Unannounced visitors, pop-ins: Yay or nay?

[Dawnlight]

How do you feel about unannounced visitors?

I have a friend that is constantly popping in, and it's really starting to bug me.

Today, a lazy Sunday, with lots of chores to do around the house, hanging in jammies sans certain uncomfortable female garments, and unshowered, a friend and her teenage son pop in unannounced.

I saw the car pull up, asked dh to ask them to wait outside while I got changed, but friend said, "I've seen her in jammies before; it's too cold to wait outside.", and walked in while I was in the kitchen. I wasn't able to get into my first floor bedroom to change, so just hung out in another area of the house until they left. Of course, I was feeling rude for not being available, but dang it, they were rude to pop in and then insist on coming in after being asked to wait outside for a couple minutes so I could be somewhat presentable.

What say you?

 

[whitney250]

There are certain people that can come over unannounced and I couldn't care less. BUT there are others, like my dbf's parents/family that I don't like coming over unannounced. My best friends don't judge me for how I look of if there are a few dishes in the sink, but the dbf's family would.

 

[ronandannette]

No, I wouldn't call people rude exactly for dropping in - in some communities that is very normal and welcome behaviour. But that doesn't mean I like it, I hate it in fact and since I can't see who's arriving at my front door before they ring the bell, odds are good at any given time that I simply won't answer if I haven't been expecting a visitor.

OTOH, in your example I think the visitor was very rude to barge into your home when specifically asked not to. But for you to just hide until she left seems very odd to me too. How long did they stay before realizing you weren't going to receive them? And if she was your friend personally, not a friend of your DH, how did the visit go? Sounds super-awkward all around and I'd be very uncomfortable the next time I saw this "friend".

 

[Happy Snowman]

Doesn't bother me to have drop in guests. If we had something going on, we would speak up, but otherwise, I don't mind.

 

[mjantz]

I don't like it. I realize that there was a time when it was fine for people to just pop in whenever. But everyone is so busy these days I think its rude to drop in unannounced.

 

[mousehockey37]

If maybe her son wouldn't have been with her, I wouldn't see the problem.

As for any other time, with all the technology we have, it takes a few seconds to make a call or send a text ahead of time.

 

[Tiffylv]

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[anniemae]

I hate the unexpected drop in visitor. Sometimes my house is a mess and I simply don't want to entertain anyone. It shouldn't bother me if my house is a mess, and a true friend would not care, but I'm sorry, it bothers me. One day, a neighbor knocked on my door. My kitchen was a disaster, I was in the middle of breading chicken, my son was whining about his snack, and the pot on the stove started boiling over. I was so frazzled, so I didn't answer the door, I saw her walking away after a couple of minutes so I texted her to let her know I was busy and could not come to the door. She texted me back that she was bored and wanted a cup of tea and some "chat time." I definitely prefer a phone call or text before someone drops in.

 

[aaarcher86]

I used to be totally fine with unannounced visitors until my DHs family made it a habit. It was getting ridiculous. It started to feel like we were divorced and had a shared parenting plan.

Now I dislike it. Most of my friends don't live close enough to pop in unexpectedly so it hasn't been an issue with anyone else.

 

[Micca]

The only pop-ins welcome here are immediate family, they are always welcome. DW & I got married when we were 19/20, and that was a long damn time ago. Other than those first couple of years I don't think anyone has popped-in since then.

 

[lizabu]

I don't mind pop ins. I have an issue with your visitor not allowing you two minutes to get decent.

 

[OZMom]

The list of people I tolerate a "pop in" visit from is short. Like 3 people long, and I encourage it from these people, because I genuinely want to spend time with them and they would never abuse the privilege. The list of people I would accept a "hey are you around? I'm on my way" text from is also very short. The people on these 2 lists understand the chaos that is my life, they understand that I am a terrible housekeeper, and they usually come bearing coffee

 

[Disneylover99]

I don't mind pop ins, as long as they don't mind the mess.

 

[Handbag Lady]

I don't mind, but my husband hates them and won't let anyone in if they come over unannounced. He's OCD about having the house spotless before anyone comes over.I think he's nuts.

 

[nkereina]

It would have bugged me too, OP. When I have visitors, even if it's my best friend or a close relative, I like my house to be in order, dog's toys put away, etc. We do the lazy Sunday thing too and the LAST thing I'd want is an unannounced visitor.

The only people I wouldn't be bummed about showing up are my parents or DH's parents, but they would have a reason for popping in. Not just a visit.

 

[DisneyDreamer2504]

Dh and I are superintendents in an apt building, so we have people stop by all the time, day or night. They don't usually come in, but we still have to speak with them. They always apologize for disrupting us and it's usually for some kind of important reason, but none the less, they've seen me or my DH in many different states of 'dressed.'

In terms of actual guests, it doesn't happen often so it's hard to say, but I prob wouldn't like it. Unless I'm getting ready for something, neither me or my house are in condition for guests. The list of people I don't mind stopping by includes maybe 3 friends and my mil, but it never really happens.

I would definitely be annoyed with someone doing it constantly. I'm not sure why you would expect her to stay outside while you got dressed though. Seems easy enough to say you need a moment to change and have them wait in the living room/kitchen/foyer/whatever. Also, any type of friend of mine I wouldn't have a problem with casually telling them I appreciate a text/call for heads up before coming over.

 

[THEDISNEYTHREE]

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[low-key]

Im other, cause I dont want them rather there "announced" or not

 

[Hrhpd]

How do you feel about unannounced visitors?

I have a friend that is constantly popping in, and it's really starting to bug me.

Today, a lazy Sunday, with lots of chores to do around the house, hanging in jammies sans certain uncomfortable female garments, and unshowered, a friend and her teenage son pop in unannounced.

I saw the car pull up, asked dh to ask them to wait outside while I got changed, but friend said, "I've seen her in jammies before; it's too cold to wait outside.", and walked in while I was in the kitchen. I wasn't able to get into my first floor bedroom to change, so just hung out in another area of the house until they left. Of course, I was feeling rude for not being available, but dang it, they were rude to pop in and then insist on coming in after being asked to wait outside for a couple minutes so I could be somewhat presentable.

What say you?

I say Nay.

I find this behavior one of the rudest you can engage in.

Really? How much more self absorbed can a person be when they show up at somebody's house, not knowing what the people's plans are, and expect them to drop what they are doing and entertain them.

If they don't expect to be entertained, why show up at all?

A quick call, "hey, are you available for guests?," is not an unreasonable thing to expect. Just showing up and expecting somebody to stop what they are doing to entertain you is rude. I don't care if somebody is simply on the couch in their jammies reading a good book, you are expecting them to stop what they are doing to entertain you, like you are soooo important.

If they are busy, you are putting the expected host in an uncomfortable position of having to tell you they can't entertain you right now. Rude.

Call before you show up.

 

[slo]

Before we had kids our apartment and house was like Seinfeld or Friends. Not only did our friends come announced, some even had a key and would just come in. We loved it!!

When DD1 was born these same friends would still pop in, but not as much out of respect for the babies schedule and our world just being different.

Fast forwarding 17yrs later, these friends are starting to pop in more again and I still love it. If I'm in my pjs, I don't care cause they've seen me tons of times like that. If I'm doing housework, than I talk to them while I'm doing it. Life goes on with or without them. I think that's why they enjoy our house, because our friends are family not visitors.

Today our friend came by unexpectantly while I was cleaning bathrooms and DH was cooking. He just chilled and talked with us while we did this stuff. He knew we had stuff to do before relatives came over. We have a no pressure house.

I know this isn't for everyone, but it works great for us