UPDATE in First Post!!! Fraternities/Sororities

[disneyfanforever]

Kappa Delta here!

I have mixed feelings on the subject. First the cons, the sorority is expensive. Also, it gets tiring being made to go to different meetings, parties, etc. or else get fined. Sometimes if I had to study I was irritated at the rules making me attend different functions. I was there after all to get an education. Also just getting a bunch of girls living together in one house is just asking for trouble. I had never seen the kind of backstabbing that went on there until I went to college.

Now for the positive, I met my best friend in the sorority. She and her boyfriend (now her husband) set me up on a blind date with one of his fraternity brothers who is now my DH. So I never would have met my DH had it not been for the sorority. And if I didn't meet him then I wouldn't have my kids. So overall I wouldn't trade the experience for anything. My life today is definitely a result of being in the sorority in college.

 

[DVCLiz]

Interesting. Sending a 17 year old into that situation, but not willing to look into it yourself? I can't imagine.

Oh, please...

 

[AKLRULZ]

Don't tell me I don't understand or can't have an opinion because I'm not Greek.

You've also made a hasty generalization, though, that all Greeks are heathens. Girls gone wild aren't just sorority babes looking to hook up and date rapists aren't just drunk stupid frat boys.

Casual sex, drugs, drinking and cheating are rampant among college aged students no matter what group you isolate them in - from the chess club to the Greek system.

And as I mentioned, my fraternity (and most other Greek organizations) held very strict requirements on grades - if you didn't acheive them you were suspended or not initiated.

My best advice is to anyone is to rush and make a judgement for yourself. I will absolutely admit that what might be a great chapter at one school may not be at the next so find out what works best for you and go with it.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I was in one for one year and thank the Lord it closed. We were not hazed...but one event they did--I felt like we were being taken to be hazed and had an anxiety attack over it. My big sister (in the sorority) ended up having to tell me what was going to happen. I was still upset..but was reassured hazing would not take place and it didn't (and never did during my pledge period or sisterhood).

To this day I now associate with just ONE sorority sister out of that large group of girls.

I didn't go through regular rush...I was a snap bid.

Had I had it to do all over again, I would have skipped the snap bid...and either would have done the rush process the regular way, waited until sophomore year..or heck, just skip the whole thing.

It really messed up my first semester as we got assigned to events in rotation and I didn't have the money to be "fined" for a no-show. NOONE would ever switch with me and my GPA suffered as a result of these mandatory events.

My sorority experience was less than stellar. I could have done without any of it as I am not a partier and that was not what I went to college for. Once sorority life concluded, I had a much much better college life.

But I know many people who enjoyed it--including the older girls in my sorority who had been there longer that did enjoy it. I just didn't go about it the right way nor research it fully.

ETA: FTR at my University at the time...it could be my naive memory...but they did have more strict rules in place for the sororities than in the fraternities. We weren't allowed to host *those* kind of parties and never did. The parties were always in the form of socials at the frat or other facility or *those* parties on the weekend at the frat. Socials were formally registered and they had party patrol that went around to verify that the parties ended on time. Anything that happened after that was strictly peer pressure and that could happen with or without the greek system. (i.e. we would go back in after the social "formally" ended).

So a lot of what can happen is going to depend on the emotional health of the college student facing it. A lot of what I did (nothing too terrible..but still out of the norm for me), I could have just grown some and kept to my studies. I was never made to do anything.

 

[MissMinnie]

Or they are those who deal with the clean-up, emotionally, physically or finacially. The Greeks system has been one of abuse and bigotry for years. There is no arguing that. Hazing is alive and well in the system. Deaths occur yearly from alcohol abuse. Small town/college...or State U.

And, it is never the "studying to be good students" that comes up at reunions. It is the sex, drugs, sneaking around, and rule breaking that is the topic of the day.

