Weight loss/maintenance/healthy living support chat

BadPinkTink

DIS Veteran
Joined
Mar 13, 2015
I think sometimes it's the enabling part. If people I go out are overweight and overeat, I can overeat and not feel guilty about it. If they stop, it leaves me asking myself are my food choices and portion sizes sensible and if you don't want ot play part of the ritual of overeating, you are not fun anymore.

You can't control how will they react, it's up to you to set up boundaries and control your reactions. But hopefully they accept the new you, but it is not your job to let go of your dreams and goals to please them. It is not your job to eat so they feel better about their own eating. it's your job to eat for your enjoyment and health and goals - that has to be clear
Yes I agree about the enabling part :) People feel comfortable and validated by their food choices if others copy them ie when you go to Mcdonalds, it makes people uncomfortable if you order the salad with water while they get a Big Mac Meal with a Large Coke. They see it as a judgement on their food choice, not that you enjoy their company but just don't want to eat a burger.

I dealt with it alot in my teens and twenties, when I was out in bars and clubs and had the typical college social life, but I didn't drink alcohol. At the start it made my friends very uncomfortable, that they would get drunk and I wasn't. But I had my reasons and after the first few times it was fine. I went to bars and clubs as I enjoyed the social life, I just didn't want to get drunk like everyone else. It worked out good for everyone, I still enjoyed myself and my friends knew that we would get home safe, as I bundled everyone into a taxi at the end of the night and no one lost a coat or handbag :)
 

Nox

Mouseketeer
Joined
Mar 11, 2019
see this I can't accept. Why should what you eat bother them?? I guess maybe I don't feel intimidated by people like this. I would flat out refuse to be treated this way. Both my mum and grandmother are diagnosed ceolics and have been following a gluten free diet since the 1970's, long before it was trendy and cool.

I have grown up with my mom and grandmother bringing their own food to places or ordering off menu. As a family we only went to restaurants if my mom and grandmother could eat the food there. On vacations we check the menu first and make sure they can eat something. We have left places because of menu items not being suitable for them.

Why should every restaurant choice be their choice? It sounds to me that you need to ditch these friends, as they are not friends, they are selfish and self absorbed and lack self awareness.

I would eat alone in a restaurant of my choice that spend time with these people. You say they are fun, well then enjoy their company but don't go to restaurants with them, find something else to do.

Sorry if it sounds harsh, but your health and well being comes before some else's fun and enjoyment
I never said it bothered them. I even said that no one is doing anything maliciously.

I've done the "bring your own food to a restaurant" thing before. When I was a competitor, where my food was strictly controlled down to the gram. It always made me feel weird and unhappy, the exact opposite of why one would go out. No one (aside from a stray server giving me a nasty side eye) would make me feel bad about it - I am capable of making myself feel, as well, and it was always a negative experience. In fact, it was one reason I hadn't competed again, as my choices were feeling weird when I went out to eat out of Tupperware in my bag or being isolated and lonely because everyone else went out without me. Neither is enjoyable.

Never said they picked every restaurant, either. How this usually goes down is, "we know a great place for [food item/cuisine]!" and that's that. We have gone places I have recommended, where I was able to get something "decent," but I'm only 1/4th of that friend group. No one is being selfish - it's friends doing what friends do, which is share things they enjoy with their friends. It's just that unfortunately, the thing these friends enjoy is unhealthy food.

We do plenty of other things with them. I simply feel the eating out has gotten out of hand, and that it is frustrating. I think that's valid, and I think "don't be friends" is an overreaction.

I think usually something a long the lines of "doctor's orders!" gets the questions stopped. If there are questions on why or what specifics - I would say sorry, but it's personal. I am going to discuss it with my doctor and nobody else

I love eating out and it's important for me. Some people can accept your changing eating habits - getting extra veggies, looking for healthier options etc. Other won't. Some people feel that if everyone overeats, it's ok for them to do so and won't be very happy if you break out of that cycle.

But a true friend will remain friend and support your choice. In the end of the day, do you want to not meet your goal only to please someone else and enable their eating habits?
You can't control how will they react, it's up to you to set up boundaries and control your reactions. But hopefully they accept the new you, but it is not your job to let go of your dreams and goals to please them. It is not your job to eat so they feel better about their own eating. it's your job to eat for your enjoyment and health and goals - that has to be clear
See above. No one is being unsupportive.

My husband goes with these same people when it's outside of his eating window, and will just get a water to drink and no food. No one says anything. Everyone is perfectly supportive, because the rule he set is "I don't eat before 5pm." So, if they go out at 12, they know he isn't eating anything. But they generally just avoid asking us out before his eating window opens.

