VENT: "No, i'm not having another!"

[MaleficentandGoons]

I'm so sick of people asking me, us, if we are going to have more kids! When I say No they look at me like I have 8 heads!!! Then the reply is always, well you never know. actually I do. I'm sorry I'm not a baby factory! Now my SIL is pregnant again and people are like ohhh when you see her's you're going to want another. NO I'M NOT! I'm not going to want another.

Ugh! Vent over thank you.

 

[Explodo]

Woah....Settle down there trigger.

Guess the obvious next question is "Why Not"

*snicker*

 

[jennyleettu]

We always got the same reaction. Avery is now 4 and while I am expecting again it wasn't something that I thought was going to happen. DH and I were content with just one so I can understand just having one and the annoyance of everyone assuming you will have more!!

 

[doggydoc]

Our only DD is now 10 (soon to be 11!) and since I am about to turn 45 I don't think it's going to happen again for us either. Of course that depends, as I often tell DW, on whether or not I win the lottery and score a trophy wife.

 

[Indiana Rose Lee]

eh, people comment one way or another. People kept asking us when we were going to stop. let it go. no reason to let people stress you out like that.

 

[MaleficentandGoons]

UGH! So annoying. I'm glad others only child parents are out there that understand. I even asked the Dr about making it permanent but he said it's too early and eventually after 10 years it can be less effective.
I just don't understand the astonishment people have. I never presented myself as someone who wanted a lot of kids. Financially it's not a smart choice for us because of how WE like to live, selfish as it may be or sound. I will openly say that and people will say OHH, you can't think like that. Wait so I'm supposed to just have kids and not think about how I'm going to provide for them? While my SIL think LOVE will pay the bills, I know that it will not.

 

[tinkercat]

We have 4 kids and people STILL ask if we are going to have another. Baby #4 was a surprise and this baby factory is CLOSED! LOL

 

[Just*the*ten*of*us]

tread lightly on the "too many kids" subject. seriously.

 

[RMulieri]

I hear ya! We have one only ( not by choice) and people are constantly sticking their noses in our buisness..I have been asked point blank .." why not" and "what medical reasons?" and I have been told I am mean and selfish to not give my daughter a sibling..Ignore it ..

 

[Missoutandabout]

MaleficentandGoons: You and I sound alike. I get the "when are you having another?" all the time. If I know them well enough, I just tell them to bugger off. My mother knows me well enough so she's not looking for the "lightning to strike twice", so to speak.

Yeah, some people will view it as selfish -- in thinking that you only want to have one so you can provide for your child and keep living the way you want to live. Just remind yourself of the ol' saying, "Opinions are like "as------ ..."

 

[skhermsmeyer]

People keep asking me that and I keep telling them no. When they ask why, I just tell them "Got my tubes tied after I delivered DD." Them- "Why would you do that? You're still so young!" me- "Because DH want to be able to send them to college and 2 kids are all that our budget can allow. Would you like to help contribute?" The questions always stop!

Ignore it and the questions will stop!

 

[NotUrsula]

"When you start paying the tuition bill!"

IRL, what I always found to work best was just a kind of a double-take, and a comment like, "Oh my gosh, I know you didn't mean to say that out loud! I'll ... just pretend I never heard that question."

 

[heather13]

... and I have been told I am mean and selfish to not give my daughter a sibling..Ignore it ..

I heard that too - from a carpenter doing some work on our house when my firstborn was 18 mos. Then he proceeded to tell me that he only knew one kid growing up who was an only child and he was the loneliest, sorriest, saddest kid he'd ever met.

In retrospect I really wish I'd told the guy off - first that *I* am an only child and am perfectly happy and fine with my life thank you very much.

Second that we'd been trying since DD was born for another and learned IVF or adoption were the only ways we'd get another child. Some folks just don't know when to keep their nose out of other people's business. Procreation choices being one of them!

 

[ccgirl]

I used to get that all the time. It was by choice but I would tell people when they asked that was a very rude question and how do they know we haven't been trying to conceive. Most people were very embarassed, as they should be, that they asked the question. I always said, "one and done" until my DD was 4 and we decided to have another. My motto is now "two and through" but...if it happened it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. My DD was a VERY difficult baby. I just couldn't to through that again. Luckily, my son has been the easiest baby going. Just know there is no right or wrong decision here. Having kids is such a personal decision. I just wish people would MYOB when it comes to it.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

Maybe it's because you have one child. We have two, 13 and 10, and nobody says to us "when are you going to have another?" Of course, we made it clear to family after our 2nd that we were done.

 

[MaleficentandGoons]

GOOD TIPS! I'm trying to not be mean to strangers but...
I'm a only, my dad is an only, Dh mom is an only. Heck, DH constantly says he wished he was an only!

Just the ten- 8 is TOO many for ME. It's great for you that you can do it, I just never could.

 

[Mrs. Charming]

eh, people comment one way or another. People kept asking us when we were going to stop. let it go. no reason to let people stress you out like that.

That's true. People are already asking me about a 3rd, and I don't even have #2 out of the oven yet. They're asking me if I'm going to try for a 3rd, and I had an AWFUL time TTC #2, they're telling me why I should have a 3rd, why I shouldn't have a 3rd, oh and my kids will all hate each other out of jealousy. Yeah. You're darned if you do, darned if you dont, so might as well do what you want!

Try not to let it bug you, it's your uterus, your choice (and sometimes it's not even your choice!) so don't sweat it.

 

[At World's End]

I have two boys, and that is all I can handle! I am perfectly happy with our family as it is, especially now that we are getting to the stage where my youngest is mostly independent. But I still get, "Aren't you going to try for a girl?" Uh, no. Maybe I would feel differently if I could skip the first 3 years! But I don't think my sanity could take another 3 years of sleepless nights, diapers, tantrums and potty training.

I don't think there is anything wrong with knowing when enough is enough for you. I think it is responsible parenting. What is selfish is the people who continue to pop out kids knowing that they can't afford to support them or give them the attention they deserve.

 

[TiggerStac]

Everyone always asks me if I'm going to try again for a girl. My response, nope I tried 3 times, failed, I'm all set.

Then I get the you never know, don't say that, etc etc...yes I do know, the odds are against it, hubby had "V" back in December.

 

[jbrnhrt]

I have 2 kids, I was 18 and 23 when I had them, and got my tubes tied when #2 was born. I don't think it's selfish to not have more kids because you want to maintain a certain life style for you and your existing children, I think it's selfish to have children when you know you can't provide or care for them emotionally. My 1st child is disabled and we always thought he'd be an only child, but then decided to try for #2 and required fertility treatment to conceive. I'm so blessed to have the kids that I do, And we've made the decision to not have more, even though sometimes I'd think I'd like to, I know it's not what's best for my family. I think it no one's business how many children someone chooses to have whether it's 0 or15, as long as they're properly cared for. I think everyone can agreee it's heartbreaking to see a child who's not being financially cared for, or loved. And as far as an only child being lonely, that's what parents, extened family, and friends are for.