Weird wedding celebration

[leebee]

These are close friends of SIL's- they are all in their late 20s. They've known about the wedding and accommodations option for awhile; DD knew about the camping option and was fine with it; southern Maine seacoast town on a weekend in August = big bucks. They will go for the party and overnight on the weekend, but live too far away to participate in the other festivities. We looked over the pot-luck sign up sheet and it's pasta-heavy with 4 people bringing meatballs. DD has decided she'll make a cucumber salad. Reasonably affordable (she's a grad student, they have a 6yo from his former marriage, so cost is definitely a consideration), easy to transport, and we thought a cold refreshing note to all the beans and pasta. I think what really threw me was the requirement to bring one's own place setting and the stipulation that it cannot be disposable. (and no, we know the town, my sister lives in the next town over, the wedding is on the bride's parents' property, it's not like there is a limitation trash.. just a moral consciousness I guess)

Honestly, I went to lots of very similar events when I was their age, but none of them were a wedding; they were all "let's party this weekend, bring your tent and booze, we'll chip in for food" kinds of things. Not a wedding, not invited to make the entire event happen. I'm sure they'll have fun- I would- but I just thought I'd share on the DIS, cuz there's nothing like a good wedding thread!

 

[Disneylover99]

Honestly, I went to lots of very similar events when I was their age, but none of them were a wedding; they were all "let's party this weekend, bring your tent and booze, we'll chip in for food" kinds of things. Not a wedding, not invited to make the entire event happen. I'm sure they'll have fun- I would- but I just thought I'd share on the DIS, cuz there's nothing like a good wedding thread!

Yes! A potluck party just to get together sounds totally fun!

But, it seems tacky when you’re essentially paying for the wedding by doing the grunt work of setting up, decorating, etc….. contributing food and drink and presumably bringing a gift.

I mean, are guests required to transport them to their honeymoon destination as well? Lol.

 

[PollyannaMom]

I see it as big picnic to celebrate the marriage, rather than an actual wedding. We had a second party ourselves for people who couldn't travel to our wedding (which needed to be near my mom because of her cancer). It was small and less formal, but gave DH's parents a chance to invite their friends without putting travel expenses on them. It was fun and relaxed.

I don't personally mind the eco-friendly place setting aspect, as I'm assuming their friend-group is fairly conscious in that department anyway. I can see people heading to thrift sores and bringing really interesting stuff.

But I wouldn't be all specific about the cake colors/flavors and all that. I'd do the cake ourselves and just treat the potluck picnic as I would any other. - Bring whatever dish you'd like to share.

Camping is not my thing at my age, but I enjoyed it in my 30s.

 

[grapefruitjellybean]

This is tacky. You don’t invite someone and expect them to help with everything and plus bring their own food/alcohol.

 

[antmaril]

This is tacky. You don’t invite someone and expect them to help with everything and plus bring their own food/alcohol.

I agree 100%. It’s tacky and it would be a hard “no” for me. Especially, the camping and bringing your own plates and utensils. Ugh.

 

[RedAngie]

I’m surprised the invitation doesn’t demand that only vegan or plant-based food may be brought to the celebration.

 

[grapefruitjellybean]

I agree 100%. It’s tacky and it would be a hard “no” for me. Especially, the camping and bringing your own plates and utensils. Ugh.

In my culture, when we invite someone they are our guest. That means you take care of them with food, drink, and comfort. There’s nothing more insulting than inviting someone to an event and making them feel like they are unwelcome.

 

[Moliphino]

Camping would make it a hard no for me. I don't camp.

Why not go for compostable place settings?

 

[Minnesota!]

Sounds like camping with friends for a weekend, and those friends decide to get married.

I kind of dig it...I'd probably attend!

 

[Disney Ella]

Are they expecting gifts too? If guests put this much work in, it seems that should be their gift to the couple.

 

[RUDisney]

If someone goes on Wednesday, but has to bring food for Saturday... from a campsite... how does that work? How will it be heated, or would you prepare it Saturday morning over a fire?

I want the post-game report, too.

 

[Disneylover99]

Are they expecting gifts too? If guests put this much work in, it seems that should be their gift to the couple.

That’s what I can’t get on board for. It’s just too much.

 

[AndreaDM]

IF I were to go to an event like this (and I wouldn't), I would bring my own paper plates, etc and a small trash bag. Bag up my stuff and leave it in the trash bin at the next gas station. What are they going to do? Kick them out for bringing paper plates? And the potluck, whatever, but asking GUESTS to contribute to bringing the wedding cake(s), that's a big nope!

 

[Sanchez]

This sounds like the makings of a Scooby Doo episode.

 

[wenrob]

I see it as big picnic to celebrate the marriage, rather than an actual wedding. We had a second party ourselves for people who couldn't travel to our wedding (which needed to be near my mom because of her cancer). It was small and less formal, but gave DH's parents a chance to invite their friends without putting travel expenses on them. It was fun and relaxed.