Even my best friend is still technically operating within the rules I had set forth - "treat meal once a week." It's just that when I set that rule, I wasn't going out to eat much; it usually meant more like I was allowed to have a chocolate bar that day, or maybe on occasion we could order pizza. That is exactly why I said, I'm going to have to tell them all that treat meals are once a month now. They'll all operate within that rule if I state it.

This also isn't "new" at all for me. I've been eating mindfully/healthfully for over a decade. It's just as I said above, the rule was based when I wasn't going out much, not when my closest friends all happen to enjoy unhealthy food. I didn't have to deal with this previously, because I simply didn't spend time with anyone. That's not exactly a healthy habit, either, as I have learned that having friends is pretty important to mental well-being.

My only point with my post is that it is frustrating to be concerned with eating healthy when no one else around you is. And it is. No one wants to sit at home while their friends go out to eat. And no one wants to go out to eat and eat boiled chicken and an apple out of their purse while everyone else eats fried chicken, mashed potatoes, and cake. That's isn't just me - that's everyone.
 
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  • BadPinkTink

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Mar 13, 2015
    Maybe its because my diet is surgery preparation but is anyone else falling out of love with certain foods? I'm a foodie and I always ate things because I loved the taste and flavor and variety.

    But now every meal has a purpose and I don't like it.

    I have to eat this type of breakfast cereal as its low fat, even though its not the cereal I want to eat

    I have to eat steak to make sure my blood levels are good for surgery

    I have to eat this type of bread and eat potatoes with their skins to include fibre in my diet

    I find I'm continuously hungry as my sugar content has gone up as I can only eat jam on my bread / toast, jellies, marshmallows and low fat biscuits. All this sugar is just does not fill me up, and after an hour I'm in a sugar crash.
     

    luvpoohandcompany

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Sep 30, 2009
    @BadPinkTink could you maybe swap out some of the sugary treats for fruit or salad. Might fill you more but still be low fat so keep within your dietary guidelines. I find the more sugar I eat the more I want so I’m trying to stick with 3 meals plus the odd fruit snack. Watermelon seems to satisfy that sweet tooth of mine. Fingers crossed your surgery will be here soon and you will be able to expand your diet again. Good luck ☘
     

    BadPinkTink

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Mar 13, 2015
    @BadPinkTink could you maybe swap out some of the sugary treats for fruit or salad. Might fill you more but still be low fat so keep within your dietary guidelines. I find the more sugar I eat the more I want so I’m trying to stick with 3 meals plus the odd fruit snack. Watermelon seems to satisfy that sweet tooth of mine. Fingers crossed your surgery will be here soon and you will be able to expand your diet again. Good luck ☘
    Thanks :)
    I'm already eating tons of fruit and veg in my meals, mango and blueberries for breakfast, homemade hummus salad wrap for lunch and melon for dinner :(

    Todays dinner is plain boiled potatoes with the skins on, fat free cottage cheese and plain steamed broccoli, dessert Galia melon and low fat rice pudding.

    I have breakfast at 8am, lunch at 1pm and dinner at 5.30pm and I seem to get hungry at 11am and 3pm every day :(
     

    PollyannaMom

    I was a click-clack champ!!
    Joined
    May 16, 2006
    I do get bored If I constantly have the same thing. And having to eat things you don’t like is definitely no fun!

    Does the diet say you can’t spread it out into more frequent smaller meals, though? DH and I both feel the same way as you at 3:00 and do have a planned snack then.

    If you can’t snack, have you tried chewing gum?
     


  • BadPinkTink

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Mar 13, 2015
    I do get bored If I constantly have the same thing. And having to eat things you don’t like is definitely no fun!

    Does the diet say you can’t spread it out into more frequent smaller meals, though? DH and I both feel the same way as you at 3:00 and do have a planned snack then.

    If you can’t snack, have you tried chewing gum?
    thanks, sorry, I'm just in a moany mood at the moment. I'm working from home and I work from 9am to 4.30pm with a lunch break at 1pm, which is why I have meals at the same time each day. I work the same hours as my clients as alot of things I do need to be done in real time, before Covid I used to work in their office. I guess I just don't do well with being told what to eat, lol, especially as now with Covid I get a grocery delivery once a week and don't leave the house much. It just seems like all the enjoyment I once had with food and cooking has been zappped away.
     

    PollyannaMom

    I was a click-clack champ!!
    Joined
    May 16, 2006
    thank...It just seems like all the enjoyment I once had with food and cooking has been zappped away.
    No need to apologize at all!! - That’s what we’re here for!
    :hug:

    My DH has to watch fat as well - not to the extent you do, but enough that I totally understand the effects of replacing fat with sugar. I know I would really struggle on your current regimen, and hope the time passes quickly until you can have your surgery!
     

