Weirdest Kids Birthday Party ever!

[cheermom1]

Before you said that there was too much tension for the parents to be at a party together, and the tension wasn't good for the kids. Now you're saying the kids will think the parents are getting back together? Even with all the tension that you said the kids will pick up on? Sounds like a lot of rationalizations here...

HUH what? You just spun it around to make it work for you. What I said is IF they keep it up and things might get better it is still giving the kids a false sense of hope. Pretending to be a family is wrong if they have no intentions of getting back together.

You guys might want to spend a little time a step family board and get a new perspective about blended families.

 

[rie'smom]

They are faking it so how is that good for the kids? NO they are NOT a family. The kid has a family but they are not family anymore. The kid is family to the dad and his family and he is family to his mom and her family. They are SEPARATED. The kid will get false hope that they are getting back together.

The BF was invited by the mom and he did nothing wrong. Sure he might have not be been there but you don't know if the mom insisted on him being there. She might have wanted him there for a reason.

I am not a fan of putting the kids in a place that there is a lot of tension this is not good for them and as I said before if the op could feel it the kids could too. I will not be able convenience that the kids didn't feel what op felt. It was in the air!

They are not faking it. By showing up together, they are showing unity to their child. Would it be better if the parents hated each other's guts and couldn't be in the same place together?

I'm a fan of putting my child's needs above my own wants.

 

[msjprincess]

My parents were divorced. We still spent holidays and birthdays together. None of the kids ever thought they were getting back together.

Maybe I have strange friends but all of the divorced parents I know still spend time together. Birthdays, school events etc.....

 

[cheermom1]

Keeping it like they are a family is what draws out the children's wishes for their parents to reunite. They need to understand that they are not one family unit anymore. While their mother will always be their mother & their father will always be their father, the group of them, together, are not a family.

That's the illusion that makes it so difficult for children to accept new step-parents. It makes them feel like the step is intruding in their family & keeping the parents from getting back together.

Instead of the one family they originally were, the kids get to have 2 families...one with each parent.

 

[allison443]

Keeping it like they are a family is what draws out the children's wishes for their parents to reunite. They need to understand that they are not one family unit anymore. While their mother will always be their mother & their father will always be their father, the group of them, together, are not a family.

That's the illusion that makes it so difficult for children to accept new step-parents. It makes them feel like the step is intruding in their family & keeping the parents from getting back together.

Instead of the one family they originally were, the kids get to have 2 families...one with each parent.

And wouldn't it be nice if the two families could put aside their differences and come together for special occasions in the child's life?

 

[Magpie]

I think it was good that the boyfriend was there, assuming it's serious (hopefully long-term) relationship.

The fact that the boyfriend was there probably means the kids aren't going to go, "Hurray! Mum and dad are getting back together again!" Although, honestly, outside of some cheesy Hollywood movies, I've never actually known anyone who really thought that was going to happen.

I think the mom wanted the boyfriend there for moral support. After all, if I had to spend a whole day with an ex-husband and an ex-mother-in-law for the sake of the kiddies, I'd probably want someone in my corner, too.

And, as a bonus, this emphasizes to the whole family just how important this boyfriend is. It gets the kids use to the idea of him being around for their special occasions.

I admire him for not trying to grab the limelight away from the parents!

 

[rie'smom]

Keeping it like they are a family is what draws out the children's wishes for their parents to reunite. They need to understand that they are not one family unit anymore. While their mother will always be their mother & their father will always be their father, the group of them, together, are not a family.

That's the illusion that makes it so difficult for children to accept new step-parents. It makes them feel like the step is intruding in their family & keeping the parents from getting back together.

Instead of the one family they originally were, the kids get to have 2 families...one with each parent.

This thread is not about step parents. But since you brought it up, I can tell you that in my case, I told my then BF (now husband) that if he could not be in the same room with my ex and be civil for my son's sake, then he could hit the road. My son's well being was my top priority. I think because we did go out of our way to be nice, he had no trouble accepting my husband or his dad's new wife when we both remarried. It would have been harder had we been trying to compete for his affection or if we had put him in the middle of an immature adult grudge.

My late ex and present husband grew to be very fond of each other. DH was asked to be a pall bearer for my ex husband's funeral.

 

[NotUrsula]

Good Lord; people make an effort to be civil to one another for their children's sake and you want to crucify them for it?

Civilized people who love their children and are capable of putting others' needs before their own preferences do not downgrade their relationship with their children when they divorce their spouses. Dad was WITH the kids the entire time, correct? He wasn't following his ex around snarling at her, or making snarky remarks about the presence of her current boyfriend? He is their FATHER, and as long as the event is centered around the children, then he has every right to expect to be included.

I can promise you that given the choice between never having Dad present on special occasions and learning to deal with a certain silent tension in the air, the kids are going to choose Dad's presence EVERY time. Kids tend to be self-centered little beings; they want both parents there not for their parents' sakes, but for their own -- they want time with and attention from BOTH of their parents, not just one. As long as the parents are able to remain civil with one another and refrain from sniping to others where their kids can hear them, the kids will be happy for whatever degree of peace and normalcy they can get.

 

[cheermom1]

Apparently most of you want to live in in LA LA land instead of reality so I'm leaving it there.

