wedding questions

[LuLuO]

OP-
Around here in the St. Louis, MO area, it is not uncommon to have a large span of time between the end of the ceremony and the start of the reception. I've been to weddings where the ceremony ended at 2pm and the reception didn't begin until 7pm. Usually, the parents of the bride and/or groom will host a gathering in their hotel rooms (party rooms) or in a hotel lounge to pass the time.

As for your mom being her Matron of Honor, I wouldn't take it so personally. Meaning, don't make it out to be that she doesn't love you as much as you love her because she didn't ask you to be an attendant in her wedding. Maybe this is her way of trying to connect with your mother and establish a new and stronger relationship with her.

 

[diznygirl]

This was a problem for us when planning our wedding - the church had four or five times for weddings, but all the reception places had two times - lunch and dinner. If we did the time we wanted, the end of the wedding would be too early for the beginning of dinner. So we bit the bullet and got married early (I am sooooo not a morning person!) so that the end of the wedding would line up with the beginning of a lunch reception.

This could be what happened to your sister. You shouldn't hold it against her if it's something that is out of her control.

The MOH thing - I got nothing.

 

[teacherlisa1978]

I went to a wedding and reception with this kind of time difference about five years ago, and yes, I found it really annoying. The wedding was in Seattle and the reception was about an hour north of Seattle. The reception was 3 hours after the ending of the ceremony. Most of the guests (I'd say 80-90%) were from Seattle, so no hotels to go to...and if you know Seattle, you know what traffic can be like around here even on the weekends which means there wasn't much point in going home in between-by the time you got there, you'd have to turn around. (Especially because we live an hour south of the ceremony location.)
The bride's reasoning for this was just that she wanted to take pictures after the ceremony (fine, no problem with that at all) and wanted to have a dinner for her family and attendants but not the guests-for us, she had a full bar and light appetizers...not the best combination in my book. To top it off, my best friend was a bridesmaid in this wedding, but her fiancee was not in the wedding party. So my husband and I hung out with him for the 3 hours in between, which was at times a bit awkward without my best friend there. We ended up going to a local lake area to walk, people watch, and eat dinner. We still got to the reception very early and killed time walking around the grounds...we could see the bridal party inside the venue eating, it was just strange. We didn't want to be peeking in windows and gawking at them so ended up just sitting in the car making small talk quite a bit.
We really didn't like this arrangement, and my best friend felt terrible that she was busy literally all day and while her fiancee came to the wedding as her guest she really didn't see him until 8 that night. I guess that's just the way it is but I agree with some other posters that it's not my first choice. I do agree however that if we were from out of town and in a hotel or lived close to the ceremony and reception it wouldn't be as big of a deal.

 

[kirstenb1]

she's being a bumpkin about the timing of the wedding and the reception. Believe me, I understand you reserve the church when you can. But if I were the bride or groom, I would have either arranged myself, or asked a member of the bridal party, to host a gathering at the hotel where everyone is registered. No biggie, just simple hors d'oeuvres and drinks.

Ideally, this would happen at the reception place, but I know this isn't always possible. However, my family always travels with food and drink, so it's easy to break out an impromptu party. I learned this from my Mom, who with six kids is always on the go!!

 

[A_Princess'_Daddy]

The wedding is being held at her church, so not exactly unique, but it is a Catholic church so it's possible they don't do later weddings because it could run into Saturday mass times, but then again they are not getting married in the main church, but rather in the chapel, so that might not be an issue. I do know that they have been engaged since 12/08 but only picked a date this past December, so she's throwing this all together on about 6.5 months notice. That may have factored into things some, I don't know.

There is only about 10 minutes between the church and the restaurant where the reception is being held.

Technically, in the Roman Catholic Church, weddings cannot take place after the Sunday Vigil mass (the Saturday night mass, which technically should be held after sunset but are generally held around 4:00-5:30 now) because Sunday (which technically begins at the Sunday Vigil) is reserved for mass/God. I say "technically" because it is possible to request and receive a dispensation and/or find a friendly priest willing to bend the rule, but most RC churches still discourage it.

