VENT! Parents That Go Too Far...

[VSL]

If you want to be good at a sport, good enough to get a college scholarship or turn pro, you have to make it your life. You can't just sit on the sofa and hope to be good!

Very true.

Distance athletes, for example, generally train twice a day (totalling 2hrs+). This can also apply to the junior runners (although the majority of successful juniors don't excel as seniors, and vice versa).

Also, professional athletes - of any sport - don't just train a few hours a week. Everything from what they eat to the amount that they sleep is taken into account if they are serious and want any chance of becoming elite.

I have just started getting into running seriously and believe I have the potential to become an elite (or at least international) endurance athlete (long distance runner - I'm 21, so it's now or never, but the fact that I'm starting a little later may be on my side*), and so I'm building up to committing over 10hrs a week to running (although I have to work part-time as well - otherwise I'd be doing more than 2hrs a day already). If I don't put that kind of work in, I won't get to where I want to be.

A lot of 'outsiders' don't realise the time-commitment involved in becoming a pro-athlete.


*A number of the best senior distance runners didn't start running seriously until they were in their late teens/early twenties.

 

[ntburns22]

I am not sure if I agree or disagree and here is why - we don't know 100% of the facts

This is where I stand too. I played soccer from kindergarten all through highschool. I admit I would stay home from stuff with friends because I needed to work on skills and such. We invested too much time and money into it to show up to a game or practice too tired or not prepared. I didn't get a scholarship or anything but looking back I wouldn't change it for the world. It helped me learn about myself and life in general.

 

[Bbgrizzle]

None of us knows Lisa. The OP does. Lisa obviously wanted to go to the beach, or she wouldn't have asked her parents if she could go, right? She may have chosen basketball, but it sounds to me like she IS missing out on things she wants to do. This is the last time to hang out with her friends before she moves. I think her parents could made an exception for that.

 

[DisneyPhD]

I have to agree that parents often over schedule kids now a days. I think they have a lot of presure to.

Sure when I was in school we had practices daily after school for a few hours, but it was only in that season. Now people do their sports all year, not just the school season. We never had practice in the summer, expect late Aug.

Friendships, especially if they are GOOD friendships and GOOD influences are more important then constant practice.

My 5 year old told me she was bored the other day. I said "Good, I am doing something right. If you are never bored then I am not doing my job."

Parenting is such a balancing act (as if life.)

 

[robinb]

Everything revolves around one thing: Basketball. She has practice a few times a week, with games often. She can never get together with the girls to catch a movie or go to a sleepover. Her parents make her practice IMO way too much a week.

Some parents see a talent in a child and will help that talent grow. Whether it's basketball, swimming, violin, piano, snow boarding, etc all of them require practice, practice, practice. Do you think professional athletes would be where they are without practice? What about Olympic athletes? What about professional musicians? If your kid loves something and wants to be good at it they need to put the time and energy into it. That means that some other things go by the wayside.

I guess I must be a parent that goes too far. My DD loves to swim. She was on Swim Team at 5 years old and now finishing her second year on a team. She practices at least 3-4 times a week (out of 5) for 75 minutes and has a meet every Saturday morning. At 6 years-old she can swim 25 the meter freestyle in 28 seconds and is one of the fastest 6-year olds in the league. That's from practice. She loves to swim and I can tell you there is no way that I could make her practice if she didn't want to.

FWIW, I'm not sure if you really know that Lisa isn't having fun. Have you seen her at a game? My guess is that she shines when she plays basketball.

 

[jrmasm]

Friendships, especially if they are GOOD friendships and GOOD influences are more important then constant practice.

Yes but DD11's closest friends are the kids that she practices and goes to tournaments with. Not the kids she goes to school with. The team spends a huge amount of time together and are generally making the same sacrifices.


And guess who she wants to spend her off days with? Yup, the girls from the team.

 

[pozey]

Some parents see a talent in a child and will help that talent grow. Whether it's basketball, swimming, violin, piano, snow boarding, etc all of them require practice, practice, practice. Do you think professional athletes would be where they are without practice? What about Olympic athletes? What about professional musicians? If your kid loves something and wants to be good at it they need to put the time and energy into it. That means that some other things go by the wayside.

