Weirdest Kids Birthday Party ever!

[krcit]

That was me. I must have overdosed on too much sugar from the cotton candy clouds.

I hope you didn't hurt yourself sliding down the rainbows

 

[cheermom1]

I haven't said that ALL exes should not be in the same room but in this case yes they should not be in the same room. You need to reread the the OP b/c she states that it was uncomfortable for everyone that was there. So again HOW is that benefiting the kids? For the kids to feel all that tension? I AM putting the kids best interests first here. If the adults are not having fun then the kids are not having fun. That is simple. If you can work it out that you can be in the same room then so be it. But this poster posted b/c it WAS a problem or shouldn't have posted.

If they had truly put aside their differences & come together as a family, they'd have all been allowed in the room together where things were going on. If each being in a separate room in the house & staying as far away from each other as possible with alcohol to keep them sane, then yes...by all means, they certainly put aside their differences & came together as a family.

 

[Mermaid02]

I haven't said that ALL exes should not be in the same room but in this case yes they should not be in the same room. You need to reread the the OP b/c she states that it was uncomfortable for everyone that was there. So again HOW is that benefiting the kids? For the kids to feel all that tension? I AM putting the kids best interests first here. If the adults are not having fun then the kids are not having fun. That is simple. If you can work it out that you can be in the same room then so be it. But this poster posted b/c it WAS a problem or shouldn't have posted.

I don't think the OP can REALLY speak for everyone who was there.

edited to add: I think it's nice and frankly mature of the adults involved to at least TRY and do this for the child's sake. Who knows, maybe next year they will decide NOT to do it this way- but they all tried and it sounds like everyone behaved. I hope the Birthday Boy had a great day.

 

[rie'smom]

I hope you didn't hurt yourself sliding down the rainbows

I did get a few splinters but at least they were pretty colors.

 

[krcit]

I haven't said that ALL exes should not be in the same room but in this case yes they should not be in the same room. You need to reread the the OP b/c she states that it was uncomfortable for everyone that was there. So again HOW is that benefiting the kids? For the kids to feel all that tension? I AM putting the kids best interests first here. If the adults are not having fun then the kids are not having fun. That is simple. If you can work it out that you can be in the same room then so be it. But this poster posted b/c it WAS a problem or shouldn't have posted.

It was a problem for HER. She doesn't know how everyone at the party felt. Obviously, the mom, the dad and the boyfriend were all ok with it because they were all there. It actually sounds like they stayed out of each others way and all was well. sometimes people project their prejudices and feeling on a situation and read it all wrong.

 

[cheermom1]

I don't think the OP can REALLY speak for everyone who was there.

Maybe not but if she felt it I'm sure everyone felt it.

 

[Mermaid02]

Maybe not but if she felt it I'm sure everyone felt it.

I guarantee you my husband would not have picked up on a thing

 

[rie'smom]

Maybe not but if she felt it I'm sure everyone felt it.

You are projecting your feelings on people who attended the party. You don't know how they felt. If I go somewhere and feel tension does that mean that you will or that someone else will? No

 

[Scurvy]

I haven't said that ALL exes should not be in the same room but in this case yes they should not be in the same room. You need to reread the the OP b/c she states that it was uncomfortable for everyone that was there. So again HOW is that benefiting the kids? For the kids to feel all that tension? I AM putting the kids best interests first here. If the adults are not having fun then the kids are not having fun. That is simple. If you can work it out that you can be in the same room then so be it. But this poster posted b/c it WAS a problem or shouldn't have posted.

If they had truly put aside their differences & come together as a family, they'd have all been allowed in the room together where things were going on. If each being in a separate room in the house & staying as far away from each other as possible with alcohol to keep them sane, then yes...by all means, they certainly put aside their differences & came together as a family.