As far as the time split, my guess is that it has to do with the fact that a traditional reception at 2:30 in the afternoon would feel odd. It's not a natural meal time, dancing might feel awkward, etc. Having lived on the East Coast most of my life, and now living in the Midwest, I've seen it happen frequently in both places, but always with Catholic weddings that held a full mass and then a traditional reception. I've even seen splits of 5-6 hours, which is basically a full day to kill!

As far as the MOH issue, I'm sorry for your disappointment.

 

[AnnaS]

Most of the weddings I have been to that have a big gap like that the brides mother has everyone back to her house to wait out the time to go to the reception. What many people do when there is a big gap between the two is just skip the ceremony and only go to the reception.

We do the same here. If we decide to attend the ceremony, we will go to the bride's house (or mom's) after the ceremony. If we live in the same area (within driving distance) - we might go home. If the two don't apply - we only attend the reception.

All other weddings fall into - reception following ceremony.

Hang in there.

 

[golfgal]

It is very common here to have a gap like that from wedding to reception. Most churches have a set time when weddings have to be done to get ready for Saturday evening services, Catholic, Lutheran, etc. It is RARE to have more than one wedding scheduled in a day at a church or a reception venue here. Most people do not want to have a reception from 3-midnight so they push back the starting time.

We had a Friday night wedding to avoid this. I do not like this set-up at all either but what can you do.

One wedding we attended in this teeny, tiny town in northern MN, wedding was at 10:00 AM, had a lunch in the basement of the church right after the wedding, the reception didn't start until 7:00 that evening. Had we known that going TO the wedding, we would have not gone at all. There was NOTHING to do in between time.

 

[onelilspark]

The wedding is being held at her church, so not exactly unique, but it is a Catholic church so it's possible they don't do later weddings because it could run into Saturday mass times, but then again they are not getting married in the main church, but rather in the chapel, so that might not be an issue. I do know that they have been engaged since 12/08 but only picked a date this past December, so she's throwing this all together on about 6.5 months notice. That may have factored into things some, I don't know.

There is only about 10 minutes between the church and the restaurant where the reception is being held.

I'm not surprised to see the gap because it's a Catholic Church.

We'll have an hour gap due to the sun setting/outdoor pictures and when the reception has to start (I can't move it.) I refuse to have more than that, but I have the flexibility to schedule the ceremony whenever I wish. She probably doesn't have the flexibility to change the ceremony time because it's a Catholic Church. I've seen many Catholic ceremonies lately that are on Fridays because of the Saturday mass schedule.

And really...you're jealous of your mom? Let it go.

 

[aprilgail2]

.)
The bride's reasoning for this was just that she wanted to take pictures after the ceremony (fine, no problem with that at all) and wanted to have a dinner for her family and attendants but not the guests-for us, she had a full bar and light appetizers...not the best combination in my book. .

OMG I have never heard of such a thing!!!! She fed the wedding party while the guests had no where to go and then only gave them light appetizers....that is really nuts.

 

[Carly_Roach]

OMG I have never heard of such a thing!!!! She fed the wedding party while the guests had no where to go and then only gave them light appetizers....that is really nuts.

Unfortunately I suspect that attitude is going to become more and more common as the meme generation comes into their own and marries.

I've heard of weddings where the reception is hours after the wedding and I even attended one such debacle when I was single. Since then, whenever I was invited to a wedding where there was more than an hour span between the ceremony and the reception, I attended either one or the other. It may be the bride's "day" but that kind of planning denotes absolutely no consideration of anyone else's time at all. Just because you're having a "day" doesn't mean I have to lose one of my days to be able to participate in yours. With divorce rates at least 50% or higher these days, it's no longer a special occasion to witness someone getting married.

And let's be honest, bridezilla: it's been all about you ever since he proposed. It was all about you when you announced your engagement. It was all about you at the engagement party. It was all about you when you were choosing your dress, shoes, colors, invitations, bridesmaid dresses, etc, etc, etc. It was all about you when you went back for your fittings. It was all about you during your showers. It was all about you during the bachelorette party. It was all about you when you had to "vent" to anyone who'd listen for the thirty-freakin'-millionth time about how stressful all this planning was for you and how glad you're going to be when the wedding is over.