We obviously went to very different schools.........We all know that those who live in the dorms never drink, always study, never utter an unkind word to anyone!! This reminds me of the "us vs. them" theme of the SAHM vs. Working mom thread. I responded to this thread to give the OP a perspective on the Greek experience. All of us who went to college have seen the negative and positive of both and let's face it, some schools are more party schools than others. It's a case of "bad apples" giving the rest a bad name. Oh by the way, my sorority was made up of women of all backgrounds: Hispanic, Black, Iranian, Caucasian, and Christian, Jewish, Muslim faiths and well as "non believers". We did not promote bigotry,would not tolerate abuse and we all respected each other and got along just fine. I also do not know of anyone who had to "clean up" after someone was abused by a frat or sorority. I'm sorry if that happened to someone you know.

 

[bsnyder]

Liz, I was at the "sister" school to your daughter's school back when it was all male. They had fraternities then. We did not have sororities - the total student body was about 500 females, so it was more or less one big sorority.

But, most of my family are/were members of sororities and fraternities. My sister had an incredible experience with hers at Vanderbilt, and is still very involved in the local alumni group.

My oldest son did not rush his freshman year but ended up joining a colony chapter his second year. It transformed his college experience from being satisfactory to being outstanding. The fact that the frat he joined was trying to restablish itself on campus after a number of years gave him a chance to learn leadership skills almost immediately. Over the course of his college years they went from a colony to being voted the #1 fraternity on the campus, which was a fantastic experience for him.

My younger son is at a west coast school that has a very active Greek community. Prior to leaving for college, he expressed a lot of doubts about going through rush. He's always seen himself as marching to a different drum and not being part of any cliques. I encouraged him to at least experience rush before he made a final decision. He ended up joining and is now so gung-ho that we tease him and call him Mr. Frat.

The drinking/drug/partying scene takes place at every college campus, whether it has a Greek system or not. And if the Greek system were banned, I have no doubt that other groups/cliques would end up forming to replace it.

 

[jodifla]

I was in a sorority at UF 25 years ago, and I found it to be a terrific experience. It wasn't uniformly positive, but it taught me a lot about how to deal with a large group of people. It taught me negotiation and how politics can come to play in almost every situation. It was eye-opening.

I am still an active member of the group....we have thousands upon thousands of active alums across the county. It's been helpful now that I'm spending so much time in Michigan. I have an immediate group to associate with. Beyond the friendship and camaraderie, we raise money for local charities.

And I'm lifelong friends with some of the women in my sorority still.

(Also note: There was no hazing allowed in my group.)

I'd ignore the ignorant stereotyping that goes on of the sororities and their members, particularly by people who've never taken part in one.

 

[AuroraBorealis]

nevermind...

 

[AuroraBorealis]

You've also made a hasty generalization, though, that all Greeks are heathens. Girls gone wild aren't just sorority babes looking to hook up and date rapists aren't just drunk stupid frat boys.

Casual sex, drugs, drinking and cheating are rampant among college aged students no matter what group you isolate them in - from the chess club to the Greek system.

And as I mentioned, my fraternity (and most other Greek organizations) held very strict requirements on grades - if you didn't acheive them you were suspended or not initiated.

My best advice is to anyone is to rush and make a judgement for yourself. I will absolutely admit that what might be a great chapter at one school may not be at the next so find out what works best for you and go with it.

Did you actually read my post? Thanks for putting words into my mouth. Next time, try to respond without twisting my words or a logical fallacy.

Nowhere did I mention girls gone wild or date rapists. I also pointed out in my post that the behavior I described was not limited to or even exclusive to the Greek system. I know it happens within other groups and I stated this.

You must have also missed where I said I did rush but declined to join-- because of that behavior. There was no generalization on my part there-- that is how it was on my campus.

Not all college students, regardless of group, participate in that kind of behavior, either. I managed to find a great group of friends who did not condone casual sex, drugs, cheating, etc. We've all become very successful without the help of a sorority and we all had a wonderful college experience. However, the majority of my Greek friends did not have a great experience and feel their sorority and fraternity ties really didn't contribute to their success (or lack thereof) as a post-college adult.

