Very sticky situation

[kdibattista]

Ok... I'm really at a loss of what to do. Here's the situation:

DH's parents are not financially stable... at all. His father (68) is not in the best of health and his mother (59) said something to us that left us pretty worried. DH was joking and made a comment about falling off the roof while decorating the house and I jokingly said well, wait until we have life insurance in place (we are in the process of getting a policy). His mother said "I tell that to FIL all the time". Now, at first I thought she was joking but based on their previous financial situations I don't think she is. They always cry poor and have stiffed us for money on more then one occassion (I'm 29, DH is 37)

I know it's none of our business and I keep telling myself to stay out of it however I'm really, really concerned that when FIL passes she is going to be in a real mess. I'm torn between staying out of it and talking to DH about talking to them seriously about their future. Believe me, I would LOVE to stay out of it but I really think this is going to come back and bite DH and I in the butt if nothing is done.

What would you do?

 

[DebbieB]

If your FIL is not in good health, he probably couldn't get life insurance at this point that they could afford. Does he have a pension that your MIL could get payments from?

 

[kdibattista]

If your FIL is not in good health, he probably couldn't get life insurance at this point that they could afford. Does he have a pension that your MIL could get payments from?

That's the thing... he does get his check every month and she has a full time job. We have NO CLUE what they do with their money and although it's really none of our business I know it's going to come back on DH and I. I'm just really torn.

 

[mickeyfan2]

I would talk to DH, since this will effect you in the future. Get DH to talk to his parents and then work on a plan that will make MIL independent enough (she may need to work forever) to stay on her own.

 

[Pop Daddy]

never get good life insurance your spouse might kill ya

 

[kdibattista]

never get good life insurance your spouse might kill ya

 

[tinatark]

I know where you are - that's why we carry life insurance on my mother and her husband....

 

[mickeyfan2]

never get good life insurance your spouse might kill ya

DH always jokes that I am talking to an insurance agent (not really) to get more life insurance.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

It is going to bite you anyway. What can you do?

My parents are also irresponsible. They live in an apartment.
If talking to them worked they would not be in the mess they are in. They just don't care.

I am not going to worry any longer. No need because they will still be financial unsound until my dad goes. They could get a million dollars and then blow it and be poor.

I would rather focus on spending the last times I have with them on good terms, if that makes any sense.

 

[kdibattista]

It is going to bite you anyway. What can you do?

My parents are also irresponsible. They live in an apartment.
If talking to them worked they would not be in the mess they are in. They just don't care.

I am not going to worry any longer. No need because they will still be financial unsound until my dad goes. They could get a million dollars and then blow it and be poor.

I would rather focus on spending the last times I have with them on good terms, if that makes any sense.

That's part of it... I'm really starting to be resentful of them and I don't want to be. This morning, for example... we planned to spend the morning together, starting with breakfast out and then a nice drive. She called me 15 minutes before DH was suppose to pick them up to inform us they weren't going because "they didn't have the money" to go so DH ended up paying for them for breakfast. DH and I not wealthy by any means and we are in the process of an international adoption, which is quite costly. We really don't need this added stress but it has become increasingly frustrating.

 

[disykat]

At one point, my dh and his dad were talking about going into business together. I was worried (understatement!) and alienated the whole family by insisting on some legalities - one of which was life insurance on my inlaws and disability insurance for FIL. We ended up not doing it (Yay!), but the good thing that came of it is that my inlaws now have insurance and are protected from financial ruin if one of them dies.

People hate to talk about it, but life insurance can be an important part of financial security and it gets more expensive the older you get!

