Wedding Food Issue

[Minnie]

I don't see it as an issue. I'm been to many an affair where I could not eat what was provided for dietary issues. I've survived the evenings and so can anyone else..... Make it a shorter reception stay & then enjoy an evening out for dinner or a quick grab on the way home.

 

[3 MEN AND A BOAT]

I would say suck it up, their wedding; but I would also say to any vegan/vegetarian my wedding suck it up, and heres the miniature sausages in BBQ.

 

[kamik86]

I think it would have been nice if the couple let people know. But other then that I would have no problem with it.

However I know several people that will not eat anything they deem unusual. Seriously my father has eaten things and loved them until he found out they were fat free or made differently and then claim that they tasted funny. These people all would have left the reception due to not having food they would eat.

Also some of the "fake meat" items may turn me off too. I have no problem eating vegetarian meals for example but dont eat fake meat, just something that had no meat in it anyway! (I don't know if I have ever ate a vegan meal... every dish I make with no meat has cheese or egg)

 

[badcramps]

For a pot-luck supper those are all fine, but none of the East Asian families that I know would consider those dishes "special" enough for a wedding feast, unless they were appetizers. Most East Asian cultures go all out for weddings; even in a vegetarian situation there would normally be at least two curries, a couple of soups, enormous quantities of rice, lots of bread and salad, and mountains of fresh fruit. IME, no self-respecting East Asian gets married without offering at least about 10 hot dishes, and I've also never seen an East Asian wedding that had no dairy choices offered. (Jains won't serve eggs, but they will have cheeses and yoghurt-based dishes. However, IME with Hindu weddings, even families who are vegetarian will normally serve some sort of meat for their guests who are not vegetarian; usually on a separate serving line. It is just the usual done thing.)

I don't know where this wedding was, but in quite a few US communities there are no native East Asian caterers, and therefore the quality of these dishes when attempted by folks who don't know what they are doing is usually pretty awful.

The foods I was talking about are not East Asian, but Middle Eastern. But you are right, of course, that perhaps the food wasn't tasty because the caterers didn't know how to make decent Middle Eastern food depending on the part of the country. (I am lucky--I grew up in a place with a large Lebanese population and found a great Middle Eastern deli and I now live in the area of the country with the largest Arab population and great Middle Eastern restaurants.) That, though, could happen at any wedding. The caterers who made the Italian eggplant dish at my wedding probably weren't Italian and (I say as an Italian!) the dish was mediocre at best. But that's how all wedding food I've had has been. (For me actually hummus is one of the things that I've never found to be inedible. I've eat a lot of packaged supermarket hummus and while it's not great, I've always found it to be at least edible. I'm much more likely to refuse to eat a packaged Italian dish for being gross.)

Personally I would probably prefer the Indian menu you described over the menu at the wedding in question (though if there had been falafel, fatoush, lentil soup, and spinach pie along with the other Middle Eastern food at the wedding in question it would be a tough choice for me!). So sure the wedding in question could have been a vegetarian Indian feast or probably without too much trouble a vegan Indian feast and you and I would have liked those offerings better. But really--would the majority of folks on this thread (or who actually attended the wedding) have liked that better? For people who don't like veggies or who want something "mainstream" or who think every meal must include a lot of meat, I doubt more or different vegan/vegetarian options would have made them happy.

 

[VeganCupcake]

I say suck it up, it's their wedding. I've been to many family gatherings where there is nothing for me to eat, I don't complain or get bent out of shape, it's my choice to be vegan, and I can wait a few hours. I'm an eat to live, not live to eat kinda girl. (with a few exceptions-like Disney World ) As for no wedding cake- maybe there wasn't a bakery that does vegan cakes nearby? Wholefoods made me a 3 tiered vegan wedding cake for our wedding, it was fabulous!

 

[Gigi22]

DH has a serious allergy to peanuts, tree nuts, peanut and nut oils, and sunflower seeds. Faced with a similar situation, particularly as a 'surprise', we would have left the reception. I am never going to pick humouring the bride and groom's food preferences over DH's health.

 

[dngnb8]

Had they charged per head each guest for the food, then have something for everyone. If its free food, be appreciative. Just because its vegan, doesnt mean its flavorless.

Vegan isnt just a diet, it is a philosophy.

 

[Wishing on a star]

I just can't see how anyone (except for those who are hosting the occasion) could feel that they have any right to have any input or opinion on the menu.

We are such self-absorbed narcissistic people these days.
That old, 'all about me' mentality.

 

[VeganCupcake]

DH has a serious allergy to peanuts, tree nuts, peanut and nut oils, and sunflower seeds. Faced with a similar situation, particularly as a 'surprise', we would have left the reception. I am never going to pick humouring the bride and groom's food preferences over DH's health.

It seems like maybe with your husband's problem it would have been risky eating food from a regular omnivore style buffet as well? You just never know what something is cooked in/with. You still have to be super careful b/c of flavorings, oils, seasonings, etc. It has to be hard being allerigic to all those nuts! I certainly feel for you guys!

 

[luvsJack]

I have never been to a dinner party that didn't take into consideration the likes and dislikes of the guests, this should be the same.

They should have offered at least one non-vegan dish on the buffet, same as others may offer for them.

The people at your wedding are your GUESTS and should be made to feel like a welcome part of your day.

