Wedding thread- Rehearsal dinner?

[elaine amj]

I have never known anyone in the U.K. have a rehearsal lunch/dinner. Please keep it over your side of the pond.

LOL! Where I come from in Asia, we don't have a formal rehearsal dinner. But the night before the wedding, close friends and family stopped by my (the bride's) house for an open house-style visit. I must have had over 50 ppl stop by over the course of the night. It's very casual. I don't remember food, but we must have had apps/snacks/something laid out. I remember it being so much fun and we put a lot of ppl to work with last minute prep and decor. My closest college friends drank all my ice wine while helping me tie endless bows on my wedding favors while my SIL and some aunts sewed little flowers on my veil.

Where I live now in Canada, pretty much everyone I know has had rehearsal dinners. Usually wedding party + SOs, parents, siblings, and grandparents. Mostly done casually in someone's house.

 

[mjkacmom]

We never had one, we just had an open bar as soon as the ceremony was done and the room was being flipped. Our ceremony was in the same place as the reception and the place just swapped it all out for us while we were upstairs signing the documents, getting my bustle up, taking a few photos of the rings, flowers, etc. It was about a 20-25min time period in between the ceremony and the reception. We did photos beforehand and I am so grateful we did.

All the cocktail hours I've been too people are just hungry and want to eat even as they booze it up. One time the cocktail hour lasted 1 1/2 hours because of the pictures being done. Guests were quite grouchy about 45mins in lol.

Well, I like to eat (and the cocktail hours here are usually pretty lavish), and I like cocktails, so... Plus it’s so much easier to talk without the loud wedding music. The first hour or so of the reception you have your dances, speeches, dinner courses, and I filled up at happy hour. The dancing after is fun.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Well, I like to eat (and the cocktail hours here are usually pretty lavish), and I like cocktails, so... Plus it’s so much easier to talk without the loud wedding music. The first hour or so of the reception you have your dances, speeches, dinner courses, and I filled up at happy hour. The dancing after is fun.

Just different stuff happening in different orders and time length.

At my cousin's wedding in a hotel there wasn't music during the cocktail hour but you couldn't have heard anyone at the cocktail hour it was sooooo noisy all the sound bouncing off the walls you were practically yelling to talk. And what little apps they had didn't go far. The cocktail hour that I mentioned that was 1 1/2 hours was outdoors...in june..in the heat and no apps.. no one really wanted to chit chat we just wanted to go inside and sit down and eat lol even if there had been apps people wanted inside. It was cute though they had golf carts if you wanted to take people from the cocktail hour to the short distance to the reception so you weren't walking. I did go to a wedding in October 2019 at a golf course I forgot about that had better apps as far as distribution goes but it was a full 2 hours before we sat down, you couldn't have filled up if you were being considerate of other people that is. About an hour in I remember hearing people say "when are we going to be able to sit down, I'm getting hungry, what are they doing" I didn't know anyone there other than my mom (who was recovering from knee surgery so I was more or less her driver lol).

What you call a cocktail hour was just an open bar at my wedding (sans the apps). You could have still had your cocktail and mingle too That's what people did while the main area was flipped. They filled the atriums walking around talking to each other just wasn't some long formal event. No music during that time period.

But def. places do things differently.

 

[Wendy31]

I’ve always understood the rehearsal dinner to be for the bridal party & any significant others, immediate/close family members, any out of town family, & anyone else (plus any significant others) related in some way to the wedding ceremony.

For our rehearsal dinner, most of our bridal party WAS family, but, in addition, we included the officiant & his wife & our wedding coordinator (who was a family friend) & her husband.

We didn’t have any out of town family, & the only grandparents alive were my mom’s parents & my dad’s dad. We invited them, but, due to their age & my grandmother’s health, they declined.

I’ve been invited to a rehearsal dinner as part of the groom’s out of town family members.

The groom’s parents paid for the rehearsal dinner, & probably 95% of the attendees were the bride’s various family members. The only attendees from the groom’s family were about 16 of us - including those that were in the wedding party & those that were from out of town. Aaaaalllll the rest (& the bride had a HUGE family) were the bride’s family & members of her side of the bridal party & their significant others. I felt a little sorry for the groom’s parents - because there were probably about 100 or so people in attendance w/ just 16 of us.

 

[georgina]

I’ve always understood the rehearsal dinner to be for the bridal party & any significant others, immediate/close family members, any out of town family, & anyone else (plus any significant others) related in some way to the wedding ceremony.

For our rehearsal dinner, most of our bridal party WAS family, but, in addition, we included the officiant & his wife & our wedding coordinator (who was a family friend) & her husband.

We didn’t have any out of town family, & the only grandparents alive were my mom’s parents & my dad’s dad. We invited them, but, due to their age & my grandmother’s health, they declined.

