Uugh. MIL sleeping in our room.

[Ashley's mom]

I don't know how many of you are the praying sort, but I have a serious prayer request. I know it sounds petty, but this is a big deal for me. My MIL, who is the type to make mention to my husband that his old fiance is in town and he should meet her to talk about lunch, talks about walking in on my husband with his g/f when he was a teenager, etc. who is not a Christian happens to be joining us at WDW Feb. 21-24 at the Swan. We do not have a suite......and to boot, she snores. I am keeping a stiff upper lip but I fear with all the walking all day and her inevitable coarse comments and not being able to sleep for all her snoring at night I am just going to snap. I feel this is a very important time since she seems to have the patience to interact on any personal level with us and this is the one thing I can think of that we have in common....she loves WDW. Anyway, I am trying to be supportive....and can't really ask for a prayer request at church because I am trying to be stoic with my husband or he will just tell her not to come. We did consider even getting another room at the Swan, however they were not offering any discounts at all....and I can't stomache $385 night....although maybe after the first night I will......Anyway, just asking for prayers. The woman has been a real thorn for me and I just feel like my comfort is not as important as this vacation together could be. I ask for patience and empathy and nerves of steel.....lastly, a love for someone quite unlovely.

Sincerely,

Being brave

 

[ducklite]

Good luck to you. Is there any way you might consider switching to another resort? Maybe you could rent DVC points and get a !BR and let her have the sleeper sofa in the living room? Or a jr. suite at the WL? Or perhaps even two connecting rooms at one of the moderate resorts? I hope it works out, just keep in mind it's only for a week.

If she gets on your nerves, take a walk.

Anne

 

[gardendame]

Sorry to pry, but why is MIL coming with you in the first place? She sounds EXACTLY like my MIL. She is my children's grandmother and I love her for that, but there is absolutely no way in the world I would go on vacation with her - even if she had her own room! Christmas dinner, family reunions, Sunday dinner - yes, we'll spend it with her. Vacations - absolutely not.

Sorry - didn't mean to hijack your thread. I could write for days and days about my MIL.....................

My only suggestion would be to pray for peace to deal with it. Worrying and stressing over it before you get there will only create more tension. Make sure you have some 'you' time, go sit by the pool alone, etc. Best of luck to you!
P.S. My MIL knows we are going to Di'ney, but has no idea when. We will call her the day before we leave.

 

[dandave]

Ashley's mom, You are a much better person than I. There is no way that I could ever, ever stay in the same resort room as my MIL.

For our upcoming WDW with *my* parents, my main concern was making sure that my mother has her own room. I even told my step-dad that we may have to "lose her" in one of the theme parks, at some point....
We are staying at a Value Resort for this extended family trip, primarily so that I can afford enough rooms that I do not have to share a room with my mother. I love her, or else I never would have invited her to WDW us. I do, however, know that I can only take so much. (Pop Century sounds as if it will be great fun, but I'll be honest- there are several deluxes that I have yet to try.)

I would downgrade resorts to allow MIL to have her own room, if I were you. But that's just me. I highly value the small bit of sanity that I still possess. JMHO.

 

[HappyMommy2]

Hugs to you, Ashley's Mom. You sound like a very gracious person. I hope your husband appreciates how generously you have treated his mother!

Is there ANY way you could look into switching to a less expensive resort and getting two rooms for sanity's sake? I dearly love my MIL (thank God she is a truly wonderful woman)
but even so I am put off by the idea of sharing a small hotel room with her for several nights--just the lack of privacy for DH and me would bother me a bit, and the snoring...

If you're committed to the room at the Swan, I know it can still work out okay! You're wonderful to be stoic for DH but maybe you can drop him some kind hints so he'll be more aware of the burden this situation is for you and can give you more support. See if you can work out some time away from MIL (if DH won't part from her, then at least maybe you could have some solo time). Bring earplugs for sleeping! Let us know how it goes.

Prayers for you,
Janet

 

[Nolcrest]

Wow, how does it even get to the point that MIL is invited to stay in the same room? Someone needed to put an end to this before it even began. Sorry, I just can't imagine having a MIL in the same bedroom, especially one that brings up past relationships. I would definately get two rooms at a value resort if I had too.