    HappyGrape

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Nov 1, 2013
    My only point with my post is that it is frustrating to be concerned with eating healthy when no one else around you is. And it is. No one wants to sit at home while their friends go out to eat. And no one wants to go out to eat and eat boiled chicken and an apple out of their purse while everyone else eats fried chicken, mashed potatoes, and cake. That's isn't just me - that's everyone.
    Yes, for me being able to go out is also important. I understand your point now, it can be hard at times. I am glad to hear they are supportive and aren't putting pressure on you, but I wouldn't be brining chicken either tbh. I look the menus ahead, there has been times I don't eat but generally I try to come up with something I like and isn't calorie bomb. Dr Yoni calls it the minimum you are happy with, not the minimum there is

    Example the bagel near work. You can get egg & tomato cup. Fruit cup with yogurt. Bagels with egg and tomatoes and buenos dias bagel - bacon, butter, cheese you name it it's there. Everyone in my work use to get that bagel for about 800 calories for breakfast each Friday. The minimum I am happy with when everyone else is having bagels is usually the egg and tomatoes bagel for 320 calories, not as low as fruit and fruit but nowhere near the 800 calories bagel either
    That will be my approach if I eat less then 2 times a week out, fi more not sure tbh. Maybe if I eat out all the time sometimes eating my own thing makes sense.

    I have been up and down few times and want to do it sustainable way, and meals our are important aren't they?
     
  • BadPinkTink

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Mar 13, 2015
    Got my hospital letter this morning so now the uncertainty is over, I have an official date for my surgery. I also have 2 pre surges appointments, I was only expecting 1. The second pre surgery appointment is most likely a Covid test 2 days before the surgery. I was expecting it all on the same day, oh well now need to reschedule my work.

    and I figured out why I'm in such a low mood this week - PMT!! My usual treatment for PMT is chocolate, which I can't have right now, so thats why I have been feeling in a moany mood..

    Oh and something to lighten things up. Twice this week I got an unexpected food delivery. The first one was for a neighbour, correct street, wrong house number, the second one, Dominos pizza was the right house number, wrong street!! I'm taking that as a sign that in a few weeks I can have pizza again :)
     

    HappyGrape

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Nov 1, 2013
    Pizza is good, you will get there soon!

    I need to be bit more careful with my calories today and tomorrow as I am going to be over 2000 for the week if I don't! Not much but still, 2000 is very sensible amount to aim for - it's hardly dramatic. I should try to stick with it

    My weeks are Saturday to Friday so 2 days to make difference
     

    HappyGrape

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Nov 1, 2013
    I did little 20 minutes vinyasa flow at home and short pilates session. Love having a lot of pre chopped vegetables in the fridge as even if I don't feel like cooking it's so easy to throw some in the pan & tin of tomatoes and some wholegrain pasta - quick and tasty.
     

    Flossbolna

    Sea days are just so relaxing!
    Joined
    Sep 8, 2006
    Hi everyone! I wanted to check in and report that I decided to try using Weight Watchers to get a grip on my weight. I did it very successfully about 15 years ago, then tried again 10 years ago. By then the program had changed and it didn’t work for me. It felt too restrictive in some ways and too free in others, pushing so very heavily towards lots of protein and low fat. Now, new program again. 3 different versions to choose from and one is like the one I had in 2005. It’s two weeks and I have lost over 6 pounds and I am really happy! I feel like I can keep doing this without feeling too restricted. I signed up for a one year subscription and that gets me to just before my 50th birthday. So, I am setting a goal of being under 70 kg before I turn 50! It should be doable, I still have 15 kg to go, so that’s a little over 1kg per month (less than 3 pounds) on average.

    I am planning on checking in more often!
     

    BadPinkTink

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Mar 13, 2015
    Hi everyone! I wanted to check in and report that I decided to try using Weight Watchers to get a grip on my weight. I did it very successfully about 15 years ago, then tried again 10 years ago. By then the program had changed and it didn’t work for me. It felt too restrictive in some ways and too free in others, pushing so very heavily towards lots of protein and low fat. Now, new program again. 3 different versions to choose from and one is like the one I had in 2005. It’s two weeks and I have lost over 6 pounds and I am really happy! I feel like I can keep doing this without feeling too restricted. I signed up for a one year subscription and that gets me to just before my 50th birthday. So, I am setting a goal of being under 70 kg before I turn 50! It should be doable, I still have 15 kg to go, so that’s a little over 1kg per month (less than 3 pounds) on average.

    I am planning on checking in more often!
    Thats the first step, finding something that works for you and having a realistic goal. Being in a good frame of mind will make it easier.

