Wedding rehearsal dinner.......................?

[paysensmom]

My brother is getting married in June. My parents are being pressured into paying for the rehearsal dinner which includes 21 people. My parents do not have much money at all. Please help me help my mom find a good place to go for a decent price.
The wedding is VERY formal and my mother read up on this and she read something about if the wedding is formal the rehearsal dinner should be informal. I told her to just make ressies at pizza hut!!!
She probably won't do that, but I need help!!
Thank you so much,
Heather

 

[Stucas]

Rehearsal dinners can be anywhere you want and as formal or informal as you want. My sister and I are both getting married this year, my rehearsal dinner is at a fancy restaurant with probably 20-30 people while my sisters is going to be at Cracker Barrel with 10-15. Since it will be warm you can always just bbq in the backyard, fun easy and cheap!

-Lauren

 

[barkley]

allot of people in our wedding party had no desire to have to deal with a long rehearsal and then a dinner afterwards since they had a long day ahead of them the next day. we purposely schedualed the rehearsal for after the dinner hour and then provided light snacks in the adjacent rehearsal hall. we had to decorate the place anyway so it was convenient. i've seen rehearsals with no dinner and it was never an issue or anyone thought anything less of it.

i clearly remember my parents having a discussion with my brother when his fiancee was pushing for my parents to do an overblown rehearsal dinner (was'nt the norm where we lived)-they were honest and said 'son, we have set aside x amount of dollars for your marriage-you can have it to put towards whatever you want for the wedding or we can gift it to you on your wedding day'. guess who decided she did'nt want a rehearsal dinner?

 

[nannerbadnanner]

If there are any local BBQ joints, that may be a good option. I have had to plan a few occasions and we have used local places that provided meat (for sandwiches), buns, and sides for a very low price per person.

Maybe some of your mom and dad's friend could help them cook for the group. My best friend's now husband is from Egypt. He and his parents had their friends cook Egyption food for the rehearsal dinner. It was really yummy and different.

Check around with different restaurants such as Olive Garden or Chili's). Sometimes you will be surprised at how inexpensive their catering options are. You would have to pick up the food and serve, but it would be much cheaper than having everyone dine at the retaurant.

Also, check your supermarket deli. You can usually buy large quanities of things like fried chicken very cheaply.

Good luck!

 

[kimisabella]

It is "customary" for the groom's parents to host and pay for the rehearsal dinner, but, unfortunatley it doesn't always work out that way. My dh and I hosted and paid for our rehearsal dinner - my wedding was formal as well. My inlaws weren't going to pay for anything - although my parents did pay for 75% of the wedding. We had it at a restaurant near the church, we had about 20-30 people there, it wasn't cheap, but, we had no choice. If your parents cannot afford it, they shouldn't feel they HAVE to host it.

 

[EthansMom]

Is your brother older and living on her own (out of your parents' house)? The reason I'm asking is that the tradition of having the parents of the groom pay for the rehearsal dinner comes from a tradition of the bride going from living with Mom and Dad to being married. As more and more couples are getting married at older ages, the tradition is changing so that the couple getting married is shouldering more of the financial burden and their parents are helping as they are able/interested.

In the situation you described, I would recommend doing what my Dad did. My brother and I got married within 6 months of each other. My Dad told each of us, "I'll give you $X toward your wedding. You can use it however you choose. If there's anything leftover, keep it. If you use it all, don't ask for more." My father's gift paid for most of my modest wedding and probably didn't cover the tab for the open bar at my brother's wedding.

If your parents are being pressured to spend money they can't afford and/or have other children whom they would like to help with wedding expenses at a later date, the best thing for them would be sit down on their own and figure out how much $ they can contribute to expenses, then tell brother, "We'll contribute $X." Let brother and his fiancee decide what they want to do (rehearsal dinner, etc..) with that money.

BTW, DH and I thought so highly of Dad's way of doing things that that is how we'll do it when our kids are older.

 

[girli565]

Why not do passed hor' deurvs (sp?) and a signature drink?

It would be inexpensive, especially if you made them yourself.

 

[pearlieq]

Can they host it at their house?

Or, if the wedding is at a church, can they host it in the fellowship hall?

Those would probably be the least expensive options. Could any of the friends of the family help with providing food?

Pizza is also a great idea. Around here we have many sit down pizza restaurants that have nice private party rooms and offer a package of pizza, salad, soda, and dessert for about $10 - $12 per person. That's what we did for our rehearsal, though DH's parents very generously covered the bill.

 

[tink_n_pooh]

How about a nice quiet and casual pizza place? That is what I sort of wanted for our wedding. It was around the holidays and everyone was really busy and it would have been a lot less expensive... but DH's parents paid and we had a formal sit down dinner and drinks at a nice Italian restaurant.

Don't let them feel pressured, it's there choice. A BBQ sounds like a great idea to me

 

[dopeyfanatic]

We bbqed chicken at the social hall at our church for our rehearsal dinner. It was VERY informal, but fun. People didn't feel like they HAD to dress up so everyone was having a fun time not "being formal" and it was cheap. If your parents can't afford it they need to put their foot down and say I'm really sorry, but all I can give you is $100, or whatever they have. Then they can figure out what they want to do with that. I agree that you could have it after dinner hour and just do snacks, or early afternoon. They really need to talk to your brother.

