Very disturbing email from a professor to my DS in college

[Carly_Roach]

Seeing as we're talking about actions that have the possibility of ending a man's career or tarnishing his reputation, I would hope there would be some judgement involved. So far there seem to have been a lack of good judgement the whole way around...

Agreed.

 

[hinodis]

Wow people, judge much?

If I were you hinodis, I would walk away from this thread. I wouldn't want to deal with the harshness and nastiness that has spewed forth as a result of your posts.

Yes, they are quit vicious, apparently they are perffect and know everything. Peolpe tend to put other people down to make them feel better about their shortcomings.

 

[Quiksilvr]

My sense of morbid curiosity compelled me to continue reading this thread, even when it was completely unapparent to me what actually happened. I think I have figured it out.

1. Son, 18, college freshman, sick, in the choir.
2. Son, 21, college senior, not sick, not in the choir.
3. Professor, male, 58, gay, runs the choir.
4. There is no daughter (this was very confusing for a while)

Professor sends 21 an email mistakenly, which was intended to go to 18, in which the professor refers to 18 as "cute."

21 sends email to Mommy because he doesn't know what else to do with it.

Mommy freaks out and calls the dean, the department head, and anyone else she can think of to complain and to protect her son.

Mommy goes online and immediately releases the story into the Interwebs in search of validation, conspiracy theories, and "deeper meaning"?

Other posters become confused at the presentation of the story, ask questions, and challenge Mommy on the appropriateness of her actions.

Mommy gets offended and tells everyone that she didn't post the story to ask whether it was the right thing to do, but instead to seek out individuals who could read as much as possible into the word "cute", thereby validating her paranoia and concern?

Does that sum things up? Or am I still confused?

I don't have any kids, so my opinion on this is likely viewed as irrelevant. I hated it whenever my parents attempted to get involved with managing my life while I was in college (which, thankfully, they only attempted a few times). Because I didn't want them to meddle, I just stopped telling them stuff about my life. If they didn't see or hear of any questionable conduct, they wouldn't try to usurp my right to deal with it.

I'm not passing judgment on whether what you did was right or wrong. Your son may have even appreciated it this time. But, that doesn't mean he doesn't want to have control over his own life.

I think I will content myself with pointing out that you should be prepared for your kid to do to you what I did to my parents if you keep intervening in his life and don't draw a line somewhere.

 

[hinodis]

Seeing as we're talking about actions that have the possibility of ending a man's career or tarnishing his reputation, I would hope there would be some judgement involved. So far there seem to have been a lack of good judgement the whole way around...

I guess he should have thought of that before he sent the email. Why did he feel he HAD to say that??

 

[LoraJ]

This whole thing is just very strange...

Was it sent from a college/university email?

I am just confused by everything.

Your son is in college, let him deal with it. He is 18. I know your his mother but if it was my situation and my mother got in - o my!

Another thought for me is why is he even telling his mommy this? If I got an email like that at that age I would have dealt with it on my own.

 

[kirbydog48]

I think this is a real overreaction. I don't find the email "very disturbing" at all. Just because a man is gay doesn't mean they're a predator. He said he was cute for crying out loud! Once they're in college kids really need to learn how to deal with things on their own, with support. This is a transition from adolescence to adulthood. If this made your DS uncomfortable, maybe he, along with older DS for moral support, could have gone and spoken to the teacher. I really think that if the OP had been dealing with a teacher who wasn't gay, it wouldn't have been construed as something sexual/inappropriate.

 

[Carly_Roach]

Seeing as we're talking about actions that have the possibility of ending a man's career or tarnishing his reputation, I would hope there would be some judgement involved. So far there seem to have been a lack of good judgement the whole way around...

I guess he should have thought of that before he sent the email. Why did he feel he HAD to say that??

See, this is what chills me. People think nothing of destroying other people's lives simply because they feel offended.

 

[ogreenlee]

So, is the son cute or not?



I kid, I kid..


Anyway, I have a friend who emails her son's professors about tests and scores, and it just makes me cringe. I told her that I am so happy that I went to school when there was no such thing as email, and that my mom had no way of knowing what was going on with school and my professors, or anything else for that matter.


If this was in grade school and your son's gay music teacher told him he was cute, would you be freaking out like this?

I don't know... I think it all sounds harmless. If he had asked him in the email to come over to his house to go over some songs, then maybe I'd be concerned.

I had teachers flirt with me when I was in high school and college. None that ever went too far, except this 9th grade science teacher who made lewd comments to several of us resulting in his termination. But he was LEWD.

 

[hinodis]

Yes people I just really suck at parenting. Lets see, DS21 is graduating with honors and going on to med school to be a cardiologist. He had a full ride to a university for wrestling and academics that is $45.000 a year. DD18 had 5 schools begging him to attend. He is a musical genious as I was told, plays french horn, piano, trumpet, clainet and voice, won a dance scholarship and also had a full ride based on grades and talent. He is the only freshman that made it into the university's orchestra. DD12 well she is an accomplished equestrian and is an A student. They are very responsible, religious and confident kids. WOW, i really messed them up. And before you flame me again I never pushed them into anything they all just ound there talent on their own. I have awesome kids and I am a great Mom!