Remember I have been there done that and I can say that most you have not or you wouldn't be living in a world made up of cotton candy clouds and unicorns, where it is always happy and the sun is always shining and everyone skips along while holding hands?

 

[krcit]

HUH what? You just spun it around to make it work for you. What I said is IF they keep it up and things might get better it is still giving the kids a false sense of hope. Pretending to be a family is wrong if they have no intentions of getting back together.

You guys might want to spend a little time a step family board and get a new perspective about blended families.

You might want to spend some time with both of my brothers, their ex-wives and their new wives to get some perspective on how mature, selfless parents can make things work without giving 'false' hope to the kids.

 

[krcit]

Apparently most of you want to live in in LA LA land instead of reality so I'm leaving it there.

Remember I have been there done that and I can say that most you have not or you wouldn't be living in a world made up of cotton candy clouds and unicorns, where it is always happy and the sun is always shining and everyone skips along while holding hands?

Wow. Obnoxious and immature much? Not suprising actually.

 

[SC Minnie]

My parents divorced when I was an adult. DD was about 3yo. The first year was rough trying to decide who to invite to what. I finally told them they would have to put their differences aside and get along for at least an hour at a time if they wanted to see DD's milestones/activities. I could not handle the stress anymore. So far they have done that. They have since both married other people (not ones associated with the divorce) and all four will come to DD's things like dance recitals, school/church plays, etc.

 

[Magpie]

Apparently most of you want to live in in LA LA land instead of reality so I'm leaving it there.

Remember I have been there done that and I can say that most you have not or you wouldn't be living in a world made up of cotton candy clouds and unicorns, where it is always happy and the sun is always shining and everyone skips along while holding hands?

I think all this proves is that YOU should not be in the same room with any of your ex's, and it's probably best for your kids if you're not.

Other people are different. Not everyone's realities are the same.

Heck, I'm sure not going to be the one to tell the lady whose husband called her ex his "husband-in-law" that she's either lying or deluded!

 

[msjprincess]

Apparently most of you want to live in in LA LA land instead of reality so I'm leaving it there.

Remember I have been there done that and I can say that most you have not or you wouldn't be living in a world made up of cotton candy clouds and unicorns, where it is always happy and the sun is always shining and everyone skips along while holding hands?

okay, okay you win.

You're right and everyone who said that they've had different experiences obviously don't know what they're talking about.

 

[Ceila]

Apparently most of you want to live in in LA LA land instead of reality so I'm leaving it there.

Remember I have been there done that and I can say that most you have not or you wouldn't be living in a world made up of cotton candy clouds and unicorns, where it is always happy and the sun is always shining and everyone skips along while holding hands?

You are unreal. Just because your life is full of drama doesn't mean everyone else's is.

 

[rie'smom]

Apparently most of you want to live in in LA LA land instead of reality so I'm leaving it there.

Remember I have been there done that and I can say that most you have not or you wouldn't be living in a world made up of cotton candy clouds and unicorns, where it is always happy and the sun is always shining and everyone skips along while holding hands?

Reread my posts and those of others. Many of us have either been in the ex position or the child's position. We have pretty much all stated that we believe the child(ren) are happier with both parents being at the party. You have been alone in your argument.
I do not live in Lala land but neither do I live in a world filled with petty resentments and jealousies.

 

[Scurvy]

Apparently most of you want to live in in LA LA land instead of reality so I'm leaving it there.

Remember I have been there done that and I can say that most you have not or you wouldn't be living in a world made up of cotton candy clouds and unicorns, where it is always happy and the sun is always shining and everyone skips along while holding hands?

You did notice that at least one of the people disagreeing with you was the child in a situation where their divorced parents worked together for their sake, right? And others are the parents in the same kind of situation. I'd say they know what reality is. Some of the rest of us likely know other families who have made that sort of situation work. I know I do. Your husband's first experience with his child's entire family together after the divorce didn't work and he wasn't interested in making it work. That's your reality. That isn't everyone's reality, obviously. Lots of people do manage to put in the effort to make their child's entire family function well together, at least during events that are important for the child. I really admire them for it.

 

[rie'smom]

I think all this proves is that YOU should not be in the same room with any of your ex's, and it's probably best for your kids if you're not.

Other people are different. Not everyone's realities are the same.

Heck, I'm sure not going to be the one to tell the lady whose husband called her ex his "husband-in-law" that she's either lying or deluded!

That was me. I must have overdosed on too much sugar from the cotton candy clouds.

 

[Chandla]

For the one or two who think this is "weird" or not normal? What's wrong with you?

So, are you saying that the only way the parents can be during and after a divorce is full of anger, resentment, fighting, and hatred? What's wrong with parents teaching their kids that while they may not love each other anymore, they can still respect each other and act like adults ??

I think it's pathetic that at least one Mom here thinks that it would be better for the kids to see raging disrespect, hatred and venom. Breaks my heart.

 

[TheIncredibles!]

Apparently most of you want to live in in LA LA land instead of reality so I'm leaving it there.

Remember I have been there done that and I can say that most you have not or you wouldn't be living in a world made up of cotton candy clouds and unicorns, where it is always happy and the sun is always shining and everyone skips along while holding hands?

Your way is only the right way for you. Others - who are a part of families where kids are put first - have different experiences.