Newsflash, princess - the rest of us are going to be really glad when it's all over, too.

And we'll bask in the fact that we can have normal conversations around you again without having to hear about your wedding coming up.

At least until you get pregnant.

I fully intend to shoot myself if I still know you when that happens.


Wow! That's a lot of rage! Didn't know I had THAT inside me.

Sorry. Had to vent. I know someone who's getting married very soon and is planning one of these "reception five hours after the wedding" blowouts. I'm keeping my fingers crossed and doing everything I can (as politely as possible) to NOT be invited to that mess. I think I'm in the clear because she was working on her invitations earlier this week and, so far, I haven't received one.

 

[Buckeye Princess]

It seems to be happening more and more often. I think it is because there is a trend for people to want amazing wedding photos that look like they belong in a magazine. That takes more time and so they are pushing receptions back. I feel like everytime I log onto facebook another person has posted a professional photo shoot pre wedding in their gown, or yet another artsy shoot with their children. With digital making photography cheaper we are just getting much more into feeling like we need these picture.

edited to add that I don't think their is anything wrong with artsy pictures. You can see from my avatar actually.

 

[mjkacmom]

I do think it's weird that your mom (and not you) is her matron of honor. However, I'm on the east cost (tri-state area), and I've been to MANY weddings with large gaps. Sometimes it's due to not getting your ideal time at the church, and at the venue. Other times, brides want big photo sessions. For my wedding, the reception at the venue was right after the ceremony, and we took pictures at the venue (beautiful gardens), and then joined in for the coctail hour. Howver, I remember going back to a hotel room, or out to a bar, or back to another family member's or friend's home, to kill the time.

 

[sbsteel]

Maybe his father is the best man and your sister wanted to keep things even by having each having a parent stand up? No matter what the reason, I wouldn't give it a second thought. Now had your sister have your mom as MOH and five random girlfriends and cousins standing up in the bridal party but not you, THEN I could understand being upset.

As far as the timing goes, I've attended many weddings before with a gap inbetween. The ones closer to home, I've gone home to change into something different for the reception, take the dogs out, and freshen up. The ones out of town, we've either gone back to the hotel to freshen up or just hit up a bar for a couple pre-reception drinks.

ETA: I actually like the fact your sister made note of the gap and suggested some activities to fill the time. It makes her guests aware of the time (as some would be skimming the times) and gives them opportunity to plan something ahead of time.

 

[mjkacmom]

Unfortunately I suspect that attitude is going to become more and more common as the meme generation comes into their own and marries.

I've heard of weddings where the reception is hours after the wedding and I even attended one such debacle when I was single. Since then, whenever I was invited to a wedding where there was more than an hour span between the ceremony and the reception, I attended either one or the other. It may be the bride's "day" but that kind of planning denotes absolutely no consideration of anyone else's time at all. Just because you're having a "day" doesn't mean I have to lose one of my days to be able to participate in yours. With divorce rates at least 50% or higher these days, it's no longer a special occasion to witness someone getting married.

And let's be honest, bridezilla: it's been all about you ever since he proposed. It was all about you when you announced your engagement. It was all about you at the engagement party. It was all about you when you were choosing your dress, shoes, colors, invitations, bridesmaid dresses, etc, etc, etc. It was all about you when you went back for your fittings. It was all about you during your showers. It was all about you during the bachelorette party. It was all about you when you had to "vent" to anyone who'd listen for the thirty-freakin'-millionth time about how stressful all this planning was for you and how glad you're going to be when the wedding is over.

Newsflash, princess - the rest of us are going to be really glad when it's all over, too.

And we'll bask in the fact that we can have normal conversations around you again without having to hear about your wedding coming up.

At least until you get pregnant.

I fully intend to shoot myself if I still know you when that happens.


