vent - DH has decided not to go and I'm BLUE

[poohfriend]

He said all along he might not go. But it's clear now. We leave for WDW in 12 days sans "daddy."

It's a 7 day trip with his in-laws (my parents!). Part of me understands. Part of me is just so sad. I was really looking forward to this...and now I'm scared. Will I be able to handle 3 kids under 7 with the help of parents during the holiday time?

I don't want to change his mind at this point. At least in part because if he doesn't want to go he'll be GRUMPY -- and who wants that at the happiest place on earth? Still it's a long time away.

Please pray for me and the kids. (they don't even know about the trip yet, but they will be a little sad without daddy.)

Encouragement about dealing with the kids is appreciated. (TIA) How can I be SO sad so close to our trip? I should be !

I have everything planned and I've done a great job organizing this trip! Our Christmas presents are simple, the basics are getting packed,
and I still look forward to being away from home and with !

 

[RadioFanatic]

why doesn't he want to go? does he not like your IL's? and will you get reimbursed? seems awful close to me to get it.

 

[poohfriend]

likes my parents, but doesn't want to spend 7 days with them. (I wouldn't want to spend 7 with his either, but they never offered us a trip to Disney !)

Like I said he's never been happy about going. But I kept hoping! Because we're still using the room and the park ticket can be saved for another time, we really won't be losing too much financially. But I'll still miss DH.

 

[krismom]

go and be happy!I left DH behind last summer after practically begging him to come- you know what? It was a great time with just the kids- a different kind of trip and I didn'y have to try to "keep him happy" and hear his complaining about how $$$ everyhing was! Plus- when we got back, I got lots of mileage out of having just spent a week 24 /7 with the kids, and he really missed us!
HAve Fun!

 

[poohfriend]

go and be happy!I left DH behind last summer after practically begging him to come- you know what? It was a great time with just the kids- a different kind of trip and I didn'y have to try to "keep him happy" and hear his complaining about how $$$ everyhing was! Plus- when we got back, I got lots of mileage out of having just spent a week 24 /7 with the kids, and he really missed us!
HAve Fun!

Thanks so much. I think that will be the best part of the trip! Just trying to get pumped up about going again.!!

 

[ksumn1]

I have an idea about the childcare issue. Why don't you see if you can get your mom to take charge of 1 child, dad one and you another. I know little ones always want Mommy but maybe your Mom can make sure little Johnny is clean, dry, doesn't need to go potty etc. And each one of you help a child with cutting food if needed etc. I know they will help but make it a little more orgnized. And maybe try to do something special with each child, to help them feel not so sad that your DH isn't there, but really emphasize the fact that they get special Mom and kid time with you. Maybe an hour a day swiming or rides during EMH and have your parents go back to the resort with the other 2 and relax.

I think if DH thought he could NOT go with us and I would still come home and not stay at WDW, he'd stay home too. But he knows that I couldn't handle our 2 kids at WDW with just my Mom and Dad. More because of my Mom and Dad than the kids I don't want to be nosy but is there no way to convince DH to go? Because it sounds like you're already stressed and concerned about how to handle all the kids. Maybe by telling him how concerned you are that even though your Mom and Dad are there you think that it will be too much for you to handle? I know it's not lying on the beach but it is YOUR vacation also. And it sounds like you really do want him to go.

If not, just try to keep your days kind of open, take lots of pics to take home to dad, and enjoy the time with your parents. It's great that your parents obviously love you and the kids very much and I'm sure it will be a very special trip with or without your DH. Have a great time!

 

[Rapunsel]

My DH can be a pain at WDW. Our best day was when he didn't feel well and went off to stay at our cousins house because we had checked out of the hotel. Don't mean to be rude, but mine can get in the way and try to please DS4 and change the rules and Mommy (me) gets peeved.
(we were also given a trip paid for by my parents with only my mom wanting to go)

We are on our way for a 4 week Vacation to Californina and a few days at DL. I don't know how he will do being at the in-laws for 3 weeks. (He is leaving early.)

Last time he completly ignored my mom and only spoke to my dad. Didn't socialize with the kids and I much. ( August '05)

Then again I was peeved that he went on an optional 6 week business trip just so he didn't have to deal with the new baby..


We will see how this trip goes.

Hope that your DH realizes what he is missing..

 

[Nancyg56]

I think it is possible to turn this into a magical vacation for your little ones as well as for yourself. From a Nana's point of view: How nice to have some time with my daughter and her family without having to share with a son-in-law. I love my SIL, but the time spent with DD and DGD is something special that I treasure. My DH would love to treat my DD family to a special time but we would never exclude her husband. If he chose to stay home, we would make it work out...no hurt feelings. The dynamic for your parents and your children will be different and less strained because if there is tension, even a subtle tension, between parents and in-laws, it can be felt.

