wedding questions

[Crazy4Disney72]

First off, let me up front state my bias that I am already kind of offended, or maybe that's not the best word, maybe hurt is better, about my sister's wedding.

She is having a small wedding, which I get, she's not a flashy person, a small wedding of 60 people is more her style, and she is only having a maid of honor, no other bridesmaids. She has chosen our mother to be her matron of honor. I am her only sister, and she was my maid of honor, I always thought we had a good relationship, but I guess not as good as I thought since she does not want me involved in her wedding, but instead chose our mother who would already be a part of the wedding as the mother of the bride.

Anyway, that said, does this seem weird or is it how things are done? The wedding is at 1:00. The reception does not start until 4:30. On the information sheet that they sent out with the invitations there is a blurb that says

"Note that there will be free time for our guests between the completion of the ceremony at (name of church) (2pm) and the beginning of the reception at (name of reception venue) (4:30pm). Feel free to use this time as you like-whether to see some sights in St. Paul or to take a break in your hotel room."

Huh? out of the 60 guests at the wedding, probably 45 of them are from out of town. What are we supposed to do for 2.5hrs? I can't believe she is suggesting sight seeing while we are in our 'jacket required' wedding attire. I have never heard of this. Every wedding I have ever been to, immediately following the ceremony is the reception. The wedding party might not be there immediately because they are staying back at the church for pictures, but the guests have drinks and hor d'oeuvres and mingle while waiting for the wedding party to arrive, and then dinner is served. I don't recall there ever being such a huge gap of time between the end of the ceremony and when the bride and groom arrived, especially if the guests are not welcome at the reception venue until 2.5hrs after the ceremony! Is this really something that is done? Is it maybe common in the midwest? The only weddings I have ever been to were on the east coast.

I'm really interested to hear what other people think of this! Thanks!

 

[mnrose]

It does seem a bit strange. My *guess* is that the only time she could get the wedding venue was at 1:00...is it someplace unique? And, then her reception venue timing was for later in the afternoon. How far is it between venues?

 

[Poohforyou]

What does your mother have to say about being matron of honor?

As far as the time between weddings I've been to ones on the east coast that did that. It's often done when pictures will be taken at a different venue and the wedding party doesn't want to miss a big chunk of the reception doing that.

 

[Jennasis]

It happens quite a bit. At least at many of the weddings I've attended and been a part of.

Honestly it sounds like you have a bit of an axe to grind with your sister over the MOH thing and are looking for things to gripe about.

 

[Jennasis]

It happens quite a bit. At least at many of the weddings I've attended and been a part of.

Honestly it sounds like you have a bit of an axe to grind with your sister over the MOH thing and are looking for things to gripe about.

 

[akhenaten]

sorry you are hurt... it is understandable..

Personally I have never been to a wedding with such a long time between ceremony and reception...
you could probably fit in a movie LOL

 

[Crazy4Disney72]

It happens quite a bit. At least at many of the weddings I've attended and been a part of.

Honestly it sounds like you have a bit of an axe to grind with your sister over the MOH thing and are looking for things to gripe about.

Yes, that's why I stated right from the beginning my bias about this wedding, but I really was genuinely wondering if this was common or not, and I'm not the only one wondering, other family members who don't 'have an axe to grind' have questioned it too. It's just not anything we are familiar with, so I figured I would ask in a forum where I was likely to get answers from all over the country.

 

[Crazy4Disney72]

What does your mother have to say about being matron of honor?

As far as the time between weddings I've been to ones on the east coast that did that. It's often done when pictures will be taken at a different venue and the wedding party doesn't want to miss a big chunk of the reception doing that.

My mom didn't really say anything, I think she was uncomfortable talking to me about it because she doesn't want to hurt my feelings.

They will be taking pictures after the ceremony, but only at the church. The church and the reception are about 10 minutes apart.

 

[C.Ann]

The large time gap does seems to be fairly common now.. In many cases it's due to the reception venue - trying to cram at least 3 receptions into a single day.. Could that be the case here?

As for your sister choosing your mom as her MOH - you didn't mention your dad at all.. Could that have anything to do with it? Is he deceased (or no longer involved in the lives of you and your sister) and this may be a way of honoring your mom for raising the two of you alone?

Just tossing out possibilities.. Whatever the reason, I hope you can work it out and everyone is able to enjoy your sister's special day..

 

[disney11fan]

please go with the flow ...it's your sister day...if you don't like it.. act like you do.

 

[FredinFL]

If they planned this quickly, they may not have been able to mesh the times of the ceremony and reception. As for the MOH, maybe your mom needs a dose of special and your sister saw that? I don't know. I'm sorry you're hurt by it tho.

 

[akhenaten]

My mom didn't really say anything, I think she was uncomfortable talking to me about it because she doesn't want to hurt my feelings.

They will be taking pictures after the ceremony, but only at the church. The church and the reception are about 10 minutes apart.

My guess would be that the church had already scheduled another wedding for a later time .....

 

[focusondisney]

Hi! I understand you feeling hurt. It seems like it is common to have your sibling as your attendent. But really, it should be who your sister feels closest to. It seems she & your mom must just have a very close, special bond. You hear about men asking their dad to be there best man a lot; but you don't really hear about a woman asking her mom to do this. So it seems odd, I guess. It really is an honor for your mom.

