Wedding rehearsal dinner.......................?

[pammypooh]

Saw that your brother is in the military. (Tell him thank you for serving for us!) Anyway, was wondering - might he be able to have access to any base type halls, clubs, or hangers? We went to an event (though it was a retirement) that was held inside a hanger on the base where our neighbor was stationed. As the daughter of a Marine, I thought it was pretty cool. They decorated of course, and had a buffet of foods that my friend brought in, mostly from Costco, and a local wing take out place. It would give you a more informal atmosphere, for certain, but given everyone is from "out of town", it might be nice for your brother to "host" at his base. As for who pays for food....up to your parents what they might be able to do....just don't let them be pressured into spending what they don't have! Fancy and expensive can be great....but so can informal and affordable.

Best of luck!
Pam

 

[pammypooh]

Please excuse previous post mis-read and thought DB was in Navy...it is a multi tasking problem - thank your Husband for military service from us! Sorry for silly post. Good luck!
Pam

 

[paysensmom]

Thanks Pam! I will tell him for sure!


Okay, I know this is going to stir things up a bit, but................My brother AND her fiance are living with my parents They do pay rent, but it is only 400 a month which doesnt even cover half of the mortgage payment let alone the bills!!! So, I really dont even feel they should be forking over ANY money for the rehearsal dinner.
My mother already gave them two months rent free so they could pay for a few more place settings since the place they chose is almost $100 per person Which SHE (ugh) always have to bring up how much money her mom is paying for the wedding already. She also told my mom in a condescending manner, that if she couldnt afford the dinner that her mother already said she would pay for it. Can ya tell I really dont like her much? Seriously, I should call bridezilla!! Anyway, tell me what you all think.
Thank you!!
Heather

 

[Aliceacc]

Why does that somehow not surprise me?

I say that, if your parents are gracious enough to offer to host a dinner honoring the couple, they should be gracious enough to accept whatever your parents are willing to pay.

If they choose not to, your parents should book a trip to Disney for themselves for the day after the wedding, using the money they had set aside for the rehearsal dinner.

Remind them not to forget a nice postcard for the newlyweds!

 

[paysensmom]

Oh, my parents did not offer to do the rehearsal dinner. She assumed and pretty much told them they should do one. She even sent a website link to my mother about wedding etiquette!!!! Making sure that my mom chose her dress AFTER her mother did, because traditionally they should both wear the same length of dress!!!
She also told me that NO jeans allowed at her wedding!! WHAT? Okay, my husband dresses cowboy and ONLY wears wranglers and she knows this. He wore black wranglers with his long tailed western style tux jacket in OUR wedding!! Ugh, at this point she is so demanding, nobody wants to even go!! She says it is her wedding and everything should be perfect and she thinks we should be graveling at her feet to see whatever it is she may need!! There is a LOT to this story really. Very much background leading up to this. My parents would love to do whatever it is she wanted, if they liked her and she actually showed them respect! But she doesnt. She cooks in their kitchen (remember she lives with my parents) without cleaning up. She actually came home from work one day and asked my mother to stop singing (my parents run a karaoke business and sing as well!) because she was trying to study!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT?? I told my mom that is a load of @#$@#$% I would NEVER tell someone what to do in their own house.
Okay, now for the bridesmaid dresses, she asked for dress requests. (yep, im in the wedding, maid of honor actually, and my brother is the one who asked me!!!) Ugh. Anyway, I said all I wanted to say about the dress is that it is NOT a halter top. She said at the beginning that we didnt even all have to wear the same dress as long as it is the same length! So of course later she changed her mind AND chose a HALTER TOP!! So, I am stuck paying 130 for a dress I do not like and will look awful in. I am sorry to go on, I will stop, but just wanted you all to have a little insight on the entire situation. There is much, much more, but its just drama and I hate drama, so I will just leave it out.

Please keep your opinions and advice coming!
Thanks,
Heather

 

[Aliceacc]

Your parents must love your brother a LOT to put up with this idiot.


And she's right: it is her wedding. She should get HER money's worth from every cent SHE pays.

 

[Aliceacc]

Now, back to your original question:

Do you want to post the town/city where the wedding is being held? That way, if your parents DO want to do this for your brother, we can help you come up with some options that won't break the bank.

 

[paysensmom]

Hey great idea Alice!!
The wedding is going to be in Tucson, AZ

 

[Aliceacc]

Well, I've never been to Arizona, so I'm not much help.

But maybe you could start here to narrow down your choices? http://tucsonrestaurantguide.com/s-type

 

[sanapp]

My husband and I were together for 10 years before we decided to ge married. We had to pay for everything ourselves which didn't bother us a bit. We are from Maine and formal weddings aren't really the thing here, but ours was on the formal side for the norm. We had an evening wedding and had an adult only reception. Due to the reception type we chose to have we wanted to have a very relaxed rehersal dinner that people could bring there children to. We also had a lot of friends and family that were coming from away, so we wanted to have them for dinner as well. My brother-in-law was also leaving for bootcamp the Monday after we got married. With all of that said we hosted a large cook out in our backyard. We got married in the beginning of June, so the weather was great. This was 10 years ago, so if I re-call correctly we provided the hamburgers, hotdogs, steamers (from Maine afterall) and the mothers each brought the sides. Everyone had so much fun and it was a great chance from everyone to get to know each other and relax.

 

[Mkrop]

Hey great idea Alice!!
The wedding is going to be in Tucson, AZ

I was going to suggest this as well. Also maybe provide the budget? Maybe some AZ DISers can help with some ideas.

 

[Green Tea]

get a backyard party catered by a local BBQ restaurant. A keg of beer, red & white tablecloths, some music.

