UPDATE #3: Alas, my poor heart is broken...

[VampHeartless]

in my class...and I don't have the nerve to say a word to her! Lord, do women even know how hard this is sometimes?? Advice?

It's official...I'm hopeless.

 

[Maleficent13]

Ya don't know if ya don't ask. I guarantee there's some girl in that class, possibly the one you like, who sitting there thinking "Man, I would love it if he would talk to me!" Yes, we know how hard it is...it isn't easy for us either!

 

[minniepumpernickel]

Just go up and say hi to her. Ask her a question about class if you get nervous. You'll be fine. Keep us posted!

 

[UncleKyle]

Two rules of thumb on this one that I learned a really long time ago. Girls get just as nervous as guys do, so don't sweat it, if she's attracted to ya then she's just as shy as you are. The other rule I always have that helps is that their are 6 billion people on the planet and 51% of them are women. So that gives ya 3 billion plus. Trust me you can find a woman among those who will make you happy and you'll enjoy making her happy. Just don't be afraid of rejection, too many fish in the sea. If one says no, then there is another one around the corner that says yes.

One last thing, their is 3 rules I learned about picking up women. Ever since I learned it I've never not had a date.

Rule 1. Eliminate the desire. (you know what I mean)

Rule 2. Do something excellent in her presence. (like be funny, talk about something interesting and not your usual boring stuff like "whats your major" or "where ya from" or you can just play guitar thats what my roomate does)

Rule 3. Retreat. (human nature is to pursure that which retreats from us, she'll want what she can't have, just walk away and she'll be wondering about you)

 

[Jolie C]

I agree with Maleficent13. The girl is probably hoping you will talk to her and make the first move because she's too shy to approach you! (The story of my life... )

 

[missypie]

You've got to think of some friendly chit chat...could be that she's cute but once you engage her in conversation, you won't even like her. Most of us didn't marry based on looks, and dates based solely on looks can be pretty dull...so think of something to say and say it.

 

[UncleKyle]

Whoops just noticed your from Britain. Just come to America, you'll never go home alone again. I have a really good friend from North London that goes to school here and everytime we go out he basically gets his pick of the ladies at a bar. Just an FYI in case your thinking about studying abroad.

 

[VampHeartless]

Oh, I'm american, stationed in the army over here. Anyways, it's not the initiating conversation that's the problem...we've talked a couple times. It's maintaining it. I totally spaz out and just can't talk normal. Like today, I was talking to someone and she came up and was all like "I like your website" and lalala...and I was just like, "thanks", and said something about it wasn't that much work, and then she said it was nice and walked back in as I repeatedly smacked myself in the forehead.

You would think this stuff would get simpler as I got older.

This is good advice though! I love these boards...even though I did just burn my dinner because of them.

 

[Maleficent13]

VampHeartless, if she came up to you and initiated conversation, then she's interested. And it probably took her a few days of psyching herself up to do it (been there!). At this point, you could just ask her out. Once you have the initial "asking out" out of the way, you'd probably be more relaxed and able to think of things to say on your date.

Good luck!

 

[UncleKyle]

Man, she came up to you then your in. Ask her if you can call her sometime and chat, wait 2 days then call. Just don't start annoying her everyday and definetly don't call that day. During the phone conversation, make sure you casually mention about how you wanted to go see some (fill in the blank; museum, nature trail, park, etc) then ask her if she'd like to go sometime. Make it casual and make sure she knows it's casual and friendly, then if sparks fly and she can carry on a good conversation then everything else will come natural.

 

[WDWHound]

Been there, done that. Meeting women in college was very hard for me. I would get nervous, self concious and basically terrified. Bleive me, I know where you are coming from. I can offer some advice, but its not easy advice to follow

1) Be willing to take a chance - I don't care how scared you are, you will never meet her if you don't talk to her. This means starting a conversation in spite of the fact that you are nervous. Its hard, but the only way through it is to do it.

2) Expect success - Approach the whole situation as something good that is about to happen in your life. This is tough, becuase your nervousness is telling you to expect failure. In fact, they only way to truly understand this is to succeed a few times, and the only way to succeed is to keep trying. I guarantee there are women out there who really want to get to know your. Sounds like this lady might be one of them.

