wedding questions

[disneyfans95]

OP, it is not that uncommon to have a gap.

May reasons for this. Mostly due to the timing of the church and reception hall. I am a hotel GM and we host about 80 weddings a year at my hotel.

We have fixed times for the start of our weddings (there are a few execeptions in slow months). Couple that with the church times and you can a gap of a few hours.

 

[disneyfans95]

Unfortunately I suspect that attitude is going to become more and more common as the meme generation comes into their own and marries.

I've heard of weddings where the reception is hours after the wedding and I even attended one such debacle when I was single. Since then, whenever I was invited to a wedding where there was more than an hour span between the ceremony and the reception, I attended either one or the other. It may be the bride's "day" but that kind of planning denotes absolutely no consideration of anyone else's time at all. Just because you're having a "day" doesn't mean I have to lose one of my days to be able to participate in yours. With divorce rates at least 50% or higher these days, it's no longer a special occasion to witness someone getting married.

And let's be honest, bridezilla: it's been all about you ever since he proposed. It was all about you when you announced your engagement. It was all about you at the engagement party. It was all about you when you were choosing your dress, shoes, colors, invitations, bridesmaid dresses, etc, etc, etc. It was all about you when you went back for your fittings. It was all about you during your showers. It was all about you during the bachelorette party. It was all about you when you had to "vent" to anyone who'd listen for the thirty-freakin'-millionth time about how stressful all this planning was for you and how glad you're going to be when the wedding is over.

Newsflash, princess - the rest of us are going to be really glad when it's all over, too.

And we'll bask in the fact that we can have normal conversations around you again without having to hear about your wedding coming up.

At least until you get pregnant.

I fully intend to shoot myself if I still know you when that happens.


Wow! That's a lot of rage! Didn't know I had THAT inside me.

Sorry. Had to vent. I know someone who's getting married very soon and is planning one of these "reception five hours after the wedding" blowouts. I'm keeping my fingers crossed and doing everything I can (as politely as possible) to NOT be invited to that mess. I think I'm in the clear because she was working on her invitations earlier this week and, so far, I haven't received one.

..... Not worth the points

 

[Rora]

I can understand why you're hurt but as far as the Maid of Honor is concerned, it's really her choice.

As far as the long gap between the ceremony and reception-- it's pretty common.

 

[lady_bug_888]

It is VERY common in my area to have a large gap between the ceremony and the reception. This is the time that the couple gets photos done along with family and attendants.

Usually the guests are invited to the mother-of-the-bride's house for drinks, but most people just rest in their hotel rooms or go out for coffee etc... It's not that big of a deal out here. That said, I don't think I've EVER been to a wedding where things were not done this way!

My sisters and I all did our weddings this way and I know I, for sure, was quite concerned about my guests especially since I did not get married in my hometown and I had quite a few guests from out of town. What I did was: I reserved a suite for my parents (I actually reserved the only two suites in the hotel...one for DH and I and one for my parents and I gave my parents the best one!), after the ceremony we quickly took our family portraits, my parents then went to their room and hosted anyone who wanted to visit/have drinks--everyone from out of town was invited, MIL also had some relatives back to her house to visit. We went and did our photos and got back to the reception just in time for it to start. We did NOT have a cocktail hour as our wedding was alcohol free with the exception of table wine which half the tables had.

I also invited all of the out-of-towners to the rehearsal dinner the night before and I had the hotel give them vouchers for a hot breakfast the next morning. In my opinion, all of my guests were WELL taken care of.

As for your mother being the MOH. I would just mention to my sister that I felt dissed and left out. Maybe there is something else you could do at the wedding.

Be happy for your sister! She was for you and now she is the bride!

 

[crashbb]

I've been to quite a few weddings with time between the wedding and the time one could arrive at the reception location. It can be annoying, but it isn't a huge deal.

 

[ChickieToo]

East Coaster (CT) here.

