WBRepo-Ship of Thieves-Remember the Magic Pt 19

[Tink rules]

Sleeping, sleeping, sleeping.....wonder if I will ever catch up on my sleep and feel human again. I'm still exhausted.

I know... my brain feels like it's back in 2010

 

[EllaEnchanted]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


(thanks... I needed to do that...)




MY FAMILY DRIVES ME NUTS!!!!!

I just got off the phone with my SIL... (and basically everyone in my family (sibling wise) feels the same way....)

They look at me like I'm a 15 year old worthless pile of you know what...

It's all very upsetting...

They think that just because I HAVE been on disability in the past that I will be on it forever. (that is not my plan...)

The first question out of their mouths is "How are you going to pay for this"... it makes me cringe... (doesn't matter what I'm talking about... I get those questions...) they look down on me about EVERYTHING.... They question everything.. They don't seem to like anything I do... and they think that I live off of mom and that I'm draining her clean. (I'm not...)

One of the reasons I left Jersey is to get away from all of the politics in my family. But I'm planning changes in my life and it's going to be SOOO hard to do alot of it with everyone chastising and humiliating me.

I am going to face it ALL alone... and on top of it... I'm going to have to fight everyone's opinions (and I wish it was easy to just not listen.. they are the type that get into your face until they make you miserable about it.)

I don't know... This is not going as planned... and I'm SOOO disgusted with all of them....

And on top of it... my one brother who can WELL afford it.. is NOT going to my nephews wedding. (he's cheap... that's why...) Mom is not happy about it...

Awwwwwww Shell......why is that the ones that always hurt us the most are the ones that love us the most? It's got to be so hard on you with the family not understanding. There is nothing wrong with being on disability if you really need it.....and in order to get it you must have worked for a while. I absolutely know that you're not living off of your mom. I saw you exchange monies at breakfast with your mom just to make sure each one was even with paying for what you spent.

Forgive the siblings because they just don't know what it's like to not have a life because of illness. If you were perfectly healthy that would be different. But you're not faking any of this. You really are doing the best that you can. They just don't understand how hard it is without feeling well.

Come and vent here anytime....we understand.....especially me. Hugs sweetie.

 

[EllaEnchanted]

Hi Shell!!!

I just posted Alaska pics on FB yesterday and dated them 2012. I didn't even notice until Ken pointed it out. I have no idea what day it is much less what year. hahaha.

 

[Tink rules]

I'm not quite sure love from their side is involved much anymore...

It's not the disability... it's the achievements I've had in life that they don't accept or appreciate and it's happening again.

Things will change for me and they will question it and put me down for it and not accept either it or me.

I've sucked it in many times because of the kids...

I just don't feel like fighting them over my life (and I do because of mom...)

Letting it go and walking away is not an option - not only with mom... but because like I said... they will just keep digging until the make you miserable.

 

[JLSE50]

.......

MY FAMILY DRIVES ME NUTS!!!!!

........... sad2:

so Sorry.

Do you HAVE to tell any of them your dreams and plans? Could you just do stuff and (if necessary) explain later?


Jan

 

[EllaEnchanted]

I'm not quite sure love from their side is involved much anymore...

It's not the disability... it's the achievements I've had in life that they don't accept or appreciate and it's happening again.

Things will change for me and they will question it and put me down for it and not accept either it or me.

I've sucked it in many times because of the kids...

I just don't feel like fighting them over my life (and I do because of mom...)

Letting it go and walking away is not an option - not only with mom... but because like I said... they will just keep digging until the make you miserable.

I'm sure they love you. They just don't understand. And yes it is about the disability.....don't you think you would have accomplished so much more if you were healthy to do so.

Just tell them you're taking a break from them for a while. They will always be your siblings and you will always love them, but you don't want to deal with their negativity right now. Stick with the kids. Keep contact with them only. Mom will understand and maybe the siblings will realize that they miss you. It's worth a try.

 

[birkner]

I'm not quite sure love from their side is involved much anymore...

It's not the disability... it's the achievements I've had in life that they don't accept or appreciate and it's happening again.

Things will change for me and they will question it and put me down for it and not accept either it or me.

I've sucked it in many times because of the kids...

I just don't feel like fighting them over my life (and I do because of mom...)

Letting it go and walking away is not an option - not only with mom... but because like I said... they will just keep digging until the make you miserable.

This happened in my own family. After my parents passed away, our family has completely drifted apart. I rarely see any of my siblings as our life style has created tremendous jealousy in my family. Plus my DH was the "favorite" SIL held up as an example to the other SIL's.

Keep your chin up! You know your own worth and as you well put it, they only try to tear you down to raise themselves up.

 

[EllaEnchanted]

This happened in my own family. After my parents passed away, our family has completely drifted apart. I rarely see any of my siblings as our life style has created tremendous jealousy in my family. Plus my DH was the "favorite" SIL held up as an example to the other SIL's.