3) Listen to her - I cant stress this enough. Don't try pick up lines or other nonsense. Just start talking to her about anything you have in common (such as the class you are both in). If she is interested, she will eventually share something small about herself or her interests. LISTEN for it and make sure you give her feedback. Women appreciate men who listen to them. Its one of the most romantic things you can do.

4) Don't dwell on failure. I asked out many women before I met my wife. Many said no. It was depressing at times, but I refused to dwell on the failures. In the end, the woman that mattered said yes.

5) {I almost hate to say it) Be yourself - Yes, that old chestnut again. This is another one of those bits of advice that is hard to understand until you've succeeded at it. Until you can relax, you are putting on an act with women and they can spot it a mile away. I know its hard, but try to forget that you have a romantic interest and talk to her like a good friend whom you are at ease with. Again, thats much easier said than done, but if you keep this goal in your mind, you willl eventually figure it out.

I wish you all the best my friend.

 

[Beauty]

Gosh its been so long since I dated (been with DH since 9th grade and we are now 32) but Kyle's #3 was a way I got many dates as a teenager and it still holds true.


Good Luck!!

 

[UncleKyle]

Originally posted by WDWHound

3) Listen to her - I cant stress this enough. Don't try pick up lines or other nonsense. Just start talking to her about anything you have in common (such as the class you are both in). If she is interested, she will eventually share something small about herself or her interests. LISTEN for it and make sure you give her feedback. Women appreciate men who listen to them. Its one of the most romantic things you can do.

Yeah and do that one because I'm horrible at it. They all sound the same after 5 min, good luck!

 

[Jolie C]

I'll bet this girl is telling her friends that she finally met a cute guy! Good luck!

 

[septbride2002]

Okay so you have the "not interested" vibe down pretty good if you are shrugging off conversation. I know you are not really shrugging off but that is what she probably thinks. Just do your best when you talk to her. She sounds like a pretty outgoing extrovert girl (like me) so she may like to do all the talking. Just ask her to hang out or something. How old are you anyway? I'm 24 - us talkative girls tend to guy for shy guys. My husband was extremely shy when I met him - could hardly form a sentence when he was around anyone - we were perfect since I like to talk and have an opinion about everything.

Now I've checked out your website so I don't think you are as shy as my hubby - but you seem shy around girls. Like I said - don't put pressure on yourself - just hang out in a nice open public space and get to know each other.

~Amanda

 

[FranP]

You're in the Army???? Wear your uniform - women are suckers for men in uniform and it can be a conversation starter!!!!!!

Good luck sweetie!!!

 

[GlennandAnn]

You should totally wear your uniform!! I can speak for myself and lots of other women I know... WE LOVE THAT UNIFORM THING!!! I think you should just be yourself, don't play any games. If you are interested in someone, there is nothing wrong with showing it (within normal limits, of course). You don't have to have anything special planned to begin a conversation- you are in class together, right? You could talk about that and let the conversation go from there. Good luck and keep us posted!

Ann

 

[Serena]

You're in the same class???? Study for goodness sakes. Ask her for help in understanding something and then ask if you two can study together. Ask her for coffee, whatever and study together. And start out by really studying.

 

[BHFan25]

So the girl turned and left. I think she has been reading cutiepie Kyle's rules and "retreated"!!

Good luck with her and listen to WDWHound--he's married and one can tell from his posts that he and his dear wife Mandy are in love with each other (and they are married!!). He's doing something right!

Now about Kyle. He's just a hottie. I saw a photo of him just today as a matter of fact. That boy doesn't have to say a word...just grins and as someone said in another thread, "he melts ya butter!"

 

[VampHeartless]

Alright, so a little update.

I was bored today, so I swung by the school office where she works and after standing outside the office a few minutes, reading papers and hyping myself up, I went in and we began to have a teeny bit of conversation about school stuff. I managed to talk in complete sentences this time (even if I did repeat a couple words twice on accident). Anyways, we chatted for ten minutes or so, and she told me about CLEP'ing and showed me the ones she thinks are really easy to pass and everything. She seemed to turn red when I looked at her, almost blushing...which I assume means she likes me, or someone told her and she knows I like her, right? Anyways, she doesn't talk much about herself which makes it hard! How do I steer the conversation from, "Help me with class" to "Tell me things about you so I have something to talk about", without sounding too contrived?

Aside from that...I felt very proud of myself after leaving for finally at least having the courage to casually approach her!