I guess I must be a parent that goes too far. My DD loves to swim. She was on Swim Team at 5 years old and now finishing her second year on a team. She practices at least 3-4 times a week (out of 5) for 75 minutes and has a meet every Saturday morning. At 6 years-old she can swim 25 the meter freestyle in 28 seconds and is one of the fastest 6-year olds in the league. That's from practice. She loves to swim and I can tell you there is no way that I could make her practice if she didn't want to.

FWIW, I'm not sure if you really know that Lisa isn't having fun. Have you seen her at a game? My guess is that she shines when she plays basketball.

Don't mean to hijack the thread, but.....

Robin, my oldest DS(10) has been on a swim team for a couple of years. Just like your daughter, he LOVES being in the pool. He would practice every day if he could. He is very, very good. His coach has moved him up a level and he now swims against 13 - 15 year olds most of the time.

He tells me all the time that he wants to be good enough to try out for the Olympics someday.


back to the original topic at hand....
Like others have said.......have you and your daughter gone to watch her at one of her basketball games? I would think she would be estatic if you were to go watch her play.

 

[sharbear]

Hey I don't know what is going on with your DD friend and I certainly don't want to debate the merit of practicing and sports teams.

But my kids have had friends that had parents that (my opinion only) tried to schedule thier kids so they had no free time. It wasn't one sport or one activity, it was a lot of things. It just seemed to be a planned effort by the parent to exclude the child from having friend activities.

I've seen it happen. The girl who can't go on sleep overs, can't go to PG rated movies, has a lot of family obligations, it's just one excuse after another.

My DS has one friend who always had other things to do. He had sports practices for sure, but they seemed to be more involved than the other kids. (My DS just graduated from HS this year and ALL of his friends were involved in many activities) If he wasn't at sports practices, he had to study or his parents had other activities scheduled. After a while he was not invited, if you are always busy the kids forget about you. I think that this is exactly what his mother had in mind. She wanted her son with her and not out with friends. I feel bad for him. He's going to college in a couple of weeks and frankly, he's a little stunted socially. I hope that he comes into his own away from his parents. He's a really nice kid but I wonder about how he'll cope having to schedule his own time.

Disney Traveler, I dont' know if this is what you are experiencing but I'm just relaying my experiences from my perspective.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

My son is 12, almost 13yo and has been playing select baseball for the last 5 years. He loves it and it's a big time commitment. Between practices and games, he plays about 14-15 hours a week during the fall, spring, and summer. He also practices in Jan-March. He only has August, Nov and December off. We even scheduled his Bar Mitzvah for November so he wouldn't be playing baseball.

Sounds like we're a bit obsessed, huh? Actually, we're not, believe it or not. We make sure that he has time to be a kid. Games and practices are very important, but we made it clear to the coach that unless a game would be forfeited, he would be at religious school if there was a conflict with that. He has schoolwork that's important (thankfully homework doesn't take long--he's fast and his homework load hasn't been too bad). And I want him to have time to be a kid. He can still have sleepovers, go bowling and to the movies, etc. The last thing that I want to happen is for him to resent baseball. So we try to balance it all.

I think as parents we should be encouraging the kids to be kids. They need to have fun. Working hard at their sport is wonderful, but they need that social life, too. One is not more important than the other.

One time one of the mothers of a boy on the team bragged to me how her son thought that baseball was everything and I told her that would change and that I wanted my son to have other interests, as long as he still took the baseball seriously (if he doesn't, he shouldn't be on this level of a team).

 

[Laurajean1014]

Yes but DD11's closest friends are the kids that she practices and goes to tournaments with. Not the kids she goes to school with. The team spends a huge amount of time together and are generally making the same sacrifices.


And guess who she wants to spend her off days with? Yup, the girls from the team.

My son as well. He has friends at school but spends more time with his athletic buddies.

Also, my DS pediatrician knows about my son playing sports and his weekly training commitiments and his dr. is thrilled. He was telling me that it is a requirement that all drs. ask the parents what type of physical activities are they involved in (sports, boys scouts, hiking clubs, cycling). It should be no less than 2 hours a week or 30 minutes a day doing something physical.

An active (young 5-8 yo) kid, makes an active adult and possibly a more healthier one.