It's a process. If it's going to happen, it has to start somewhere. Maybe there's tension now, but as time goes by it will get better. And honestly, the OP doesn't know that everyone could feel the tension. She knew the situation and she picked up on it. That doesn't mean everyone else did, and even if the child did maybe it was worth it to him to have his whole family together. There can be tension for all sorts of reasons. The last tense party I went to was because a bunch of coworkers of the guest of honor had just been let go from their jobs. Another one I went to was tense because two of the female guests were sniping at each other. Parties aren't all perfect. Tension happens. And frankly it's likely that the first birthday party without one of the parents there would also have been tense, just because it's a huge change and people might not know quite how to act. Sometimes it's worth having the party despite the tension, no matter what's causing it.

 

[EllenFrasier]

How exactly is this weird? That they got along for the sake of their child despite their differences? Should the Father drop off the face of the earth and never come around anymore because of the divorce? Should the kids be forced to pick between the parents, and have to have two separate parties because people can't be civil?? I think your neice and her soon to be ex handled the situation wonderfully, they put aside their differences and were there for their child. Too bad others couldn't do that.

I guess I used the wrong word. Instead of weird I guess it should have been strange or stressful. Since they are newly divorced (papers signed, hasn't gone through yet) it is not a common thing to see them together but not together. The ex- was standing there video taping and the boyfriend was sitting on the couch near where he was standing. I was thinking "what must they be thinking right now?"....just odd. Yes, I am glad that they held it together during the party. I guess they had words before the party started, and I am sure that there was a good chance that they did it again after everyone left.
I stayed because it was a family party too - I am the child's great aunt after all. My sister stayed too - she is his other great aunt. Last year I had a cold and my husband just dropped them off and picked them up.
I'm sure we will all grow used to the new situation. I think the boyfriend might be living there now. I try not to ask too many questions - figure if they want me to know, they will tell me. His dogs were there at the house and their personalized stand that holds their pet food dishes was in the kitchen, so I'm thinking he lives there. Well, his dogs do anyway, lol!

 

[MrsJackSparrow4Life]

I haven't said that ALL exes should not be in the same room but in this case yes they should not be in the same room. You need to reread the the OP b/c she states that it was uncomfortable for everyone that was there. So again HOW is that benefiting the kids? For the kids to feel all that tension? I AM putting the kids best interests first here. If the adults are not having fun then the kids are not having fun. That is simple. If you can work it out that you can be in the same room then so be it. But this poster posted b/c it WAS a problem or shouldn't have posted.

If they had truly put aside their differences & come together as a family, they'd have all been allowed in the room together where things were going on. If each being in a separate room in the house & staying as far away from each other as possible with alcohol to keep them sane, then yes...by all means, they certainly put aside their differences & came together as a family.

Actually the OP said the kids had fun. It was the boyfriend that the OP was feeling sorry for.

As for the alcohol...It is not like the mother got falling down drunk, she just had a couple of drinks. I don't have alcohol at kids parties but I have been to enough that do include alcohol I see nothing wrong with it. As long as the adults are not getting drunk it doesn't harm the kids to see their parents have an alcoholic beverage.

Besides the OP said she GUESSED the mother was feeling stress because it was only 2 pm. Last I checked drinking after noon is considered acceptable by most social standards.

 

[nathalee81]

They are NOT a family anymore! And to keep up the idea of them being a family is putting false hope in the kids.

That is just sad that you think that way.

My parents were divorced when I was pretty young. My father moved pretty far away, but I saw him quite frequently. I alternated spending b-days with my parents. One year, for my b-day, my father flew my mother in so we could all spend my b-day together. I still remember that b-day as one of the best I have ever had. Looking back, was it probably awkward for my parents? Probably. Did I notice it as an 10 year old. No. I really didn't. I was too happy that they were both with me.

Also, my mother is still very close with my grandmother (my father's mother). She helped my mother out in a very tough time and was always very, very good to my mom (and my mom, in turn, was very very good to her). To this day, there is alot of love there and I am sure that my mother would do anything for my grandma (and my grandma would do anything for my mother). Just because my mother divorced my father doesn't mean all the good stuff between my grandma and my mom goes away.

We recently visited with my fathers family (aunts, uncles, cousins, my dad and my grandmother). Guess who decided to come along? My mother and my stepdad. Everyone had a great time.

I am sorry your family hasn't been able to work past their issues for the sake of the kids. The ones who will really lose out on this is the children.

