Vent

[charming23]

I need to vent and get this off my chest.

Today my mom, grandma and I went to visit my cousin J at school. He is 25, almost 26 and in his second year at a 4 year college, after three years at a community college. His school is over 2 hours away from us. We decided to go visit because #1 he is not coming home tomorrow for Easter due to work/finals schedules #2 I keep getting guilt tripped because I have visited his sister but not him.

So I texted him when we left our house to let him know about what time we would be there. He texted back okay. Well we got there right on time and he acted so surprised and was not even dressed and ready for us. So we had to wait down in the parking lot for 20 minutes for him. he then came out of his dorm so we could go to lunch and had forgotten his cell phone and hat so that was another 10 minute wait.

We finally got to leave campus and have lunch. After we did a little shopping and explored campus. We all went up to his room where my Grandma surprised both of us with chocolate bunnies for Easter plus she gave him some brownies and cookies to tide him over until finals are over. He never said thank you to her for any of it. He also turned on his computer and tv and ignored us for the hour we were in there before dinner.

We ate at his campus dining hall and he ate very quickly and left us in the dining hall to fend for ourselves. He even made my grandma carry her own tray, she is 90 and uses a cane, to the dirty dish pile. I would have helped but I was in the restroom and my mom had her own dishes.

He never once thanked us for coming to visit him or taking him out to lunch. He also never thanked my Grandma for some of the stuff she bought him while we were in Walmart. She bought me a pair of capris I loved even after I insisted she did not have to and I thanked her both in the store and when we took her home.

It upsets me because we went out of our way to make sure he had a nice day, my grandma especially. He always takes such advantage of her kindness and thinks he deserves everything she gives him.

Thanks for letting me vent.

 

[jess_marie]

Man I would give the world to have some of my grandma's baking again!!

Your cousin sounds a bit ungrateful. That is sad. Some people don't appreciate others kindness anymore..

 

[bunkkinsmom]

Sounds to me like your cousin is old enough to have a "grown up Word of Prayer", if you know what I mean. I would let him know, but that's just me.

 

[a1tinkfans]

He just sounds ungrateful, immature and disrespectful, but somehow, I think you already knew that.
You are so lucky to have a grandma never mind ..that she is able to get out and visit and want to give you all things.
Ignore the cousin, perhaps some day he will realize his ways...lets hope so....for now, enjoy every minute with your family and make those memories last.........

 

[charming23]

Thanks. It just amazes me how both of my cousin J and his sister treat our grandmother.

 

[hereyago]

#2 I keep getting guilt tripped because I have visited his sister but not him.





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He guilt tripped you-which you allowed and then he did all that? Oh heck to the no. First off, when he forgot his cellphone and hat, I am sure he knew where they were but wanted to make a phone call saying he had to cancel plans because ya'll came.

Then ignore ya'll for an hour? one of you should have said something like, Um, we are here to see you. As for the dishes thing, why didn't your DM speak up and say DGM has a walker, be a gentleman and take her dishes?

Someone needs to give him a reality check on how to treat all of you.

 

[charming23]

He guilt tripped you-which you allowed and then he did all that? Oh heck to the no. First off, when he forgot his cellphone and hat, I am sure he knew where they were but wanted to make a phone call saying he had to cancel plans because ya'll came.

Then ignore ya'll for an hour? one of you should have said something like, Um, we are here to see you. As for the dishes thing, why didn't your DM speak up and say DGM has a walker, be a gentleman and take her dishes?

Someone needs to give him a reality check on how to treat all of you.

I did allow myself to be guit tripped which will never happen again. My Aunt actually accused me of not liking him since I do not call him or visit him. We talk on facebook ocassionaly but really have nothing in common like I do with his sister. He is my cousin so of course I like/love him but his sister is my best friend and he never calls or comes to see me.

He probably had to call his mother to tell her we actually showed up. We were suppossed to have gone in the fall but I got the flu and today was the first day we could work something out.

We did say something but he just ignores us and my mom did say something to him about the dishes but he ignored her and went off to talk to someone instead.

Many of us have called him out on his behaviors but because his mother does not respect any of our family (she is married to my mom's brother) he laughs it off.

We have cousins who are younger than him (8,6,4, and almost 2) who have better manners then him. They never complain about any gift they get (yes he did that righ in front of my grandma when she gave him a Best Buy giftcard one Christmas and not a Target one) and are grateful whenever we spend time with them.

I am never going again.

 

[bunkkinsmom]

I did allow myself to be guit tripped which will never happen again. My Aunt actually accused me of not liking him since I do not call him or visit him. We talk on facebook ocassionaly but really have nothing in common like I do with his sister. He is my cousin so of course I like/love him but his sister is my best friend and he never calls or comes to see me.

He probably had to call his mother to tell her we actually showed up. We were suppossed to have gone in the fall but I got the flu and today was the first day we could work something out.