Wow! That's a lot of rage! Didn't know I had THAT inside me.

Sorry. Had to vent. I know someone who's getting married very soon and is planning one of these "reception five hours after the wedding" blowouts. I'm keeping my fingers crossed and doing everything I can (as politely as possible) to NOT be invited to that mess. I think I'm in the clear because she was working on her invitations earlier this week and, so far, I haven't received one.

Um, I think the poster you are letting go your rage on (not towards) was puzzled about the lack of dinner for another PP as a wedding guest, not the lag time between the wedding and reception. We both live in the same area that actually started the whole bridezilla concept - $40,000 weddings, big wedding parties, limos, bands, photographers, videographers, expensive flowers, expensive dresses -those things are fine. But not feeding your guests dinner? That's rude!

 

[Buckeye Princess]

It seems to be happening more and more often. I think it is because there is a trend for people to want amazing wedding photos that look like they belong in a magazine. That takes more time and so they are pushing receptions back. I feel like everytime I log onto facebook another person has posted a professional photo shoot pre wedding in their gown, or yet another artsy shoot with their children. With digital making photography cheaper we are just getting much more into feeling like we need these picture.

 

[golfgal]

It seems to be happening more and more often. I think it is because there is a trend for people to want amazing wedding photos that look like they belong in a magazine. That takes more time and so they are pushing receptions back. I feel like everytime I log onto facebook another person has posted a professional photo shoot pre wedding in their gown, or yet another artsy shoot with their children. With digital making photography cheaper we are just getting much more into feeling like we need these picture.

You mean like your avitar photo J/K

 

[RadioNate]

Sorry you are hurt.

I worked the Chicago wedding scene from about 15-21 & nearly every wedding had that time gap. I know the venues worked with never really opened before 4. It was very common when the Church had Sat evening masses. Most Catholic Churches wouldnt schedule a wedding past 2.

In many cases a local relative would offer a kind of 'open house' in the home during the in-between time.

 

[MoonFaerie]

After having spent 3.5 years as a wedding photographer, that time break is not unusual.

It gives the wedding party time to do photos, then some portraits of just the couple, plus freshening up, driving to the reception venue, etc. All these things take time.

If I ever get married again, I want an early morning ceremony on the beach, followed by a brunch. Then the afternoon free (though I'd schedule an activity or two for the out of town people), and the big reception in the evening.

 

[teacherlisa1978]

OMG I have never heard of such a thing!!!! She fed the wedding party while the guests had no where to go and then only gave them light appetizers....that is really nuts.

I feel validated-it's bothered me for 5 years. I still can't believe we had to go buy our own meal in between. She even gave suggestions of places we might like to go. Truly, the appetizers at the reception would have been plenty for me to call dinner. But for the guys in our group-they'd have been starving. And yes, the whole day that this wedding took up was tough.
When we got married we had a Sunday afternoon wedding and a reception at a club on the beach that ended at 8. Not ideal for our few guests who had a long drive home but not terribly inconvenient either. It is definitely up to the bride and groom to do what they want but I think guests should be inconvenienced as little as possible.

 

[scrapquitler]

Anyway, that said, does this seem weird or is it how things are done? The wedding is at 1:00. The reception does not start until 4:30. On the information sheet that they sent out with the invitations there is a blurb that says

"Note that there will be free time for our guests between the completion of the ceremony at (name of church) (2pm) and the beginning of the reception at (name of reception venue) (4:30pm). Feel free to use this time as you like-whether to see some sights in St. Paul or to take a break in your hotel room."

I live in CT, and this is not at all uncommon. The venue where the reception is tells you what time you can show up. Most of these venues have 2 or 3 wedding receptions each day during wedding season. In this case, there is probably a wedding reception in the hall from an early morning (9:30 is common here) wedding, and their reception is probably from 11-3 (again, not uncommon). By the time they clear the first reception out, set up the hall again, 4:30.

Most guests go back to their room and freshen up and relax for a while. Some weddings have an interim 'thing' for the guests to go to while they wait for the reception venue to be ready and the wedding party gets photos done.