I would address this issue and make other arrangements and I feel DH sould be the one to tell Mom.

Sorry, I know you didn't ask my opinion, but I think it's important for a couple to have their private time and I don't feel MIL needs to be included 24/7 while on vacation. I don't feel this is a petty issue for you.

My prayers will be for your MIL to understand her place and to respect the marriage of her son.

 

[chrisnjessie]

I like my MIL, we get along quite well. There are only a few issues between us, mainly because I'm from a family that is just more separate than hers is, if that makes sense. DH speaks to his mother daily, she talks to all of her siblings at least once a week. We used to live in the same town as my parents, and in fact I worked in the same building as my mother and sometimes went two weeks without talking to her. Not that we were fighting, that's just how my family is compared to his. But, we love and respect each other.

All that said, we took a trip to WDW with MIL and her mother and it nearly ended our marriage. Before Nana was going, I called MIL and told her the price for her room, and she said,"Oh, I don't need my own room." I glossed over it, then called DH who said,"Oh yes she does!!" He talked to her and settled it, she shared a room with Nana, we had our own room. I couldn't imagine staying in the same room.

My point is that if you have issues to start with, all the closeness isn't going to help. Even if you totally adored each other, sharing a hotel room is bound to bring up issues, and if there are things under the surface, it's going to get bad. I would do whatever I could, even staying at a cheaper hotel, to get her in her own room. And, I think you really need to come clean with DH about it. I know that in my case, if I was being stoic for his sake, I'd end up resenting him for not "noticing" what I was putting up with, and then it would just snowball from there.

 

[SondraD11]

For the other side of the coin, I'm a mother-in-law treating my son and daughter-in-law to a Disney trip February 6 - 11. I never considered sharing a room although they were agreeable to it. We will be spending the entire day together and I think it's important for all of our sanity to have some private time away from each other.

I dearly love my son and daughter-in-law and I really try to be a good mother-in-law and mind my own business. However, traveling together can be stressful even in the happiest place on earth. I think if we have our own rooms to unwind in that it will help make it a great vacation.

I wanted to show my daughter-in-law a great time at a monorail resort for her first visit, but two rooms would have been too expensive. I ended up reserving two rooms at Port Orleans for $88 a night each (AP rate with tax). By reserving two rooms at a moderate instead of one room at a deluxe, I think we'll have a much better time.

Just my two cents.

Sondra

 

[susy]

Don't do it!!!!! Talk to your DH and tell him that you do not want to share a room with her. If he doesn't understand, then I wouldnt' share a room with him either! I agree with the others. Stay at a mod and get two rooms...

 

[Tarheel Tink]

Bless your courage! If all else fails, all I can suggest is my dear mother's favorite saying- "Love them until it hurts!".

 

[Kimberle]

Many prayers that you will find an answer!

I can't even imagine my own Mother (whom I get along w/ very well) stay in our room while on vacation. Everyone really needs their won s p a c e !!!

I like the other suggestions, staying at a mod or value with 2 rooms.

Good luck!!

 

[CEDmom]

I can't even imagine vacationing with my MIL let alone sharing a room. I hope everything works out and I agree with everyone about getting 2 rooms. As much as I love WDW I think I'd opt to stay home if in your position.

 

[missypie]

If I spend too much time empathizing, I'd be ill, because I simply cannot imagine a WDW trip with my MIL in the same room. I like the idea of going to an All Stars resort so you can have two rooms. Do you just have one child? Make sure the second room has two beds ... Your child might think it would be fun to have at least one "sleepover" with grandma, giving you and DH a night alone.

BUT, if it must be one room, here's some advice that is a little different from the good advice you've already read here: Think about your body and its chemistry and what relaxes you. I can tell from your post that you are an evangelical Christian, so you might not drink alcohol. But if you do, and find that a glass of wine or beer relaxes you, have a glass with each meal that you can and in the evening. (I'm not a big drinker, but my rule when visiting the in-laws is "Drink whatever is offered, whenever it is offered.") Of course, if alcohol would loosen your tongue to a dangerous level, disregard this advice.

