Wedding thread- Rehearsal dinner?

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Morning after brunch.....I was on an airplane at 4:00 am to my honeymoon we paid for....lol

No way could either family pay for all that stuff has nothing to do with etiquette.

That was us as well. Our family did handle some leftover stuff the next day like returning the unopened booze, returning the tuxes that were rented, getting the leftover food from the fridge (and whoever wanted what could have it we didn't care but the catering company didn't want to throw it out the night of our wedding just in case), getting our top tier of the cake for us. I think we got the gifts though the night of our wedding and pretty much all the decor though. We got about an hour and a half of sleep and then was off on a plane to our honeymoon. This was also why we didn't pay for a hotel room, we were barely in our own rental house before leaving again.

 

[Wendy31]

LOL... and this one backs my traditions...

"
The Bride's Family Is Responsible For:
• Engagement party
• Wedding dress (including veil and any accessories)
• Wedding planner/coordinator
• Invitations/stationery/save the dates/wedding programs
• Photography/videography
• Transportation/accommodation for bridesmaids
• Pre-wedding parties
• Ceremony/reception
• Flowers/décor
• Wedding cake
• Morning-after brunch

The Groom's Family Is Responsible For:
• Honeymoon
• Marriage license/officiant fee
• Rehearsal dinner
• Bride's bouquet, boutonnieres, and corsages
• Transportation/accommodation for groomsmen
• DJ/band and liquor/alcohol for wedding reception

https://www.brides.com/story/what-your-family-pays-for-wedding-planning


Rules are outfdated as this article explains... nowadays... it is what works best for your family and makes people happy.

That was pretty much how we did it 26 years ago for our wedding.

However, we didn’t have a ”morning after“ brunch - it wasn’t really a thing so much back then, & we didn’t have any out of town guests.

My parents paid for all the usual stuff - the wedding ceremony & reception, the flowers/decor, invitations & programs, the cakes, wedding coordinator, the photography/videography, my dress, my maid of honor’s dress (my sister), & another bridesmaid’s dress (my friend)...

My husband’s parents did NOT pay for our honeymoon; we paid for our own honeymoon.

However, they did pay for the rehearsal dinner, my bridal bouquet & the boutonnières & corsages, tuxes for the groom & attendants, 2 bridesmaid dresses (my sister-in-laws), & the flower girl‘s dress (my husband‘s niece).

We had a family wedding - w/ the exception of one friend, our attendants were family - brothers, sister, inlaws, nephew, niece... LOL! Basically, my parents paid for their side of the family’s wedding attire for the wedding, & my inlaws paid for their side.

The pastor of the church married us, & he didn’t have a ”fee.” However, my inlaws gave a small monetary offering to the church.

We also didn’t have a DJ or band or any alcohol at our reception.

 

[Disneyland1084]

When I got married in 2002, the rehearsal dinner was just for the bridesmaids and groomsmen. We invited a few other friends, but they chose to stay back at the hotel.

 

[HopperFan]

The Groom's Family Is Responsible For:
• Honeymoon
• Marriage license/officiant fee
• Rehearsal dinner
• Bride's bouquet, boutonnieres, and corsages
• Transportation/accommodation for groomsmen
• DJ/band and liquor/alcohol for wedding reception

https://www.brides.com/story/what-your-family-pays-for-wedding-planning
Rules are outfdated as this article explains... nowadays... it is what works best for your family and makes people happy.

I have never heard that the Groom's family pays for DJ/Band or Liquor for reception in the "manners rules". IF the bride's parents are paying they are the hosts so there would be no expectation someone helped them out. I've never heard they pay for ANYTHING at the reception unless of course they offer to pay for something, they split costs with others in agreement etc. But never as some kind of expectation based on wedding rules.

We just paid for a wedding and reception and studied many references, never saw that.

 

[easyas123]

Groom's family pays for DJ/Band or Liquor for reception

I'm no wedding expert, but I always heard that the "traditional' take was the the grooms family/parents paid for the bar tab.

We have two sons, one who is more likely than not going to be married in the next 1-2 years. They already said they wanted a very relaxed reception, which is fine, and want to have it at our farm. We will pick up the tab for the rehearsal dinner & booze & will probably gift them the honeymoon. I'm sure there will be plenty of other costs along the line... My parents gifts all of us our honeymoons, and I want to continue the tradition.

BUT - we have already made it clear we are happy to, and looking forward to helping out if needed - otherwise I'll keep my nose out of it and let them do their thing.

Obviously, different regional areas and cultures have different ways of going about things when it comes to weddings. I've enjoyed reading about everyone's different approaches to the subject.

 

[pigletto]

I think a lot of the old "rules" around weddings have been tossed out the window. It seems people just do what feels right and I think that's how it should be.