 

[hinodis]

So, is the son cute or not?



I kid, I kid..


Anyway, I have a friend who emails her son's professors about tests and scores, and it just makes me cringe. I told her that I am so happy that I went to school when there was no such thing as email, and that my mom had no way of knowing what was going on with school and my professors, or anything else for that matter.


If this was in grade school and your son's gay music teacher told him he was cute, would you be freaking out like this?

I don't know... I think it all sounds harmless. If he had asked him in the email to come over to his house to go over some songs, then maybe I'd be concerned.

I had teachers flirt with me when I was in high school and college. None that ever went too far, except this 9th grade science teacher who made lewd comments to several of us resulting in his termination. But he was LEWD.

Well who's to say that there was not going to be another email?

 

[ogreenlee]

Well who's to say that there was not going to be another email?

Well definitely not you.

 

[Tinijocaro]

DD18 had 5 schools begging him to attend. He is a musical genious as I was told, plays french horn, piano, trumpet, clainet and voice, won a dance scholarship and also had a full ride based on grades and talent.

What instrument does he play in orchestra?

 

[Quiksilvr]

Yes people I just really suck at parenting. Lets see, DS21 is graduating with honors and going on to med school to be a cardiologist. He had a full ride to a university for wrestling and academics that is $45.000 a year. DD18 had 5 schools begging him to attend. He is a musical genious as I was told, plays french horn, piano, trumpet, clainet and voice, won a dance scholarship and also had a full ride based on grades and talent. He is the only freshman that made it into the university's orchestra. DD12 well she is an accomplished equestrian and is an A student. They are very responsible, religious and confident kids. WOW, i really messed them up. And before you flame me again I never pushed them into anything they all just ound there talent on their own. I have awesome kids and I am a great Mom!

See, this is the sort of comment that just invites more flaming. There's no need to defend yourself or your parenting. Just accept that there are people out there who disagree with what you did and move on. By responding this way, you're just asking people to try to get you even more upset than you obviously already are.

 

[Skywalker]

I'm with most of the others...I think you overreacted. First of all the email is not "very disturbing". Are you kidding? Second, I don't think calling someone cute in one email is sexual harassement whatsoever, male to male, male to female, doesn't matter.

Now, if it bothered your son your son should have handled it.

Also the powers that be work really quickly at that school, and they called you right back with the update no less. Wow. Small school?

 

[Carly_Roach]

DD18 had 5 schools begging him to attend. He is a musical genious as I was told, plays french horn, piano, trumpet, clainet and voice, won a dance scholarship and also had a full ride based on grades and talent.

It occurs to me that maybe the 18 y/o may be a closetted gay himself. You did say the email was meant for the 18 y/o and accidentally found it's way into the 21 y/o's email account. Perhaps the 18 y/o is trying to keep up the "straight" persona at home and is only saying he's uncomfortable because that's what's expected of him?

 

[terri01p]

Yes people I just really suck at parenting. Lets see, DS21 is graduating with honors and going on to med school to be a cardiologist. He had a full ride to a university for wrestling and academics that is $45.000 a year. DD18 had 5 schools begging him to attend. He is a musical genious as I was told, plays french horn, piano, trumpet, clainet and voice, won a dance scholarship and also had a full ride based on grades and talent. He is the only freshman that made it into the university's orchestra. DD12 well she is an accomplished equestrian and is an A student. They are very responsible, religious and confident kids. WOW, i really messed them up. And before you flame me again I never pushed them into anything they all just ound there talent on their own. I have awesome kids and I am a great Mom!

HOLD UP, wait a minute, I think the professor was right, HE does sound cute!!!!!

 

[Carly_Roach]

My DS18 who is a college freshman recieved the following email from a 58 year old very distinguished male professor at his school. A little history to help you all understand the content. DS has been ill with mono. He is a member of the University choir and the choir recently went on tour. My son was unable to attend the tour due to his illness. Yesterday he recieved the following email

DD18-

You are just so cute Sorry I just had to say that and sorry you missed the tour.

I immediatley called the dean as well as the department head. I thought this was very inappropriate!

I don't know if the original post was copied (new rule here? ) so I'm copying it.

 

[BeachGirlFLA]

Also the powers that be work really quickly at that school, and they called you right back with the update no less. Wow. Small school?

When I first read the fact that the Department Head told her that this specific professor is homosexual, I wondered if it was a small, private school myself. I just can't imagine that happening at a large, state-supported institution.

 

[Quiksilvr]

I don't know if the original post was copied (new rule here? ) so I'm copying it.

Do we know how "DS18" contracted mono? I think there could be more to the story here, if we read as much negativity into the facts as we possibly can.

 

[hinodis]

It occurs to me that maybe the 18 y/o may be a closetted gay himself. You did say the email was meant for the 18 y/o and accidentally found it's way into the 21 y/o's email account. Perhaps the 18 y/o is trying to keep up the "straight" persona at home and is only saying he's uncomfortable because that's what's expected of him?

Are you for real? Wow. I will pray for you.