If you don't drink, think about what else relaxes you or has the opposite effect. Do you like a nice cup of herbal tea? Bring along special tea bags. Does caffeine put you on edge? Avoid it (watch for medicines like Exedrin Migraine that are loaded with it.)

Your child is a great excuse for getting away from MIL...."DD is getting a little stir crazy...we're going for a walk..."

Do you ever watch "Everybody Loves Raymond?" Doris Roberts plays the "ultimate" MIL...when she won her Emmy last year she said something to the effect of "If you can laugh at my character, maybe you can laugh at your own MIL instead of getting irritated."

 

[4greatboys]

We shared a room with my mil on our Sept 2002 visit and it was okay. I was not looking forward to it. She is nice but she is a bit off and says whatever comes to her mind. It worked out okay. She did get on my nerves but I tried to bite my tongue (not an easy job for me ). It all worked out okay. She is going with us again this June but this time we are dvc members so atleast I have my own bedroomto hide in She too said she didnt need her own room. At our dvc resort we have a 2 bedroom so no problems but for our Universal stay we did get 2 rooms, we had to anyway since there are 6 of us.

 

[songbert]

EAR PLUGS!!!!

You're a lot braver than I could ever be...............

If it's at all possible, I would go with the great advice of the folks suggesting that you get two rooms at a value or moderate resort.

Whatever happens, I hope you have a wonderful time.

Keep praying!!

 

[sk!mom]

Wow! What a predicament! We get a hotel when we go visit my MIL rather than stay at her house. It gives us some privacy and a break. It's not just me, either. When my DH recently visited alone he stayed in a hotel.

Having said this, I cannot imagine sharing a room. This would not be a vacation for me. I would try to change the ressie for two less expensive room. I would also take the "try and relax advice."
If I was on vacation with my MIL, I would definitely be drinking whatever I could get my hands on whenever possible just to get though it. Good Luck!

 

[WDWLinda]

Don't let the tone of most of these posts discourage you...
I, like you, posted a request for opinions/support last fall about taking my mother and my m-in-law on a trip to WDW together - they don't like each other, but both love Disney and they had their own rooms. 13 out of 16 replies said not to do it, I was crazy to take either one of them, etc. Instead of getting support, I felt even more nervous about the trip.

Well we had the BEST time...I can't wait for the next trip when we can afford to take them both again. It worked out fine, and I know that your trip will too. You all love Disney and you'll all enjoy seeing your kid(s) have fun too. You'll be so tired at night that you won't have too much time for old girlfriend stories, etc.

Don't worry...think of the fun stuff you can do, and remember your m-in-law won't be around forever, you may miss her one day.

Enjoy your trip!

~Linda

 

[rngclick]

 

[Pocahantas]

I agree with WDWLinda! Don't be discouraged. My 79 year old MIL is coming with us at the end of February and staying in the same room. She snores and she and I have not always gotten along. Needless to say I was not thrilled with this idea back in October when we booked the trip but my DH was so happy when she agreed to come. I decided not to make myself miserable about it and to try to make the best of it. After all, she is just one person, its not like the whole family is coming with us - thank god for small favors! Now that our 6 year old DD knows about the trip, she is thrilled that her grandmother is coming with us. I have invested in some ear plugs and DH and I plan to spend a couple of evenings out while our 6 year old stays at the hotel with her grandmother.

 

[MELSMICE]

I must agree with getting 2 rooms at a moderate or value resort. This only makes sense for everyone. Everyone needs some privacy, including MIL.

I can't say I'd be thrilled about vacationing with my in-laws, but if we did, there would definltey be 2 rooms. Bless my DH's heart, he would probably suggest different resorts for his family, but vacations with my family all the time. Our next trip is in April with my parents, brother & family & one of my sister's & family - adjoining rooms with my brother most likely!

Even when we go with my parents we get separate rooms at a resort & make sure we have a 2BR in our DVC units. I don't think I'd consider sharing a unit with MIL though!

Anyway, really consider the 2 rooms. Tell MIL that you feel she needs her privacy & rest & it will be difficult for her to get it if you share a room. Don't let her think it's because you don't want to share a room with her.

Also, for those of us that have kids, we'll probably all be MIL's someday! Hopefully my sons-in-law will be as loving & giving to me as my DH is to my mom & dad!