I’ve been invited to a rehearsal dinner as part of the groom’s out of town family members.

The groom’s parents paid for the rehearsal dinner, & probably 95% of the attendees were the bride’s various family members. The only attendees from the groom’s family were about 16 of us - including those that were in the wedding party & those that were from out of town. Aaaaalllll the rest (& the bride had a HUGE family) were the bride’s family & members of her side of the bridal party & their significant others. I felt a little sorry for the groom’s parents - because there were probably about 100 or so people in attendance w/ just 16 of us.

Sounds a lot like our family. Big, lots of out of town relatives who travel for weddings. My DD had been to several of her cousins' weddings where we all were invited to the rehearsal dinner, then when she got married her future MIL only wanted wedding party, which caused her some distress. Part of the problem was they had chosen an expensive restaurant, while we are more casual as a rule. They did end up compromising on a somewhat larger group.

 

[soccerdad72]

I’ve always understood the rehearsal dinner to be for the bridal party & any significant others, immediate/close family members, any out of town family, & anyone else (plus any significant others) related in some way to the wedding ceremony.

Sounds pretty close to what was at our rehearsal dinner (as far as I remember - it was 24 years ago )

 

[Julie's Haircut]

I had no idea that there was even such a thing as a rehearsal dinner until shortly before my first marriage. And even then I thought "you need to rehearse how to eat at the reception????"

After being set straight, the guests at the rehearsal dinner consisted of just the bridal party and their SO's, ex-wife's parents, and my mother and her long-time "gentleman friend."

 

[disykat]

For ours we had a casual meal in the church hall after rehearsal for those at the rehearsal. For Ds's we were hosting in a big city where the choice was small private rooms or banquet rooms. After much research we finally found a "nice" brew pub that had a private room that held 30 so we limited to 30. Not all out of town visitors were invited.

I'm hoping ds2 gets married somewhere where it isn't so hard to find a place to easily host something casual. I hate formal stuff and two nights in a row is more than I can handle!

 

[nkereina]

Groom's family: Rehearsal dinner and honeymoon costs

Are you saying that the groom's family would typically pay for the honeymoon too? Never heard that one before.

Where I live in NY, its customary to invite the bridal party and their significant others, obviously the parents/siblings of the bride and groom, and also any out of town guests that have traveled in for the wedding. Its an extension of courtesy given their travel and costs they've incurred to be there. I remember my cousin got married years ago and had 6 relatives fly in from Georgia, and they were not invited to the rehearsal. They sat in their hotel twiddling their thumbs while the rest of us were wining and dining at the restaurant where the rehearsal was. Many of us in the family were put off by that, and some left the rehearsal early so they could go back and spend time with the relatives who had traveled to be there.

 

[Suger Mag]

Are you saying that the groom's family would typically pay for the honeymoon too? Never heard that one before.

Where I live in NY, its customary to invite the bridal party and their significant others, obviously the parents/siblings of the bride and groom, and also any out of town guests that have traveled in for the wedding. Its an extension of courtesy given their travel and costs they've incurred to be there. I remember my cousin got married years ago and had 6 relatives fly in from Georgia, and they were not invited to the rehearsal. They sat in their hotel twiddling their thumbs while the rest of us were wining and dining at the restaurant where the rehearsal was. Many of us in the family were put off by that, and some left the rehearsal early so they could go back and spend time with the relatives who had traveled to be there.

Yes. At least that was the understanding in my family. Now consider I got married 28 years ago... so my idea of current traditions is a bit outdated for sure. But for my family... yes, for my two brothers when they got married... it was the common understanding between all the parties at the time that the groom's family paid for the rehearsal dinner and the honeymoon, while the bride's family paid for the wedding and reception.

In the case of my wedding, my parents also paid for my honeymoon too(London and Paris... ahh the good old days of Club ABC travel). My MIL was a single mother to two boys on a failed dairy farm... not a lot of extra $$. We had a big wedding, but saved costs by having the service at the chapel at a local private school... and then the reception at my parents'home.

 

[NYCgrrl]

From realsimple.com :

Traditionally, the groom’s family hosts (and pays for) the rehearsal dinner and arranges a guest list in conjunction with the bride’s family. Though some families now choose to split the cost or let the bride and groom host their own rehearsal dinner, the groom’s family should get “first dibs.”

Similar thoughts can be found on most any wedding site.

 

[Suger Mag]

From realsimple.com :

Traditionally, the groom’s family hosts (and pays for) the rehearsal dinner and arranges a guest list in conjunction with the bride’s family. Though some families now choose to split the cost or let the bride and groom host their own rehearsal dinner, the groom’s family should get “first dibs.”