 

[tzolkin]

we've had 3 recently in our family. one at a chinese buffet and one at a mexican restaurant (ordered family style)-- maybe about $7 per person. these two had a separate section of the restaurant so everyone could sit together and walk around without bothering the other patrons. my brother also just had pizza and salads at his house last summer after his rehearsal. they had a few tables set up outside and we had a picnic type dinner. it was nice since people could come and go. my best friend is getting married in may and her mom is having a party at her home the night before the wedding for everyone who may have arrived from out of town as well as those in the wedding party after the rehearsal.

i think informal things like this are more appropriate than a sit down dinner in a nice restaurant since they're better for socializing and less structured/stressful (isnt there enought of that right before a wedding )

 

[**eeyore**]

As of late, most rehersal dinners I have attended have been at the house of the couple, the house of the groom's parents or bride's parents. They can still be as formal or as casual as you wish. Also, you can either have it catered, do something simple like order pizza and chicken wings, or cook all the food yourself. You could always grill up a bunch of burgers and bratwurst (sorry-showing the Wisconsin girl in me! ) ahead of time and them have them warming in a roaster. Serve along with some cheesy potatoes, veggie trays and brownies for dessert.

I love going to these kind of rehearsal dinners - they are such great environment to meet everyone!

 

[battricia]

I would definitely suggest some sort of at home thing - hot dogs, hamburgers, potato/mac salads, rolls and a cold cut platter, that sort of thing. You could do that pretty cheap for that many people. And you could make it pretty nice if you decorate for it. June is a great time for that!

tricia.

 

[Karenj2]

I've seen a bunch of rehearsal dinner parties held at the groom's parent's house. One was an outdoor BBQ (in the south), mine was a buffet style dinner that my MIL and my mom provided food for, and my SIL's was a combo bridal shower/engagement party at MY house (family provided food.) All were loads of fun, casual, and not too stressful.

OTOH, I've also been to some formal rehearsal dinners that were almost as formal as the wedding. I guess it depends on your brother. Hopefully he isn't EXPECTING your parents to just open their wallets and let him take what he wants...

 

[paysensmom]

The rehearsal is set, it is going to be at 5 pm. The dinner is set to be right after. The wedding is at a place they are renting. It is not at a church or anything. So, the only place we could eat would be where the wedding dinner will be. We cant do that because it will already be decorated. So, we couldnt do a dinner there.
Keep the ideas coming!!
Thank you so much!!
Heather

 

[budbeerlady]

We had a formal wedding, our rehearsal dinner was a the restaurant I waitress-ed at. We did pizza, breadsticks, wings, etc. It was a great to time to de-stress with everyone over a pitcher of beer. It wasnt very costly since it was pizza. (We also did just the people in the wedding, I didnt need their girlfriends/ boyfriends there....It might not be "correct" but I'd say 3/4 of the wedding we have been in (either dh or I) the significant other didnt go to the rehearsal or the dinner. )

Another friend of ours did a nice dinner at his Moms house. They had lasagna with the works and it was fine.

I have been to the dreaded formal dinner, it was horrid. I would rather relax with my friends/ family than to worry about spilling anything!

 

[Adi12982]

My in-laws paid for ours. . . we did it at their house and they got some "food by the pound" at a local cuban restaurant. . .

I think it may be cheaper to get some to-go platters for a local restaurant or chain, some drinks from the grocery store and call it a day.

 

[Bren's Mom]

Any Knights of Columbus/Elks Lodge/VFW hall type places nearby to rent? Or a beach or public park pavilion? Most of those places are fairly inexpensive...are conducive to having a casual dinner with a mixed crowd (meaning kids, teens, adults). Trays of food like BBQ or italian, salad, rolls & butter are easy...or maybe a clambake (lots of places here in CT do that, not sure where you are)...heck, even chinese food would be good! Perhaps there's something that reminds your parents of the wedding couple? What kind of food did they eat on their first date? Or when they got engaged? It's always nice to have a 'story' behind the food.

 

[annakris1973]

Is there a park nearby where you can use a picnic pavillion? One of the best rehersal dinners I went to had a western theme (cheap red checked vinyl tablecloths, mason jars with silk daisies in them) and the family had ordered BBQ, chopped pork here in GA and supplied the chips, buns, etc, etc. Alot more cost conscious than a fancy restaurant. I have also heard that if the wedding is formal, the rehersal should be casual...but all that depends on the bride, and more importantly sometimes THE BRIDES MOTHER. My youngest BIL's wife wanted something very casual, but her mother vetoed that and picked the place herself and INFORMED the groom's parents where it would be and how much it would be. and expected them to pick up the tab.

 

[Bren's Mom]

My youngest BIL's wife wanted something very casual, but her mother vetoed that and picked the place herself and INFORMED the groom's parents where it would be and how much it would be. and expected them to pick up the tab.

That's just plain wrong. If I were the mother of the groom I would have told her where she could stuff her tab...