I don't personally mind the eco-friendly place setting aspect, as I'm assuming their friend-group is fairly conscious in that department anyway. I can see people heading to thrift sores and bringing really interesting stuff.

But I wouldn't be all specific about the cake colors/flavors and all that. I'd do the cake ourselves and just treat the potluck picnic as I would any other. - Bring whatever dish you'd like to share.

Camping is not my thing at my age, but I enjoyed it in my 30s.

This. Living in the wedding capital of the world where you can get married in a drive thru (my youngest sibling did this) and coming from a predominantly Mormon family where church basement receptions are the norm this just doesn’t seem like that big of deal to me. Even when the wedding chapel and a restaurant is booked for the reception (as I did and my sister did) it’s because you know someone in those venues and everyone works together to make it happen so you’re not spending the equivalent of a down payment on a house when you’re just starting out. I have literally never been to a wedding like what is often talked about here on the DIS where there are 15 brides maids, you cover your plate and spend hundreds of dollars on travel and clothes for various events leading up to it. I’d much rather bring the potato salad and a bottle of booze. If the friends are down with the plan I don’t see the issue.

My DD is a bridesmaid in the first of several friends weddings coming up and she’s in for about a grand already and the wedding hasn’t even happened yet. She’s constantly stressed and can’t wait for it to be over while dreading the next one. I’m sure she’d jump at the chance to do something like this instead.

 

[sk!mom]

This couple would have to be very special to me for me to attend this type of event.

The logistics alone of bringing a dish for 20 and nothing disposable to a location 4 hours away would be enough to put me off. Plus, we don’t camp so we’d have the added expense of the pricy hotel for at least one night.

If your DD feels “salty,” maybe remind her that an invitation isn’t a mandate. She can decline if it feels like too much trouble.

 

[holden]

Maybe they designed it this way so that most people won’t come? That way it’s just a fun camping trip with friends/family who enjoy that sort of thing?

 

[RedAngie]

Maybe they designed it this way so that most people won’t come? That way it’s just a fun camping trip with friends/family who enjoy that sort of thing?

Perhaps they really don’t want many people there. Just their mailed-in gifts.

 

[HopperFan]

This one is truly in final contention for a prize ... maybe booby prize.

What I read is a married couple is "hosting" 100 friends to camp on their parents land and share food duties and everyone brings all their own stuff. So it's a big group camping trip. The only entertainment I've read is arts and crafts (but you bring your own supplies). Not sure the couple can be considered hosts since they are supplying nothing and it's not their land. I guess the landowners are lending out their land but who is providing showers and toilets for 100 people for 4 days???

Since I stopped camping 40 years ago I would have no interest in camping with 99 other people, likely most I won't know. Honestly you couldn't even pay me to go, def not provide community food. Hard NO to that RSVP. And given they are married and no event is being hosted, I would have no need to send a card for something that happened 2 years ago.

My DD got married during COVID. Lots of changes to process, half the guests off the list. It is what it is and we aren't having another event so the missing half can now come to a celebration. And if we did it we would HOST them and not ask them to host themselves.

I've always said no matter how you do your wedding, you should do what you want in the parameters of what you can afford. You should never expect your guests to become their own hosts, many already spend plenty just to come and offer a gift. I've NEVER personally known anyone asking guests to "ante up" to attend by providing the wedding services. The first of our extended family kids to get married (DH nephew) was having a simple wedding by the pond on his parents land with BBQ and family, and it sounded lovely. Bride decided she wanted more (her parents were contributing nothing) but had no real resources. She moved it to a clubhouse and wanted a buffet of food AND beer & wine and DJ. Well, if you can afford that, okay. They couldn't. A couple weeks out we got a call asking us to pay for and provide half the buffet. DH sister (not groom's Mom, she used her sister to do this) thought we had the resources to pay for part of nephew's wedding (to a girl we didn't really know). DH said "absolutely not" they could have had the original wedding that would have been very nice. So the sister (not groom's mom) provided most the food ??? and the lasting joke is bride's mother finally helped by providing a side dish - CHEETOS! I mean if you are going to bring a chip why the one leaving everyone with orange fingers.

My point is I don't believe in doing more than you can afford and/or expecting others to pay for your wedding. One can have a lovely wedding by being creative. I know because that was the only way we had a wedding. Maybe this couple should have their second wedding celebration at the 10 year anniversary when they can afford to provide some food, and cake.

 

[barkley]

DD's pretty salty about this, especially as it's a 4 hour drive away and they will be tenting for the evening as the location is a seacoast town where hotel/airbnb prices are about $350 a night, if you can get a room for just one night

you just flashed me back to a wedding invite we received several years back. 7 hour drive (one way) from where we (and majority of invitees) lived (no feasible airport anywhere near as well). little beach town with minimal hotels-all expensive/all with 3 night minimum stays (fri/sat/sun ONLY option). if you wanted to try to maximize your use of the overpriced hotel you reasonably also had take a friday and monday off from work. we did not attend/heard that attendance in general was very minimal.