UPDATE in First Post!!! Fraternities/Sororities

[AKLRULZ]

nevermind...

I would have loved to have seen what you wrote here.

Did you actually read my post? Thanks for putting words into my mouth. Next time, try to respond without twisting my words or a logical fallacy.

Nowhere did I mention girls gone wild or date rapists. I also pointed out in my post that the behavior I described was not limited to or even exclusive to the Greek system. I know it happens within other groups and I stated this.

You must have also missed where I said I did rush but declined to join-- because of that behavior. There was no generalization on my part there-- that is how it was on my campus.

Not all college students, regardless of group, participate in that kind of behavior, either. I managed to find a great group of friends who did not condone casual sex, drugs, cheating, etc. We've all become very successful without the help of a sorority and we all had a wonderful college experience. However, the majority of my Greek friends did not have a great experience and feel their sorority and fraternity ties really didn't contribute to their success (or lack thereof) as a post-college adult.

I managed to graduate summa cum laude without the pressue of earning my grades to stay in an organization. I feel that college students should be able to commit to good grades for the sake of good grades; not because they might be suspended from an organization. However, I won't begrudge that part of the system if it does work.

Your statement was dangerous. The OP asked for opinions and experiences so I shared my opinions and experiences that contradicted your premise that the Greek system will only enhance a college experience. To say the Greek system will only enchance college experiences is irresponsible.Greek life is not always rainbows and roses and cotton candy. It can be downright dangerous and detremential for some.

I noticed that you refined your statement-- what might work at one school might not work at another. This was my point and perhaps I could have been a bit more clear. I was simply sharing examples that contradicted your statement. The experiences my friends had certainly did not enhance their experiences. I chose not to join because I did not think Greek life would enchance my college experience and I have never regretted that descision.

Anyone else think she was blackballed?

Seriously, your generalizations are over the top. I knew Greeks and non-Greeks who "had issues" and those who didn't. Just like any group you isolate in life. You had a negative experience and it should be duly noted. Most people who actually WERE Greek didn't except for the hearsay friends of yours and people who got blackballed (and trust me that happend for good reason).

hey Steve AKLRULZ I was lavieried to a LXA Almost married him too! My best guy friend today is a LXA Everywhere I have gone I have meet great LXA!

 

[annegal]

This girl was in a couple of my classes and was always nice and friendly until I didn't want to rush her sorority then she acted as if I didn't exist.

That , in a nutshell, is my view of sororities-very snobbish.

 

[Galahad]

I was not in a social fraternity in college - it didn't appeal to me at all. But my brother and his wife were in a fraternity and sorority respectively and were great students and it was a very positive experience for them. I would agree though that going through the rush thing in freshman year might not be a great idea. Also, regardless of how bright they are, 17 years old is still 17 years old. My DS will be only 17 when he starts college and if his college allowed freshman rushing I'd strongly advise him against it.

 

[yearbook50]

I'm still currently in college. I went through recruitment my freshman year and pledged Alpha Gamma Delta.

The insure your grades are kept up - you have to have a 2.8 to even be initiated; however, if your GPA is below a 3.0 you are put onto Study Hours for 7 hours a week until your gpa is raised.

There was no hazing. I read Pledge while I was going through my pledge-in period. None of that stuff in the book happens in my sorority, other than the occasionally cattiness. But hey, its a bunch of girls...occasionally there is cattiness.

We have girls ranging in size from 0 to 26. Some are really pretty some are ok. It isn't nice to only allow skinny people into a sorority...I would be ashamed if another chapter of my sorority did such a thing.

I'm also involved in Alpha Phi Omega; however, to me it isn't really greek. Its a great organization but to be honest there is a lot more wrongdoing there than there is in Alpha Gam.

 

[DVCLiz]

Thanks again for all your responses - I didn't know there would be such opposite views!!!!

DD will be 18 in 2 weeks, btw. She doesn't have a clear preference - basically, I think the groups are all pretty similar. There are only four sororities at her school. She's always really enjoyed being part of a group and especially doing service projects, so I think that will be right up her alley. She's also really interested in her social life, so I know that part will be fun for her as well!!!

Keep up your responses - they're very interesting!!!

 

[Breezy_Carol]

I think that Greeks vary a great deal at different schools and in different parts of the country. I was not in a sorority in college and had no interest in being in one.