We did say something but he just ignores us and my mom did say something to him about the dishes but he ignored her and went off to talk to someone instead.

Many of us have called him out on his behaviors but because his mother does not respect any of our family (she is married to my mom's brother) he laughs it off.

We have cousins who are younger than him (8,6,4, and almost 2) who have better manners then him. They never complain about any gift they get (yes he did that righ in front of my grandma when she gave him a Best Buy giftcard one Christmas and not a Target one) and are grateful whenever we spend time with them.

I am never going again.

So next time your Aunt accuses you of not liking him, tell her you don't! Tell her that he doesn't respect your family members and you take offense to it. 10 bucks says she won't mention it again.

 

[lillygator]

really??

 

[Hannathy]

I think his behavior was terrible and he should have a smack over the head BUT I am just wondering did he know you were coming BEFORE the we are on our way call? Cause if you surprised him I can understand him scrambling to change /cancel plans .

Maybe he had to get a girl out of his room which is why it took so long when you first got there?

There is no excuse for the dining room but I guarantee he has acted like this long before he got to school. He was allowed to do that at home I'm sure. And at his age it is ridiculous he isn't a teenager who may not always think.

Sorry it was stressful but at least you got to spend the day with your Grandma! I wish my DD in college could have her Grandma spend the day with her and I know she would have known how to behave.

 

[minkydog]

Yep, I think that would be my last visit. I can't stand when people are disrespectful, especially to their aged parents and grandparents.

 

[charming23]

I think his behavior was terrible and he should have a smack over the head BUT I am just wondering did he know you were coming BEFORE the we are on our way call? Cause if you surprised him I can understand him scrambling to change /cancel plans .

Maybe he had to get a girl out of his room which is why it took so long when you first got there?

There is no excuse for the dining room but I guarantee he has acted like this long before he got to school. He was allowed to do that at home I'm sure. And at his age it is ridiculous he isn't a teenager who may not always think.

Sorry it was stressful but at least you got to spend the day with your Grandma! I wish my DD in college could have her Grandma spend the day with her and I know she would have known how to behave.

He knew about our visit for a month ahead of time and getting a girl out of his room is not a problem.

I am thankful I got to spend the day with my Grandma. We spend a lot of time together going to movies, shopping, and eating out. I also go over to her house and help out a lot.

 

[Hannathy]

He knew about our visit for a month ahead of time and getting a girl out of his room is not a problem.

I am thankful I got to spend the day with my Grandma. We spend a lot of time together going to movies, shopping, and eating out. I also go over to her house and help out a lot.

OK then he just needs a swift kick in his nether regions!

And you Mom should be giving her brother a piece of her mind over the un- grateful rude thing of a son he has raised. Actually if that had been my nephew HE would have been getting a piece of my mind right then and there.

I'm so glad for you that you get to spend time with your Grandma. I really wish mine could, my Mom is gone and my MIL lives halfway across the country from us and won't travel so my DD doesn't get to see her as often as we would like. You are luck and so is she.

 

[disykat]

I agree his behavior was bad.

I just kind of wonder, why were you eating dinner at his campus dining hall? Back when I went to college, I lived on campus for three years and NEVER saw a student's family eating there. Quite honestly, I would have been horrified.

Doesn't excuse his behavior, but I'm really curious whose idea the dining hall was.

 

[goofy!]

I need to vent and get this off my chest.

Today my mom, grandma and I went to visit my cousin J at school. He is 25, almost 26 and in his second year at a 4 year college, after three years at a community college. His school is over 2 hours away from us. We decided to go visit because #1 he is not coming home tomorrow for Easter due to work/finals schedules #2 I keep getting guilt tripped because I have visited his sister but not him.

So I texted him when we left our house to let him know about what time we would be there. He texted back okay. Well we got there right on time and he acted so surprised and was not even dressed and ready for us. So we had to wait down in the parking lot for 20 minutes for him. he then came out of his dorm so we could go to lunch and had forgotten his cell phone and hat so that was another 10 minute wait.

We finally got to leave campus and have lunch. After we did a little shopping and explored campus. We all went up to his room where my Grandma surprised both of us with chocolate bunnies for Easter plus she gave him some brownies and cookies to tide him over until finals are over. He never said thank you to her for any of it. He also turned on his computer and tv and ignored us for the hour we were in there before dinner.

We ate at his campus dining hall and he ate very quickly and left us in the dining hall to fend for ourselves. He even made my grandma carry her own tray, she is 90 and uses a cane, to the dirty dish pile. I would have helped but I was in the restroom and my mom had her own dishes.

He never once thanked us for coming to visit him or taking him out to lunch. He also never thanked my Grandma for some of the stuff she bought him while we were in Walmart. She bought me a pair of capris I loved even after I insisted she did not have to and I thanked her both in the store and when we took her home.

It upsets me because we went out of our way to make sure he had a nice day, my grandma especially. He always takes such advantage of her kindness and thinks he deserves everything she gives him.

