Vent about family...long...just need to gripe!

[Chim Chiminy]

Can't live with them, can't live without em.

I love my family, but am so frustrated with them right now.
We always invite them along on our trips. We bought DVC in part so we could use it as a "family reunion" get together spot.
DH is military and we don't get back home to TX more than once every three or four years to see them.

Before we left BCV last August, I had already set the time frame for our next trip. I informed everyone.
As soon as I booked for SSR, the first day they took ressies, I emailed everyone the set dates.

I specifically asked who would be attending this trip.
My two brothers said they could not.
Brother #1 was starting a new job and didn't feel he could afford it.
Brother #2 was going to be attending teachers conferences and possible going back to Japan for a few weeks.

Every month, I would email updates, our proposed itinerary and ask for opinions.

My brothers continued to say they couldn't make it.
My mom was insisting that they would---"because we all have to be together." I told her they could make it next trip, no big deal.

Fast forward a few months to two weeks ago.
Brother #2 calls to say he won't be going back to Japan after all. Can I still include him in the trip?
Well, um sure. If he doesn't mind sharing a studio with mom and dad.
They are all fine with that. So I call to add him to ressies. No problem. I also had us waitlisted for a 2 bedroom..........
Call to add him to PS's...........................can't just add a person. You have to cancel all the ressies then take whatever times are left. Since we are a "Grand Gathering" that means the earliest or latest seating times, no in between. They are only seating big groups at the "off" times.
Fine. Cancel and reschedule the ressies.
About half of them the time changed, the rest were basically around the same time.
Can't get him on our Magical Fireworks cruise because they booked up.

A week later, Brother #1----who just lost the new job, the ministry can't afford to pay him!------he calls to say "Well, since I am not working I want to go"

I tell him that means cancelling all my PS's, he will have to share studio with parents and Brother #2, etc etc.
But I felt it wouldn't be fair for me to tell him no when I made an exception for other brother.
I told him to let me know the exact dates he would be there for, so I don't mess up unnecissarily any PS's.

He calls back three days later to say "nevermind". He is job searching and if he gets another ministry job it would be wrong for him to ask for the time off so soon.


Now, he left me a message two days ago to say that mom "insists" that he be there.
I want to pull my freaking hair out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why does family feel like they can do these things??????

My mom thinks that you can just walk in to any Disney restaurant on property and be seated with a party of 10. She just does not get how complicated this makes things. She also thinks that if my two brothers just show up with us at the Fireworks Cruise, they will make room for them. Or perhaps there will be a no show.
She doesn't get occupency restrictions on rooms.
I also don't think they really understand what this costs us.......even though she was the one who got me interested in DVC in the first place!

(Last August, my immediate family went down four days early for some "us" time. My Brother #1 had to fly in a day earlier than expected because of his job. That put us at 5 in a CR wing room, occupency is 5. I had to add him to our ressie for that one night. Then, my parents and Bro #2 who were driving, arrived early. She felt they could just drop by and we could all squeeze into the room for one night! I put my foot down!!!! They wound up staying in some sleeze bag motel once they arrived in Orlando at 11pm.
My mom is very emotional and ditzy. A bad combination.)

So fine, I will make the changes again to our ressies and PS's.
I have made so many changes I am afraid when we arrive they will say "Sorry, your room was cancelled." Or sorry, we don't have you down for Priority Seating and we have no room for a party of 10.
I will keep trying for cancelled Fireworks cruise seating.

But I will resent it. Because it is very time consuming. Things get jumbled up and confused no matter how hard I am trying to keep my itinerary straight.


DH says next time I have to set an absolute date and after that date NO CHANGES OR ADDITIONS will be made for anyone!
I am so happy his brother isn't like this............BIL and his partner BIL #2 are going too and they are soooooooo easy to deal with.

I enjoy seeing my family but these trips stress me out!

Thanks for listening to my gripe session!

 

[MikeJ]

Originally posted by Chim Chiminy
Can't live with them, can't live without em.

After reading your tale, I think what you meant to say was, "Can't live with them, can't live with them."

- Mike

 

[CRobin]

Originally posted by Chim Chiminy
DH says next time I have to set an absolute date and after that date NO CHANGES OR ADDITIONS will be made for anyone!

Your DH and I would get along great!

Sorry for the mess they have caused you. DW has a good friend whose family pulls the same stunts, right down to the matriarch deciding that "the whole family" has to be together.

I have to leave the room whenever that discussion comes up.

 

[MickeyB426]

I hear ya...and I don't envy ya!

Don't families just STINK sometimes?

But I do have a question...since I haven't Gone Home yet, but will in August to SSR.

Priority Seating...how does that work, and is is automatic with being a DVC member?