 

[TheDisneyTraveler06]

My son is 12, almost 13yo and has been playing select baseball for the last 5 years. He loves it and it's a big time commitment. Between practices and games, he plays about 14-15 hours a week during the fall, spring, and summer. He also practices in Jan-March. He only has August, Nov and December off. We even scheduled his Bar Mitzvah for November so he wouldn't be playing baseball.

Sounds like we're a bit obsessed, huh? Actually, we're not, believe it or not. We make sure that he has time to be a kid. Games and practices are very important, but we made it clear to the coach that unless a game would be forfeited, he would be at religious school if there was a conflict with that. He has schoolwork that's important (thankfully homework doesn't take long--he's fast and his homework load hasn't been too bad). And I want him to have time to be a kid. He can still have sleepovers, go bowling and to the movies, etc. The last thing that I want to happen is for him to resent baseball. So we try to balance it all.

I think as parents we should be encouraging the kids to be kids. They need to have fun. Working hard at their sport is wonderful, but they need that social life, too. One is not more important than the other.

One time one of the mothers of a boy on the team bragged to me how her son thought that baseball was everything and I told her that would change and that I wanted my son to have other interests, as long as he still took the baseball seriously (if he doesn't, he shouldn't be on this level of a team).

 

[DisneyPhD]

Yes but DD11's closest friends are the kids that she practices and goes to tournaments with. Not the kids she goes to school with. The team spends a huge amount of time together and are generally making the same sacrifices.


And guess who she wants to spend her off days with? Yup, the girls from the team.

That is fine it sounds like a good "fit" for your child. It doesn't seem the case with this child. She has friends outside of the sport that she can rarely see, and her parents say it is for the sport.

I think organized sports can be good and a great way to focus a child, but when the parents say a child can't have other healthy interests then I think it is gone too far.

 

[TheDisneyTraveler06]

That is fine it sounds like a good "fit" for your child. It doesn't seem the case with this child. She has friends outside of the sport that she can rarely see, and her parents say it is for the sport.

I think organized sports can be good and a great way to focus a child, but when the parents say a child can't have other healthy interests then I think it is gone too far.

Oh yeah I totally agree with you. I think it's very healthy for a child to be involved in a sport.

 

[Laurajean1014]

That is fine it sounds like a good "fit" for your child. It doesn't seem the case with this child. She has friends outside of the sport that she can rarely see, and her parents say it is for the sport.

I think organized sports can be good and a great way to focus a child, but when the parents say a child can't have other healthy interests then I think it is gone too far.

Do you know that for sure? The OP does not explain how Lisa feels and we can't assume that the parents are mean.

It sounds like Lisa can't go and the OP was upset about it.

 

[golfgal]

As a coach I have seen both sides of this issue. It all comes down to who is driving the child to play at that level, the child or the parents. I have had very talented athletes that while they love playing, their parents are the ones pushing them. One girl we had was an All-American Division I Volleyball player in college. She played high school volleyball and basketball for us. Her parents took stats and videotaped every game. After the game they would go home and go frame by frame pointing out all her mistakes. They would RE-TAKE the stats during the film review and if they didn't match ours exactly, we would hear about it (not that we ever changed them).

I know other kids that spend hours a day, their choice, working on skills to become better players. Often these kids have parents that do the opposite and try to get them involved in OTHER things so they aren't so consumed by one sport.

Yes, a child should feel like she can take a day at the beach with friends but maybe it was just a good excuse not to go too. Who knows?

 

[The Mystery Machine]

While I know she wishes that the girls could have gotten together, perhaps working something out according to what would work with Lisa's schedule, would have been a better approach.
Springing a weekend on someone just doesn't work out sometimes.

 

[christineann]

My daughter played basketball 50 weeks out of every year for the past 4 years - school and then summer league, because she wanted to. I suggested to her that she take the summers off and just do the practices at school, but she enjoyed the summer league, which was a team of girls from different schools and backgrounds. It was a great experience for her - exhausting, but she loved it and chose to do it every summer.

She was offered several college basketball scholarships, but she declined them in favor of academic scholarships............got to get a job some day! If the parents are forcing the child to spend all her spare time practicing, I would have a problem with that. Kids need to have a life apart from sports, too!