Thanks for letting me vent.

He sounds immature and ungrateful and his behavior cannot be excused.

However, if he could not make a 2 hour trip home tomorrow for Easter due to finals, then he was also probably anxious that an entire day of studying was being used up for family time.

I know my son and many of his friends get irritable and distracted when they have finals coming up shortly. They are sleep deprived and want to spend every waking minute studying. There is little time for eating, sleeping, let alone socializing.

So, if he is a typical college student, you have to give him a little credit for giving up precious studying time to spend the day with you and your grandmother.

The timing of your trip was not ideal if it is so close to finals. A visit after finals would probably have been better.

 

[hereyago]

So next time your Aunt accuses you of not liking him, tell her you don't! Tell her that he doesn't respect your family members and you take offense to it. 10 bucks says she won't mention it again.

:worship

 

[charming23]

I agree his behavior was bad.

I just kind of wonder, why were you eating dinner at his campus dining hall? Back when I went to college, I lived on campus for three years and NEVER saw a student's family eating there. Quite honestly, I would have been horrified.

Doesn't excuse his behavior, but I'm really curious whose idea the dining hall was.

It was his idea to eat in the dining hall. There we actually quite a few families in there. Each student gets a number of meals they can use for guests and the food is actually really good. It is buffet style and they are used to families being there. He actually wanted us to eat both lunch and dinner in there but we ended up at a cafe for lunch instead

He sounds immature and ungrateful and his behavior cannot be excused.

However, if he could not make a 2 hour trip home tomorrow for Easter due to finals, then he was also probably anxious that an entire day of studying was being used up for family time.

I know my son and many of his friends get irritable and distracted when they have finals coming up shortly. They are sleep deprived and want to spend every waking minute studying. There is little time for eating, sleeping, let alone socializing.

So, if he is a typical college student, you have to give him a little credit for giving up precious studying time to spend the day with you and your grandmother.

The timing of your trip was not ideal if it is so close to finals. A visit after finals would probably have been better.

His finals are not actually for another two full weeks and we asked him if he wanted us to wait but we would have to wait until next semester (fall) to go because they have to move out the day they take their last final. He himself does not work it is my Uncle's work schedule and the fact that he has an 8am class on Mondays that are stopping them from coming home. Last year he had an 8am class on mondays but because Easter was earlier in the semester my Aunt and Uncle felt more comfortable letting him miss a class to take him home the following morning rather than so close to finals.

OK then he just needs a swift kick in his nether regions!

And you Mom should be giving her brother a piece of her mind over the un- grateful rude thing of a son he has raised. Actually if that had been my nephew HE would have been getting a piece of my mind right then and there.

I'm so glad for you that you get to spend time with your Grandma. I really wish mine could, my Mom is gone and my MIL lives halfway across the country from us and won't travel so my DD doesn't get to see her as often as we would like. You are luck and so is she.

I agree that someone should say something to my Uncle but in all honesty he won't do anything. He will make excuses and tell us to talk to my Aunt.

Thanks I do feel lucky to have her and I wish your daughter had that.

So next time your Aunt accuses you of not liking him, tell her you don't! Tell her that he doesn't respect your family members and you take offense to it. 10 bucks says she won't mention it again.

I just may at Easter dinner. It will be intersting to hear what he told his mom because I will hear it.

 

[hereyago]

I agree that someone should say something to my Uncle but in all honesty he won't do anything. He will make excuses and tell us to talk to my Aunt.

.

So the uncle is big gigantic enabler who has no guts? I say on Easter dinner, just go Madea on the aunt and you will probably get a standing ovation from other family members. Too bad ungrateful boy doesn't understand what family is.

 

[bunkkinsmom]

So the uncle is big gigantic enabler who has no guts? I say on Easter dinner, just go Madea on the aunt and you will probably get a standing ovation from other family members. Too bad ungrateful boy doesn't understand what family is.

Yep, ITA.

Unfortunately your cuz doesn't understand, because he doesn't think he's being rude. If no one says anything to him, he will never learn. I was 35 before I knew even half of how annoying I can be! That's the truth! I'm an only child and it took my DH "showing me the light" before I realized how I came across to people. Now I try to hold it in until there is no other recourse! DH calls it his "secret weapon". I do really feel that he needs to be told how that came across. If at that point he doesn't seem to care, well, one less mouth to feed, one less bell to answer.

 

[JacksLilWench]

I think your cousin and my sister need to get together, they sound like they would get along famously

It sounds like your cousin needs to be on the receiving end of a "Come to Jesus" meeting. I just have never understood how people can behave like that and think it's okay. It's really quite baffling. But I DO agree the next time the aunt says something about your cousin, you should tell her exactly what crap he decided to pull when his grandmother came to visit. Absolutely disgusting.

On the other hand, you have one of the sweetest grandmothers alive and it's great how lucky you recognize you are. I know it's not easy to wait, but karma will come back around for you!