Star]

I'll try to keep this short.

Back in October 2003, DD was threatened by another student along with a few of her friends. This student threatened to shoot them. The student was given suspension, and 6 months probation and a psych evaluation and was deemed ok to continue his education.

On April 29th DD was told by this same student that "we need another Columbine, this school is boring" It was overheard by several students but DD was the one he said it to, so again, the police called upon her for a statement. The kid again was suspended and now is locked up in Juvenile Detention.

I received a letter from his Probation Officer advising me of her rights as a victim and asking if we lost wages, etc., or if we'd like to write a statment which would help in his sentencing.

I don't know if we should write anything at all. I don't want DD to keep being pointed out. I don't know what to do. I would love to write a letter, but I'm not sure if it'll make things better or worse for DD.

I'm the one losing sleep over this.. .what should I do?

 

[lisajl]

No advice...just a
I'm sorry you have to deal with this.

Lisajl

 

[CEDmom]

How horrible for your DD and your entire family. I've never been the victim of a crime so I can't offer any first hand advice. However, what does your DD think about writing a letter? As I recall from your other posts she in HS, correct? I'd get her feelings on the situation and go from there. It might even be helpful for her in dealing with this to write a letter but not necessarily mail it.

My best to you all.

 

[Wish Upon A Star]

Thank you.

DD did write something, but she will most likely not send it. Like me, she feels like she'll make things worse at school if he does end up coming back to school, which I'm hoping he doesn't. It's a total Catch 22.

What he has said now and in the past should be grounds for expulsion and I've spoken not only to the principal, but to the Superintendent of Schools. They couldn't get into too much detail, but I believe that the BOE will go for an expulsion. And I also requested to the Superintendent that I would hope that an out placement for him would be considered.

I truly believe that this boy is seeking attention. I know that this past year has been bad for him with his parents going through a divorce. I almost feel bad for him while hating him for putting DD through this at the same time. And I also feel bad for his mother, as I am sure that any mother would be going through a lot of pain if their child was arrested.

It is bad enough being a teenager with all the peer pressure and school work and social stuff without having to deal with talk of shooting.

 

[Stepharoonie!]

No advice, but a and good luck wishes for you.

 

[CEDmom]

I hope for everyone's sake this child is not allowed back to school. I understand feeling badly for him. I hope his parent's use this as a wake up call to get him help. However, in light of Columbine and many other school tragedies the school board would be making a huge error in judgement by letting him back in. I can't imagine any parent feeling comfortable sending their child to school knowing that kid is there.

I hope it all works out.

 

[luv2nascar]

sorry no advise just well wishes
hoping things go well for you either way
It really sounds like this kid is crying out for help
I pray he gets the help he needs

 

[Claudia1]

Does your Prosecutor's office have a Victim's Advocate? Our's does and they can guide you thru the process, including what to say to describe how his words will affect her/your daily lives when he is released.

I'd call and try to find one in your area. Ours has been extremely helpful.

Good luck!

 

[chager]

When our home was broken into we submitted a letter explaining how this affected our lives. DS also wrote a seperate letter about how he felt. Anthony is due for release in June. We just received notice of it and another form to submit about how we feel. (We could present this in person if we feel like it. I'm going to call in the morning about it.) I am unsure if his family still lives in the area, but we will request an order to keep him away from our area. This was a young man that I really liked and was trying to help get his life on track when he made a really bad decision to break in my home!! I heard he is sorry, but that doesn't take back the fact Nick had nightmares for 8 weeks or that he is still afraid of someone breaking in. More so now that Anthony is set to be released. I think the boy needs help and I pray he finds it.
I'm not sure if he actually heard what was written or if only the judge read it. In our case I hope he heard it.
I guess in your situation it would depend on if the judge only was going to see your statement. I know that students have been expelled for making threatening remarks around here before. I pray it all works out well for you.

 

[kilee]

I am so sorry for what you are going through. Those teen years have got to be the hardest. There is no easy thing to do, I just hope things start to look up for you.

