Wedding Etiquette Question

[CynBeth]

For a wedding where the ceremony and reception are a few hours apart in different locations do you have to arrive exactly when the cocktail hour starts or any time as long as it is before the reception begins? Thank you!

 

[Disneylover99]

My wedding was like that.
I’d say anytime.

 

[gottalovepluto]

Anytime before the reception begins. (But keep in mind the apps/cocktails could be limited so if you opt for the late arrival you may miss out.)

 

[cluvsdisney2]

Anytime before the reception starts is fine.

 

[evilmommie]

You don’t need to rush to be there the minute cocktail hour begins — but you should be settled in before dinner or the first formal event kicks off.

 

[AnnaS]

Cocktail hour (s) used to be I think an hour. Last few weddings 1 1/2 hours. It is time for allowing guests to get to the reception/wedding. No rush. I would get there before it's over - best food is usually served during cocktail hour .

It took a few weddings for us to understand that. No need to rush/worry about traffic in getting there when cocktail hour starts. It is also a great time to catch up with family and friends. Sometimes hard to do during reception with music playing. They do stop when eating meal but then you are not walking around as much. (based on our local weddings).

 

[PollyannaMom]

I'd say any time during the cocktail hour is fine to arrive.


I also have to laugh at myself - we tend give distance in time units where I live (ex: "half an hour from Boston") and my first thought was "why would the reception be hours away from the wedding?" - Then I realized it meant actual time - for pictures and stuff. - I should not DIS before coffee

 

[slo]

We did our wedding like that and we didn’t expect people to be there right when cocktail hour started. We had a receiving line that started when cocktail hour started, and it was such a blur of who was coming down the line we wouldn’t have noticed what time people came. If you can’t get there until the end of the cocktail hour, nobody will care. Being there for the main event is what’s important

 

[CynBeth]

Thank you so much! I feel much better. We were invited to the wedding of my husband’s cousin and with the timing of everything we need to stop back home between the ceremony and reception to do some things for our dog and with the driving time would probably arrive around 15-30 minutes after the cocktail hour begins and glad to see from your responses that would be ok.

 

[Kathryn Merteuil]

I would say anytime before the reception begins too!

 

[CynBeth]

I'd say any time during the cocktail hour is fine to arrive.


I also have to laugh at myself - we tend give distance in time units where I live (ex: "half an hour from Boston") and my first thought was "why would the reception be hours away from the wedding?" - Then I realized it meant actual time - for pictures and stuff. - I should not DIS before coffee

So sorry for any confusion. I meant the cocktail hour starts an hour and 45 minutes after the approximate ending time of the ceremony. The ceremony is in a city about an hour away. The reception is in another city 35 minutes away from there but for us to stop home it is an hour back and the time it takes to do what we need to for the dog and then the reception is 40 minutes away from where we are so will probably be a little late for the cocktail hour which we do not mind. Just for etiquette purposes was our concern.

 

[ronandannette]

Thank you so much! I feel much better. We were invited to the wedding of my husband’s cousin and with the timing of everything we need to stop back home between the ceremony and reception to do some things for our dog and with the driving time would probably arrive around 15-30 minutes after the cocktail hour begins and glad to see from your responses that would be ok.

It will be fine! The bridal couple won't even know. They will likely not be present for cocktail hour as it's probably the time they will be using for formal pictures. It's common here to have their grand entrance "announced" around the time everyone is seated and then the reception commences.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

The weddings, which to be fair haven't been many that fit into the OP's situation, where the ceremony and reception are held in different locations everyone arrived either right at the beginning of the cocktail hour or soon after. Only those that would have tasks related to the wedding arrived late on. That said the OP's follow up comments related to the task they need to do I highly doubt would be an issue (especially 15 mins).

This I think is more of a question about what is the norm for each family or specific area as some families there is an understood norm for laxness on time (even when there is a stated starting time) and for other families it's an understood promptness in time expected. If it were my mom's side of the family everyone would be expected to be on time and you'd be noticed if you weren't, if it were my husband's side of the family less so and there would be a few people we'd be shocked made it in a timely manner.

 

[mjkacmom]

Living in a very Catholic area, this happens frequently, since in order for the marriage to be recognized by the church, the ceremony must occur in the church (or a sanctioned place). This needs to be scheduled around Masses. I think it’s fine to be late, but the cocktail hour is my favorite part of the reception.

 

[CynBeth]

The weddings, which to be fair haven't been many that fit into the OP's situation, where the ceremony and reception are held in different locations everyone arrived either right at the beginning of the cocktail hour or soon after. Only those that would have tasks related to the wedding arrived late on. That said the OP's follow up comments related to the task they need to do I highly doubt would be an issue (especially 15 mins).

This I think is more of a question about what is the norm for each family or specific area as some families there is an understood norm for laxness on time (even when there is a stated starting time) and for other families it's an understood promptness in time expected. If it were my mom's side of the family everyone would be expected to be on time and you'd be noticed if you weren't, if it were my husband's side of the family less so and there would be a few people we'd be shocked made it in a timely manner.

