We're Selling!

[jimmytammy]

Carolyn

You keep up the strength. We experienced DWs Dad going through ALS and it is very heartbreaking. But standing by family is important in this life. It is hard to understand why life can be so cruel and yet if we search deep in our souls we can find strength in God to sustain us.

I pray that all goes as good as possible for you and your family n the coming days.

 

[fkj2]

I love hospice, they are an awesome organization, we could slip in under many loop holes but my MIL is not ready, we are trying to just keep some quality in everyones life!

If you don't start utilizing your options now, even if MIL isn't ready, there won't be quality in anyone's life. Then where will FIL be? Forget having a concrete plan, Carolyn. I always try to have Plans B, C and D to back-up my first plan. It changes from moment-to-moment.

There comes a point when you have to relinquish control. Isn't that hard to do? And I'm not necessarily referring to relinquishing control to earthly entities either. Been there, done that. The situation is what it is and about the only thing that can be done is to try and keep FIL as comfortable as possible and not sacrifice the other family members along with him. I've heard some of the stories of the caregiver passing before the one who is being cared for. That's the grim reality of being responsible and standing by the family you love. The only upshot--that at the end of the day (and the end of this trial) you can look at yourself in the mirror and at each other and know you've done your best, and that God does see and understand and while it may seem that sometimes you (and family) are alone, you're not. At least you seem to have family who will help.

It reminds me of the joke where a man was stuck on a roof with rising flood waters and two boaters and a helicopter come by and offer to rescue him but he refuses, saying God will save him. The man drowns. When he gets to heaven, he asks God why He didn't save him and God says, "I sent you two boats and a helicoptor and you turned them away."

Don't turn away the lifeboat.

 

[CRSNDSNY]

Prayers for you and your family.

 

[manning]

Hope this helps.

Physician Certification:
The hospice benefit is intended primarily for use with patients whose prognosis is terminal, with six months or less of life expectancy. The Medicare program recognizes that terminal illnesses do not have entirely predictable courses, therefore, the benefit is available for periods of time beyond six months provided the proper certification is made at the start of each benefit period. Please see additional instructions regarding physician certification in Program Memorandum AB-01-09.
For further information regarding Medicare Hospice Benefits see: http://www.medicare.gov/Publications/Pubs/pdf/02154.pdf (pdf format

 

[mitcam]

I certainly can appreciate the value of hospice. I am a proponent of such a vital program. I think that what got lost is that we (especially my MIL) is not ready for Hospice. My FIL is going to get worse and she is aware of that but for her to bring in Hospice would be her admitting failure. This is not a financial issue of who will or will not pay. Hospice requires willing people and MIL is not. I honestly think the kids aren't either but I have never discussed it with them not even DH.

For now she still wants to share his bed, make his meals and maintain any sort of calm in her home she can. She needs overnight respite but she shares a room with him and really doesn't want to leave it! Tomorrow we have a big family meeting and we will be making some changes to the house to make it a little more comfortable for my FIL. My MIL is somewhat of a marter. Only in the rarest of moments does she admit how bad it really is for her.

Thanks for the support
Carolyn

 

[SleepyatDVC]

Your MIL and FIL are lucky to have you. I know that it is and will continue to be hard. May God grant you and your family added strength and may your family continue to support you.

My grandfather had Parkinsons. He was always such a healthly individual when I was growing up. After he had suffered his first stroke, he got better and then his health continued to decline slowly. He moved in with my family for the last 10 years of his life. Mom was one of 6 children. She was the oldest girl. She had an older brother but he and his DW couldn't even take care of themselves.

It was very hard for him because his mind was always very sharp and alert but his body just wouldn't keep up. It was very frustrating for him. I handled all his financial affairs and he knew what he had to the penny all the time! He passed away the year after I got married. I still miss him. I wish my girls would have known him.

It warms my heart to see my girls with my Dad. I want them to have a close relationship with their GP like I did with mine.

Best of luck to you and your family.

 

[Disney Doll]

Sometimes we have to meet people where they are. Your MIL sounds like control is important to her, as it is to all of us.

When my DFIL was sick, my DMIL was also becoming sick, although she wouldn't admit it, put herself aside to care for DFIL, would get exhausted by it, need help from us, which she would always get, but she wanted it on her terms. We did abide by her terms, but there were days when it was quite difficult, and she had some unusual ideas/reactions. She would call me at work to see if I could come to her house to help her clean up my FIL who had had an accident. I work as a nurse, so there is no way I could leave my job to do that. I'd ask her if she had called my DSIL, who was at home and is also a nurse, but she would never want to "bother" her. Meanwhile, I am at work. It was very strange. And if you commented upon the strangeness of the situations, she'd get quite angry. As the in-law child, I leanrned to do what I was told and keep my mouth shut. It was easier for everyone that way.

Shortly after my DFIL died, she became ill and died within 9 months of him. And I do miss them...for all their quirks, they were great people!

 

[mitcam]

It's funny how life throws these curve balls and we all dodge them the best we can. MIL is very tired and although not willing to accept much she is also a personality if you just show up and do it she is ever so greatful.

She doesn't want to burden her children. She bears much burden in FIL's care but has not been readily accepting of help. We met and discussed things today she gave us a few things that would help her and we were on it immediately. Meanwhile when we showed up today my FIL has a large bruise on his head from falling in the kitchen in the middle of the night and she tells us she didn't hear him get out of be or fall and it wasn't until he "crawled" back into the bedroom and called her did she wake up! (I am so frightened for them but she can be so stubborn!)

Needless to say, for now we are going to get our house ready for its sale, get our small amount of debt paid off and buy a house to take them into. My DH will also be spending 1-2 nights a week at their house to allow MIL to get some sleep without worry!

Thanks to all for your great support.

Carolyn

 

[minniestheone]

Carolyn-

As I write this I am monitoring my mom's breathing in the other room. I took a leave of absence and my father and her are living with me and my family as she is terminally ill. Right now seems to be very near the end.

Taking care of your family is a very delicate, sensitive matter and several of our friends came out and said they could never do what we are doing. My mom refused hospice, because you have to agree to no more hospitalization and she wouldn't-she is a fighter. My dad is like your MIL-always hopeful and holding on.

Everyone has advice but you have to do what is best for your family and situation. I figure this "sacrifice" as others has called it is tough sometimes(the past 7 months) but they spent their whole lives making sacrifices and taking care of me-this is the least I can do. Just know that no matter what you decide it was a decision made from love.

 

[MiaSRN62]

As I write this I am monitoring my mom's breathing in the other room. I took a leave of absence and my father and her are living with me and my family as she is terminally ill. Right now seems to be very near the end.

Minniestheone, I know how terribly difficult a time this is as we just went through this 6 months ago with my mil (who was more like a mom to me). Prayers going out to you and your family.