 

[FroggyinArk]

as a victom of a drunk driver who is faceing several felonies now,, please see the prosecutors ofice and check on victons board advocates etc,, they often times will reimburse you for any expenses related to the crime, counseling for your dd, gas money, time missed from work,, any weay it still will be wortth it to stay in contact and up to date with p a they are on your side and most of the time aer very glad to have any assistance the victoms can proivide,, mine is tryingto egt me reimburdsed for all the expenses, even meals on road tyo drs office, gas, lost wages, med bills, so definately call the stae pa 's office or attorneyt generals office and cherck on it
]

 

[Dan Murphy]

So sad, what happens today. People are nuts. I have no ideas, but do wish you well. I do think that the kid needs to be dealt with a a severe threat though.

 

[Wish Upon A Star]

Thank you all for your support.

I really appreciate it alot.

 

[jfulcer]

DW's Grandfather was killed by a hit and run driver (possibly drunk) back in 1998. The driver, in attempt to free his stuck truck from DW's Grandfather's car, was jerked his truck back and force, causing him to break his neck a second time (the first time was from the accident itself). After spending 3 nights canvassing the neighborhood with flyers, someone finally turned this guy in.

At court, we were assigned a Victim's Advocate who helped us in understanding the process and telling what our rights were. One of the things that she said during the process stuck in my head and might apply in your situation. We were allowed to speak at his sentencing and at future probation reviews. The advocate told us "We generally find that the victim having the ability to tell the court how it has effected them goes a long way to start a healing process."

We believe it was our involvement in the process that kept him in jail for almost his whole term. Of course, he coulda just been a really big loser, but having our say <i>helped us</i> for sure.

Now having said that, I did a little research. I assume your DD is in public school so I went and found your board of education website, and it specifically states that a student can be expelled for one year for threantening or intimidating other students or teachers. (read here ) It also says the board has the ability to modify the expulsion time period, which I would imagine they might do in the situation.

So I'd say:

1) Even if it's just sending the letter, remember it's important information that the judge uses to help determine sentencing. If you don't send something and the school is not on top of their game, the judge just may assume that nobody was really hurt by his statements.

2) Should she worry about this guy getting out and having a grudge? Well, if your DD was the one he said this to within others hearing, you can well assume he <i>knows</i> who might have turned him in already. And you can't live your life in fear.

3) Check with the courts to see if there is an advocate you can talk to. They might be able to give you a better picture of what you can and could expect.

Good luck!

 

[Pixie_Dust]

Originally posted by FroggyinArk
as a victom of a drunk driver who is faceing several felonies now,, please see the prosecutors ofice and check on victons board advocates etc,, they often times will reimburse you for any expenses related to the crime, counseling for your dd, gas money, time missed from work,, any weay it still will be wortth it to stay in contact and up to date with p a they are on your side and most of the time aer very glad to have any assistance the victoms can proivide,, mine is tryingto egt me reimburdsed for all the expenses, even meals on road tyo drs office, gas, lost wages, med bills, so definately call the stae pa 's office or attorneyt generals office and cherck on it
]

When we lived in SF our car was stolen and the SF police did not even have it logged into their system (they could have easily caught him if they had started looking when we called and saw our car being driven away) when 3 hours later the kid was caught by the MPs at the Presidio for running a stoplight. I got a call from the SF district attorney strongly persuading us not to press charges because the kid was "at risk of being in a gang if he went to prison." I said who will pay our $250 deductible for all the car damage, which we had to pay ourselves rather than live in fear of gang retaliation if we pressed charges. I felt victimized by the system that was protecting the criminal and not us. They certainly had no intention of reimbursing us for anything! Basically the DA had his way by ignoring every objection of mine and even ignoring me when I flat out said to press charges. DH said the Presidio would press charges so not to worry (but we still had to pay!)

I got no emotional support from anyone else either, including this jerk I worked with who dismissed what had happened as "joy riding," as if I should not be making a big deal out of it!

 

[Pooh_Friend#1]

I was a senior in high school when the Columbine tragedy happened. Luckily the boundary lines was drawn at my street. I went to another HS that I had to ride a bus to when I could have walked to Columbine. Columbine HS is a block away from me and I lost a childhood friend to the tragedy and many of my friends were hurt and witnessed the worse that affects them daily. This kid should not be allowed back into school and should be taken serious so another tragedy doesn't happen again. I would suggest writing a letter. Let them know what your family has been going through. Best of Luck to you. Keep us updated.