Also, I don't think people who try to work together for the sake of the kids are living in La La land. I think this is a very adult way of dealing with divorce and children. Just because you haven't been able to reach this point, don't think others can't live this way.

ETA: Also, at no time did I falsely believe my parents would reunite. I was actually one of those kids who DIDN'T want them to get back together, as I knew they were not right for each other even at 8 years old. Also, it might have helped that my parents realized that I might need some extra help to get through their divorce, so they got me a therapist.

 

[disneyjunkie]

They are NOT a family anymore! And to keep up the idea of them being a family is putting false hope in the kids.[/QU They are the child's family members. That little boy is lucky to have family members that are willing to put him first

 

[NMAmy]

Keeping it like they are a family is what draws out the children's wishes for their parents to reunite. They need to understand that they are not one family unit anymore. While their mother will always be their mother & their father will always be their father, the group of them, together, are not a family.

That's the illusion that makes it so difficult for children to accept new step-parents. It makes them feel like the step is intruding in their family & keeping the parents from getting back together.

Instead of the one family they originally were, the kids get to have 2 families...one with each parent.

Oh, please. Many of us here have actually lived this reality. It's absolutely possible for two parents to work together to get along for the sake of their child without the child believing they're getting back together.

DD has a stepfather and a stepmother. She's able to accept them quite well--mainly because we all worked very hard to get along over the years. In my experience, if the stepparent tries to pretend like the biological parent doesn't exist--THAT'S when you run into issues.

I am also a stepmother and can get along quite well with my stepdd's mom.

Just curious--will your husband not attend his children's weddings and graduations so as to avoid his ex?

 

[FlightlessDuck]

Sounds like Christmas 2009 at our house. We had a situation where a couple just broke up, and each brought their significant other over to our house during Christmas. I went for the Peppermint Schnapps at that point.

 

[MrsJackSparrow4Life]

And I do have to say that unless the boyfriend was the mother's nephew by marriage, I have no problem with her including him

 

[nathalee81]

And I do have to say that unless the boyfriend was the mother's nephew by marriage, I have no problem with her including him

Good one!

 

[sunnyday123]

They are NOT a family anymore! And to keep up the idea of them being a family is putting false hope in the kids.

I was trying to read the whole thread-it's blown up since I first posted, but I couldn't get past this little gem.

They ARE a FAMILY. No matter what happened between the parents, they are STILL the parents-they are that childs family.

I'm divorced. My ex husband and I had a particularly bad break up-he cheated on me. However, we looked past that, and he attends DD's ( or when she had them ) birthday parties, school events and soccer games. The only disagreement we've had was when he didn't want to get up early for a game. I made him see the light. I've even gone so far as to invite his girl friend to a party, because he said she wouldn't be attending because she was uncomfortable. I talked to her and let her know I wasn't the "crazy ex wife" and that if she was in my daughters life, she was welcome.

Divorce is the ultimate fix to any problems, and to hang onto to bitterness and become petty over things that a) YOU weren't a part of or b) will only hurt your child is the only "weird" thing.

 

[sunnyday123]

Keeping it like they are a family is what draws out the children's wishes for their parents to reunite. They need to understand that they are not one family unit anymore. While their mother will always be their mother & their father will always be their father, the group of them, together, are not a family.

That's the illusion that makes it so difficult for children to accept new step-parents. It makes them feel like the step is intruding in their family & keeping the parents from getting back together.

Instead of the one family they originally were, the kids get to have 2 families...one with each parent.

No, I don't think that's it.

 

[aprilgail2]

I think it's wonderful that both parents were there for the child's birthday. Quite frankly if there was tension the boyfriend should have found something else to do for the day.

I agree!

I think that the mom should have had a party and the dad could have his own. They are not together any more so why do anything together.

I.

That is just silly! My friend ex husband even comes over Christmas morning to watch the kids open their gifts- not all divorces have to be bitter!

They are NOT a family anymore! And to keep up the idea of them being a family is putting false hope in the kids.

Wow---spoken by a bitter second wife/ stepmom!! They are STILL the boys family and will ALWAYS be the boys family regardless of how any bitter stepmom feels!