DD is a junior in college and had no interest in a sorority her freshman year. Her roommmate pledged one of the ones where you have to dress a certain way and party alot, etc.

Then, DD was invited to join Tau Beta Sigma her sophomore year. It is the band service sorority. This has been the best thing she did for her college life outside of classes. She has made good friends and gotten far more involved in college and service activities.

DS is a freshman now and he will have to make his own decisions. My main concern is the amount of drinking that goes on in the fraternities at their school.

 

[becker1123]

Hi, Alpha Phi from Mizzou here. I was at MU during the late 80's ... meaning party time. I had a positive experience and so did all of my friends from my sorority and others. One thing no one has mentioned is the huge positive a freshman can have from an automatic sisterhood. In my sorority, girls took care of each other. If they saw someone out of hand at a frat party, they took her home. During the first week of school it was awesome to have girls I didn't recognize come over to say hello as I walked on campus. The upperclassmen really went out of their way to help and mentor the freshman and I always knew someone everywhere I went, which at a huge state school was great. Not that there wasn't drinking and partying, c'mon it was Mizzou, but there was always someone to look out for me.

Is it for everyone? Probably not. But I found it to be a great experience and by the way, we, too had members with different faiths, sizes even races. It was pretty diverse and all the better for it.

OP, I say if your daughter bonds with girls in a house, she should join. If not, she can try again the next year of enjoy life as an independent. Nothing wrong with that, either.

 

[leighe]

Delta Delta Delta - can we help ya, help ya, help ya?

I have not read all of the responses but I was a Tri Delt and my experience was nothing but positive. I loved my sorority and my sisters. My closest friends today are friends I made through my sorority.

 

[DVCLiz]

Delta Delta Delta - can we help ya, help ya, help ya?

I have not read all of the responses but I was a Tri Delt and my experience was nothing but positive. I loved my sorority and my sisters. My closest friends today are friends I made through my sorority.

Tri Delt is one of the ones she's looking at!!! Keep a positive thought....

 

[pooh4evr]

ALPHA XI DELTA here from Southeast Missouri State U-

LOVED LOVED LOVED being in my house would not change a thing - sure there were things going on (drinking ...) but I never felt pressured to do it if asked I would say no thanks and that was the end of it. My DH is / was a Lambda Chi also! Never would have met him had I not joined- in all it was probably The best decision I made to join! I hope my girls will get to have a great experience like I did when they go to school!

 

[WonderfulDreamer2]

Hi...another Kappa Delta here. I went to a very small private college and the Greek system was very popular. I did not go through rush but received a wildcat bid. I was a pretty shy person back then and learned a lot during my sorority years.
The comment about "buying friends"....ummm, you didn't pay the other sisters, you paid into an account that took care of expenses of running the sorority. I still stay in contact with several of my sisters (I was initiated in '86) and found the overall experience to be great. Yes, there was drinking...just like there was with the GDI's and the basketball team and the baseball team, etc. As others have said, each school (chapter) has their own personality. Looks and size was not an issue. One thing that was an issue, is that we are a sorority founded on Christian values and teachings and girls who did not feel comfortable with that would stay away, and we did not accept any girl who did not subscribe to Christian teachings...say Hindu or Muslim. And I don't find that to be discriminatory, thats what the core values were and that's what we followed.
I hope you daughter has a wonderful college experience and finds a group that she enjoys being with, be it Greek, Independent, sports, school government, etc.

 

[leighe]

Tri Delt is one of the ones she's looking at!!! Keep a positive thought....

I went to a small private school where there were only 4 sororities as well. We didn't rush until 2nd semester so we were able to get to know the houses pretty well.

I wish her all the best. I hope she has a great experience with rush! Let us know what decision she makes.

 

[katymae]

BTW, be sure to let us know how it goes!!

 

[katymae]

I was just going to bump this thread to see about an update and there it was! Please tell your dd congrats on her bid!

 

[LuluLovesDisney]

I am a Kappa Delta. Hello to my sisters here - AOT!