If they only recently started this vegan lifestyle for health then they should not have had an issue with offering just one other option on their buffet.

 

[Wishing on a star]

And no wedding cake!! That was most disturbing to me as I love wedding cake!!!

You were 'disturbed' over cake??????????????

Seriously....
While some consideration might have been nice.
The host of events like this really should not feel any obligation to please the tastes of every one of probably dozens of 'guests'.
They were really under no 'obligation' to offer a dinner at all.

 

[Bren's Mom]

DH has a serious allergy to peanuts, tree nuts, peanut and nut oils, and sunflower seeds. Faced with a similar situation, particularly as a 'surprise', we would have left the reception. I am never going to pick humouring the bride and groom's food preferences over DH's health.

Wouldn't you have to be cautious, though, at ANY wedding or ANY place where you don't personally prepare the food? My understanding from knowing several kids with severe allergies is they bring their own food because there's no way to know that someone didn't make a PB sandwich or prepare something with nuts in it. So even a traditional meat/potatoes/salad kind of meal you'd have to be cautious.

 

[luvmy3]

Had they charged per head each guest for the food, then have something for everyone. If its free food, be appreciative. Just because its vegan, doesnt mean its flavorless.

Vegan isnt just a diet, it is a philosophy.

What does charging per head have to do with anything, the bride and groom still had to pay to feed their guests. Why would that make any difference to a host when choosing to offer a choice for every kind of eater?

What exactly does "be appreciative" mean to you in this case? Does it mean suck it up and force yourself to eat food you don't like, because its free?
I'm an adult, I haven't been forced to eat since I was a kid, and I don't believe I need to, to show appreciation. Would I run out and get McD's and come back to the reception, no, but if I was hungry and wanted to eat, I'd leave early and go out to dinner.

 

[luvsJack]

What does charging per head have to do with anything, the bride and groom still had to pay to feed their guests. Why would that make any difference to a host when choosing to offer a choice for every kind of eater?

What exactly does "be appreciative" mean to you in this case? Does it mean suck it up and force yourself to eat food you don't like?
I'm an adult, I haven't been forced to eat since I was a kid, and I don't believe I need to, to show appreciation. Would I run out and get McD's and come back to the reception, no, but if I was hungry and wanted to eat, I'd leave early and go out to dinner.

I agree! As the hosts of the wedding the bride and groom or mother and father of the bride (whoever was the actual hosts) are supposed to make it so that people want to STAY at the reception, not hurry up and leave so they can find something to eat!

If I did feel that strongly about serving vegan, I would have, at least, made sure that everyone was aware of it beforehand and would have found some way to take the focus of the reception off of the food.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Wouldn't you have to be cautious, though, at ANY wedding or ANY place where you don't personally prepare the food? My understanding from knowing several kids with severe allergies is they bring their own food because there's no way to know that someone didn't make a PB sandwich or prepare something with nuts in it. So even a traditional meat/potatoes/salad kind of meal you'd have to be cautious.

My thoughts EXACTLY.....
One person's issue(s) are just not everybody else's issues.

 

[Wishing on a star]

.... the bride and groom still had to pay to feed their guests. ....

No.
They did not.

 

[luvmy3]

No.
They did not.

Then who paid for the food?

 

[Wishing on a star]

Does it mean suck it up and force yourself to eat food you don't like....

Yes, sometimes we may have to do things that we don't really personally 'like'. I have tried to instill that in my DS since he was very little.

No, one does not have to chow down on something they find repulsive... And I fully agree, and would argue vehemently, that nobody has the control to force what goes into another person's body.

However, that does not mean that those who plan any function have to be sure that everybody's 'likes' are provided. That is like the parent who has to always make sure that little Johnny, who ONLY eats chicken nuggets, is always appeased.

If one is really that picky of an eater, again, that is one's issue, not everyone else's.

 

[tlbwriter]

DH has a serious allergy to peanuts, tree nuts, peanut and nut oils, and sunflower seeds. Faced with a similar situation, particularly as a 'surprise', we would have left the reception. I am never going to pick humouring the bride and groom's food preferences over DH's health.

But wouldn't that be true of ANY wedding buffet? Why would a meat-based meal be any less risky for your husband?

What does charging per head have to do with anything, the bride and groom still had to pay to feed their guests. Why would that make any difference to a host when choosing to offer a choice for every kind of eater?

What exactly does "be appreciative" mean to you in this case? Does it mean suck it up and force yourself to eat food you don't like, because its free?

I believe the point was that if you are paying for your meal, you should get to decide what it is. And if someone else is providing it for you, you don't have to force yourself to eat it, but you should also get over the idea that it should be your choice. I'm sure the hosts thought they were offering something for every kind of eater. As an earlier poster said, humans don't only eat meat - they eat vegetables, grains, and nuts. Now, it turns out these hosts may have not selected a menu that was as appealing as they thought it would be. But it looks like they tried; there were certainly a lot of offerings. When someone invites you to a meal they're paying for, "be appreciative" means exactly that - appreciate the effort, eat what you can, and don't whine that it wasn't what you would have picked out yourself. Don't be a 5-yr-old who throws his peanut butter sandwich back on the plate and says "But I wanted bologna!"

 

[Wishing on a star]

I never said that they did not pay for the food.

You said that they HAD to.

They had no obligation to offer a dinner at all.