When I was getting married in my Catholic Church (almost 20 years ago) I was told that the wedding time had to be 230pm so it would be over in time for 4pm Mass and after 4pm Mass the priests were off for the evening. My reception was to start at 7pm. I did not want that big of a gap between the church and the reception and luckily, my in-laws were friends with a priest who was going to do my ceremony anyway, so our pastor did not have a problem with the family friend priest doing our Mass, so we were able to have the mass at 530pm and roll right into the reception. However, had we not had the family friend priest, my Mass would have ended at probably 330pm and my reception would have started at 7pm.

That being said, I have been to numerous weddings where the Mass is 3-4 hours before the reception. We just went to one in New Jersey last summer. The Mass was at 3pm and the reception was at 7pm. We were staying in a hotel, so we went back to the hotel and hung out with many of the other guests who were there, many of who were family from other parts of the country who we hadn't seen in a while, so it was actually nice to spend some "down" time with them. Since you said there are a number of guests staying at the hotel, my guess is that if you head to the hotel's bar or even the lobby area if there is no bar, you'll find people to hang out with and have a good time passing the time. Or pick up a couple of bottles of wine and a couple of 6 packs of beer and some snacks and invite people to your room for an impromptu party!

My nephew's wedding in Long Island next month is similar...church at 3pm and reception at 7pm. Again, we'll probably go back to the hotel and hang out with everyone else who is going to be at the hotel.

Sorry that you're upset about your sister's choice of MOH but that may be coloring your judgement on this timing issue just a bit. It may be the best she could do in planning the wedding within 6.5 months.

Hey Disney Doll, I got married almost 19 years ago in Trumbull (home town) ...

Anyway, to the OP, the lag time between church and reception is pretty standard based on my experience. I got married at 2:30 and the reception started at 6:00. Catholic church, not sure if the wedding venue even had a day wedding that day, but it is how we planned it, it is what we knew. I actually like it. It give you some time to wind down. Usually people go back to the home of the parents of the bride or groom. They have a cocktail and a snack. In my case, DH is from Massachusetts, and his family wouldn't have had anywhere to go, but they went to my mom's house and had a great, relaxed time. Even people who live in town go back to the house and wait a bit.

I can tell you're stung by your sister's choice of MOH--I don't know if it's valid or not. But regarding the gap between events, why don't you take the bull by the horns and arrange something at the hotel for the out of town guests who will be waiting around. Maybe you can have a fruit platter or cheese and crackers with some bottles of wine down around the pool (weather permitting), or host it in your room, or in a small meeting room at the hotel ... you can either foot the bill yourself, or ask around and see if anyone is interested in participating in this gathering and ask for people to bring wine. Maybe the hotel can provide a light snack inexpensively. Or maybe a local deli can deliver something. This might be a way for you to be more involved in the wedding, and it would just be a nice thing to do.

Hope it all works out for you.

 

[lizanne]

Where I'm from (east coast) some down time between ceremony and reception is common.

I know in our family the couple usually advises the out of town guests of a hotel that they have made arrangement with to give special rates - it is usually close to the reception venue. Sometimes (very often) a suite is rented by the Bride or Groom Parents for people to stop in for light refreshments in-between ceremony and reception. Or, one of the parents or some other party close to the couple being married opens their house for the between time.

I understand your being hurt about not standing for your sister, but it's your mother she asked - it could have been much worse. Try not to let this hurt your relationship with your sister.

I did a very foolish thing when I got married (40 years ago). I'm the oldest and I only asked two of my three sisters to be in my bridal party. I didn't ask the youngest (who was 9 at the time) because I knew my parents would have to pay for her dress. Money was tight and they also had to pay for their own clothes plus those for my 3 younger brothers. I though I was doing the right thing.

Sometime after the wedding my mother mentioned (only once) that I should have also asked the youngest sister - she couldn't understand why she was left out.

40 years later I still feel bad about this. My sister has never mentioned it and we have a great relationship, but it still bothers me.

My point is - while it may not be apparent to you, your sister may have good intentions.

 

[MrsJackSparrow4Life]

Most weddings I have gone to have had the ceremony and reception at the same venue, so this has not been an issue. However, the few weddings I have gone to where the ceremony and reception are seperate have had 2+ hours in between the two.

As for the other issue...am I the only person who actually prefers when their friends and family do not ask them to be in the wedding party? The one wedding party I was a part of ended up being a huge drain; both financially and time wise.