I managed to graduate summa cum laude without the pressue of earning my grades to stay in an organization. I feel that college students should be able to commit to good grades for the sake of good grades; not because they might be suspended from an organization. However, I won't begrudge that part of the system if it does work.

Your statement was dangerous. The OP asked for opinions and experiences so I shared my opinions and experiences that contradicted your premise that the Greek system will only enhance a college experience. To say the Greek system will only enchance college experiences is irresponsible.Greek life is not always rainbows and roses and cotton candy. It can be downright dangerous and detremential for some.

I noticed that you refined your statement-- what might work at one school might not work at another. This was my point and perhaps I could have been a bit more clear. I was simply sharing examples that contradicted your statement. The experiences my friends had certainly did not enhance their experiences. I chose not to join because I did not think Greek life would enchance my college experience and I have never regretted that descision.

And now, I'm done with this thread. I have better things to do than argue about Greek life! Let's talk about Disney....

 

[JulianneCP]

hey Steve AKLRULZ I was lavieried to a LXA Almost married him too! My best guy friend today is a LXA Everywhere I have gone I have meet great LXA!

 

[OK!]

I'm an Alpha Chi Omega, pledge class of '92, from the University of Missouri. I never endured anything remotely approaching hazing (or witnessed or found out about anything like that going on in some of the other houses my friends pledged), and while there was drinking, it certainly wasn't anything that was forced upon those of us who were underaged (or on the legal girls who didn't drink). In all honesty, the only kind of peer pressure I experienced was in regard to grades, as the house genuinely prided itself on its overall GPA. There were mandatory study sessions for freshmen and other new pledges and we were also required to study an additional 20-30 hours a week; our study hours had to be witnessed by other sisters and turned in every week. If you didn't make grades, you weren't initiated with your pledge class and had to be a "holdover" and be initiated with the spring pledges (assuming that you'd brought your grades up).

All of that isn't to say we didn't have fun, because we certainly did. It's just that everybody was encouraged to have fun in her own way. I truly valued the experience because I really got to be close to some of my sisters. I'm not trying to say I was best friends with everyone in the house, but there were some girls with whom I'd have readily trusted my life.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Did you actually read my post? Thanks for putting words into my mouth. Next time, try to respond without twisting my words or a logical fallacy.

...

You must have also missed where I said I did rush but declined to join-- because of that behavior. There was no generalization on my part there-- that is how it was on my campus.

Not all college students, regardless of group, participate in that kind of behavior, either. I managed to find a great group of friends who did not condone casual sex, drugs, cheating, etc.

...

Your statement was dangerous. The OP asked for opinions and experiences so I shared my opinions and experiences that contradicted your premise that the Greek system will only enhance a college experience. To say the Greek system will only enchance college experiences is irresponsible.Greek life is not always rainbows and roses and cotton candy. It can be downright dangerous and detremential for some.

The problems with your statements--they are indeed generalizations. Since you didn't join any sorority, you didn't go behind closed doors. You didn't know exactly what their secrets were. You my have heard some things..but you didn't really *know*.

In my circle..they didn't promote casual sex, drugs, alcohol, or cheating. Nothing was ever "promoted" that was in contradiction to the rules set forth by the Panhellenic Council or the school.

Now they aren't a pious Christian organization--so what happens in the greek life is somewhat proportionate to what happened in the non-greek life. My *geek* groups that I was also a part of didn't have a shortage of these things either.


It all amounts to peer pressure and how much you will allow yourself to succomb to it. A parent allowing an impressionable, "copies anybody to make a friend" child to join a sorority...is probably not making the best parenting choice. But there are many many strong women who do come out of these groups. To suggest otherwise is wrong. It isn't all rosy, but it certainly isn't hell on wheels either.

To suggest that generally it is the evil of all evil is just wrong. Rush does not give you the full picture.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

If you consider rape of a sorority girl by a fraternity brother an enhanced college experience, then go for it. Especially when the girl gets dropped from her sorority because her "sisters" didn't want to offend the frat. Yes, this actually did happen to a friend of mine. She persisted, the rapist is in jail, but she recieved death threats from his "brothers" and her so-called "sisters" spread rumors about what a "slut" she was.

