UPDATED: Is there anything you can do to get someone to stop contacting you

[karibritt01]

I would start a file of all correspondance from this guy. Any old emails that you can find and print, your sent emails, letters, etc. The more documentation you have, the easier chance you will have of legal action if this escalates. I would also get a protection order from the court if it were me. That would give you grounds to have him arrested if he did try to show up at your home or work, and also legal footing if the letters and emails continue. Also... I would learn to use a handgun. Sounds extreme, but some of these guys are real nut jobs.

 

[luvwinnie]

I would start a file of all correspondance from this guy. Any old emails that you can find and print, your sent emails, letters, etc. The more documentation you have, the easier chance you will have of legal action if this escalates. I would also get a protection order from the court if it were me. That would give you grounds to have him arrested if he did try to show up at your home or work, and also legal footing if the letters and emails continue. Also... I would learn to use a handgun. Sounds extreme, but some of these guys are real nut jobs.

We own handguns, I know how to use them and he KNOWS THIS....although he's convinced that my boss has brainwashed me and that is why I won't speak to him. Yeah, I'm just an idiot I can't form my own opinions...

 

[JR6ooo4]

If I have learned anything on the DIS, it is that you start with the ploice reports as soon as possible. that way if it escalates... the police have more power. If the third event is the first notification to the police, that is about all they can do, note it.

Mikeeee

 

[luvwinnie]

This guy created a new e-mail account in order to get past her blocking his old account. This goes well beyond being socially acceptable. When a woman wants to be chased, she may not call you for a few days - she doesn't block your e-mail address! I don't know who you've been getting dating advice from, but you might want to find a new source.

definitely!

 

[Hercules10]

Maybe I was not clear: We were not dating, just friends. We are both married. PEople now say I was kind of naive though and he had stronger feelings perhaps...eeeew. Anyway, I did, in an email say DO NOT CONTACT ME AGAIN, back in Feb. when he was bringing legal action against my employer.

Did you document this? Maybe by CCing your legal department? Here at my employer an email written in February would be trashed by now. I'm only asking what the police may ask you if you feel you must take it that far? In all legal matters it's best to document and document some more.

 

[luvwinnie]

Did you document this? Maybe by CCing your legal department? Here at my employer an email written in February would be trashed by now. I'm only asking what the police may ask you if you feel you must take it that far? In all legal matters it's best to document and document some more.

It was in personal email. I have it saved there. We are small, no "legal dept".

 

[a1tinkfans]

This creeps me out!

I would not even respond at all at this point since you already said no contact to him in past.
He is clearly not balanced and trouble may lurk deeper than you know or even realize.
He knows where and when you work. Its time to document your issue with your human resource dept and demand that they respond to you in writing that they have taken steps to protect you. I would personally file a harassment report at the local pct as well.
I would much rather be SAFE than sorry and much rather be seen as over reactive than
in an unsafe, unpredictable situation if he ever tried to "reach" you by other means than email.
Just take a look in the papers.....people are CRAZY now, more than ever, especially if he was laid off at your shared employers........

Best of Luck!
TOTALLY creepy!!!

 

[Hercules10]

It was in personal email. I have it saved there. We are small, no "legal dept".

If he responded to your original with the "LEAVE ME ALONE" in the body then you've got something to prove he received it.

If not you may want to brave one more email to the idiot with some nice legalese about ceasing ANY form of contact to you. This time CC someone in your company or even an LEO with your city police (that you'll contact before hand). Basically document someone else knowing that you've told him to leave you alone.

If all else fails let your hubby discuss it with him mano-y-mano.

 

[luvwinnie]

If he responded to your original with the "LEAVE ME ALONE" in the body then you've got something to prove he received it.

If not you may want to brave one more email to the idiot with some nice legalese about ceasing ANY form of contact to you. This time CC someone in your company or even an LEO with your city police (that you'll contact before hand). Basically document someone else knowing that you've told him to leave you alone.

If all else fails let your hubby discuss it with him mano-y-mano.

he didn't....he sent a very very long email a few weeks later...when I ignored that one I got one that just said WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?

 

[2binak]

he didn't....he sent a very very long email a few weeks later...when I ignored that one I got one that just said WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?

YEAH - definitely time to call your local PD and ask them what steps you should take from her. The "Why are you doing this?" is really scary. He's now taking your refusal to talk or write to him very personally and that's usually how stalking and being obssessed starts and then it just doesn't go well from there. Seriously, just make the call and talk to someone who specializes in this stuff. Police are there for a reason - to protect citizens. We can all speculate on what they might tell you or do for you but unless you call and speak to them yourself, you're never going to really know.

 

[suejai]

I think you should absolutely contact the police. I hope I'm just being alarmist but I can't help but think of all the times that unbalanced people with a grudge have gone back to their previous employer and started shooting. I wonder if there was some sign or behaviour they exhibited prior to their actions that was glossed over somehow or ignored for fear of appearing foolish. Note: OP I'm not saying this is what you are doing, it is more of a generalisation.

Especially when he says things like he thinks you are turning against him because your boss is brainwashing you.

I say better safe than sorry and contact the police.

 

[onelilspark]

Another person chiming in here to talk to the police. Especially since you've written him and told him to stop contacting you. Print that email out and save it so you can show them.

My friend had an ex that suddenly changed his behaivor once they broke up, starting sending her all sorts of nasty texts, etc. She just deleted them, hoping he'd stop after a day or two...he didn't, and I point blank told her to go to the police. (She didn't tell anyone else about them besides me up til then.) The police told her that the next time she gets one, tell him to stop in no uncertain terms. After that, save the ones that he send and come back to them.