Actually, I just remembered that my sister had my mom be her attendent. I had forgotten. They were married by a Judge at town hall. There are 5 sisters in my family & she was only having 1 attendent. She didn't want to choose which sister to have. So she asked our mom. It was very nice & a nice way to honor our mom.

As for the time thing, both ways are commom around here. When we got married in the 70's, more people had afternoon weddings & evening receptions. Trend now is more to reception immediately following ceremony. And one invitation we recieved a little over a year ago had the same kind of note about activities between ceremony & reception. I figure some magazine is promoting this new trend!!

 

[Crazy4Disney72]

It does seem a bit strange. My *guess* is that the only time she could get the wedding venue was at 1:00...is it someplace unique? And, then her reception venue timing was for later in the afternoon. How far is it between venues?

The wedding is being held at her church, so not exactly unique, but it is a Catholic church so it's possible they don't do later weddings because it could run into Saturday mass times, but then again they are not getting married in the main church, but rather in the chapel, so that might not be an issue. I do know that they have been engaged since 12/08 but only picked a date this past December, so she's throwing this all together on about 6.5 months notice. That may have factored into things some, I don't know.

There is only about 10 minutes between the church and the restaurant where the reception is being held.

 

[luvmy3]

I have been to many weddings where that was the case, but there would normally be hors d'oeuvres served and the bar open at the reception hall so that the wedding guests could go directly there and wait for the reception to start.

I'm sorry you are hurt by your sister's choice, but instead of thinking its something she is doing against you, you can try tp see it as she is doing something for your mother

 

[aprilgail2]

Most of the weddings I have been to that have a big gap like that the brides mother has everyone back to her house to wait out the time to go to the reception. What many people do when there is a big gap between the two is just skip the ceremony and only go to the reception.

 

[rie'smom]

Family dynamics can be very strange. I agree with disney11fan though in this instance. As hard as it will be, just let it go. The lag time between the ceremony and reception does seem long. Maybe she couldn't get the reception site sooner.
I hope that you can enjoy the day.

 

[Crazy4Disney72]

The large time gap does seems to be fairly common now.. In many cases it's due to the reception venue - trying to cram at least 3 receptions into a single day.. Could that be the case here?

As for your sister choosing your mom as her MOH - you didn't mention your dad at all.. Could that have anything to do with it? Is he deceased (or no longer involved in the lives of you and your sister) and this may be a way of honoring your mom for raising the two of you alone?

Just tossing out possibilities.. Whatever the reason, I hope you can work it out and everyone is able to enjoy your sister's special day..

My parents are divorced, but my dad is very involved and will be walking my sister down the aisle. My mom actually left when I was 13 and my sister was 10, so my dad finished the job of raising us on his own.

It is my sister's day, and I'm so thrilled for her because we all love her fiance. She was very scarred by our parents' divorce and for years said she would never get married. She never even dated anybody long enough to really get close to them because, in her words, if you don't let anybody get too close, you can't get hurt. It took until her mid-30s, but she finally met someone she was willing to take the risk with. He's such a great guy, and it is obvious they are very happy together.

 

[Disney Doll]

East Coaster (CT) here.

When I was getting married in my Catholic Church (almost 20 years ago) I was told that the wedding time had to be 230pm so it would be over in time for 4pm Mass and after 4pm Mass the priests were off for the evening. My reception was to start at 7pm. I did not want that big of a gap between the church and the reception and luckily, my in-laws were friends with a priest who was going to do my ceremony anyway, so our pastor did not have a problem with the family friend priest doing our Mass, so we were able to have the mass at 530pm and roll right into the reception. However, had we not had the family friend priest, my Mass would have ended at probably 330pm and my reception would have started at 7pm.

That being said, I have been to numerous weddings where the Mass is 3-4 hours before the reception. We just went to one in New Jersey last summer. The Mass was at 3pm and the reception was at 7pm. We were staying in a hotel, so we went back to the hotel and hung out with many of the other guests who were there, many of who were family from other parts of the country who we hadn't seen in a while, so it was actually nice to spend some "down" time with them. Since you said there are a number of guests staying at the hotel, my guess is that if you head to the hotel's bar or even the lobby area if there is no bar, you'll find people to hang out with and have a good time passing the time. Or pick up a couple of bottles of wine and a couple of 6 packs of beer and some snacks and invite people to your room for an impromptu party!

My nephew's wedding in Long Island next month is similar...church at 3pm and reception at 7pm. Again, we'll probably go back to the hotel and hang out with everyone else who is going to be at the hotel.

Sorry that you're upset about your sister's choice of MOH but that may be coloring your judgement on this timing issue just a bit. It may be the best she could do in planning the wedding within 6.5 months.

 

[Crazy4Disney72]

please go with the flow ...it's your sister day...if you don't like it.. act like you do.

Oh I would never say anything negative about her wedding choices to my sister, I recognize that it is her day and she has the right to do it however she wants. I really just wondered if this was common or not, to have such a long gap between the ceremony and the reception. I only mentioned the whole matron of honor thing to acknowledge that I do have a bit of a negative feeling about some of her wedding choices, but I was truly just curious. From the responses I have gotten so far, it seems this is fairly common. That's all I wanted to know.