If I ever get married I swear I am going to elope. That way I don't have to worry about someone gettting offended they are not part of the wedding, nor will I have to worry about someone going online and talking about how tacky every decision I make is.

 

[froggygrrrl]

Many, many weddings in my area have a 3-4 hour gap between the ceremony and the reception. Now that I think about it, every Catholic wedding I've been to has had this gap (including my own wedding).

One bride had her mom host a cocktail/light appetizer pre-reception at a local hotel. At all the others, everyone was just expected to find some way to occupy the time. As far as I know, nobody complained. There were many times that a group of us would find a local restaurant/bar and have a couple of drinks or snacks before heading to the reception. Never once did I find it irritating or inconvenient or rude (but maybe the drinks helped!). I guess I never realized that it was such a regional phenomenon.

 

[rie'smom]

It would be very strange for there to be downtime around here between the wedding and reception but there is no formal sit down reception. Instead they are more like a cocktail party with tons of food and lots to drink. The servers begin to circulate with food as soon as guests arrive.

 

[Queen2PrincessG]

Ok, sorry that is BEYOND bad hostess and bad planning. If you have that large chunk of time you start a cocktail hour so that guest can indeed go back to their rooms freshen up or change and then head to the cocktail hour/reception.They aren't taking pictures during that entire time.

I would be offended and hurt about not being in the wedding. I too wonder what Op's mom has to say about all of this.

OP if I were you, I wouldn't go. But i'm mean.

 

[Witch Mountain]

The last few weddings I've been to had at least a 2 hour gap between wedding and reception, with one (my brothers) at 4 hours and another about 3 hours between. That one was in Boston and my DH and I had never been.

The church and reception site were about 20 minutes away from each other, with the hotel in between, so most of the groom's friends (all visiting from out of state) hung out at the hotel between the two and had a great time.

I'm with a PP in that it's better not to be asked to be in a wedding party. For the most part, the friends who will get married in the future are not likely to ask. That's good, because we can hang out at the bar while the wedding party is getting their pictures taken.

 

[Crazy4Disney72]

Thank you very much for all the responses! I see that the overwhelming response is that it is not at all uncommon for there to be a gap of a few hours in between ceremony and reception. I didn't know, that's why I asked. I will pass this information along to the other family members who were surprised.

However, I also see that the overwhelming majority said that generally something is planned by the couple or the parents of the bride or groom to fill some of the time between the two events, and that is not being done here. I don't care if it's considered the norm to have a gap in between, to me, if I were the hostess, I would want to make sure my guests were taken care of, and if for whatever reason I had to have a gap in between the ceremony and the reception, whether it was out of my control due to timing issues or because I wanted it, I would not leave people hanging, especially when almost everybody is out of town and has no home to go back to. To me, the suggestion to go sight seeing is a little ridiculous given that everyone will be very dressed up, so really the only option is to go back to the hotel room. I think I will bring the Wii with us so that my kids have something to do and hopefully will not mess up their clothes before we go to the reception.

To the poster that suggested I try to arrange something, that's a really good idea, and if I can get my dad to go in on it with me financially, I will try to arrange that. I just don't know that I will be able to afford that on my own, let alone the hotel I'm staying in doesn't have a lounge (it's a Hampton Inn) but the hotel my dad is staying at does. Thank you for that suggestion!

 

[MainStreetMomma]

Technically, in the Roman Catholic Church, weddings cannot take place after the Sunday Vigil mass (the Saturday night mass, which technically should be held after sunset but are generally held around 4:00-5:30 now) because Sunday (which technically begins at the Sunday Vigil) is reserved for mass/God. I say "technically" because it is possible to request and receive a dispensation and/or find a friendly priest willing to bend the rule, but most RC churches still discourage it.

As far as the time split, my guess is that it has to do with the fact that a traditional reception at 2:30 in the afternoon would feel odd. It's not a natural meal time, dancing might feel awkward, etc. Having lived on the East Coast most of my life, and now living in the Midwest, I've seen it happen frequently in both places, but always with Catholic weddings that held a full mass and then a traditional reception. I've even seen splits of 5-6 hours, which is basically a full day to kill!