So since you've already told him to stop, I would definitely head to the police...threatening or not, you're uncomfortable and have told him to stop. End of story. And if one police-person doesn't listen to you, find one that will.

 

[luvwinnie]

I think you should absolutely contact the police. I hope I'm just being alarmist but I can't help but think of all the times that unbalanced people with a grudge have gone back to their previous employer and started shooting. I wonder if there was some sign or behaviour they exhibited prior to their actions that was glossed over somehow or ignored for fear of appearing foolish. Note: OP I'm not saying this is what you are doing, it is more of a generalisation.

Especially when he says things like he thinks you are turning against him because your boss is brainwashing you.

I say better safe than sorry and contact the police.

Oh, I admit there were signs, now that I look back, that should have sent red flags up, but I had to work with this person every day and I truly wanted to help a friend...but helping became exhausting and downright impossible, he needs way more help than I can give.

 

[Kies99]

he didn't....he sent a very very long email a few weeks later...when I ignored that one I got one that just said WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?

Yeah, I think it's definitely time to talk with the Police. You may not be able to file and actual report right now, but they should be able to help with what you should and shouldn't do, what to look out for, etc... That way, IF it escalates you'll be ready.

 

[Disney Doll]

Personally when a gal first stops responding to me I cease all correspondence. Don't call, text, email...nothing. I move on and forget her.

HOWEVER! Recently I have been told that I give up to easily and that some women like to be chased. Without a program how is anyone supposed to know who wants to be chased?

That being said. I don't see where you've documented telling him to take a long walk off a short pier.

Go ahead and document something tellng him to leave you alone. It could help if you do need to get the law involved.

Good Luck!

Very clearly telling someone "DO NOT CONTACT ME AGAIN" seems to be equivalent to telling someone to take a long walk off a short pier. I'm not sure how much more direct the OP could have been.

I am going to be the dissenting voice here.

First, OP, go out today and get the book entitled "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin deBecker. He is a security expert who has protected high level celebrities, worked with the Secret Service etc.

The first advice he gives is that once you have told someone to stop contacting you, NEVER SPEAK OR RESPOND TO THEM AGAIN. If you tell them to not contact you, and they contact 74 times and on time #75 you respond by saying "I told you not to contact me", then you have taught them that it will take 74 contacts for them to hear from you. And you start the cycle again.

He also generally advises against restraining orders because for the truly psychopathic, they don't do a thing...they are a piece of paper. It's not going to stop them from doing anything....they're nuts...what do they care??? If they were normal, they wouldn't be behaving like this in the first place. About the only purpose he thinks they serve is to piss off the psycho because now you have gotten "the authorities" involved and he "looks like a nut".

If you go to the police, go with the intent of telling them what has been happening for "official" documentation and also to ask them if they would be so kind as to increase patrols around your house and maybe make some kind of notattion with emergency services that if they get a call from your home they need to respond ASAP.

From your perspective, keep documentation of events that occur. If he sends e-mails that get through, print them, don't respond. Phone messages, letters, whatever ways he contacts you, save them. But DO NOT RESPOND. Become much more aware of your surroundings. Make sure work knows that this is going on, because it could be a danger to people there. He may be doing the same thing to other people there for all you know. While all this is fresh in your mind, document it. Make notes.

Here's his issue...sounds like he got fired. He's lost "control" of his life. So he is seeking to "control" you, your actions, your behavior. Getting fired made him feel like a "little man". If he's got a woman running scared, he's back to being a "big man".

 

[kimmar067]

Personally when a gal first stops responding to me I cease all correspondence. Don't call, text, email...nothing. I move on and forget her.

HOWEVER! Recently I have been told that I give up to easily and that some women like to be chased. Without a program how is anyone supposed to know who wants to be chased?

That being said. I don't see where you've documented telling him to take a long walk off a short pier.

...correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe THIS is pretty much right-to-the-point...

if they aren't "threatening" you...and you have TOLD them very clearly "do not contact me again"...this person has emailed me several times at my personal and work address (I haven't replied in months) and mailed a card to my home. I set up an automated response to his email account that said "This account has been closed" so he then sent me the same email FROM A DIFFERENT EMAIL ADDRESS, I guess to test if the email was truly closed....

 

[kimmar067]

Very clearly telling someone "DO NOT CONTACT ME AGAIN" seems to be equivalent to telling them to take a long walk off a short pier.

...Ooops - didn't see this post....

 

[luvwinnie]

The ironic thing is when he was threatening legal action against our employer, the company lawyers told his lawyers "we expect him to not contact any of our employees against their will" or something that effect and his lawyers acted all offended on his behalf. But now that the "legal" stuff is over, my company has nothing to do with it. IT did block him for me though and I'll see if I get anything else on personal email. If I do, I will contact police. Thanks for your input.

 

[kimmar067]

The ironic thing is when he was threatening legal action against our employer, the company lawyers told his lawyers "we expect him to not contact any of our employees against their will" or something to that effect and his lawyers acted all offended on his behalf. But now that the "legal" stuff is over, my company has nothing to do with it...

...this holds a lot of water if it's in writing....

 

[GoldieSaysMeep]

When my crazy ex started having his mail sent to my house, packages & all kinds of junk mail (no, he never lived with me) a few months ago, I called the police and they said because he was not threatening me, there was nothing they could do.