:::slapping self since it's probably in some Member Guidebook:::

 

[yesdisneyfool]

I understand completly (I have one of those MIL) as this is me in the beginning stages of securing the PS's and ressies. I want all to have a great time but with 14 I have to realize that I must do for DW and DD and me and the others can join or find there own happiness.

As you stated.....DH (my DW) says next time I have to set an absolute date and after that date NO CHANGES OR ADDITIONS will be made for anyone! .....

When all is said and done WE all will have had a great time in the most Magical Place on Earth.

 

[Granny]

I hope your gripe session makes you feel a little better....I know it made me stress a little and it's not even my family!

You are obviously trying to please everyone, and make things work out. Those who have a complete disregard for the pain and efforts you are going through are always going to take advantage of your kindness.

Maybe you should share the pain somewhat? If anyone changes plans, they should have to change all the PS and such. Obviously, only you can handle the DVC reservation change, but that's probably the easiest part anyway.

I'm thinking that maybe once your brothers go through the PS changing headache a few times, they'll get a better appreciation.

Good luck to you!

 

[lurontravel]

Granny,

You've come up with the most magnificent suggestion of all, MAKE THEM DO THE CHANGES!

My thoughts on this (in case I'm nuts enough to include my whole family all at one time someday), are to only have one group activity, and that would simplify matters too. In addition the one adding or subtracting himself from the equation would be responsible for re-booking the rest of the group to the same or very similar time and place that is still acceptable to the remainder of the group.

Good luck to all of you who are so adventureous in including so many people to your group!

L-

 

[chirona]

I sorry but I had to laugh at your description. It sounds just like my family. I going through the same thing right now. At least I am not the only one.
You will have a wonderful time on this vacation remember that life is short. Please make many memories that you will treasure forever.

 

[Scratch42]

Originally posted by Chim Chiminy
Can't live with them, can't live without em.

I believe the quote is

" Can't live with them, can't Shoot them!"LOL

Times like these, I am glad I have a small family!LOL

Hope it all works out!

Scratch

 

[zurgswife]

Even if they cancel, I would leave the ressie as is...that way if they change again...you won't have any worries...

And if there is a deposit invovled...it is usually that if you cancel within 24hrs there is no cost...

So, go with the high number and keep your fingers crossed...

 

[wdwaholic]

...although if you could shoot them it probably would be considered "Justifiable Homicide"!!!

Trish

 

[gracelrm]

My story was the opposite with someone canceling after being well-informed of how that would affect us and loss of usable points, etc... After a few days of fuming and feeling sorry for myself, I decided to make the best of it and to "learn from my mistakes". Things were also different for me in that it was DH's family - not mine. That makes it a little easier playing the blame game when they are no relation to you! I hope you can do the same by making the best of it and try to have a great time with your family - even though you'd rather shoot them! One other idea I have is to take a family trip to Blizzard Beach and when you get to the "cave" on the lazy river where the really freezing cold water pours down from the cave - and find a way to get your two brothers stuck right there for a few minutes - the revenge will be quite comforting!!!!

 

[LisaR]

I can so relate! We just returned from a DVC trip with 15 of our "closest" relatives. Never again. While we were there, things were pretty good. However, the events leading up to the trip just left me totally stressed. One wants to add on two days, another wants to leave a day early, etc. All of these changes were attempted just days before we left. Once there, they were still trying to change things around. We've taken all of these same relatives before but never everyone together. I can honestly say I will never make that mistake again. Hope everything works out well for you.

Lisa

 

[Beca]

I am SOOO sorry!!!

I HATE it that people think this is "free" because it is a timeshare!! DH and I decided to ask my Mom and Stepdad with us for an 05 Christmas (they didn't think we should buy into DVC, but not can't believe that we didn't invite them this year...incidentally, they return from a 3 WEEK tour of Europe tomorrow...did I get an invite? NO!!!!!), but in order to do that, we have to bank most of our 04 points, and use all of our 05 points for a two bedroom!! I hope they understand how much this is REALLY costing us!! I won't bring it up...I don't mean they should "kiss my feet", but not cancelling or creating other problems would be WONDERFUL!!! They go on 3-4 week excursions to Europe once or twice a year, and then tell me that in order for them to attend a Character breakfast with my 2yr DD, we will have to pay for them because they're "on a fixed income"!! When we asked them to DL with us this year, we had to pay for everything (including park tickets). I would love to have a "fixed income" that allows for a 2 months' worth of trips in Europe!! Don't get me wrong...I am VERY grateful to still HAVE a mother, and I am very grateful to have the means to pay for all of this!! But, we do NOT eat out, and I shop for clothes at Walmart (and, am usually REALLY happy to get them!!), we are not rich...we just make "choices" to do the things that are important to us. It's just hard to stomach that a character b'fast with their only granddaughter is not worth as much to them as a meal in Europe!!!