Similar thoughts can be found on most any wedding site.

LOL... and this one backs my traditions...

"
The Bride's Family Is Responsible For:
• Engagement party
• Wedding dress (including veil and any accessories)
• Wedding planner/coordinator
• Invitations/stationery/save the dates/wedding programs
• Photography/videography
• Transportation/accommodation for bridesmaids
• Pre-wedding parties
• Ceremony/reception
• Flowers/décor
• Wedding cake
• Morning-after brunch

The Groom's Family Is Responsible For:
• Honeymoon
• Marriage license/officiant fee
• Rehearsal dinner
• Bride's bouquet, boutonnieres, and corsages
• Transportation/accommodation for groomsmen
• DJ/band and liquor/alcohol for wedding reception

https://www.brides.com/story/what-your-family-pays-for-wedding-planning


Rules are outfdated as this article explains... nowadays... it is what works best for your family and makes people happy.

 

[NYCgrrl]

LOL... and this one backs my traditions...

"
The Bride's Family Is Responsible For:
• Engagement party
• Wedding dress (including veil and any accessories)
• Wedding planner/coordinator
• Invitations/stationery/save the dates/wedding programs
• Photography/videography
• Transportation/accommodation for bridesmaids
• Pre-wedding parties
• Ceremony/reception
• Flowers/décor
• Wedding cake
• Morning-after brunch

The Groom's Family Is Responsible For:
• Honeymoon
• Marriage license/officiant fee
• Rehearsal dinner
• Bride's bouquet, boutonnieres, and corsages
• Transportation/accommodation for groomsmen
• DJ/band and liquor/alcohol for wedding reception

https://www.brides.com/story/what-your-family-pays-for-wedding-planning


Rules are outfdated as this article explains... nowadays... it is what works best for your family and makes people happy.

True but it helps to have a commonly held guideline (aka etiquette) to fight over, LOL

 

[MamaMermaid]

I got married in 2012. Our rehearsal dinner (that my husband and I paid for) was our bridal party, their spouses/kids, and any immediate close friends/family that flew into town. Obviously our parents as well.

 

[ronandannette]

True but it helps to have a commonly held guideline (aka etiquette) to fight over, LOL

Yep. Now is somebody going to launch a spin-off thread about who gets invited to the “Morning After Brunch”?

 

[NAB]

Yep. Now is somebody going to launch a spin-off thread about who gets invited to the “Morning After Brunch”?

Morning after brunch.....I was on an airplane at 4:00 am to my honeymoon we paid for....lol

No way could either family pay for all that stuff has nothing to do with etiquette.

 

[cedricandsophie]

Certainly all bridal party with guests, close relatives and out of town guests. The same for a breakfast brunch that, in our area, often follows the day after the wedding.

 

[QueenIsabella]

Well, if everyone's going out to brunch the morning after our niece's wedding, they'll have to count us out. We're traveling a few hours to a resort that we go to every summer--well, except last summer, which means my crew is EVEN MORE EXCITED than usual to get there. They'll probably be up at 5 and raring to go, never mind breakfast or showers or bathroom trips!

If we didn't have somewhere to be, I imagine that we'd go to the brunch, but not expect anyone to pay our tab for it.

 

[ronandannette]

Morning after brunch.....I was on an airplane at 4:00 am to my honeymoon we paid for....lol

No way could either family pay for all that stuff has nothing to do with etiquette.

Not only that but it strikes me as a bit of a drag for the guests too. In my world attending a wedding is a time-commitment of a single afternoon and evening, not days and days. Even if I were to travel from out of town, all these auxiliary events don't sound appealing. Good thing they're basically unheard of around here.

 

[Donald13]

LOL... and this one backs my traditions...

"
The Bride's Family Is Responsible For:
• Engagement party
• Wedding dress (including veil and any accessories)
• Wedding planner/coordinator
• Invitations/stationery/save the dates/wedding programs
• Photography/videography
• Transportation/accommodation for bridesmaids
• Pre-wedding parties
• Ceremony/reception
• Flowers/décor
• Wedding cake
• Morning-after brunch

The Groom's Family Is Responsible For:
• Honeymoon
• Marriage license/officiant fee
• Rehearsal dinner
• Bride's bouquet, boutonnieres, and corsages
• Transportation/accommodation for groomsmen
• DJ/band and liquor/alcohol for wedding reception

https://www.brides.com/story/what-your-family-pays-for-wedding-planning


Rules are outfdated as this article explains... nowadays... it is what works best for your family and makes people happy.

My parents paid for my brothers rehearsal. The bride’s parents set it all up because it was out of state for us and my parents just wanted to pay. My in laws paid for mine as well. The rest are outdated lol.