As far as the MOH issue, I'm sorry for your disappointment.

Yes, this.

I'm from a huge Irish Catholic family, DH is from a huge Italian Catholic family, and everyone we know has had the mass to reception time gap. Most times, it's very important to Catholics to get married in a Catholic church (which is the only place a true nuptial mass can occur)-- so getting married elsewhere was not an option for us, and we did end up with about a 90 minute gap (but we did have a place for guests to go-- there was a nice bar with free appetizers at our reception location, and many guests hung out and shared company over small plates and drinks.)

Now some friends of mine do this thing where they get a room at the reception facility's hotel and host a "hospitality suite," meaning the bride & groom pay for/ rent a large hotel room and anyone with nothing to do during the gap can go there and have a drink/ snack which is prearranged to be in the room. Usually a family member not in the wedding party is asked to "man the room" if you will.

People who have issues with the timing of gap weddings usually just attend one or the other. I had a lot of people only come to the reception. I think that's very common and I didn't mind at all.

If my sister did that to me, I would be very upset too, so I can understand. I don't think you seem jealous of your mom at all. But, it is your sister's wedding day, and you should just commit the day to her and then move on. It's only one day after all.

 

[JerseyJanice]

I went to exactly one wedding where the bride's mother was the Matron of Honor. That bride didn't have a sister and said her mother was her best friend. To be honest, I found it odd since like the OP said, her mother was already the Mother of the Bride, which is an honor in and of itself.

I agree with the folks who said you should try to have an informal gathering in a nice cocktail lounge. Does the reception hall have a bar open to the public? That would be a good place for out-of-town guests to get together.

Whatever happens, you don't sound overly dramatic over it, and I give you kudos for that. A wedding is a one day event, but marriage hopefully lasts a lifetime.

Congratulations to your sister.

 

[disneyfans95]

let it drop

OP never came back and I think we are just being trolled by her/it

 

[MrsJackSparrow4Life]

let it drop

OP never came back and I think we are just being trolled by her/it

Actually she did come back and post again

 

[Crazy4Disney72]

let it drop

OP never came back and I think we are just being trolled by her/it

Excuse me? I responded a couple times!

This is a message board, people come here and post all kinds of questions about a variety of topics. I was curious about something, so I asked a question and got several responses, and I thanked the posters for their responses. How in the world that can be considered 'a troll', I don't know, since first of all, I only asked the question not even 24hrs ago, it's the weekend, if I hadn't responded (which I have) maybe I just hadn't had a chance to yet, and second of all, I've been a poster on the Disboards for 5yrs with several hundred posts, hardly a troll!

 

[Crazy4Disney72]

I went to exactly one wedding where the bride's mother was the Matron of Honor. That bride didn't have a sister and said her mother was her best friend. To be honest, I found it odd since like the OP said, her mother was already the Mother of the Bride, which is an honor in and of itself.

I agree with the folks who said you should try to have an informal gathering in a nice cocktail lounge. Does the reception hall have a bar open to the public? That would be a good place for out-of-town guests to get together.

Whatever happens, you don't sound overly dramatic over it, and I give you kudos for that. A wedding is a one day event, but marriage hopefully lasts a lifetime.

Congratulations to your sister.

Thank you, I really didn't think I was being overly dramatic about it either, I was simply asking a question. Thank you for the congratulations for my sister, I am very happy for her and maybe it's a good idea I'm not actually in the wedding because I am sure I will be crying during the ceremony because I am so happy my sister found happiness.

 

[dimimi]

The wedding is being held at her church, so not exactly unique, but it is a Catholic church so it's possible they don't do later weddings because it could run into Saturday mass times, but then again they are not getting married in the main church, but rather in the chapel, so that might not be an issue. I do know that they have been engaged since 12/08 but only picked a date this past December, so she's throwing this all together on about 6.5 months notice. That may have factored into things some, I don't know.

There is only about 10 minutes between the church and the restaurant where the reception is being held.

Every Catholic mass/wedding I have ever been two has had a long wait time between the weddind and reception.