I have a friend who gets invited by another friends family every year to stay in their timeshare with them in Mexico. I commented one time, "How nice of them to invite you!", to which she responded, "Oh, it doesn't cost her anything...it's a timeshare!!". Can someone please point me to the "free timeshare tree"!!! I'd LOVE a timeshare that "doesn't cost anything"!!!

Anyway...didn't mean to '"steal your thread"...I think a lot of us have family who does the same thing, and it can be really hard. You try to be the "bigger" person, and overlook things, but the "rudeness" can just get to you after awhile!!

But, then again...my family woke up this morning healthy and happy...and, when my Mom is no longer with me, I will not remember all the nonsense she put me through, and my DD having the memories of being at Character b'fasts with her "Nana" will be priceless!! And, when I don't have my parents to "share" my points with...I will have a lot more points!!...but, it is not a trade off I look forward to.

Sometimes, family can be RUDE and hard to deal with...but try to enjoy the time with them. Hope this helps.



Beca

 

[calypso*a*go-go]

Take a deep breath and just keep telling yourself it will all be worth it when your entire family is together @ WDW!

 

[rocketriter]

You might try to get yourself out of the mindset of asking for permission from the family to do things a certain way (and that includes asking the matriarch for permission). You can't plead with them to see things your way. Some will come around, but some never will so it's an argument you will automatically lose, over and over again. You can't even explain the rules with an upward tone at the end of a sentence; that still sounds like a question and invites an answer.

Yep, in the future you need to lay down the rules. Here's the committment date. Here's what it will cost. You want to drop?--You're still responsible for your share if you committed, unless you can get another family member to take your place. You want to add on?--We'd love to have you, but only if someone drops to make room for you. You don't like my setting rules?--Set your own at some other resort.

Man, I know that sounds hard. But I had to do it with my wife's family. They fought back for years but gradually, inch by inch, gave us room to lead our lives without their messing us up. It's worth it.

 

[MAC3]

I can relate Too many people to try to make happy. One year we had 9 (pre-dvc) it was awful. Everyone asking so where are we going for dinner.

Worst vacation ever, made up for it though bought DVC the very next year!

 

[kathleena]

Sorry this is so frustrating for you. Live and learn for this trip and suck up what you need to.

Then the next trip, do as the DH says. Just set your own standards and live by them.

Go and have a great time...............

 

[Chim Chiminy]

Thank you everyone.

I guess I really just needed to share with those who would understand.

Thank goodness our next big family trip will be two years away, I will need that time to recover!

This has just been difficult with everyone changing dates and all, with me being the only one planning. I do enjoy being the trip planner, but this time around has been too much.

I know it will be worth it when my parents are able to spend precious time with their only grandchildren. My mom will play dress-up with my daughter and dad will take DS fishing.

Thank goodness they all know the rules once we are at the resort......We don't wait around for you, if you are not ready for the day you can meet up with us in the park. If you are late for PS, then it's your problem, again we won't wait to check in and be seated. You are free to do your own thing.

Granny

Maybe you should share the pain somewhat? If anyone changes plans, they should have to change all the PS and such. Obviously, only you can handle the DVC reservation change, but that's probably the easiest part anyway.

Very good idea. Let them share my pain! I would probably do this if I thought Brother #2 wouldn't completely screw it up! (No confidence in him at all..........he is always the one for which my rules above apply! Consistently late and out of the loop!)

Scratch42

" Can't live with them, can't Shoot them!"LOL

Believe me, the thought does cross my mind when we are all together.

Beca

They go on 3-4 week excursions to Europe once or twice a year, and then tell me that in order for them to attend a Character breakfast with my 2yr DD, we will have to pay for them because they're "on a fixed income"!! When we asked them to DL with us this year, we had to pay for everything (including park tickets). I would love to have a "fixed income" that allows for a 2 months' worth of trips in Europe!!

Wow! That is pretty tough. I am sure that like myself, you love your parents dearly. But sometimes they say and do the strangest things.
We don't eat out often either and make other choices that enable us to have these vacations with our family because making those memories are a priority. Best wishes to you.

When it is all said and done, it will all be worth it. The memories we make on these trips are priceless.

Thanks all!

 

[canwegosoon]

I feel your pain too!!!
In my case I can't get my parents to go, because no one else can afford to go (they can not save and rent points or do value/moderate hotel), and I cannot afford 300 points (yet).
The PS are flustrating and he who hesitates is lost on the FW Cruise!!!
But once the res. are redone I hope they hold. I think you need a trip W/O everyone. Or better yet everyone else should plan/pay for a trip where you/your fam just get to show up. But you have to be sure to say No, and then call 2 weeks before saying you are now coming that would be great!!!!