Wedding Etiquette

[aprilgail2]

I would consider guest to mean a long time boyfriend or girlfriend...not just an extra body to tag along....I would not encourage my child to bring a guest for the main reason it means I have to double the gift...I usually don't even bring a guest with me when I go and I am 41 because I don't want a $100.00 gift to have to be a 200.00 gift!

 

[swea_pea1]

Originally posted by Beth76
After reading more, I think that perhaps the bride didn't really know how to word the invitation. She probably was OK with the two older kids bring dates, assuming they were long-term SOs. But, probably did not expect the younger two to bring "friends", or whatever they are. She probably just assumed the younger ones wouldn't bring them, obviously she was wrong. What she should have done was sent a "family" invitation to you (for you, DH and two younger kids), without "and guests." And sent separate invitations to the two older kids stating, "and guest." Kind of a hard situation to deal with, so try not to be too hard on the bride. Yes, she most definitely could have handled it better, but I understand where she's coming from.

That's exactly how I handled it for my wedding in order to avoid this situation. Anybody over 18 got their own invitation and was invited to bring a guest. Anybody under 18 got invited with their parents. I got a small amount of grief for "wasting" the invitations, but the $3-$4 a pop for invitations, postage, etc. was small compared to paying for extra meals. I don't know if it's in any etiquette book, but it made the most sense to me and was fair for all concerned.

Also, you may want to think about the seating issue. I know at my wedding we could only fit 8 at a table, so we would have had to break up a family of 10.

IMO, you should let your older two bring dates but the younger ones should go stag.

 

[OhMari]

Originally posted by Beth76
After reading more, I think that perhaps the bride didn't really know how to word the invitation. She probably was OK with the two older kids bring dates, assuming they were long-term SOs. But, probably did not expect the younger two to bring "friends", or whatever they are. She probably just assumed the younger ones wouldn't bring them, obviously she was wrong. What she should have done was sent a "family" invitation to you (for you, DH and two younger kids), without "and guests." And sent separate invitations to the two older kids stating, "and guest." Kind of a hard situation to deal with, so try not to be too hard on the bride. Yes, she most definitely could have handled it better, but I understand where she's coming from.

I think you actually hit it on the head Beth, thanks everyone for all your comments. It had me spinning.

It is just sad. My kids have girlfriends and boyfriends, just nothing serious. That is why I backed down and told my sister today to just put 6 down for my family.

It is just hard cause at every family function my other nieces and nephews bring the boyfriends and girlfriends, even to my parents summer home cottage. They can't be anywhere without their boyfriends, girlfriends.

 

[katerkat]

Originally posted by Bob NC
HEY....We never got that invitation.

lol

Bob and Jane

Uhhh... Must have gotten lost in the mail... I was wondering why you never RSVPed!

 

[Bojangles]

to me "and guest" means just that. Whoever they choose to bring. Boyfriend, girlfriend, casual date, or friend from school.

 

[ibouncetoo]

Didn't the "and guest" thing come about so single adults did not have to attend alone? That was always my understanding. And I think it especially applied to single women not having to come "unescorted".

 

[2bemarried]

OhMari,
Glad to see that you were able to work it out with your sister. I completely understand your point and also see where the bride is coming from since I was in the same boat last year. My mother never learned how to say NO, so distant relatives I hadn't even invited were telling her that they'd be at the wedding and reception. I had to quickly put my foot down and explain the rules of headcount and table seating. So it may just be a case of bride and mother of the bride not communicating clearly. Hopefully your kids will understand.

 

[Disney Doll]

If she didn't write "and guest" after each of your children's names on the invitation, then they were not invited with a guest, regardless of what she told you 2 months ago. Perhaps when they started doing the guest list, they realized that if they invited everyone with a guest, it would become exorbitantly expensive.

When we got married, we had a couple of invited guests who responded by including themselves plus their children, when only they were invited. I called them to tell them that the invitation was for the adults only, to wich they responded "We don't go anywhere without our children." I told them I would miss them.

 

[wilderness01]

Disney Doll....... You handled that so nicely! I HATE when people think we have been rude because we didn't invite their kids. We have kids ourselves and if they are invited great, if not, great. I do not think it is anyone's place to look if the people throwing the event don't invite kids. It really kind of burns me that we have gotten bad attitudes from certain people because of that. My aunt and uncle didn't attend our wedding dinner because their ADULT kids were not invited. We had a very small wedding and could not invite everyone we wanted. I already felt bad enough about it. It wasn't just her kids. I had to do it to some of my other cousins as well. It really was nothing personal.

I'm sorry to the OP if her feelings got hurt and I am glad she worked it out. It is a stressfull time for the bride and maybe she should have handled it better, but really I can see her point!

 

[skiwee1]

I would have never even thought to allow my 16 and under kids to bring guests! I don't care if they have boyfriends or just friends. This isn't a social event for them. While I think the bride didn't know how to word it she probably didn't think you would have the outright nerve to bring friends of your young kids. When I see and a guest that means that the single ADULTS can bring someone. Certainly not meant for kids.

 

[CEDmom]

Irregardless of whether this was communicated well, I'm not seeing the need for your kids to bring a friend to their cousins wedding. If the guest part wasn't spelled out on the invite then I would have disregarded what my sister said and just go by what the invite said.