My advice is go and enjoy your trip. Just ask your parents to help with their little grandchildren, and I bet you will have more help than you ever thought possible, because they may not have been willing to seem to intrude if DH was with you. Perhaps this is a magical intervention.

 

[poohfriend]

I think it is possible to turn this into a magical vacation for your little ones as well as for yourself. ..... Perhaps this is a magical intervention.

Thank you.

Whatever it is, I'm sure my children will have a delightful time. ANd I know that you're right. My parents do seem to enjoy not having to "share" when we've done a day trip with them in the past. I know I like not having to be in between them all.

Since my OP I am much more at peace with this whole issue. (Still dissapointed in DHs attitude, but I'm not responsible for him and I am responsible for me!)

Rapunsel will say a prayer for your family as well. Have a delightful trip to DL!

Thanks to all for advice. I'm going to do all I can to make this a wonderful trip. 11 days!

 

[Nancyg56]

I know that your family will have a wonderful trip! Ours is January 1st, and will include DH DD DSIL and we are joined by my 1st DH sister. (Our little one is the only one on his side of the family.) I really understand that DD and her husband want to experience the little princess first Disney visit, but I am secretly hoping that DH and I can take her alone so that I can have her all to us!

Thank you for your kind wishes, and have fun!

 

[disneyloveNY]

Do not worry. We have gone to Disney 6 times, 5 without DH because he's "always too busy with work" and it is fine. Yes, the first time was strange and we did miss him, but we soon realized that we were in the MK and life was good. At night the kids call him and give him reports and that way,we feel like we are all together. The first time, the kids were little, DS 3 and DD 6 and I went with my friend and her DD 6. It worked out beautifully. Don't overdo it with the children. If they're tired just go back to the hotel and relax, and you will be fine.

 

[Rapunsel]

Thanks so much for the prayes. Could really use them at this time. And some pixie dust for the plane...
Hope that you have a great time at WDW. I know we will have fun at DL. Celebrating my mom's 59th b-day with the princesses at Ariels Grotto. Can't wait..

 

[ahappydisneymommy]

I'm sure you will be fine and have a wonderful time. Honestly one of my best trips was when just my mom, myself and my 3 kids went to Disneyland. And my daughter was only 6 months at the time. So enjoy yourself and have a great trip.

 

[Schmeck]

My husband didn't want to go on our last trip, and we missed him. We still had a great time, we were actually more relaxed about planning, and we got to let go of a few rules because he wasn't there to butt in, LOL!

Have a great time!

 

[FreeTime]

I always complain because my husband wants to go! One of the best times that I had at WDW was when DH dropped us off at the MK while he spent the morning getting a massage. We didn't have to do his commando style, we rode what we wanted to ride and waited in line instead of skipping it because he thinks they are too long! I have tried to plan a trip without him, but no such luck!

 

[DMRick]

Do you have a teen sitter you could bring with you to help, in exchange for her way being paid? It would be easier on you that way.

 

[lillygator]

I'm sure you'll have a great time anyway and it seems as though you'll have help from your parents. I would definitely be bummed if my DH didn't want to go but then we have never not vacationed together. The beauty of everyone being different is that everyone has different vacationing and family styles.
Your kids will have some great "alone" time with you as well as their grandparents - they will love it!

Have a great trip!

 

[stacy6552]

Clearly he's not in his right mind.

 

[jennifer293]

There is NO WAY that DH would go anywhere with my parents. They complian about everything under the sun. I don't even think I could go on a vacation with them.. We took his dad and step mom along with us in May and they were a god send. They never complained and did everything we wanted them to do. They had been a few times before and so they had been there done that and since it was our first time ever going they just kinda enjoyed it and had fun with the girls. We have asked them to go back with us in July.. I REALLY hope they go we had so much fun.

Go have fun and show him the pics when you get home!!!

 

[Jynohn]

I went last year without my husband because he was deployed at the time. My parents and sisters came with me instead and we ended up having a great time. I still missed him a lot because I kept thinking back to past trips we took together, but it was fun in a different way. My husband wouldn't travel with my parents either. He gets along with them ok, but his relationship with my mom is a little strained. I looked at the trip as an opportunity to go again with my parents, probably something I would never have done otherwise.

It sounds like you have great parents and that they'll be more than happy to help you with the kids. Have a wonderful time, and try to think about all the fun you're having, rather than the fun your husband is missing...

Jynohn