I know couples who paid for the wedding themselves, couples who had huge formal rehearsal dinners, couples who had rehearsal dinner at a house, couples who ran off to Vegas to get married and had a bbq when they got home, couples who didn't have a wedding shower because they had everything they needed since they lived together etc.

I feel many of the wedding rules are outdated and couples should just do what they want.

I so agree with this . Trying to navigate every different family generational expectation for etiquette was like walking a mine field when planning my wedding and it was no fun at all . I am determined to help my daughter avoid as much of that garbage as possible ( she’s getting married January 2023). It won’t be easy to avoid it all , but all of the guilt and expectations won’t be coming from me. I raised a capable daughter . We will pay for what we promised and keep our mouths shut.

 

[Suger Mag]

That was pretty much how we did it 26 years ago for our wedding.

However, we didn’t have a ”morning after“ brunch - it wasn’t really a thing so much back then, & we didn’t have any out of town guests.

Yeah I never heard of a morning after brunch, until one of my friends got married a few years after me (lol still 20 years ago) and they had one... thought it was odd....like come on now... we had the bachalorette party... the rehearsal dinner... then. we had the wedding... and the reception... how much more of this do I have to go to... sigh I was matron of honor and a new mom to a 6 week old and I was DONE... the brunch was too much.

I have never heard that the Groom's family pays for DJ/Band or Liquor for reception in the "manners rules". IF the bride's parents are paying they are the hosts so there would be no expectation someone helped them out. I've never heard they pay for ANYTHING at the reception unless of course they offer to pay for something, they split costs with others in agreement etc. But never as some kind of expectation based on wedding rules.

We just paid for a wedding and reception and studied many references, never saw that.

Yeah that one was new to me too... i thought it was considered part of the bar tab at the reception...

I like me weddings simple... lots of good food... lots of booze (open bar) .... a good band.... and of course a pretty dress on the bride.... that is all anyone remembers lol

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I like me weddings simple... lots of good food... lots of booze (open bar) .... a good band.... and of course a pretty dress on the bride.... that is all anyone remembers lol

Really this is what generally people still talk about our wedding for.

They remember the venue being nice and different (first level of an office building downtown but it's nicer than it sounds lol it's a wedding event space that has seen countless weddings).

They remember the DJ (we didn't have a band but a DJ). The remember that there was so much space to move around and dance with (no 8x8 parquet floor that you can barely move around in).

They remember the food (and I'm sure it smacks of that we had a buffet) being good food and the cake tasting great and they remember the open bar (in which we paid for the tips pre-booked that way).

They remember me walking down the stairs rather than up the aisle.

To them it was a great wedding they still talk about but no I doubt they talk about the center pieces of the wedding (which were mostly basic but still nice enough) or the wedding favors (candy in painted terra cotta small pots), or the flowers (which were not real) or the table cloths or chairs. If I had to guess it's mostly food, booze and ambience that they remember the most and people still tell us they loved our wedding. Some of the smaller stuff people sweat about (I know I sure did) but guests don't always remember nor truly care in the end (though that does not mean the bride or groom or other close family members don't care).

I'm not sure if they remember the projection we had but this was what it was (very common to do for this particular wedding venue though we supplied the lights on the stairs):



They may or may not remember our first dance even

 

[bushdianee]

Where I live it seems to vary as to who goes. For a few in my family we had cookouts due to large family and number of people from out of town. For some of the nieces and nephews it was wedding party and parents only. One niece's ended up causing hard feelings because only 2 aunts were invited who did most of the planning and work that the mother of the bride should have done ( she kicked bride out but expected to be treated as mother of the bride.) The groom's mother insisted that no grandparents be allowed which my parents were fine with but the bride's other grandparents weren't. Then the groom's mother who had banned all grandparents showed up with her mother! The bride and groom got married pretty much right out of high school so they were very young. 17 years later and still happily married with a 5yo and a 6month old.

 

[klacey1]

We had a destination wedding so in lieu of a rehearsal dinner we had a welcome party and invited all of our guests. It would have been hard to narrow our list down.

 

[klacey1]

I like me weddings simple... lots of good food... lots of booze (open bar) .... a good band.... and of course a pretty dress on the bride.... that is all anyone remembers lol

I completely agree! I’ve attended exquisitely decorated weddings and very simple ones. But what I take into consideration when I think whether a wedding was enjoyable—I think about whether I felt well-hosted with good food, drink and hospitality. That’s what we focused on for ours! (Plus a pretty dress for me, because of course!)

 

[_19disnA]

I think a lot of the old "rules" around weddings have been tossed out the window. It seems people just do what feels right and I think that's how it should be.

I know couples who paid for the wedding themselves, couples who had huge formal rehearsal dinners, couples who had rehearsal dinner at a house, couples who ran off to Vegas to get married and had a bbq when they got home, couples who didn't have a wedding shower because they had everything they needed since they lived together etc.