    I had my pre surgery check up this week. Everything good and I finally had the courage to look at the numbers on the scale when the nurse weighed me. Its the first time in about 20 years I actually looked. Usually I look at the floor when I'm weighed at the doctors or the hospital. Even though I hate this low fat diet I have to do, I have actually lost most of the weight I have put on over the last 10 years. I am now wearing some of the clothes I kept in my wardrobe , you know the clothes that you wore when you were thin but now don't fit anymore but you still want to keep them :)
     

    HappyGrape

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Nov 1, 2013
    Great to hear from you @Flossbolna! Sounds very positive start

    Badpinkthink - well done for your weight loss. I have few boxes of clothes I would love to fit in again at some point!

    After very quick weight loss first 4 weeks this week is test to my patience. The scale has not moved in 12 days. I promised myself to wait for another week of no results as at the start the weight loss was unrealistically quick but it's testing my patience
     
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    Flossbolna

    Sea days are just so relaxing!
    Joined
    Sep 8, 2006
    I wanted to check in. Starting Weight Watchers was really the motivational kick that I needed. I have lost 3 kg (7 pounds) in the last 17 days. It's been a long time since I was that successful!

    I like how the program gives me an incentive to eat more vegetables. I often got lazy there, thinking if I don't eat those carrots I have calories that I can use on chocolate or butter. So, I hope that following the program will lead me back towards healthier habits.

    I have also started to be far more active and I realize how much regular workouts are important for my mental well being as well. It's really bad how I feel tired and exhausted and therefore don't want to run. But now, after two weeks of running again regularly, I feel the effect of it and how much less tired I feel because I ran.

    I have to admit to me the Covid situation as a positive side effect: I am a social eater and due to the pandemic, the social events that would lead me to eat too much are so far fewer or even just not happening. I used to go out for lunch with a group of colleagues nearly every day. Now I am trying to limit this to just going out with those who I really care about and just one or two days a week. The ones I know well know about my weight loss battle and are happy to go to the places that work for me.
     

    BadPinkTink

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Mar 13, 2015
    wasn't particularly healthy eater this weekend. Not too bad but I need to do better. Second wave of Cov19 in Ireland/Europe & 6 months since it all started it's draining but we need to try to come to terms with it and not eat my though it this time
    that was last week, today is a new week, start again and just take it one day at a time. Small goal are easier to achieve :) I'm a comfort eater, and thats how my weight gain started. About 10 years ago I went through some very traumatic personal times and my way of coping was food. Mentally and emotionally I was not in a good place and eating takeaways and ready meals was just the easy option, as I didn't have the brain capacity to meal plan and cook. I was also less active due to a change in lifestyle so my weight just went up and up.

    In March when Covid started and the lockdowns, I made a conscious effort not to go down the same route. I know it sounds crazy, but the whole Covid situation is less traumatic mentally and emotionally then what I went through 10 years ago. Yes, like everyone Covid is effecting my mental health, but this time around I know the signs, when I'm slipping into the darkness and I don't let it consume me like I did before.

    Also in a way this hated low fat diet is helping me to stop my reliance on food in times of stress and trauma. No matter how much I'm craving a takeaway or chocolate, knowing that it could trigger a pancreatitis flare up and send me back to A & E stops me opening the Just Eat or Deliveroo App.



    I wanted to check in. Starting Weight Watchers was really the motivational kick that I needed. I have lost 3 kg (7 pounds) in the last 17 days. It's been a long time since I was that successful!

    I like how the program gives me an incentive to eat more vegetables. I often got lazy there, thinking if I don't eat those carrots I have calories that I can use on chocolate or butter. So, I hope that following the program will lead me back towards healthier habits.

    I have also started to be far more active and I realize how much regular workouts are important for my mental well being as well. It's really bad how I feel tired and exhausted and therefore don't want to run. But now, after two weeks of running again regularly, I feel the effect of it and how much less tired I feel because I ran.

    I have to admit to me the Covid situation as a positive side effect: I am a social eater and due to the pandemic, the social events that would lead me to eat too much are so far fewer or even just not happening. I used to go out for lunch with a group of colleagues nearly every day. Now I am trying to limit this to just going out with those who I really care about and just one or two days a week. The ones I know well know about my weight loss battle and are happy to go to the places that work for me.
    Good for you, liking the program is the first step. Yes exercise helps so much with mental health, and once you are in a good head space, its easier to sort food issues.

    Its amazing how much our food choices are influenced by social situations, often without us realizing it. Making a conscious effort to only put yourself in good food choice social situations will help so much. And yes Covid is a great excuse, as no one will question it :)
     





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