 

[Aliceacc]

They can't; it's 2 hours from their home.

 

[TheRustyScupper]

1) My folks owned a bridal store for over 30-years.
2) They have seen it all.
3) So did we, when we took it over.
4) Wedding costs have gotten way too far out of line, including rehearsal dinners.
5) In fact, some have 50-75 people !

6) When money is tight and brides would ask, Mrs Rusty would recommend
. . . outdoor or indoor BBQ (ribs, chicken, etc)
. . . heavy hors d'oeuvres (lots of snacks, drinks)
. . . picnic-style (chicken, dogs, potatoes salad, etc)
. . . pot-luck (gotta be careful here)

NOTE: Sure, some people would complain when they heard the style of the rehearsal dinner, mainly the brides parents, but I have NEVER heard about a complaint from the guests. People are reasonable and do understand.

 

[elf]

If the wedding is 2 hrs away and on a budget I go for an inexpensive Chinese buffet. I like the idea of Chinese buffet because they could be cheaper and are willing to work with you. Many of them use linen table cloths and napkins with nicer glasses, so it wouldn't seem too cheap. I would only offer soft drinks/tea no wine or liquor added. Really don't see too many other choices even a pizza/pasta place will probably be more at least at a buffet there is more variety.


I also like the idea of your parents telling them how much they are willing to give them total for the wedding and they could spend it anyway they want.

 

[marlynnp]

She even sent a website link to my mother about wedding etiquette!!!!

She cooks in their kitchen (remember she lives with my parents) without cleaning up. She actually came home from work one day and asked my mother to stop singing (my parents run a karaoke business and sing as well!) because she was trying to study!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT?? I told my mom that is a load of @#$@#$% I would NEVER tell someone what to do in their own house.

I'd be googling some etiquette advice for her. And I say let her mother pay for th dinner. Your parents are doing enough by letting them love there for next to nothing.
AND are they moving out after they get married?

 

[iggbees]

your future sil sounds like my best friend's brother's wife. she was a nightmare for their wedding, i felt so bad for my best friend's parent's. they got constantly chewed out by the bride for not putting money towards things that she wanted and she constantly told them that they ruined her wedding (one time it was because my best friend's parents refused to put 1000$ for wine, offering 500$ instead). my best friend complained about how hideous her bridesmaids dress was all the time (it was not fitting at all). sorry you have to put up with this.

i like the idea of finding a local place that you can rent out and cater for cheap. i know in our town we had a fire station that had a medium sized room that they rented for banquets and dances. i'm sure there are probably places like that nearby the wedding site, even if it's a local park recreation center. i read someone's idea about getting food from shop-rite (or the local grocery store) which is great. they always tend to have awesome food and it's so much less than buying from a caterer.

 

[bumbershoot]

My brother's then-future in-laws told my parents they would pay for the rehearsal dinner, too. My mom was an old hippie, and while she believed in marriage (later in life religion took over), she didn't believe in *weddings*. Had she survived to my wedding, she would have made an incredible cake for me, but I would have had NOTHING of the wedding that I had, b/c my dad offered to pay for it (which wouldn't have been done or accepted if my mom were still around), b/c a Wedding wasn't important to her, and she had nothing set aside for such an event.

Therefore, they obviously had nothing set aside for a rehearsal dinner for their son.

The in laws have only girls, and the mom never had her own poofy wedding, so was living it all through her daughter (the older, second-to-marry, daughter eloped, LOL, to escape the madness she saw with her little sister). But my parents saw no reason for this woman's madness to change her life all that much.

In the end, my mom and stepdad did host a casual dinner at a local, good, Mexican restaurant, that was truly appreciated by all except perhaps the other parents.


Like I mentioned, my dad did pay for my wedding (offered when I told him I was getting married, and I figured it was a good way for him to pay all that back child-support he didn't have when I was a minor , so I said "OK"). We did ask hubby's parents, and while MIL was rather opposed to spending the money (and she's from another culture where this sort of thing isn't really done...though to be honest I was TRYING to have a Korean Buddhist wedding and she would not help me!), FIL insisted. We had a dinner at a nationwide chain, Spaghetti Factory, in a back room. It was good food (I like their food for what it is), we were away from the other patrons, it was fun!


Now all that said. WHY are you her MOH? Do you support their marriage? Do you support your brother marrying her? Do you anticipate divorce proceedings inside of 5 years? I will ONLY stand up for people whose wedding I believe in and support, and I made sure that our wedding party consisted only of people that supported our marriage and us together, not just "well I hate that person but I'll support YOU". If my brother asked me to be a MOH for a woman I don't like, I would tell him that it would be more appropriate for me to be a Best Woman or Groomswoman, and then I would very likely tell him that I couldn't do even that, if I disliked his bride that much.

Might be difficult to do at this late date, but man oh man...being in wedding parties can be hard enough, let alone when you don't like each other!

 

[nicolita3]

Have you been to the Oregano's in Tuscon? They have some really good pizza/salad/wings. I know some PP mentioned pizza, thats why I brought up Oreganos, I know they have a patio too at that location, maybe your mom can call them and they can close off the patio for the party. If you want the website or more info just pm me. I used to live in AZ and I was at that Oregano's back in December.

 

[RubySlippers]

How about a local Country Club or maybe a Marriott Hotel that is close to the wedding venue. I have had functions at both of these kinds of places and they were always willing to work with me and meet my needs as far as prices and menus. The standard packages they show on their websites are not always written in stone. I even had a hotel tell me that they would rather use their function space at a lower cost to me than leave it empty! It never hurts to ask what they are willing to do to earn your business Good Luck!

Ruby