If you consider being told how much to weigh, how to dress, and what color your hair should be, and who was acceptable to date an enhanced experience, then join! One of my friends was put on probation because she was a size 8. Not fat by any means, but still too large to "properly represent" her "sisters." It was a total "Mean Girls" mentality.

Several of my friends fell behind in school work because of required house commitments.

On my college campus, the Greeks were the partiers. Their parties were not open to "outsiders" so there was nobody to blame for "bringing problems in" but themselves. One frat president got kicked out of school for selling drugs.

Generalization after generalization.

I wasn't a size 8---and there were certainly some plus-sizes in my sorority.

I fell behind in school work for more reasons than just the sorority. I could have attempted to come up with the fine so that I could spend the time studying for my test instead.

FWIW--My hubby was not in a fraternity--he lost his scholarship the first year due to too low a GPA (as he proclaimed he partied too much). Despite my sorority experience, I didn't lose mine.

 

[jodifla]

That is quite the hasty generalization! I realize you had a positive experience but I really have to disagree that going Greek will only enhance a college experience.

Am I outside the system? Yes, but I went through rush week and declined to join a sorority because of what I saw: underage drinking, casual sex encouraged and expected, eating disorders, cattiness, cheating, drug use, etc. Don't tell me I don't understand or can't have an opinion because I'm not Greek.

I had several friends in the Greek system and many of them did not have good experiences.

If you consider rape of a sorority girl by a fraternity brother an enhanced college experience, then go for it. Especially when the girl gets dropped from her sorority because her "sisters" didn't want to offend the frat. Yes, this actually did happen to a friend of mine. She persisted, the rapist is in jail, but she recieved death threats from his "brothers" and her so-called "sisters" spread rumors about what a "slut" she was.

If you consider being told how much to weigh, how to dress, and what color your hair should be, and who was acceptable to date an enhanced experience, then join! One of my friends was put on probation because she was a size 8. Not fat by any means, but still too large to "properly represent" her "sisters." It was a total "Mean Girls" mentality.

Several of my friends fell behind in school work because of required house commitments.

On my college campus, the Greeks were the partiers. Their parties were not open to "outsiders" so there was nobody to blame for "bringing problems in" but themselves. One frat president got kicked out of school for selling drugs.

Frankly, I feel that positive Greek experiences are the exception and not the norm. I have Greek friends who attended different colleges and they generally have had poor experiences, too.

Granted, these experiences can and do happen outside the Greek system. I am not saying it is limited to or even exclusive to Greeks. It is just that I have observed that friends outside the Greek system had an overall better college experience than those who did pledge.

OP-- read "Pledged" -- it will really open your eyes.

So, what you have is a bunch of hearsay. No firsthand experiences, except rush, and from how you describe rush, I think it's fair to say you didn't go through sorority rush, which doesn't condone any of the wild behavior you associate it with. There is no drinking and casual sex and drug use during sorority rush. C'mon.

We also had members of all sizes. No one got kicked out for being a size 8. What school did you go to?

And Pledged sounds like a joke, reading from all the reviews. If you a predisposed to think the Greek system is trash, then you'll like it. If not, you'll have a more reasoned response.

 

[uconndz]

Another Delta Zeta (from UCONN). This was the best thing I did at school. It made a large school so much smaller. There was absolutely no hazing and I can honestly tell you I did nothing I regret. If you wouldn't do it yourself you couldn't ask a pledge to do it. Was I put on probation at any point? yes, I was - but it was because I let my GPA drop (I hated organic chemistry) so academically, it actually helped me. Being on academic probation I had to raise my GPA so realistically they kept me in school. No, not by cheating, but by having me attend study hours.
I still maintain friendships with my sisters and I pledged in 1986. My DH is Zeta Psi - we knew each other in college- but never dated then.
I have taken my DD to visit UCONN and my sorority and she even talks about it.
I would love for her to join my sorority (or anyone that she felt she belonged in)

nancy

 

[DVCLiz]

I hope DD will get a bid and have a great experience with her sorority. At her school, they don't live in sorority houses, so she'll be in dorms or student housing all four years. I tihnk she'd really enjoy it, and I don't think any of the negative things in this thread are things she would avoid by not being in one. She'd have the same temptations no matter what. Everyone is invited to all the fraternity parties each weekend, and "independents" who decided not to pledge are welcome, too.

