Very upset over a delivery I attended yesterday.

[transparant]

Some of you might remember my "burned out" doula post last week. Well...both of my clients delivered. One delivered last Friday and it was absolutely BEAUTIFUL! A great delivery, great couple!

The second delivery was yesterday. Not so good. I got to the Hospital at 6:00 a.m., mom labored all day, and ended up with a c-section at 1:00 a.m. this morning.

The father of this baby was so incredibly ignorant, and mean! He threatened to hit the midwife that was attending, when he found out she needed a c-section he refused to go in with her. I went with her and took lots of pic's of the baby once all 10 and a half pounds of her was born!

When mom was being repared - I went out to the waiting room to show the father the pics on my digital camera. His reply was - "Great. I've got a *REDHEAD*?! - thats just wonderful". (This was not said in a good way either)

When mom got out of the OR - she asked him if he wanted to hold her and he replied - "not particularly".

He stunk up the whole entire labor and delivery room with cigarette smoke so badly that I was getting a migraine headache. It seemed like the whole time she was in labor - every 20 minutes he was grabbing a *smoke break*. He also had the foulest mouth I've ever heard. Every other word out of his mouth was a 4 little word.

I just felt so bad for this poor mom and new little baby girl. It's been bothering me all day long!

I pray that everything turns out ok for this baby girl. I've just been so sad about this.........

 

[U2_rocks]

Ugh ... what a downer! A large part of being a doula is the relationship with the parents, and it must have been very uncomfortable being around him under those conditions! I hope he shows a little more enthusiasm towards his daughter really soon!

 

[beckmrk04]

That's so awful! I can't believe someone would be so incredibly cruel to their own wife and child! (Well, I can, but I don't want to )

At least you were able to be their for Mom- I'm sure she needed it!

What did they do when he threatened the midwife?! That is UNACCEPTABLE! I can't even fathom it!

I'm so sorry that this has been weighing on you- but you did the best you can do. Hopefully the mom will have some support at home.

 

[MidgeD79]

Sounds like "dad" wasn't prepared. to you and mom and baby.

 

[missypie]

That's so sad. Some kids have such terrible parents.

 

[glass-slipper]

What a terrible attitude. I feel sorry for his wife and baby. He was allowed to smoke in the labor and delivery room??? I didn't think smoking was allowed in the hospital period.

 

[transparant]

What a terrible attitude. I feel sorry for his wife and baby. He was allowed to smoke in the labor and delivery room??? I didn't think smoking was allowed in the hospital period.

No - he didn't smoke in the hospital. He kept running outside. Didnt' matter though. His hands and clothes reaked so bad that it was stinking up the whole room.

 

[sorcerormickey]

Ugh...poor baby.

It sounds just like the family next door - husband is in his 20s and wife in her 40s - they have 2 little ones (like 4 and 2) and he is so resentful about having kids. He will tell you right to your face how much he hates his life, his kids, etc...They stay together "for the kids", but I think everyone there would be better off with a divorce.

 

[Kristi1357]

Mean people suck!

Now, I'd like to meet this 'gentleman' and ask him what exactly is wrong with redheads? Some find this desirable, ya know! And to threaten hospital staff, among many other things? JERK!

(disclaimer - I am a natural redhead who has a 2 year old redheaded DS!)

 

[CEDmom]

I feel sad for the baby. I do have to wonder what's up with the mother to marry a guy like that and then have a baby with him. Did she think it would turn him into Ward Cleaver?

 

[DizBelle]

Me and my friends, Mr. Smith and Mr. Wesson would just love to meet this charming fellow.....

 

[sajetto]

What a jerk

I feel so sad for what that little girl will have to face in her future

 

[poohandwendy]

As a redheaded girl...wow. How charming.

The sad thing is, no matter how much he could step up to the plate in the future (doubtful), he sure did leave an impression the mother of his child will be unlikely to forget. What an awful way to come into this world...with such negativity.

Glad you were there fro the mother and baby...

 

[Microcell]

It really stinks when you can figure out what a child's life will be like and it is not pretty.

I am so surprised and would guess it does not happen very often to you, since people who hire a doula want to really take part in the birth.

Funny, I am a redhead too! We must be sensitive!

 

[MoniqueU]

Well hopefully the father was just feeling overwhelmed and he will rise to being a parent? Still sounds kind of scummy though.

 

[OhMari]

One of my fondest memories I have is noticing my dd had red hair when she was born. Her hair turns strawberry blond in the summer and people ask her all the time "what color product she uses". When she tells people it is her own hair color-they can't believe it.

Can you explain your job, I guess I missed your post last week.

 

[transparant]

I feel sad for the baby. I do have to wonder what's up with the mother to marry a guy like that and then have a baby with him. Did she think it would turn him into Ward Cleaver?

They aren't married. They have been together for 7 years though. He's 33 and still lives at home with his parents - the new mother live's with him at the parents house. However she staying with her mother for 3 weeks once she leaves the hospital.

 

[poohandwendy]

I just wanted to add...I hope that under no circumstances (like the heat of anger, or whatever) does anyone ever tell this little girl of her fathers horrible attitude on the day she was born. I just think she would be better off not hearing such hurtful words.

If he is always a jerk, she will know that soon enough, on her own. Every person deserves to believe that their day of birth was a wonderful day filled with nothing but happiness. IMO

 

[poohandwendy]

Funny, I am a redhead too! We must be sensitive!

Not to mention perfect in every way...and humble too.

 

[lisajl]

Mean people suck!

Now, I'd like to meet this 'gentleman' and ask him what exactly is wrong with redheads? Some find this desirable, ya know! And to threaten hospital staff, among many other things? JERK!

(disclaimer - I am a natural redhead who has a 2 year old redheaded DS!)

I;m with you on this one. Our oldest is a redhead...btw, it's just what my husband ordered, when I was pregnant. All he said was, I hope it's a girl and I hope she had red hair!
Then our youngest DS is a redhead...had a c-sect with him.
I can't imagine my DH not being with me for it. Can't ever imagine him saying anything like that "dad" did.

to the mom, baby girl, the midwife and you!