I feel many of the wedding rules are outdated and couples should just do what they want.

I agree, always wanted to know who made someone king/queen that got to make up these supposed 'rules'? While it seemed traditional the groom's parents pays for the rehearsal dinner and bride's parents pays for the reception, people can really do whatever fits their needs and budgets. Besides budget, I think who you invite would also be determined by relationship of the bride/groom with various relatives and who exactly is in the bridal party. Sometimes parents have divorced/remarried, etc. so there isn't one exact pattern that fits for everyone. Family dynamics would also be a part of who you consider inviting.

Seems to me whoever is paying the bill for the rehearsal dinner would have a significant say over who gets invited.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Seems to me whoever is paying the bill for the rehearsal dinner would have a significant say over who gets invited.

Maybe but that could lead to a lot of lopsided inviting which granted happens already but imagine if the parents of the bride was like "hmm we're going to make sure our family is invited and whatever is leftover in space and costs the groom's family can get the leftovers because we're paying for it so we get to significantly have the say over who gets invited" OR vice versa. Who is paying=who gets to determine XYZ just often leads to strife when in the end the couple getting married is whose viewpoint matters the most (though not the only viewpoint).

 

[ncc1701]

Our Rehearsal dinner was 21 years ago. It was us , our Parents, the wedding party including the readers ( which included 3 of our 4 siblings). Everyone's SO was also invited.The 4th sibling, DH's Sister & her husband were also included. Their 2 (College age) children were in the wedding party but had no SO's at the time.DH's Uncle ( MIL's brother) & Aunt also were invited ( my Parents were only children as was my FIL).
My Grandmom ( only GP alive )was invited but didn't attend. She had dinner with some family from out of town ( including her Sister) at my Parents home.

 

[ncc1701]

Since we had a late morning wedding & an afternoon reception, no morning after brunch. Even if there was DH & I were on a plane to WDW anyway. My parents did have family & some friends back to their house after the wedding. There were roast beef sandwiches, ham and some side dishes. Along with beer , wine & desserts.
It was a nice relaxing evening ( they did the same for my Sister).
We are going to DH's niece's wedding this Summer. It is a sort of destination wedding ( within a 2.5 hour drive for most guest, less for us ). There is a welcome dinner the night before for everyone & an afternoon casual gathering the day after the Wedding.

 

[sasywtch]

I think a lot of these rules were back in the day when people got married at a much younger age. When my son and DIL got married, they paid for everything. They got married at my dad's old dairy farm house (that is now a historical landmark for some reason) in the rose garden. We were all there for the rehearsal, some were there to help set up for the next day. They had set up long tables borrowed from the school and had tubs of sodas and beers and ordered a lot of pizzas. They did have a sit down dinner reception the next day at a banquet hall where they met as servers.
Years ago, my best friend had her rehearsal dinner at the groom's friend's parents house. She had long tables in the living room and made spaghetti and salad. I don't think my husband was there.

 

[disykat]

The idea of a parent paying for the honeymoon kind of creeps me out. Certainly never occurred to us! We planned and paid for out own. My parents gave me some money toward the wedding to use as we wished. Dh's parents were strapped enough just taking time off work to come to the wedding.

We gave ds money toward the wedding and offered to host a rehearsal dinner. I have no idea what her parents did or didn't do.

 

[_19disnA]

^^ Agree, never knew having the parents pay for the honeymoon was common practice.

If the wedding is out of town for many of the guests, have seen examples where the parents of either bride/groom host some kind of brunch the next morning for the out of town guests. If the wedding is local for most guests, they typically go back home once the wedding is over. Sometimes the parents pay for the hotel rooms of their out of town guests, other times not.

Regardless of what the bride/groom choose to do, it is their wedding and never felt slighted by how they chose to handle various aspects of their wedding. Even if one or both set of parents have the financial means to pay for a more elaborate wedding, doesn't mean they have to do that. I think people tend to do what makes sense for them and aren't bound by some outdated set of 'rules' that no longer apply. They shouldn't make arrangements just based on what their relatives think they should do.

 

[Snowysmom]

My 2 DS's got married and I planned the rehearsal dinner and we paid for it. The wedding party and their SOs along with bride's and groom's families including siblings and SOs were invited and showed up. We also invited the bride's grandparents to the rehearsal dinner but they declined. No grandparents left on our side.

 

[LiteBrite]

I've been a musician at lots of weddings, and in that capacity I've been invited to lots of rehearsal dinners. I declined most of them - if I'm not a family member or friend, I honestly prefer to just be treated as hired help, lol. I'm being paid well for the service I provide, I don't need dinner also (plus I'm an introvert and making small talk with people I don't know over food I didn't choose is not my idea of a good time).