Unfortunately I have no clue what his family norm would be we are not close to them. I did not want to say anything because it has nothing to do with my question but due to the suggestion I will explain. They have never liked that I am a different religion things had been said directly to my face or to him behind my back while we were dating and early in our marriage so we do not have much of a relationship with anyone. Nothing he does is right in their eyes. His mother is always super critical. If he sends a card for an occasion and due to postal issues it comes a day or 2 after instead of being grateful she got something she complains. One time last year she called him the night before an appointment for a ride and it was the first time he had to say no due to a commitment we had usually he runs whenever she needs him since he has not worked for some years now due to medical issue and she told him he is the worst son she ever had or something like that. These are only a few of the many examples. It is important to him we celebrate a few of the religious holidays with the family members that are in the state (a few siblings are out of state and rarely come in for these holidays) so I go but never look forward to it. He wants to attend this wedding so again am going for him. We have to do what is best for us and our dog and as long as etiquette says we can arrive any time during the cocktail hour that is perfect. Thanks again for all of the help. I knew this would be the best place to ask.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Unfortunately I have no clue what his family norm would be we are not close to them. I did not want to say anything because it has nothing to do with my question but due to the suggestion I will explain. They have never liked that I am a different religion things had been said directly to my face or to him behind my back while we were dating and early in our marriage so we do not have much of a relationship with anyone. Nothing he does is right in their eyes. His mother is always super critical. If he sends a card for an occasion and due to postal issues it comes a day or 2 after instead of being grateful she got something she complains. One time last year she called him the night before an appointment for a ride and it was the first time he had to say no due to a commitment we had usually he runs whenever she needs him since he has not worked for some years now due to medical issue and she told him he is the worst son she ever had or something like that. These are only a few of the many examples. It is important to him we celebrate a few of the religious holidays with the family members that are in the state (a few siblings are out of state and rarely come in for these holidays) so I go but never look forward to it. He wants to attend this wedding so again am going for him. We have to do what is best for us and our dog and as long as etiquette says we can arrive any time during the cocktail hour that is perfect. Thanks again for all of the help. I knew this would be the best place to ask.

Gosh that sounds terrible to have to deal with all this time

You have to take care of your dog which IMO most people should understand but you can't help it if it's part of a larger issue so in light of that honestly I would just go take care of your dog. When you arrive hopefully everyone else is busy with their own mingling to notice and even if they do, given your above comment, you can probably assume it has little to nothing to do with your semi-lateness (if it is even considered late to your husband's family) and more to do with the icky stuff that has gone on in the past. I'm sorry you've experienced that

 

[AnnaS]

If the ceremony is in a church/religious venue - there is usually a big gap between the ending of ceremony and the cocktail hour.

Even though the ceremony is and should be more important than the reception, many times we have missed the ceremony because of the location/distance.

Many today have the ceremony and reception in one place & pictures might be taken before the ceremony too. Anything goes now......no right or wrong...whatever works for the bride and groom.

We have had family members arriving after reception started and many leave early before it official ends. The guest does what they need to do and I am sure the bride and groom will understand and/or might not even notice.

 

[_19disnA]

If the 2 events are a few hours apart at different locations, there is no expectation you arrive the instant the cocktail hour starts. Typically you do want to arrive prior to the reception in order to get time to be seated and whatever logistics are associated with how the evening will progress. People may go home or back to their hotel (if attending from out of town) prior to the reception.

I have never attended a wedding when anyone is keeping track of the exact time you arrive or leave at the end of the event. What was considered strictly 'etiquette' in the past has now been replaced in many cases by something called 'common sense'. There might be any number of reasons that cause people to arrive at various times. If some members of your family want to find fault with what you do, it sounds like more of an issue then when you happen to arrive at someone else's wedding.

 

[DodgerGirl]

In traditional weddings before a reception the guests have to introduce themselves and congratulate the bride and groom on their wedding and offer them best wishes for a happy life. But when the reception starts the bride and groom must arrive first then the photographers and then finally the band then once everything is set up and ready the guests can arrive and as always the first dance is always for the bride and groom and then once the bride and groom finish the first dance everyone can join in the next dance. Then the reception begins with toasts and cutting the wedding cake and if everyone has wedding gifts the guests hand them to the bride and groom and they open the wedding gifts then once the bouquet is caught everyone can eat and talk. I learned about wedding receptions from my mom because she would attend family weddings when she was a teenager and she loved the wedding receptions because she liked to eat the food but her favorite thing about wedding receptions was eating the wedding cake and she would talk to her cousins and uncles and grandparents who would attend the receptions too

 

[mjkacmom]

In traditional weddings before a reception the guests have to introduce themselves and congratulate the bride and groom on their wedding and offer them best wishes for a happy life. But when the reception starts the bride and groom must arrive first then the photographers and then finally the band then once everything is set up and ready the guests can arrive and as always the first dance is always for the bride and groom and then once the bride and groom finish the first dance everyone can join in the next dance. Then the reception begins with toasts and cutting the wedding cake and if everyone has wedding gifts the guests hand them to the bride and groom and they open the wedding gifts then once the bouquet is caught everyone can eat and talk. I learned about wedding receptions from my mom because she would attend family weddings when she was a teenager and she loved the wedding receptions because she liked to eat the food but her favorite thing about wedding receptions was eating the wedding cake and she would talk to her cousins and uncles and grandparents who would attend the receptions too

I’ve never heard of a wedding like that, and I’ve been to many. Bridal party has their own cocktail hour, separate from guests, guests are then seated, bridal party and couple enter next, couple dances, bride then dances with dad, groom dances with his mom, a few courses are served, then cake cutting and dessert, bride and groom come around to tables throughout the night to see guests. We only give money, but I’ve never heard of the couple opening gifts at the reception.