 

[Nik's Mom]

Well, I totally feel for you. My Parents struggled financially most of my life. They both worked, but didn't earn very much money. My Dad became ill in his late 50's and had to retire early. Mom constantly said they should get life insurance and get a cemetary plot, but Dad would never want to talk about it. Well, last March Dad died of lung cancer. Now DH and I are in debt because we had to pay for an expensive funeral (my brother and sister insisted on a $16,000 funeral and decided we should plit the cost in 3). And once Dad died, DH and I had to take Mom in because she couldn't afford to live on her own. She's in debt herself now from my Dad's medical bills. We've had to put some money into our house in order to fix up a room for my Mom, then buy bunkbeds so both my ds's would fit into one room together.
I was a stay-at-home Mom when Dad died. After that, I really was forced to work because we couldn't afford another person in the house, with the added funeral debt to pay off, without 2 incomes. So, if there is anything you can do to convince your in-laws, please do it. I had no idea I would have to live with the mistake of my Father for not being responsible enough to settle his own affairs. I learned such a valuable lesson though. Never in a thousand years would I do that to my children.

 

[Disney Doll]

I wuold probably take out a life insurance policy on each of them. I am pretty sure there are some insurance companies that will insure you without a physical etc. Didn't Pat Boone or Wilford Brimley always advertise for one???

I know it's an added expense for you and DH, but in the long run, when your DFIL and DMIL pass away, at least there will be some money to pay for their funerals.

My brother was single for a few years, then he met his now-wife and lived with her for many years until they got married 3 years ago. My father took out a life insurance policy on my brother so that in the event that something happened to him, we'd have money to pay for his funeral, because none of us were sure what the legal ramifications were of living together vs. being married with regard to funeral responsibilites etc.

 

[diznygirl]

We were in this situation when FIL was diagnosed with cancer. MIL waited until he was given 2 months to live to inform us that he did not have life insurance. So guess who was paying for the burial?

There are some places that will give you automatic life insurance with no medical testing - there is a 60 day waiting period (that FIL did not make).

I would have DH take the bull by the horns and tell them they HAVE to get some sort of life insurance, or put money in savings. Planning a burial with no money just makes a bad situation worse.

 

[barkley]

if an older adult is disabled and unable to work they can apply for social security disability (if they do not have enough work quarters they can possibly get ssi which is for elderly or disabled low income). if they are not disabled they can apply for general assistance and food stamps in the county in which they reside-but they will be assessed for employment skills and be required to seek employment.

if both parents/or one parent is working or recieving some form of income (pension, social security) and living outside their means-that is a totaly different thing. you can offer to sit down with them and hash out their debts, expenses and income and try to work out a managable repayment/budget, but i think it is foolish to take on the debt yourself (second mortgage or loan) because this just purpetuates the poor spending habits.

as for the person whose mom is still paying old medical bills-check with your local social services for senior legal aide. there is the possiblity that late father was eligible to medicare at the time (and in some instances a retroactive application can be made so that some of the expenses will be paid, depending on how long ago this occured), and some medical bills by law can only be collectable for a set number of years, after which they are null and void (and in fact if the guarantor tries to repay the money must be refunded).

 

[Nik's Mom]

if an older adult is disabled and unable to work they can apply for social security disability (if they do not have enough work quarters they can possibly get ssi which is for elderly or disabled low income). if they are not disabled they can apply for general assistance and food stamps in the county in which they reside-but they will be assessed for employment skills and be required to seek employment.

if both parents/or one parent is working or recieving some form of income (pension, social security) and living outside their means-that is a totaly different thing. you can offer to sit down with them and hash out their debts, expenses and income and try to work out a managable repayment/budget, but i think it is foolish to take on the debt yourself (second mortgage or loan) because this just purpetuates the poor spending habits.

as for the person whose mom is still paying old medical bills-check with your local social services for senior legal aide. there is the possiblity that late father was eligible to medicare at the time (and in some instances a retroactive application can be made so that some of the expenses will be paid, depending on how long ago this occured), and some medical bills by law can only be collectable for a set number of years, after which they are null and void (and in fact if the guarantor tries to repay the money must be refunded).

Thanks, Barley. It was my Mom who is still paying my Dad's cancer treatment bills. I'll let her know. Hopefully medicare can cover that.