Still close friends with many of them. I also had many friends who were not Greek or in other sororities, so it's not necessarily your total circle of friends. I was also the Pledgemaster/Pledge Mom/VP New Member Education (title changed my soph. yr and differs between sororities). In my school, there are 15 sororities and 13 fraternities - each was very different from the others. It is really important for someone to have a good "fit" in order to really enjoy it. It is similar to any large group where smaller groups of friends form - each one has a certain "vibe". I can tell you that most of the girls in my particular sorority were on the Dean's List, and contributed enormously to the college community. I can tell you that while drinking is pretty much the norm in college, regardless of Greek involvement, I have never abused alcohol, tried drugs, acted inappropriately in a sexual way or any other way, or cheated on any exam. In fact, if any sister ever acted inappropriately, seemed to have a drug or alcohol problem, a self esteem problem, or became promiscuous, there was immediate intervention by the Standards Board, who would try to talk to her, offer her help and consolation. I am certain not all sororities are like that, but they should be. Some are.

As far as size restrictions, I am sure some chapters might behave this way, but I've never really seen that. I am plus size (14/16) now and was certainly plus size in college. And not to toot my own horn, but I received a bid from 4 sororities and basically had my choice of the "good ones". They based it on personality, talents, skills and presentation. Sisters did have to present themselves a certain way - you couldn't wear letters if you were unshowered or wearing pajama pants, for example, but certain hairstyles, sizes, or makeup were most definitely NOT required.

OP - I am happy your daughter is happy. May her happiness continue indefinitely and I hope she will always feel this way about her sorority. Congrats on the BID!

And if I may be so bold, after you (collective you ) read "Pledged", why don't you watch "Legally Blonde" so you can see the speech in the end about not judging a book by its cover.

 

[noodleknitter]

And if I may be so bold, after you (collective you ) read "Pledged", why don't you watch "Legally Blonde" so you can see the speech in the end about not judging a book by its cover.

Surely they taught you the difference between fiction and non-fiction, right? A feel-good speech is just that.

The theory is that if it walks like a duck, has feathers like a duck, and quacks like a duck, well, it probably is a duck. The frats and sororities were/are a hotbed of problems on our campus (and we only have 8 total). (Not the one I attended but the one I work at off and on, in the counseling center) It is nice, though that you personally didn't have such problems.

OP- I'm glad your daughter is happy, even though we see this differently. (you might not send your daughter off to France like I have either!) Oftentimes, the pledges aren't allowed to talk about their experiences, and you might want to make sure she knows that it is ok to talk to you or someone on the campus (counseling center, etc.) if something happens that doesn't feel safe to her.

 

[Uuaww]

I am a bro of Phi Kappa Psi, I didn't pledge until sophmore year but I am so glad I did. I know west coast greeks are a lot more relaxed in hazing and rituals then everywhere else. We don't haze and are not a typical fraternity, no one would think any of us are in a frat but I have bonded a lot with my bros. Sure there are a lot of poeple that don't like the greek system and say you are "paying for friends" and enforcing stereotypes, but it is so much more than that. College is all about finding yourself, and if greek life is for your daughter, she should go for it. She shouldn't think of what other people think, shes not there to make friends with everyone in the entire school, but making a good group of friends for the rest of her life.

 

[AKLRULZ]

Update: I just got the magic phone call - DD got a bid from her first choice, Theta!!!! She is so thrilled - there was much squealing in the background. I'm so happy for her! Some of you had asked for an update - thanks again for your comments!!!!

Good for her, it's a great national sorority and I know she'll have an amazing and enhanced college experience!

 

[jodifla]

Congrats! I hope she enjoys it. Being in a sorority can really add to your college years...and beyond.

In fact, I just went to alum meeting for my sorority this week. It's great when you are in a new community to be able to have a group that instantly accepts and welcomes you.

 

[jodifla]

Surely they taught you the difference between fiction and non-fiction, right? A feel-good speech is just that.

The theory is that if it walks like a duck, has feathers like a duck, and quacks like a duck, well, it probably is a duck. The frats and sororities were/are a hotbed of problems on our campus (and we only have 8 total). (Not the one I attended but the one I work at off and on, in the counseling center) It is nice, though that you personally didn't have such problems.

OP- I'm glad your daughter is happy, even though we see this differently. (you might not send your daughter off to France like I have either!) Oftentimes, the pledges aren't allowed to talk about their experiences, and you might want to make sure she knows that it is ok to talk to you or someone on the campus (counseling center, etc.) if something happens that doesn't feel safe to her.

While I'm sure it exists, I've met hundreds of sorority women who didn't have troubles like you describe.

You really let your job color your view of the world.