I am in Orlando for 9 days for my kid's school vacation week. We have been to Disney a few times, and unless you are brain dead (or working with a double digit IQ), how many times can you go to the same park? So, to change things up, my family and I went to Universal for the first time yesterday, 4/12/08. All I can ask is; who gave out the free passes to the trailer park and is there anyone in Orlando under 250 lbs, with all their teeth and who doesn't have a tattoo?
The morning started easily enough, we arrived at 10:00 AM and lucked out getting a parking spot at the top of the garage right in front of the escalator. We chose to start out in Universal Studios, had our pictures taken with Lisa Simpson, and in we went. As it turns out, my first interaction with anyone was in line for meal bracelets with a gentleman from England. He was intelligent, well rounded, and we had a nice conversation about world events and politics. (He doesn't think Gordon Brown is any better than Tony Blair, and we both agreed Bush is a moron)
The first thing we noticed was how many adults were there without children. The second thing we noticed was how many of those adults were morbidly obese. I have never seen so many overweight people together since, well, Disney World. It must be the never ending parade of crappy chain and fast food restaurants that litter every road in Orlando. I swear, the people in Orlando wouldn't know good food if they over ate it since their taste buds must have been destroyed by all the processed food they've ingested over the years.
Speaking of food (if you want to call it food), the fare offered through the meal plan is terrible at best, and disgusting at worst. Pizza, hamburgers, fried food, fat, sodium, cholesterol and chemicals, all part of a typical American's diet. But the ultimate in gross food, the giant turkey leg. Are you kidding me? There is nothing like seeing a 450 lb. woman in a motorized cart because she is too obese to walk, stuffing her fat face with a huge turkey leg while she has a huge soft pretzel and a bag of candy in her cart basket. Nice.
While I am on the subject, for those of you who are not particularly intelligent, I would like to point out the universally accepted signs of ignorance (in no particular order). Tattoos, wife beaters or tank tops, jean shorts, cigarettes, chewing gum, stretch pants, T-shirts with stupid slogans on them, missing teeth, don't wash your hands after using the bathroom, wear your baseball cap sideways or backwards, have your child on a leash, wear tight shorts and a bikini top while you are over weight, don't know the difference between "your" and "you're" and mullets. All of which were in tremendous supply at Universal. If you fall into any of these categories then you are a disgusting, ignorant loser, and a proud typical American. Congratulations.
Next topic, beer and cigarettes. As much as I was blown away by the amount of people smoking cigarettes anywhere they wanted, which was confirmed by the amount of cigarette butts on the ground everywhere, I was more disgusted by the amount of beer being sold on every corner. People were walking around with their children, sucking on beer bottles at very attraction. Incredibly, they were actually selling beer in the line to Disaster! I saw empty beer bottles everywhere; on the street, on benches, in bushes, in plants. And where were the park employees to clean up the mess? Either they were invisible, they were disguised as trees, or they didn't exist. There was litter all over the park. And what's with the parents drinking at the bar at Finnegan's while their children waited for them at the table?
Ironically, the best attraction at Universal was Disaster. The volunteer "actors" and filming were entertaining, the ride was good, and the film and Christopher Walken were very funny. I would have liked to see Jaws, but it broke down and never re-opened. Twister was very good, as was Shrek. Men in Black was dated and a waste of time.
We went to Islands of Adventure and really enjoyed the coasters, but enjoyed watching all the thug kids and their outfits better. You have to love the oversized, gaudy jewelry and gold teeth. And what's with the girls and their ridiculously tight shorts and bikini tops? If you have a great body then that's one thing, but needless to say, that was few and far between.
We passed through Riverwalk on our way out and were surprised to see how many bars and drinking you had to pass through with your children. I also saw that a school was having their prom there and that some "lucky" couple actually got married at Universal and was having their reception at the Hard Rock Hotel. I swear I am not making that up.
I could go on, but you get the drift. Although there was one thought my wife and I asked ourselves once we left, "how can all these people afford to come here?"
The morning started easily enough, we arrived at 10:00 AM and lucked out getting a parking spot at the top of the garage right in front of the escalator. We chose to start out in Universal Studios, had our pictures taken with Lisa Simpson, and in we went. As it turns out, my first interaction with anyone was in line for meal bracelets with a gentleman from England. He was intelligent, well rounded, and we had a nice conversation about world events and politics. (He doesn't think Gordon Brown is any better than Tony Blair, and we both agreed Bush is a moron)
The first thing we noticed was how many adults were there without children. The second thing we noticed was how many of those adults were morbidly obese. I have never seen so many overweight people together since, well, Disney World. It must be the never ending parade of crappy chain and fast food restaurants that litter every road in Orlando. I swear, the people in Orlando wouldn't know good food if they over ate it since their taste buds must have been destroyed by all the processed food they've ingested over the years.
Speaking of food (if you want to call it food), the fare offered through the meal plan is terrible at best, and disgusting at worst. Pizza, hamburgers, fried food, fat, sodium, cholesterol and chemicals, all part of a typical American's diet. But the ultimate in gross food, the giant turkey leg. Are you kidding me? There is nothing like seeing a 450 lb. woman in a motorized cart because she is too obese to walk, stuffing her fat face with a huge turkey leg while she has a huge soft pretzel and a bag of candy in her cart basket. Nice.
While I am on the subject, for those of you who are not particularly intelligent, I would like to point out the universally accepted signs of ignorance (in no particular order). Tattoos, wife beaters or tank tops, jean shorts, cigarettes, chewing gum, stretch pants, T-shirts with stupid slogans on them, missing teeth, don't wash your hands after using the bathroom, wear your baseball cap sideways or backwards, have your child on a leash, wear tight shorts and a bikini top while you are over weight, don't know the difference between "your" and "you're" and mullets. All of which were in tremendous supply at Universal. If you fall into any of these categories then you are a disgusting, ignorant loser, and a proud typical American. Congratulations.
Next topic, beer and cigarettes. As much as I was blown away by the amount of people smoking cigarettes anywhere they wanted, which was confirmed by the amount of cigarette butts on the ground everywhere, I was more disgusted by the amount of beer being sold on every corner. People were walking around with their children, sucking on beer bottles at very attraction. Incredibly, they were actually selling beer in the line to Disaster! I saw empty beer bottles everywhere; on the street, on benches, in bushes, in plants. And where were the park employees to clean up the mess? Either they were invisible, they were disguised as trees, or they didn't exist. There was litter all over the park. And what's with the parents drinking at the bar at Finnegan's while their children waited for them at the table?
Ironically, the best attraction at Universal was Disaster. The volunteer "actors" and filming were entertaining, the ride was good, and the film and Christopher Walken were very funny. I would have liked to see Jaws, but it broke down and never re-opened. Twister was very good, as was Shrek. Men in Black was dated and a waste of time.
We went to Islands of Adventure and really enjoyed the coasters, but enjoyed watching all the thug kids and their outfits better. You have to love the oversized, gaudy jewelry and gold teeth. And what's with the girls and their ridiculously tight shorts and bikini tops? If you have a great body then that's one thing, but needless to say, that was few and far between.
We passed through Riverwalk on our way out and were surprised to see how many bars and drinking you had to pass through with your children. I also saw that a school was having their prom there and that some "lucky" couple actually got married at Universal and was having their reception at the Hard Rock Hotel. I swear I am not making that up.
I could go on, but you get the drift. Although there was one thought my wife and I asked ourselves once we left, "how can all these people afford to come here?"
You must be a very sad man. I'll pray for you though. You definitely need it.