Keep your chin up! You know your own worth and as you well put it, they only try to tear you down to raise themselves up.

Hi Noel.....sorry you had to go through this too. But these are very good and wise words of advice. It's good for all of us to keep in mind. Thanks.

 

[birkner]

Hi Noel.....sorry you had to go through this too. But these are very good and wise words of advice. It's good for all of us to keep in mind. Thanks.

Thanks, Deb. I learned a long time ago that it is easier to say something nice every day than to spend any effort trying to deflect negative comments!!

 

[EllaEnchanted]

Thanks, Deb. I learned a long time ago that it is easier to say something nice every day than to spend any effort trying to deflect negative comments!!

Great advice and good to know. I will try and remember it this weekend when I go to my nephew's high school graduation in Virginia. His mother, or my X-SIL, will be attending and we're not speaking for that reason. I'll just walk away if I come in contact with her because I don't need to be around all the negativity. Save the energy for positive things!

 

[birkner]

Great advice and good to know. I will try and remember it this weekend when I go to my nephew's high school graduation in Virginia. His mother, or my X-SIL, will be attending and we're not speaking for that reason. I'll just walk away if I come in contact with her because I don't need to be around all the negativity. Save the energy for positive things!

Your plan sounds perfect!! Just don't let the negativity in!!

 

[granmaz]

Michelle, you CAN do it. Keep going. You aren't here to please them and you can show them that you are better than them.

 

[JLSE50]

.......

Keep your chin up! You know your own worth and as you well put it, they only try to tear you down to raise themselves up.

Sounds like jealousy.

Thanks, Deb. I learned a long time ago that it is easier to say something nice every day than to spend any effort trying to deflect negative comments!!

Great strategy. Not only does it keep our mood up, it drives them nuts. I find it particularly effective when I can say something nice to the person who has hurt me. Sometimes it is just a smile and other times a compliment about their outfit or their kid made in a genuine tone, no edge in my voice. They expect a fight or me to be hiding from them like a scared puppy and instead I am "out there" being Miss Congeniality.
In fact
that is what I try to be for the whole event--Miss Congenity.
Kill them with kindness.

to all the others who are dealing with family issues.
So wonderful that we can vent here and get real.


Jan

 

[Tink rules]

so Sorry.

Do you HAVE to tell any of them your dreams and plans? Could you just do stuff and (if necessary) explain later?


Jan

I have to work on my confidence which is very low right now. I've let others tell me what to feel and how I should live.

I'm sure they love you. They just don't understand. And yes it is about the disability.....don't you think you would have accomplished so much more if you were healthy to do so.

Just tell them you're taking a break from them for a while. They will always be your siblings and you will always love them, but you don't want to deal with their negativity right now. Stick with the kids. Keep contact with them only. Mom will understand and maybe the siblings will realize that they miss you. It's worth a try.

The ONE incredible thing about this is the Kids. they all know me. MUCH better than their parents. I never have to be anyone else but me. And they love me no matter how I screw up.

I can remember one time I was with Brian up at the lake & I joked that I had to get my fat A$$ up and do something and he just looked at me strangely... and I just said to him "You don't see me that way do you?" & he was like... "Nope... )"

Thanks, Deb. I learned a long time ago that it is easier to say something nice every day than to spend any effort trying to deflect negative comments!!

that's good advice!!!

Michelle, you CAN do it. Keep going. You aren't here to please them and you can show them that you are better than them.

Ohhh Marilyn.. I haven't given up yet. 23 years since my accident and I haven't given up once. (I've taken breaks... but never given up!!!)

 

[Tink rules]

thanks everyone!!!

I knew I could vent here...

It all started because I asked my SIL if I could take Will on a trip in the near future. Will doesn't get to go too many places because my DB & SIL can't afford it. He'll go to camp this summer (a church camp up at Schroon Lake in the Adirondacks..) and maybe to the Cape with my other brother and my mom in July (but he really doesn't WANT to go cause it's all adults and he wants to do something fun in the summer. He's almost 15 (come Sept...)

The FIRST words out of her mouth (and I get this ALL the time) is "So where are you getting all the money for this?"

which is where they start in about how I get money for ANYTHING...

I am working and even though I haven't gotten all I'm supposed to get, I get by... Keep the roof over our heads... etc...

I'm the baby of the family.. and those dynamics have sort of stuck I guess...



Mom and I talked about it... AGAIN... and it seems like I need to grow a spine a bit... stand up to everyone. & i told her that I need to take my own advice (that I always gave to Emma when my brother doubted her (for no good reason..) I have to prove them wrong!!!

So.. I'm going to need some every once in a while to remind me to tell them it's none of their business and as I said... I need to learn to tell them to blow it out their collective butts!!!

I do know that moving upstate was one of the best things I could do. I wish I could have stayed in Jersey, and everyone asks me why I moved... because my family drives me nuts!!!

 

[EllaEnchanted]

thanks everyone!!!