Plus, even if there are all of these horrible things going on, would you really tell your college student, "No, I read some stuff in a book and on a chatroom and now I don't like the idea of it, so you can't do it?" I can't imagine making that choice for her. I suppose I am different that way...

 

[katymae]

Just wanted to reinforce the idea that it is very dependent on where your dd goes to school. I had a very squeaky clean experience with sorority life, but it definitely varies from school to school. Even the same sorority/fraternity can have a very different personality at different schools. As long as she doesn't have a "make or break" attitude about it, I think she'll be fine. It's the girls who are going to die if they don't get into a certain group, or who let the sorority define their personality for 3-4 years that have trouble.

Just remind her that whether or not she gets into a sorority (or a certain sorority) she is still fabulous! Rush can be really rough on your self-esteem, so she'll need your encouragement.

Best wishes, and here's some pixie dust for you and your dd!!

 

[mookie]

Phi Sigma Sigma here - I know there are a few others of us out there too!

For me, joining a sorority wasn't exactly what you see in movies. Our sorority was in a small rented house, and we didn't have a house mom. We basically took care of ourselves. I totally agree with the statement that sororities and fraternities differ greatly from school to school. While ours was more of a laid back "club," other chapters I visited at other schools were quite strict in their rules with grades, parties, etc. For us, it was just a chance for a bunch of girls to get together, form a friendship, meet new people, and do good things for the community.

In regards to the constant debate over hazing/alcohol, I can tell you this: I didn't join my sorority until my sophmore year. This was a great thing for me, because it allowed me to meet plenty of other people outside of my sorority, who I still am friends with. However, I can say that I learned more "partying" and "hazing" tactics in those dorm rooms my freshman year than I ever did in the sorority. It doesn't matter what you join, it's about the person you are willing to become.

Without my sorority, I would have never met my good friend, who introduced me to his friend from another college. That friend of a friend eventually became my husband. Not only that, but my roommate in the sorority met her husband from traveling with me to see my DH...his roommate. I guess you could say that technically, without the sorority...I know I would have never crossed paths with DH, and had 2 beautiful kids. Sappy, I know, and I'm sure that everyone has a story like that, regardless of if they joined a sorority, fraternity, or whatever, but it does sometimes make me smile by how fate seems to work out.

Oh, and trust me...never in my life would I let anyone circle my body fat with a magic marker. They'd be there for hours.

 

[aunt kelly]

I'm a Kappa Alpha Theta.

I'm very glad I went through rush and decided to pledge Theta. I'm sure I would have enjoyed being in any house at my university.

I made wonderful, lifelong friends at the Theta house. (I went to an alumni meeting earlier tonight).

I loved living in the house and being part of a group of women I enjoyed and respected. There was a lot of emphasis placed on making good grades. Also, we were encouraged to participate in intramural sports and other extra cirricular activities.

The Greek system is not for everyone, and I certainly understand and appreciate why some people choose not to participate . However, I'm certainly glad I was a part of it-it really enhanced my college experience. I wish your daughter well, and hope she makes the right decision for her as to whether to pledge.

 

[Amity 3]

I pledged Deta Chi in college and got invited to move into the house that semester. right before activation, one of my pledge brothers and I got into a pretty serious fistfight over some Sig Kap chick. we both ended up in the ER and we had to go before the council. our fate was divided by a coinflip, I chose tails and got booted out. that's my experience.

my dad is in his seventies and still is friends with members of his pledge class. they have a trading group and share stock tips with each other on a weekly basis.

it's all what you want to make of it, but I had one hell of a time that semester.