I knew I could vent here...

It all started because I asked my SIL if I could take Will on a trip in the near future. Will doesn't get to go too many places because my DB & SIL can't afford it. He'll go to camp this summer (a church camp up at Schroon Lake in the Adirondacks..) and maybe to the Cape with my other brother and my mom in July (but he really doesn't WANT to go cause it's all adults and he wants to do something fun in the summer. He's almost 15 (come Sept...)

The FIRST words out of her mouth (and I get this ALL the time) is "So where are you getting all the money for this?"

which is where they start in about how I get money for ANYTHING...

I am working and even though I haven't gotten all I'm supposed to get, I get by... Keep the roof over our heads... etc...

I'm the baby of the family.. and those dynamics have sort of stuck I guess...



Mom and I talked about it... AGAIN... and it seems like I need to grow a spine a bit... stand up to everyone. & i told her that I need to take my own advice (that I always gave to Emma when my brother doubted her (for no good reason..) I have to prove them wrong!!!

So.. I'm going to need some every once in a while to remind me to tell them it's none of their business and as I said... I need to learn to tell them to blow it out their collective butts!!!

I do know that moving upstate was one of the best things I could do. I wish I could have stayed in Jersey, and everyone asks me why I moved... because my family drives me nuts!!!

I HATE when someone says that.....it's just SO rude!!!! During my mother's funeral....I followed the format that she did for her mother. That's what my mom wanted. So that's what I did. Going to the cemetary we had two limos. After the cemetary I had everyone back over to her house and put out a spread of food that we had catered. My mother's other brother.....the one I don't like and I'm not in touch with.....said, "Who is paying for all this?" I said, "Don't worry about it." He said, "How can you afford this?" I didn't even answer him because he was being so rude and out of place.

SO I KNOW exactly how you feel. Just tell your SIL that you would like to take Will and it's none of her business how it gets paid for.

DON'T LET them drag you down. You are a good and caring person. If they don't see that then it's their problem, not yours.

We love you Shell....hugs and hugs!

 

[birkner]

I HATE when someone says that.....it's just SO rude!!!! During my mother's funeral....I followed the format that she did for her mother. That's what my mom wanted. So that's what I did. Going to the cemetary we had two limos. After the cemetary I had everyone back over to her house and put out a spread of food that we had catered. My mother's other brother.....the one I don't like and I'm not in touch with.....said, "Who is paying for all this?" I said, "Don't worry about it." He said, "How can you afford this?" I didn't even answer him because he was being so rude and out of place.

SO I KNOW exactly how you feel. Just tell your SIL that you would like to take Will and it's none of her business how it gets paid for.

DON'T LET them drag you down. You are a good and caring person. If they don't see that then it's their problem, not yours.

We love you Shell....hugs and hugs!

Deb, you said it perfectly.

Just think only 3 more years and you won't have to ask them if Will wants to go, you can just ask him!!

 

[Tink rules]

Thanks Deb... it's amazing how some people focus on the wrong things...

& Noel... I have a feeling that they will have a bit more control by THEIR money for school, etc. to keep him from traveling places with me. I think it's the money that gets them...

 

[HollyTyler]

call Holly for help... she's finished cleaning her house!!!

Is this a semi planned visit?

Oh no I didn't finish. We just got it to a somewhat not as embarrassing level of chaos. But that means I shoved tons of stuff into my bedroom, which means I haven't been able to sleep in there since, because the only place left in there to pile stuff was on my bed. I plan to tackle my bedroom this week. Then I have to do Tyler's bedroom because of all the mud that kids tracked in. I spent an hour scrubbing his karate uniform Saturday night after he went to bed because it was sitting on a chest in his room which a muddy kid climbed on to yell hi out the window to the rest of us. It was difficult because only 1 parent stayed, so things were a bit wild and crazy at times.

But.........would I do it again? ABSOLUTELY!

 

[HollyTyler]

so Sorry.

Do you HAVE to tell any of them your dreams and plans? Could you just do stuff and (if necessary) explain later?


Jan

I'm sure they love you. They just don't understand. And yes it is about the disability.....don't you think you would have accomplished so much more if you were healthy to do so.

Just tell them you're taking a break from them for a while. They will always be your siblings and you will always love them, but you don't want to deal with their negativity right now. Stick with the kids. Keep contact with them only. Mom will understand and maybe the siblings will realize that they miss you. It's worth a try.

This happened in my own family. After my parents passed away, our family has completely drifted apart. I rarely see any of my siblings as our life style has created tremendous jealousy in my family. Plus my DH was the "favorite" SIL held up as an example to the other SIL's.

Keep your chin up! You know your own worth and as you well put it, they only try to tear you down to raise themselves up.

YES, YES, AND YES, I agree with Jan, Deb and Noel. I was trying to come up with words to express similar thoughts, but they all said it better. Sorry you have to deal with this, Michelle.